206: Negotiating as Parents on a Mission To Save Our Kids

Welcome to the Art of Feminine Negotiation. From the Boardroom to the Bedroom, the podcast that helps you negotiate your best life and stop missing out. Because let's face it, all of life is a negotiation. If you're looking to live your life on purpose and with purpose and to get what you want and deserve, from the boardroom to the bedroom, you've come to the right place. We've got you covered. This is where expert and novice negotiators alike come to up level their game and get more out of life with your host, award winning author, attorney, international speaker and master negotiator, Cindy Watson.

Well, thanks for joining us today and we hope to live up to you spending your valuable time with us here today. And I have no doubt you'll be glad you came. We're going to be talking today with Richard Ramos about negotiating as parents on a mission to save our kids. So welcome, Richard. It's so great to have you here.

Oh, thank you for having me, Cindy. I really appreciate it.

Yeah, I'm really looking forward to the conversation. I think it's an important one and one we don't talk enough about. And for those of you who don't know Richard, he's the author and founder of Parents on a Mission. He founded the Latino Coalition for Community Leadership, granted, I think over $105 million in grants to, like 220 grassroots nonprofits across the United States. He's been recognized with good reason by the White house administration, by U.S. congress, California State assembly, and many, many more because of his decades of community service and human rights work. So obviously haven't done a lot of human rights advocacy myself. I thought I got to get him in here to share his love and his message with our audience. So first, why don't you tell us, Richard, what is Parents on a Mission?

Parents on a Mission is a leadership program, really. Essentially, that's the heart of it. Came up with this years ago. I was an at risk counselor at a junior high school and I had a caseload of 50 kids and they were doing all the things we don't want kids doing gangs, drugs, dropping out of school, et cetera. At that time, I was a young parent myself and I realized I can't just take, you know, believe everything these kids are telling me. And I decided to go to their homes. And when I went there and I saw all the lack of communication, lack of respect, dysfunction, I realized I was fighting a losing battle and that if I really wanted to help the students on my caseload, I needed to work with mom and dad. So at that point I decided I'm going to stop being a youth mentor and start being a parent mentor. And then I developed curriculum and what it is, is teaching really I like to say this, the difference between parents on a mission, most parenting classes is that most parenting classes teach parents to focus on and fix their kids. Parents on a mission is about looking at ourselves.

I love it.

Fixing mom and dad first.

Yeah.

And from there that leadership of, you know, looking within and then being the best version of ourself for our kids.

Oh, I think it's, that's brilliant and so important because I think I know even within my circles, like I look at, you know, parenting three kids, you know, we started late and made up for lost time. Had three kids in three years, Richard. But you know, even the most well intentioned parents often make really serious mistakes. You know, we have the helicopter parenting, the snowplow parenting and then you've got the sort of absent parenting approach, I mean across the spectrum, however well intentioned you are. So I love that focus. And so let, let's sort of roll up our sleeves and dig in because I think it's fair to say, and for our listeners out there, parenting is hard work. I think that's always the case. But I think the demands of today, sort of fast changing world and with social media and the technology growth, and I know that you share my view that negotiating strong relationships with our kids is key. So tell us, why is it so important to do this growth work?

To me it's a myth when they say it takes a village to raise a child. And I say no, it does not take a myth. It takes just good parenting. Because the village that I grew up in, that's not the village we're dealing with now. We're dealing with a bombardment of ideology from all over the place. Whether it's from music or movies or media, social media especially. And the truth is, and this, I run into this all the time, young people are being more lured away from their parents and the authority of parents versus being supported to listen to your parents. And so for that reason I just think it's very important for mom and dad to practice the skills of em intelligence and those kinds of things like you call it. The negotiation is so important. I really like what you, your perspective on that. I looked at that. I think it's the five W's.

Oh, nice. Look at you doing your homework.

Yeah, I, I, I really like that perspective because the first one you talk about is the why. Know your why.

Yeah.

And so why do I as a dad, why is it important for me to know me? Yeah. And so that's where it starts. That's the first principle we talk about, is to know yourself, to grow yourself. And I've found that so many parents, for some, for whatever reason it is somewhere, I don't know, I don't have scientific. This is just my observation. Somewhere between 25 and 30 years old, we just stop growing. I call it flatlining. Yeah. In order to, you know, we all know, we all grow old automatically. You know, I didn't always have gray hair and I had a lot more hair. And I, I heard without trying, I just lost hair and got gray. But growing up, that takes work.

Yeah.

And that's what emotional maturity is all about.

Yeah. Well, and I definitely want to dig deeper on that. And you know, it's funny, I call it a negotiation and people often balk at me, but I think for me, just reframing negotiation, it's about being more intentional. Right. Like, who do I want to show up as if I'm going to have this difficult conversation with my kid. I don't want to wait until I blow up at them and have the, I want to be really intentional about where should I have this conversation? When's the best timing for this? Who do I want to be? Right. What are the fears that they're bringing to the table? All of those things. So, and I, and I want to go back to a point when you said about like our entertainment industry because I think people think I'm just getting old and crusty. But you know, I think back to the kind of modeling we had in the entertainment we watched in my generation growing up, where, you know, the good guy always won and your word was your bond and there was a certain amount of respect. And when I look now, I'd say over the last decade or maybe even more, almost all the hit TV shows, the so called protagonists are actually the bad guys. You know, whether it's the Sopranos or Breaking Bad or Ray Donovan were rooting for the bad guys. So what, what, what's been your observation about that, if any, in terms of that impact?

Yeah, no, I think that's true. And I would say that, you know, this stuff has been going on for a long time. So I would say it's the same in kind, but it's a much different degree. It's much more in our face. It's, you know, coming from the school, whether it's politics, whether it's the church house, the White House or The schoolhouse.

Yeah.

We just don't know who to trust anymore. There's been so many, you know, I'm talking about the United States. There's been so many scandals and so many litigation and so much going on. Who do you trust, you know, and all these other ugly things. So I, I think a lot of it is from the, those, the media, the music, the lyrics in the music, the shows on tv, the movies, all those things. And, and so I say to parents, but the thing is, we can't escape it. Yeah, there's no escape. All of us are, are being bombarded all the time. So what's the answer? And instead of focusing on trying to remove all these things, which is impossible, I tell mom and dad, but you can inoculate your children. You can inoculate them and make them immune, so to speak, to all the toxins that are out there. And what that, that analogy is, it's integrity. When you're inoculating your children with integrity and your values and role modeling and all the different things that go on in your home while you're sending your kids out to all those things that are out there, because we cannot hide from it, but at least, you know, you put something in them that's going to help navigate through all those environmental.

Toxins that are out there inoculating with integrity. I love that. That's fantastic. You should trademark that if you haven't. That's beautiful.

It's in my book and in my career.

Nice. At least you got it copyrighted then. No, you know, we hear a lot of different and conflicting information about, you know, what are the critical years for children in terms of development or being at risk. And, you know, some people say it's up until the time they're two. Some people say it's that 12 to 17. What are, what are your views on, on that? Is there sort of a critical time that it' important or what are your thoughts on that?

Well, the research shows that when children reach the age between 12 to 15, those are the critical years. And so what I developed was a. A strategy for parents. I call it the home field advantage. So when I, at first, when parents would ask me, richard, you know, I don't want my little kids, what you're doing. My teenager is great, but he's already messing up. I don't want my, his brother to become Kim, what do I do? And at that time, I didn't have an answer, but I really thought about it and thought about it, and I did that research, and when I saw that from 12 to 15, I said, oh, okay. That tells me that parents, we have a 12 year, what I call home filled advantage time. Child is born until that time of 12 year. They're mostly with us from. So I break it up into three time frames. Zero to two. What should be happening in a child's life? I call it the parent as a gardener or nurturer. Then what should be happening in the life of a child from 2 to 5? I call the time. Now you're training your child because you know, terrible tooths, etc. And that's crucial as, you know, crucial time from 2 to 5. And so now you're disciplining them, you're showing them, you know, no, you're not in charge, I am, you know, all of those things. And then from 5 to 12 now they're out in the world, they're in school most of the time. And so I call that the role of a coach. So going from nurturer to trainer to coach, and I call that the home field advantage. And you have, if you play our roles correctly and nobody gets it right all the time. I understand that. But if we are intentionally doing those roles.

Yeah.

Then we have a pretty good chance that our children are going to develop well, they're going to be socially good citizens, I should say. And that's what I teach is I call it the home field advantage from zero to.

Yeah, I love this and I love how it's broken down in structure. I think it makes it easy for people to follow and to understand and to be able to actually apply. Right. As opposed to some of these books that you read, they're just sort of all over the place and it's tough to really get a bead on a line about, okay, how do I apply this? And speaking of applying it, what are some tips you would have for us on how to start building that relationship so that you sort of, I think you talk about sort of winning the hearts and minds and loyalty of your kids. What are some tips on how to build that?

Well, I, it starts with the why, as you, you say too. It starts with the why. You know, why do I need to know me if I'm going to negotiate my kids? Because my authority, the, the principles I teach are six principles. Authority, proper use of authority, proper use of discipline, reconciliation, community, being a citizen, and then loyalty. So if I want to my child to respect my authority, I have to know me. If I want to exercise the proper use of authority, I need to know why is that important. And then the what? What do I want from my children? So ultimately, what I want, I want respect for my authority. I want to exercise discipline that my child will respond to. I want to know how to. Then you talk about the when and the when. Reconciliation. When is the best time to, you know, have that hard conversation. Because reconciliation is an. Is an important part of family. So those types of principles, if we as parents can exercise those types of things, too many parents abdicate their role as an authority figure.

Yeah.

So to get back to your question, number one, I got to know me so I can be the best version of myself, and I'm always working on myself. Secondly, I want to exercise my authority and not give it away to the pastor, the priest, the coach, the teacher, the counselor, grandma, uncle, which a lot of parents do all the time. As far as discipline, a controversial issue. But if we learn, and I talk about this at length in the book, what is the proper use of discipline? And too many parents. Discipline is not punishment.

Yes.

Punishment doesn't care about outcomes. Punishment is more about, hey, you did wrong. Here's your punishment. Discipline is about teaching. That's the word disciplinari in Latin. It means to teach. And so the teachable moments when kids fail. So the proper use of discipline, then reconciliation. Families have problems. That's not unusual, and that's nothing to fear. The key is, what do we do when we had problems? And so that's the skill of reconciliation learning. How do you call it? Negotiation. It's really the same kind of thing, how we go about reconciling and, you know, that's where that negotiation comes in, where you got to know, you know, who am I? How do I want to show up? What's the best time? Yeah, those kinds of things. What do I want?

Yeah.

And then the community building, I call it. It's really citizenship that families. The community doesn't build your family, your family is building the community. Where do the citizens come from? Citizens go to school. They don't come from school. They go to church. They don't come from church. They go to work. They don't come from work. Citizens come from our. And therefore, here's the question, mom and dad, what kind of citizen are we sending into the community every day? What kind of citizen goes to our neighborhood, to our school, out in the community? What kind of citizen goes to work that we developed in our home? So those are the principles that we teach. The last one is how to win loyalty. And if we can practice those things, that's what the whole book is about to give practical tips on. Okay, Richard, how do I grow myself? How do I use authority, how do I use discipline, et cetera, et cetera.

Yeah, I love it. I love how careful you are with language as well, because I think language matters. And, you know, that's why I use certain words intentionally that I know are going to get some pushback, including negotiation, frankly, or when I call it the art of feminine negotiation. It's about reframing some of this stuff so that we. Let's not see this as a liability anymore. Let's see this as an advantage. And I want to circle back because you mentioned reconciliation a couple of times, and I know reconciliation and sort of restorative justice are really much more talked about these days as negotiation models. I'd love you to just go give us a little bit on how we apply that to our parenting.

Yeah. Well, again, this is where our humility comes in. You know, having the humility to. First of all, maybe am I part of the problem? Yeah, maybe. You know what? I need to look at myself and think, okay, am I contributing to what's going on here? We had a falling out. Maybe we had an argument. You know, I. I've gone through this more than I'd like to admit. By the way. My. My. My wife and I are a blended family. We have eight children. Wow. And I have 11 grandchildren and one great grandchild. So we have experience. I've. I learned from my failures. So one of those is, you know, losing my temper, speaking too soon, getting upset, you know, lashing out. So sometimes a lot of parents don't want to recognize that. You know what? That deserves an apology. That deserves an acknowledgment. So reconciliation, it takes a lot of humility and also takes the ability to forgive and to let things go, because we do get offended, but we can forgive. So it's a whole art in itself. And I. I normally tell the story of. And I won't tell the whole story here, but just to get back to your question, a lot of people know the story of the prodigal son, but I say that whoever called it the prodigal son got it wrong. But that's not what that story is about. That story is about a great father. I love that it starts out saying a certain man had two sons. It's about the certain man and his whole response to. Not only when his son asked for his inheritance and went out and picked it and drank it and drugged it, but when he came to himself and said, what am I doing? I'm eating with the pigs. I can go home. How many kids right now, even out there could say, when they come to that hard place, I can go home? And the reason he said that was because he knew the kind of man his father was. Yeah, that's what that story is all about. The pre. Forgiveness, obviously he had already forgiven him and so I could go on. But those things, the humility, the forgiveness, the willing to look at yourself and. And maybe, you know, I need to grow up a little bit more.

Things.

Reaction versus response.

Yeah, all of those skills and humility. Gosh, I love. You don't hear that word very often in this context or any context of negotiation. And I think you just really hit on such a key point there, frankly. It's surrendering our ego right when we. And being. And I think you said speaking too soon again, I'm like, oh, my gosh, how many negotiations? Whether with our intimate partner, with our kids, or even in business negotiations, we've been so conditioned to think we need to be talking over people. We need. And in our parenting, we need to be the one laying down the. And sometimes it's all about listening and finding out about what are their fears, what is it they want. Right. Where are the concerns? And just give them the space so that we know what's happening. Now, what are some of the key mistakes that you, you see parents make?

Well, the one I already mentioned is not understanding that you are the most important person in the community. It's not the policeman, it's not the principal, it's not the pastor, it's not the priest. You, mom and dad, you're the number one asset in the life of your child, and you should believe that and know that and not give away that role. And then the authority, abdicating your role of authority, you know, throwing up your hands. And I don't know what to do. So, you know, just kind of. One of my sons is a high school coach, and he tells me this all the time. Dad, sometimes parents call me. They say, can you talk to my son? He's not doing his homework. And he says to them, being raised by me, he knows better than that. He says, no, I'm not going to do that. That's your job. You need to talk to him. I'll coach him. You talk to him about that. So that's one of the mistakes. Another one, I think also is taking for granted the loyalty of their children. This is a huge topic, as you know, in my book, I talk about. That's one of my main theme But I say to parents, you need to understand you are in a daily, I say, competition. Other people have told me, Richard, it's not a competition, it's a war. It's a battle. The enemy out there. But don't take your child's loyalty for granted. Because really, the question I always ask parents, rhetorical, who is going to win the loyalty of your daughter? Her heart, her mind? Because if you're not understanding that that's what all this is about, all this recruiting that's going on on the Internet, the, the messages in the music and the movies, etc. That's what's happening. And luring them away from your values and saying, you know what, keep secrets from mom and dad. We don't need to tell them what we' so taking for granted for the loyalty of our children is, is another, I think, huge mistake. And then the last one, oh, there's many. But another one, I would say is just the communication. You know, we live in. I call it the heads down generation. You know, everybody at the dinner table, line in the airport, at school, walking down the street, I mean, everybody has got their head looking at their phone.

Yeah.

And at the dinner table, mom and dad, let's not have that. No text, no email, none of that. You know, let's communicate, have that eyeball to eyeball, let's put everything away, turn the TV off, turn the radio off, etc. And let's just have a family or dad, son or mom, son or dad, daughter discussion. And I think sometimes as parents, we take those things for granted, and those are simple principal values that if we practice them, we're going to reap the results.

Oh, that was a much deeper answer than I expected. Like, in the best possible way. Like, I, I think normally when you talk about, oh, what are negotiating mistakes people make, you get kind of flippant ones. Those were really not often talked about and boy, do they go to the heart of the matter. I love those. Richard, now you've talked about growth a few times, and you know, I often say that negotiating our mindset is our first and most important negotiation. So I'd love if you could talk to us. What are some of the steps that parents can take to grow themselves? And I know you've talked about a bit, but just to kind of crystallize that for our listeners out there so that they can approach their parenting with it with a stronger mindset, the four steps we take.

Now, of course, if you want to know more about this, first of all, if you don't Have Cindy's. What is it called? Cindy? The 5W.

5W model. Yeah.

If you don't have that, you need to get that.

That's a great resource.

No, it really is. I really love that. I really got a lot out of reading that. But anyway, so the first one is we teach four steps, four basic steps. Because I. I got to think of my audience. Keep it basic. Number one, I already said, is know yourself. The second one is know the power of your thoughts. You call it mindset. The power of your thinking, the power of your mind. Why? Because our thoughts lead to third, our choices. So know myself. Know the power of my thoughts. Know the power of my choices. Because I have response ability. I can choose my response. I can choose how I want to feel about things. I can choose how I want to think about things. I have this power to choose. So those are. If we can work on those three things. And then the last one I already mentioned is forgiveness.

Yeah.

I believe those are four basic steps of how a parent can grow in their emotional. I call it emotional maturity. Other people call it emotional intelligence, but just understanding the power of our thinking, the power of our choices that we make based on our thoughts and how to control. We teach. How do you control your thoughts? We. We talk about that. So that therefore, now, instead of reacting to things which, you know, I'm guilty of as well, we can respond. Because reaction for survival is good. Reaction in relationships is usually not good. It requires that space between stimulus and. And then I can think about reason and then say, okay, I'm going to respond to this. And then forgiveness. You know, unfortunately, Cindy, you know, I was counselor for many years. A lot of parents hang on to things. You know, we talk. Young people hang on to stuff, too. But a lot of times as adults, as parents, yeah, they hang on to things. And that really hinders parent relationships.

What a powerful paradigm. I mean, I think those four steps that you talked about, game changer, absolute game changer, in terms of your personal growth, your ability to interact with all of your loved ones, obviously including in our parenting. But so far beyond that, right. Our entire experience of life and interactions with other people, being able to nail that. You know, I think about the times with my kids when they've been, you know, in a. In a risky place. And at first I, you know, showed up with that, you know, didactic kind of talking at them, wanting to defend myself and the importance of my position, and then thought, oh, my God, you're not practicing what you preach, and really had to do that backflip to get grounded and think, okay, surrender my ego here. Surrender my attachment to a particular outcome and just get curious so we can have a meaningful conversation. Right.

So that really takes us into emotional maturity for us to know ourselves, to be willing to reflect on. Okay, let me. Look at me.

Yeah.

And that's. That's a huge step for parents.

Yeah. No, beautiful, beautiful template. And I, I saw something in your book. You talk about a high touch method. Can you tell us what is that for our listeners? What, you know, what does it do? How do we use it?

Yeah. One of the ways of winning loyalty. I talk about five, four or five different ways of how. How. Okay, Richard, how do I win the loyalty of my children? Well, one of them I call high touch versus high tech. It's very simple. Nothing wrong with the text message. We all do that. Nothing wrong with an email. We all do that. But you. It's something different when you sit down and hand write a letter. You hand write it out. We've all, We've all had that. You've received a card that was handwritten, noted, and you say, oh, wow. That, you know, that took an extra step because the card already says something cool, but they took an extra time to write you something personal. And so when you do that and you stick that in the helmet of your son, the ballerina shoes, the guitar, whatever it is your kids are into.

Yeah.

And they find that handwritten note from you, and it doesn't have to be long. It could be, you know, just a short one. It could be long.

Yeah.

What was the saying? Sorry, for the, the long letter. I didn't have time to write a short one. That thing. But. But it's just. That's all High touch is that handwritten note, and that says something about my importance. Your importance to me. Because I'm sitting down and thinking, what do I want to say here? Yeah, that's what I mean by high touch.

I love that. Oh, you're making me tear up here. Because I, I did that when the kids were young and, And I never even made that connection until you just said that right now, Richard, because I. It's coming back, like, recently and over the last bit, both of my, my boys, which is unusual, I would say, have written me, you know, cards or just left notes for me with heartfelt, like, I don't say it often enough, but blah, blah, blah. And that's the kind of loyalty relationship building that you get by taking those steps earlier and sort of training that and modeling that. That's. That's Beautiful.

And when you received that, wasn't it way different than receiving, oh my God.

But it just, my heart melted. Right? It was a. Yeah, no, profound difference. You're. And it's such a simple thing and we don't do it often enough in today's high tech society. So that's beautiful advice. And for our listeners, make a note of that. Like just do that today. I mean, I invite you, go do it today. Right. So now what advice do you have for parents? Like some of our listeners may be going, geez, I am in a really strained relationship with my kid or kids right now. What advice do you have for them? I assume it's never too late to start taking those steps to fix it. What would you say to those parents?

It's never too late. But that's the role, what I call. Remember we talked about the role of the gardener, role of the trainer, the role of the coach. But this is specific to that question, is the role of the farmer. Now, now you're in a farming mode. Now what do farmers do? Well, number one, farming is hard work. And number two, no farmer expects a harvest overnight. So that's what you got to understand that. And I've been through this myself. So this could take a month, it could take a year, it could take years. As in my case, it took years. So what do farmers do? They plow, they plant, they water, they cultivate. So I say the plowing is the confrontation. Don't give up. That's where you send. I know we talked about this before, but you're coming home late again. We've talked about this. And you're confronting the behavior that you're not accepting because it's so easy to ignore it, look away. I don't want to deal with it anymore. And that, and that's, you know, easy to do. And you know, I've done it myself where I just said, you know what, I don't want to deal with this right now. But for the most part, the plowing, you're dealing with their heart, you're dealing with their conscience. So that in their conscience they know mom is upset, Dad's upset, they're not accepting. The planting is what I call the seeds. We plant seeds and those are our words. And so I'm teaching. We have to learn how to say a negative thing in a positive way. Now it took me a while to learn this. That's good because I was shaming. This was one of my stepson was shaming them. And you know, he was really giving us A hard time.

Yeah.

But I learned to say, I believe in you, but I don't accept your behavior. Yeah, I'm for you, but I'm not for what you're doing. You're better than this. That's not who you are. That's not the real you. And I would. Those were. I was planting seeds, I was confronting, but I was planting seeds that no, I love you, but I love you too much to leave you this way and saying things like that. So those are the seeds we plant, the water we have to water. As farmers, I call that affirmation. When anytime you catch your son, who or daughter, maybe they're doing things or they've left the house, whatever it is, anytime you can catch them doing something right, they took out the trash, they cleaned their room, they came along, whatever it is, you just say, hey, thanks for that. Appreciate that, you know, thank you for doing the. Thanks for cleaning your room. Thanks for listening to mom, whatever it is. So that's a affirmation. And then the cultivation is what I call the affection. Yeah. And physical affection anytime could be birthday, Christmas, holiday, or any time. And this is hard to do, especially when you're having a head butting type relationship. Again, this goes back to emotional maturity. And what do I want? Yeah, give them affection. Even if it's a pay good job or hey, high five or let me, come on, let me give you a hug. You know, it's your birthday.

Yeah.

I call that the role of the farmer. And over time. We're all human beings now. Over time, if we're consistent with that, the law of the harvest is on your side because you are plowing, planting, watering and cultivating positive things in a negative situation. But you're going to reap what you sowed. Yeah. I can speak from experience. For US it was 10 years, but today that relationship is, I would say it's completely turned around and doing well. And it was hard work. A lot of tears.

Yes, but.

And a lot of, you know, blowing it and not doing well with it, but consistent over time. Practicing these things I just said we've.

Reaped the harvest and what a great metaphor. All your metaphors are great. By the way, that farming, that's. That is a beautiful metaphor that works so beautifully. And the thing I love about your systems is like these are simple things. It's. And not saying it's going to be easy to apply. I mean, you'll have, as you say, those obstacles and struggles, but sticking with these simple principles to be able to turn that tide is such a beautiful thing. And I really love the message you gave as well about how to say difficult, negative things, but with that positive spin. What a game changer that is. But also I wanted to, for our listeners, really put a pin in when you said about even when you don't feel like it, it's about making. We live in such a busy world where everybody's always with, make work projects and I, I can't think of the times when it has made a profound. If your kid is coming to you and they're wanting to talk about something and that door is open, take that window. You know, take, take that window when it's, when it's present, not. Yeah. So great, great advice. Now what's one of the most surprising things that you discovered while researching for your book, would you say?

Oh, that's a good question. Surprising thing. You know, I'm not sure I'd have to think about that one.

No, that's fair. Well, if it comes to you, you can say, I didn't mean to put you on the spot there.

You got me stumped on that one. I'm not, I'm not sure, you know, you know, it's, it's. Well, well, so much of it has just been my experience.

Yeah.

My personal experience. And then working with all these families for, for many years. And then I've been mentoring parents and teaching parents for so long. I think I, I could say this one of the surprises, not in my research but in the outcomes of parents on a mission. Parents that go through the courses.

Yeah.

Is they say, like one parent told me, Richard, I never realized it was wrong for me to slap my daughter across the face as a discipline. As discipline.

Yeah.

And I'm just like, like a surprise to you. Like. Yeah, that's like, like she was like, I never, I never thought about. I. Wow. You know, things like that, that people come away with and say, I never thought about it that way, I never saw it that way. So that's not really research. But that's just my experience. Yeah.

Well, it sounds. Lot of your surprises are probably the things that came before that caused you to go down this path in the first place. It sounds like. Which is kind of beautiful. I love that. What would. Do you have any non negotiable habits that you would suggest for our listeners? Things that, like every day that. Are there things that you say these are non negotiables for me, I do these every day.

Well, you know, I, for me, I mean I read every day some, something encouraging or something Uplifting, something spiritual, something. In other words, I'm working on myself and that goes back to my, my personal growth. I have to continually work on myself, not take it for granted. Personal growth or emotional maturity is a lifelong journey and I, I want to perform a peak potential. Yeah. And like for example, the best in the world athletes have a coach. I need a coach. I agree like you to coach and talk to me and give me perspective. In other words, I, that's not non negotiable for me. A non negotiable for me is things that violate my integrity. I'm not gonna compromise my integrity. And sometimes that's unpopular. It could be unpopular with friends, family, even my kids. But it's like listen, I, I'm. No, that's a value that I'm not going to compromise. I know it's not popular, but it, this is who I am. You know, love me or don't like.

They're pretty powerful non negotiables. I, I love all of those. And that growth thing, you were so right when you said earlier and again for our listeners like not to. Well, I am going to hammer that point home because I do think we reach a certain level, as you say, where we just kind of plateau and flatline I think was the word you use, which I love. We are. If we're not growing, we're dying. Right. Like we need to constantly be, no matter what stage or age, just always be looking for new experiences, new opportunity, new growth opportunities and models. I think that's so important and so overlooked. Well Richard, this been a fabulous. I could talk to you all day about this. I. You've got such great insights and I'm sorry our time is coming to an end and I normally like to end by asking what is one of the greatest mindset shifts that you've had in your life? Doesn't have to be around parenting. Just one of those things that makes you go ah. And look at life differently or how you show up differently.

The more I know, the more I know. I don't know.

That is so true. And that you talk about humility. It's a tough thing to admit but boy is it a powerhouse when we do. That's so good. So where can people learn more about you, Richard? Tell them where they. And we'll make sure to put these in the show notes. But for people who want to grab it right now, where can they learn more about you and what you do?

Yeah, they can go to parentsonamission.org that's my website. And if they want the book? It's on Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

Okay. Beautiful. Beautiful. And again, we'll make sure to put that in our show notes. And Richard, thank you. We will definitely have to have you come back sometime if you'd like because I think we barely scratched the surface of some of what you do and it's a really important issue. It is a life changing mission not just for the parents but for generations of kids to come and the legacy and the world that we're sort of leaving to them. So thank you for being with us today.

Thank you for having me and for.

Our listeners out there. This has been a great episode. I really invite you to make sure to give the gift of sharing. Share this episode with the people in your life so that they can get the benefit. We've got had the benefit of some really great insights here today, some great theories and perspectives that would be absolute game changers in how you show up in your parenting and in your life as well to live into the best version of you and allow your kids to live into the best version of them. Make sure to subscribe if you haven't done that yet. And before we sign off, just want to share, you know, as always, a few ways we can work together. If you're looking to up level your negotiation skills so you can negotiate your best life, I've got everything from online to group to signature mastermind and VIP experiences available so you can better leverage your innate natural power and yes, you have it so that you can get more of what you want and deserve in life and also inspire those around you to live into their best life. If that sounds interesting, check it out@artoffemininegotiation.com make sure to grab a copy of my book Art of Feminine Negotiation if you have not done that yet. And that is a wrap for this episode. So until next time, go forth and negotiate your best life on your terms so you can stop missing out and start getting more of what you want and deserve. From the Boardroom to the Bedroom until next time, take care.

You've been listening to the Art of Feminine Negotiation from the Boardroom to the Bedroom with your host Cindy Watson. Thanks for tuning in and be sure to subscribe so that you don't miss a single episode. And while you're at it, please leave a rating and review and be sure to share it with your friends. Tune in every Monday for more exciting insights and wisdom on how to get more of what you want and deserve. From the Boardroom to the bedroom. And until next time, stop missing out. Negotiate your best life on purpose and with purpose.