Ep 13: 20 Top Questions and Answers for Parents

If you're a parent looking for sound, solid advice on how to raise your child in an ever-increasing dangerous world, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Richard Ramos.

Hello and welcome to the Parent Whisper Podcast. I am the aforementioned Richard Ramos. And today I'm going to do something a little different. I often get interviewed by different podcasts, other podcasters, and radio shows and things like that. And I get a lot of questions that I've collected over these times, questions that I think they're pretty good questions, and I'm just going to go through them with you. And there are 20 of the top kind of questions I get regarding parenting, and I hope that And think that they will help you. So excuse me for a second there. So I'm just going to go through these, and I believe they will be helpful to you. So here we go. Number 1, what's the most underrated parenting skill that can transform a child's behavior and emotional well-being?

Active listening.

Many parents assume they are listening, but they're really just waiting to respond. When you're really hearing a child and you're validating their feelings, you're asking follow-up questions and reflecting back what they're saying. Now that creates trust, it strengthens emotional bonds, and makes discipline more effective because the child feels respected. How can parents balance being authoritative without being authoritarian? By leading with connection before correction. Authoritative parents set firm boundaries, but they do it with warmth, empathy, and open communication. So instead of saying like, because I said so— how many times have we said that or heard that? They explain their expectations and invite their child into discussions reinforcing mutual respect. Now of course that has to do with age. Okay, you're not going to have a discussion with a 2-year-old in my opinion. So this is for kids who are a little bit older. Number 3, what's the biggest misconception parents have about disciplining their children? That they need to understand the difference between punishment Versus discipline. The true meaning of discipline is to teach. Punishment doesn't care about a result, it just cares about a penalty for what you did. Discipline means to guide, not to control. The goal isn't to make your kids suffer for their mistakes, but to help them learn from them. Discipline is about teaching. Number 4, how can parents effectively model emotional regulation for their kids? By demonstrating it in real time. When frustrated, instead of snapping, we can simply say, you know what, I'm feeling really upset right now, so I'm just gonna take a deep breath and take a break before I respond. I'll get back to you. I used to say that to my kids all the time when I was frustrated. This shows kids that emotions are natural, but they don't have to control our actions. Number 5: What's one thing parents should stop doing immediately to improve their relationship with their child? Well, there's a few things, but one thing we can do is stop dismissing their emotions. When we say things like, oh, it's not a big deal, get over it, you're overreacting, stop being a big baby, Come on, toughen up, and things like that. That kind of shuts down our kids. Rather, what we could do is acknowledge their feelings and say something like, "You know what? I see this is upsetting you. You know, do you want to talk about it?" And stuff like that, rather than you know putting them down. Number six: How can parents help their child develop resilience in a world full of challenges? Well, this is a big one because we need to allow our kids to struggle, to fail, or to fall down, if you will. They're not always going to win, you know, and it's okay. So by not allowing them to struggle, we step in and we want to fix things, but that doesn't build resilience. Resilience comes from overcoming difficulties, not avoiding them. And encourage problem-solving rather than rushing to rescue them. Number 7, what are some signs that a child's behavior is a cry for help and how should parents respond? These kind of signs could include withdrawal, frequent outbursts of anger, sudden changes in mood or behavior, a drop in school performance, defiance, things like that. So parents, we can respond when these things happen with curiosity and say things like, you know what, I've noticed you've been really acting out differently than you usually are. Is something going on? Should we talk about it? And that's a better response rather than immediately resorting to punishment for When they're acting out, especially if it's ongoing, that definitely can be a cry for help. They might be bullied and being threatened. You better not say anything, or there might be something uglier going on behind closed doors. I think you know what I'm talking about, and that could cause them to act out as a cry for help. So compassion. We need to exercise that when these things are happening sometimes. Number eight, how can parents teach their children to handle failure and disappointment in a healthy way? By making it normal. Failure is normal. As a matter of fact, there is no success without failure. That's just part of it. And we should share in we should share our own mistakes and. You know, admit to them and frame it as an opportunity to grow. Like, you know, I didn't, I didn't get where I'm at today, son or daughter, without having made mistakes, wrong decisions, wrong investments, things like that. But I learned and improved, and here I am. And this helps kids to see that setbacks aren't the end of anything, but rather they're just stepping stones. Number nine: What's the best way to handle sibling rivalry without taking sides? Well, encourage an attitude of problem solving instead of saying, "Well, who started it? Whose fault is it?" Maybe we could say something like, "You know what? Let's talk about this and get this resolved together. Let's fix it together," and that way we can avoid playing the referee and choosing sides. And instead, we can equip our kids with conflict resolution skills. Number 10: How can parents encourage curiosity and a love for learning in their children? That's a, that's a good one, isn't it? One way is by modeling our own curiosity, asking questions, exploring topics together. You know, it could be on a TV program, it could be when we're walking somewhere or actually going to a museum or something and make learning kind of a fun thing, a date that you have with your son or your daughter, things like that. We're going to go here and drive down over here and check out this thing, and I'm just curious, you want to go? You know, here in Santa Barbara we have a natural history museum. That's a cool place to take, to take kids. I've taken my kids there when they were little, and there's all kinds of things to do. I'm sure the same as in your own hometown where you live. And also let kids pursue their interests and celebrate their effort for being curious. Number 11, how can parents help their child navigate peer pressure and bullying? Well, we can role-play different scenarios to teach assertiveness. For example, we can say like, help kids with things like, no, no thanks, that's not for me, to say things like that if somebody's bullying them. That's not for me. And having the self-confidence to walk away from unhealthy situations. But that takes— that's not going to happen in the moment. That's going to be something that you've built into your children over the years. And you may remember this series I did on the home field advantage, and I talked about the different phases from 0 to 2 to 2 to 5 and 5 to 12. You can go back and find that episode. I think it's episode 10, 11, and— or 9, 10, and 11, I think. And you could— you got to help your kids have that self-worth, that self-esteem, that loyalty to family, loyalty to values, our values, to give them the strength to say, hey man, that's not for me. No, I don't want to do that. And they just walk away. And to keep communication open so they feel safe to discuss these tough experiences with you. Number 12. What are some ways to teach children empathy and kindness in a competitive world? By leading with, by demonstrating it, leading with it. Show kindness to others, involve kids in acts of service, and teach perspective-taking. Like, well, how do you think they feel about what happened? I mean, there's so many opportunities for that on the internet, on YouTube, on TV and programs, on Netflix or whatever. You know, you could sit there, even on the news, there's so many things going on and a lot of it unfortunately is negative, but you could, you know, turn that into a discussion. What do you think about what he just said? What do you think about what she's doing? What do you think about that? And not be judgmental, you know, not having that right away we jump to conclusions, but showing kids how to have empathy and kindness and that we, well, we don't really know all the facts. That's just what that person is saying, etc., etc. And that helps build empathy and kindness, even though we do live in a competitive world. Number 13: How can parents support their child's mental health without overstepping boundaries? Well, by one thing is to be available but not intrusive. Let kids know they can. Talk to you about anything at any time, but we're not forcing them to do that. We're not forcing a conversation that they don't want to have. And as I said earlier, we pay attention if there's changes in mood and behavior. We want to try to have discussion about that, but you might need professional help if that's needed, and you shouldn't be afraid to seek outside professional help if There's some real mental health things going on with your son or daughter. What's the best way to talk to children about difficult topics like death, divorce, or loss? I think the best thing to do is to be honest, to be straightforward, of course age-appropriate, of course, and be open to showing them our emotions and If they have emotions. Now, we don't need to overload them with, you know, details, but we can reassure them that they are loved and that they are safe, that it's not their fault. In case it's a close family member or something like that, let them ask questions and just to validate their feelings. But I wouldn't try to explain it away and talk— give them some fairy tale. You know, because death, divorce, and loss is tough stuff. But learning how to deal with it head-on and maturely and emotionally in all those ways, it's okay. It's healthy. It's safe to show our emotions. But to be honest about what's going on as much as possible, age-appropriate. How can parents help their child build confidence without creating a sense of entitlement? That's a good one. Nowadays, I feel like a lot of young kids feel entitled to things. So we can praise the efforts they make to overcome, and when they persevere through tough times, that'll build their confidence. You know, loving them, encouraging them, and teach them to earn privileges rather than to expect them. So there's a lot we could say on that topic, but I hope that helps you. You know, hey, I really love how hard you worked on that and you didn't give up. You know, that kind of thing, rather than they should just expect and be entitled for privilege. What's the most effective way to set boundaries without stifling a child's independence? Give structured choices within boundaries. So instead of saying something like, you have to do your homework now, we could change it up a little and say something like, would you like to do your homework before or after dinner? So that allows autonomy within a clear expectation. You're letting— you're giving them a choice, but they need to do what they need to do. But you're setting a boundary, yet you're giving them some Autonomy. All right, four more here. Let's see number seventeen. How can parents create a family structure of mutual teamwork, a family culture of teamwork and mutual respect by involving everyone in decision making and responsibilities? Hold family meetings, something I used to do all the time and still do once in a while, where everyone's voice is heard and model respect. In how you communicate with your children and them with you. What's the best way to handle a child who constantly challenges authority? See it as a leadership potential, not defiance. Now, I know that's not easy to do because we don't like it when our authority is challenged, but sometimes that's showing That kid has the potential to be a leader. So instead of escalating these power struggles, we can try to channel their strong-willed nature into problem solving and more structured choices. Like you know what? I see that you don't agree with me, man, and you're really pushing back. You feel strongly about this. So let's talk about this. Let's figure this out together. You know that kind of. Coming back at them rather than challenging them and getting on our ego trip, you know, because they're challenging our authority. See it as a potential leader quality that they have. Number 19: How can parents encourage their child to take responsibility for their actions without shaming them? Very important to know the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt says, I'm— what I did was wrong. Shame says, I am wrong, there's something wrong with me. We don't want that. Okay, so we have to separate the behavior from who they are, from their identity. So instead of, you're so irresponsible, better to say something like, you know, forgetting your homework was a mistake. How can we make sure that doesn't happen again? And focus on the solution and not blame. Encourage them, their individual qualities and abilities. Separate the act from their identity, their person, their personality. And if we can do that, the bottom line is we want to teach them how to take responsibility, but we don't want to shame them. All right, so finally, what's the secret to raising a child who is intrinsically motivated Rather than relying on external rewards. So with this, we want to encourage self-reflection and purpose. Instead of saying, "If you get good grades, I'll give you X, Y, and Z," better to say something like, "How do you feel when you do your best? How did you feel last time when you overcame that? How do you feel when you really tried and you guys won?" And help them connect action to personal pride and fulfillment rather than some external validation like, well, you know, if you win tomorrow, I'm going to give you this, you know. No, the value is in they tried really, really hard. They gave it their best. That's the prize. And you won, which is great, but it's the effort, the attitude, the motivation, the discipline that went into it, the practice. That kind of stuff, and that gives them an intrinsic motivation rather than relying on external rewards. So you're listening to the Parent Whisperer podcast. I'm Richard Ramos. I appreciate your time. Subscribe to these episodes. Share them with your. Friends and family parents. And remember that parenting isn't about perfection, it's about intentionality. Your Parent on a Mission framework, this framework that I'm sharing, it encourages you to be self-reflective, to be relational and consistent, which I believe is exactly what kids need to thrive. So Remember what I always tell you. Parents on a Mission is not for bad parents. It's for good parents who want to get better. Thanks for listening. See you next time.

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