In this episode of the Parent Whisperer podcast, host Richard R. Ramos opens with stark statistics about the rise of stepfamilies, divorce rates, and the prevalence of stepparents in the United States, citing Pew Research, the U.S. Census, and other studies. He shares his own lifelong experience as a stepdad, explaining how personal challenges and decades of work with blended families inspired his new book, The Art of Stepparenting. Ramos outlines two core pillars for navigating stepfamily life: continuous personal growth and emotional maturity, and maintaining romantic love within the marriage. He reads an excerpt from his book’s “No Voice, No Choice” chapter, illustrating how well‑intentioned decisions can silence children and cause lasting trauma, and recounts a forum story of a young woman who married a man with a daughter, later regretting the choice. The episode then previews the practical tools the book offers—understanding family‑of‑origin influences, repairing strained stepparent‑child relationships, earning respect and authority, recognizing relational triangles, and closing the “stepdad gap.” Ramos concludes with a call to action: purchase the book, subscribe to the podcast, leave reviews for a chance at a $10,000 VIP day, and join the community for future episodes.
If you're a parent looking for sound, solid advice on how to raise your child in an ever-increasing dangerous world, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Richard Ramos.
In her book, *The Good Divorce*, author Dr. C. Aaron says that today's society is predominantly made up. of stepfamilies and recognizes there is a real need for specific training in the particular dynamics of stepfamilies and how they differ from the nuclear family experience. She also suggests that coaching stepfamilies using nuclear family comparisons can potentially be harmful for stepparents working through blended family dynamics. Furthermore, according to the Pew Research Center 2023 study on the modern American family, the predominant American family form has undergone significant change, and Americans are experiencing a very different and diverse family life. The hard facts: the U.S. Census Bureau report of America's Families and Living Arrangements Estimates there were 10.9 million one-parent family groups with a child under the age of 18 in 2022. The study also showed that it is predicted that 50% of children in the United States will go through a divorce before they are 18. Now imagine the impact that has on children. When they go through divorce, that has enough trauma in itself. But if they then join another family, you know, it can get very, very difficult. Secondly, 60% of all remarriages eventually end in divorce. So just speaks to the point I was just making. And then finally, 1 of 3 Americans is now a stepparent. A stepchild, a stepsibling, or some other member of a stepfamily. Well, that speaks to me because I've been a stepparent from the very beginning of my parenting experience, which has been a long time. As a matter of fact, my son, my oldest son, will, will be 50 Tomorrow as of this recording, and I've been his stepdad, his dad but stepdad, since the time he was 2 years old. Hello everybody. Welcome to the Parent Whisperer Podcast. I'm Richard Ramos, your host. See, this is one of the most common and yet often silent struggles in our homes today. This challenge of blending families. Being a stepparent is one of the hardest roles in parenting, but yet it's not talked about. And that's exactly what I'm going to do in this podcast. And that is why I wrote my new book that I want to introduce you to today, The Art of Stepparenting. How to blend families without tearing them apart. You see, this is now the common experience. It's not the exception. And I want to take this opportunity now, and probably in our next episode as well, to talk about some of the realities of stepparenting and blending families. Here's, uh, 3 other facts that you may or may not be aware of. 67% of second marriages with children end in divorce. So again, that possibly means that children will have to go through a whole nother marriage, a relationship with a whole nother mom, a whole nother dad. It's their second marriage and it doesn't work out, and then that could turn into a third family for them. So that's really traumatic. Another statistic, today in America, over 30 million children live in a stepfamily. And yet, most stepparents say they felt unprepared for what they walked into emotionally, relationally, and practically. And that's exactly what my experience was, and that's exactly why I wrote this book. It wasn't born out of another book I read or some research I did, but this is coming from my own personal experience as a stepparent and from decades of working with families and stepparents across the country. So, if you're out there trying to love a child who didn't choose you and trying to do it without losing yourself, your kids, Or your marriage in the process, I feel you. And what I want you to know is this: at least for me, the key—what the key in this situation? Because it is hard. But for me, the key has been two things when things really get crazy and the hard times come. My experience has been this: number one. What's kept me through this process and working it together like we have has been my discipline in practicing the principles of personal growth and emotional maturity. I don't just teach those things; I live those things, and I know that is what has kept me together in those hard times when you know you just wonder: Do I really want this? Did I make a mistake? You know, you start having those. Thoughts in your head. We start getting selfish and starting to feel sorry for ourselves, and all this is hard, and all that kind of stuff. It's you got to be working on yourself consistently. I mean, I think that's the main principle for any marriage, let alone a blended family marriage. So that's number one. But the second thing that's helped me, and the reason why we are still together after 23 years, my wife and I have marriage and blending. Our family together is the difference between loving my wife and being in love with my wife. I mean, it's one thing to say, you know, I love you, but it's another thing to say I'm still in love with you. And there's a big difference there, and that has to do with romance and maintaining that romance. And a lot of times with kids and stepkids, you know, you can lose that. And so that's a marriage class which I'm not talking about, but I just know for me, because I am in love with my wife, and that has made a huge difference. So let me read a short excerpt from one of the stories I share in chapter 2 That I call— the name of the chapter— No Voice, No Choice. Earlier, I referred to my current blended family as the Mexican Brady Bunch, which, for those of you who are unfamiliar with this reference, it was a 1970s hit TV sitcom program. However, our experience has been far different from the TV version of the Brady Bunch blended family. Now, I would never do anything to intentionally hurt my children, and I know my wife feels the same way. And yet, that's exactly what we did by the choice we made. Looking back now at the timing of our marriage, it's interesting to think about how we make these decisions, especially when you know better, but somehow you decide to do that thing that is not aligned with your values. In our case, we knew it wasn't the best thing or the best time for our kids, but we decided to marry anyway, which caused us a lot of remorseful feelings. Not because we regretted getting married— we knew our deep feelings for each other were genuine. Still, our remorse and regret was because of the deep love we have for our children. Eventually, we began to experience how our choice gave them no voice and forced them into a blended family situation, causing them trauma, pain, and anger. How could we do this? How does this happen? There are several factors that go into the process of decision-making. For example, this is a subject that marketers and advertising agencies pour millions of dollars into studying to understand how people make purchasing decisions. They want to discover what determines how choices are made in order to influence the buying habits of consumers. The details of all the psychology associated with influence and decision-making are beyond the scope of what I'm discussing here, except to say that our emotions are at the core of our decision-making. And sometimes, or should I say most of the time, our emotional decisions lead to regret. I read the story of a young woman reaching out for help on an internet forum for stepparents and blended families. She shares how she is full of regret, resentment, and anger with herself. She shares how she can't sleep due to her unhappiness with the circumstances she got herself into Against her better judgment. In her early 20s, she met a young man with whom she fell madly in love. However, there was one seemingly small issue: he had a 2-year-old daughter. At first, they weren't living together, and even though he made it clear to her that his daughter would always come first, she felt she understood and figured it would all work out. Wanting to move forward in their relationship and eventually move in together, they worked hard to save money so they could buy a home. A few years later, they reached their goal and bought the home of her dreams, except for one thing. She didn't want his daughter to live with them. However, she never said it out loud. Knowing this, She moved forward anyway. As time went on, as one might expect, she resented her decision and grew in resentment towards the stepdaughter and her boyfriend to the point where she wrote that becoming a stepparent had ruined her life. It was sad to read her story. Here she was reaching out, seeking advice about what to do Since she was now stuck with a mortgage she couldn't afford to pay by herself, but no longer wanted to be in the stepparent relationship. In hindsight, it's easy to ask the question, if you knew you didn't want to live with his daughter and were already feeling resentful towards her because of always having to take a back seat to her, why did you make this choice? Paraphrasing her words, I was so in love with this guy that I was willing to try and be a family. Love is a very powerful emotion, only superseded perhaps by the emotion of fear. When one falls under the strength of the emotion of love, one can decide to do things that one might not normally do. Things that are out of character, or even beyond what one thought one was capable of. In her case, because of falling in love, her regret was about buying a home with someone who had a kid she didn't want. In our case, it was hurting our children who had no voice, and therefore no choice, in having to deal with their new blended family. Our choice, combined with their no voice, had bigger consequences than we realized. No doubt a mistake, and yet, in most cases, unavoidable when 2 adults with children fall in love. I suppose that's the selfishness of being in love. Even when you know better, you move forward in your relationship regardless. So that's part of a chapter of what's in the No Choice, No Voice chapter in my book. So whether you're in the early stages of a new blended family Or you've been in the trenches for years, my book will meet you where you are at with practical tools, real-life stories, and the encouragement you need to keep going. So if this resonates with you, what I've already shared, what I read a little bit of the book, or you know somebody who's walking down this road, Pick up a copy of The Art of Step Parenting. It's now available on Amazon or on my website, and I know it will bring clarity, comfort, and connection to the families who need it most. Because I have witnessed this as I've been teaching these principles that you'll find in every chapter. I've witnessed how it has helped these stepdads, stepmoms, and blended families. So here's a few things you're going to learn after you read this book. You're going to learn why your family of origin may hinder your capacity to connect with your stepchildren and how to overcome that. In other words, the family that we were raised in our childhood, and maybe some of the things that you experienced, is hindering you from being able to make a connection with your stepchildren. So I talk about that. Another thing is to understand how to reconcile strained or broken stepparent-child relationships and bring them back to harmony of happiness. I've had this experience more than I want to admit, but the key is knowing what to do when things get strained or you have an argument or things get, you know, out of hand, and knowing how to Bring that back. Another thing is you're going to learn how to win loyalty and earn respect for your authority as either a single parent or a stepparent. You're going to learn to recognize stepparent relational triangles and how to avoid them. Now, if you don't know what a relational triangle is, I explain that in the book because it's something you need to be aware of. It happens in all kinds of relationships, But I'm talking about the stepparent-stepchild situation that can happen. And finally, you're going to be aware of something that I call the stepdad gap and how do you close that. The stepdad gap. The gap between you and your stepchildren. So listen, share this episode with any parents you know and invite them to Thursday's podcast where I will share more on this important topic that really has become the norm for so many children that had no voice and no choice. I'm Richard Ramos, and you've been listening to the Parent Whisperer podcast. Be sure to subscribe Be sure to go to Amazon and get your copy of the book. And remember, Parents on a Mission is not for bad parents or bad stepparents, but it is for good parents, good stepparents who want to get better. See you next time.
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