Ep 11: The Home Field Advantage - Part 3

If you're a parent looking for sound, solid advice on how to raise your child in an ever-increasing dangerous world, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Richard Ramos.

Any successful life coach knows that there are essential coaching skills. He or she must have in their skills toolbox. These include being objective, being supportive yet firm when needed, knowing who you are, being a willing learner, having the ability to leave your judgment or judgments at the door. No one is the same, after all. Everyone is different. Being a fantastic listener, being flexible, and of course, every life coach needs to keep learning. My father is the first person who taught me all of the above, all of the skills a life coach needs if they're to truly empower someone. Each and every skill a life coach needs was instructed to me by my dad at a very young age. Dad never had an agenda of turning little Nathan into a life coach. No, he did everything possible to make me the man I am today. And to be honest, Dad has continued to teach me these skills ever since. My dad is my life coach. If I need to describe him in a few words, I would say that he masters human communication engineering And this is vital for anyone who's gearing themselves for real success. I recall in one of the life coaching sessions when I was on my way to becoming a certified life coach, being asked a simple question which took me aback. What's your biggest fear, Nathan? The answer was simple. To lose my dad Without having the opportunity to look into his eyes and tell him face to face that I love him and I respect him and that he is the reason for my success. Hello and welcome to the Parent Whisperer podcast. I'm Richard Ramos. This story about Nathan and his father, I would say, is one of the greatest gifts Any father or any parent can receive above just about anything else. For a son or a daughter or your child to look you in the eye and say, I love you, I respect you, and you are the reason for my success. You are my life coach. Now, in our last two episodes, I shared with you this strategy that I developed for parents of small children. I call it the home-filled advantage, which is to prevent your children from choosing to join negative lifestyles. I talked about the twelve-year window of preparation we have before the competition. For the heart, for the mind, and for the loyalty before that competition steps on our home field, meaning directly trying to influence our kids away from us. So today I'm going to talk about the third part, the third phase, the third role of the home field advantage in this strategic time frame I call it the role of the coach, or as Nathan said to his father, life coach. So to quickly recap, the first time frame was from infant to 2, and that is the role of the gardener or the nurturer of the soul. The second time frame was from 2 to 5, and that is the time frame for the role of the trainer, the disciplining parent. And the third time frame, this time frame I'm talking about today from the ages of 5 to 12, is the life coaching role. The reason I call this the coaching phase is because now your kids are no longer only under your watch but are in the game of life, so to speak, dealing with new social issues like school rules. Other authority figures, classroom behavior, classroom performance, and the peer pressures of competition, acceptance, and popularity. So what do I suggest we are doing in this coaching phase? Let's break it down. And remember, as parents, we really never stop nurturing our children. So that's something we just do It's a lifelong journey. So first, this is a time I call preparation for separation and infiltration, not isolation. Let me say that again: preparation for separation and infiltration, not isolation. Why? Because life is a process of separation. Separation from the womb, separation from home, separation in marriage, and ultimately separation in death. And our job is one of preparation for this separation. It's not to raise our children to stay with us for the rest of their lives. That's not our job. That's not our role. Our job is to prepare them to separate from us and build their own lives, and one day repeat the process we have taught them with their own family. Just as in the story I read about Nathan appreciating and crediting his dad for all the life lessons he learned and coaching he received, and now He's passing these life principles on to others. The school years are very formative years since, in addition to family and neighborhood life, most kids are in school 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, 9 months a year for at least 12 years, and not to mention any sports or other after-school activities. This is what we have been preparing them for. We are now like a coach on the sideline watching our kids play in the game of life. And now they need our coaching as they encounter the different aspects of life in society. Now, what I mean by infiltration and not isolation is because of our nurturing and training over the years in the first 2 phases that we covered, We have prepared our children to infiltrate the community like a light in darkness. In other words, or in my words, what I used to tell my kids all the time, I've taught you how to act right, how to be an example, be a leader. And we can have confidence rather than fear that they will ultimately overcome all the social toxins or social pressures and temptations they have to deal with in the community. This doesn't mean they won't make mistakes, make bad choices, or never fail. But we have put the law of the harvest on our side. How? Because we have sown the seeds of, first, what I call immunity to the community pressures by the inoculation of integrity. We've put that in them— integrity. We've also put in them— we've given them family values. We've given them a healthy self-esteem, and we've built in them a respect for themselves, a respect for others, and a respect for authority. All of this preparation over this 12-year window gives us assurance Not a guarantee, but a pretty good assurance that our children will navigate the real world successfully and will have a blueprint for raising the next generation in a happy family, which I believe is the foundation of society and is the answer and solution to a secure And healthy, safe community. Now, isolating our children from the hard knocks of life, the unfairness, the injustice, discrimination, prejudice, and all other forms of negative things in life will not help them. They have to learn that everything will not always go their way. That they will fail sometimes. They're not always going to win. And that there are dishonest and immature people in high places in this world. And trying to hide them and keeping them from these unfortunate experiences will not help them. It will not help them learn how to deal with it and overcome these realities. But because of the nurturing, the training, and life coaching we have lovingly and consistently provided them in this 12-year time frame, we have a high level of confidence that they are prepared to deal with these things. Now, there's one more thing I want to address here. In addition to this time frame, And we've done the nurturing and the training and the coaching, we still might be dealing with a stubborn, rebellious, strong-willed child. And for this, I add a 4th role that I call the role of the farmer. Now, I've never been a farmer, but I use this metaphor because I think we can all agree That farming is consistent hard work year after year. And that is exactly what it's going to take when dealing with a stubborn, rebellious, strong-willed child. So in general, what do farmers do? They plow, they plant, they water, they cultivate, And eventually they reap the harvest. Now, I use these analogy as an analogy or a metaphor, the plowing for heart confrontation, meaning that when our child is constantly giving us a bad time, we can't just give in and give up, but we confront them. We're, in other words, dealing with their conscience, as I spoke about in an earlier episode. And giving them the message that we are not okay with what they are doing, and that they do not have our permission or our approval for what they are doing. And this is again another reason why our personal growth and emotional maturity is so important that I keep talking about. And this plowing, as I call it, Will not always go smoothly. At least it didn't for me. But we have learned what to do when we blow it. We know we're going to own it, admit it, and apologize. But we're not going to give in and give up. We're going to keep plowing that hard heart with our next thing of planting our words. This planting process is another way of saying these are our words. The seeds that we're planting. And in this time, we're learning to say negative things in a positive way. For example, instead of shaming and putting them down with our words, we can say things like, I don't like or approve what you're doing, but I love you. It's what you're doing I don't love. You, I love. I believe in you. This is not who you really are, and words like that. Then the watering phase, and what I mean by this is affection. Every chance you get to touch them, high-five them, fist bump them, hug them, put your arm around them, and that when you do that, that's like water to a thirsty plant. Don't be fooled by the hardness of your child. They still want it, and even though they act like they don't receive it, they do. Trust me, it's like watering their soul, a thirsty plant. And then there's the cultivation, and what I mean by that is affirmation, acknowledging them when they Do good things. Catch them doing what's good, not only what's bad, and then affirm them in it, no matter how small it might be. Hey, thank you for coming home on time. Hey, thanks for doing your homework. Thanks for raising your grade. Thanks for washing the dishes. Thanks for taking out the trash. Things like that. And finally, then comes the reaping of the harvest. Now the question is, parents always want to know when, when am I going to reap my harvest, Richard? Well, that's the hard part because I don't know. I can't tell you that because every situation is different. But here's what I can tell you, with patience Consistency, and a whole lot of tears and prayers. We have hope. We have hope because we have put the law of the harvest on our side. Because what we have sown—the affirmation, the affection, the confrontation, the love, the nurturing—all of those things—we will reap what we have sown. Because that's the universal law of sowing and reaping. So be patient, mom and dad. Be consistent. If you're in this situation, the role of the farmer, don't give up. And if you're inclined, pray for your harvest. You've been listening to the Parent Whisperer podcast. I'm Richard Ramos. If you are finding value in these episodes, subscribe to my podcast and share these episodes with others. And always remember, Parents on a Mission is not for bad parents. It's for good parents who want to get better. See you next time.

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