In this episode of the Parent Whisperer podcast, host Richard R. Ramos confronts the escalating crisis of drug overdoses and teen mental health problems, citing CDC data that over 80,000 Americans died from overdoses last year and that a majority of teen overdose deaths involve illicit fentanyl. He argues that the root of these issues lies in early‑life emotional disconnection, which he terms "disruptive attachment," referencing Dr. Sieffert’s research linking lack of secure attachment in infancy to later violence, substance abuse, and mental illness. Ramos introduces his prevention framework, the "Home Field Advantage," which centers on fostering secure attachment between caregivers and children. He outlines practical infant‑care guidelines known as the "7 B's of secure attachment" (birth bonding, breastfeeding, baby‑wearing, bedding close by, belief in baby’s cries, balance, beware of baby training) and presents ten clinical signs parents can observe to assess attachment quality as children grow. Acknowledging that many parents may feel they missed the window for early attachment, Ramos reassures listeners that attachment can be built or rebuilt later in life, emphasizing human resilience. The episode concludes with calls to subscribe, visit his website, purchase his book The Art of Stepparenting, and participate in a listener giveaway.
If you're a parent looking for sound, solid advice on how to raise your child in an ever-increasing dangerous world, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Richard Ramos.
The CDC describes the drug overdose crisis as. Constantly evolving and an important public health issue. Well, no surprise there. They go on to say more than 80,000 Americans died from a drug overdose last year, according to the CDC data. In the last 4 years, 75% of overdose deaths among preteens and teenagers ages 10 to 19 involved illegally made fentanyl. The number of teens reporting poor mental health has increased in the past decade, with 40% of high school students stopping regular activities because of persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness in 2023. And 1 in 5 students have seriously considered attempting suicide According to the CDC. So how can we prevent our children from drug use, drug abuse, and these mental health issues? Hello everybody and welcome to the Parent Whisperer podcast. I'm Richard Ramos, your host, and glad you're here back again. Listening to what I consider one of the more important things about how we can answer this question to prevent our children from what these statistics seem to show increasing and growing, or as the CDC put it, constantly evolving. So again, these statistics are not new and they're not a surprise, but unfortunately they do continue to grow. And I know that they are one of the top issues parents are concerned with, and we should be. And so it does beg that question about prevention. How do we prevent kids— this is one of the main questions that I get from parents all the time— how to prevent my kids from joining these negative lifestyles? Obviously a question parents want to know because it just seems that It just keeps going on and on and on, and that it's not getting better. And that's one of the reasons why I developed my strategy, the Home Field Advantage, that you may remember. I think I did 2 episodes, or maybe even more than that, episodes on the home— what I call the Home Field Advantage, which I explained in an earlier episode or episodes about my strategy of how you can prevent children from joining these negative lifestyles. I also address this in my new book, The Art of Stepparenting, because it is a common struggle with stepparents and sometimes biological parents who are not comfortable with making this— the attachment that it's going to take because— to prevent our children from going down these roads, because that is the answer. That's right. That is the solution. Just to give it to you right now, it's the attachment, the emotional attachment that we need to create with our infants and our young children that is going to give us the best chance, a very, very high chance that they are not going to be part of these awful statistics. Let me read an excerpt from my book, The Art of Stepparenting: How to Blend Families Without Tearing Them Apart. In the first chapter that I call Unmessed Unmatched and unattached. Of the many case studies conducted by Dr. Sieffert, one common thread she found as a predictor of children who grow up to become violent criminals is the failure at the infant to the 2-year-old stage of life to form an emotional attachment with their mothers, fathers, and/or caregivers. When children are unattached, she says, to their parents and remain unmatched with another sufficient substitute caregiver, this unattached and unmatched condition is the link that often leads to individuals with no empathy for others or the ability to lead a normal and productive life in society. Of those children, who are unattached and unmatched to parents. She found the common elements of serious childhood trauma, including neglect, emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse, and the experience of domestic violent upbringings. Dr. Sieffert names this condition as disruptive attachment and describes it as one of the leading causes of children Who become violent. Now, the statistics I read talked about drug overdoses and mental health issues, but the reason I'm reading this is because it's related. Because how many times, or should I say every time, we hear about these school mass shooters or people that are just walking into buildings or downtown somewhere just randomly shooting people? How How often do we hear that they have mental health issues, and then the experts and the politicians tell us we have a mental health crisis? So how does that happen? Well, I believe it goes back to exactly what Dr. Seifert is saying, and what I line up with in my strategy is that we have to deal with this attachment issue early in life. I go on in my book This condition of disruptive attachment— that's what Dr. Sefort calls it— in my view speaks to either a lack of understanding or a lack of ability of the parents. As important as this emotional attachment is, we certainly cannot expect an infant to be responsible for making or not making it happen. The infant is the needy, the dependent, The innocent party that must rely on the adult parent to make this connection as a continuation of life after the womb. While in the womb of a mother, the umbilical cord serves as a physical attachment of nourishment. However, once this attachment is severed, it typically marks the beginning of the need for nourishment on an emotional level, which oftentimes is somehow disrupted and never made. So what I wanted to share with you— I've already shared with you my strategy for this, but I want to look at some suggested principles by other parent advisors and experts. And the first one I want to share with you is what's called the 7 B's of secure attachment. That's what the psychologists call this, making that secure attachment with children. The 7 Bs of the secure attachment include birth bonding, breastfeeding, baby wearing, bedding close by, belief in baby's cries, balance, and beware of baby training. So briefly explaining what they mean by this birth bonding, obviously is what I've already said: having that attachment right from the womb as soon as the baby is born. Some people don't suggest not to remove the child right away and clean it up and do all those normal things, but to give it to the mother right away. And then of course the breastfeeding, which I know a lot of women have. gotten away from it for one reason or another. I'm not qualified to talk about the why of that, but breastfeeding is highly recommended for that secure early attachment. Baby wearing, what they mean by that is that not using strollers for small infants, but rather, you know, the wraps that you can buy or blankets even that you can just use to tie your baby close to you, and that is a very important part of that Infant feeling that attachment to you. Bedding close by— what that means is that, you know, sometimes it can be dangerous to sleep with the baby in the bed, blankets, pillows, or your arm. You know, there's a lot of the crib deaths. I forget what they call it, but you, you know what I'm talking about. That sometimes that can be a little dangerous. It's better to have the bedding close by your bed where they can sleep in a crib and be safe there. Belief in baby's cries. In other words, instead of saying, "Oh, get over it and let him cry it out," that believe that the baby—that's their way of communicating their need—and to give them more deference to that cry versus you know annoyance to you. Balance and beware of baby training. What they're talking about there is rather than Training the baby to be in tune with your needs, like okay, it's time for you to eat, it's time for you to go to bed. You know, training them in all these ways around the clock on your schedule and needs to be more in tune with them and their personality and the way they're functioning and flowing versus your own needs. Now, I'm giving you a very brief understanding. There's a lot more to it, and you may have questions to disagree or agree with any of these ways. But those are 7 Bs, they call them, of creating a secure attachment. And it's really focused on the infant timeframe. Now, here's some other 10 signs. If you're wondering whether or not your child has developed a secure attachment, here are 10 signs that clinical psychologists suggest you can start to look for as your child gets a little bit older and now they're 2, 3, years old, in that time frame. And you can look for these things. Number 1 is that they view you as a secure base. Now obviously that's going to happen if you're continually giving affection and holding them close to you and you're constantly giving them that attention. And that gives them the self-worth, the self-esteem, and already they're beginning to get that sense that they matter. All of those things Obviously, they're going to see you as a secure base, a secure place. Number 2, they have a joyful reunion with you, meaning that children who are securely attached should be happy and relieved when they are reunited with their caregiver after a separation, even if it's brief. Third, they seek comfort from you when distressed. A securely attached child will also want their caregiver to help soothe painful or uncomfortable feelings. Number 4, they have healthy friendships. Another sign your child has secure attachment is that they recover from conflict well. With their friends. So that's probably talking about a little older kids that are 4, 5, 6, somewhere in there, where now they're playing with different friends, either at preschool or kindergarten. And if they have little problems, they still are able to recover and get over those kinds of things. And they're saying that's a sign of a healthy, securely attached child. Number 5, they can name their feelings. The ability to accurately articulate their feelings from a very early age might also show that a child is securely attached. That's why it's so important to make sure you raise an emotionally intelligent child. Now again, emotional intelligence is a whole— books are written about that. So what does that mean? I don't mean to take the time to explain all that. I'm just giving you these principles and you can research it later or read my book, and I talk more about it, or listen to the other podcasts. Number 6, they can recover from setbacks. If your children show resilience, they likely have developed secure attachment. 7, they may feel distressed when separated from you. While this may not look like a positive sign of secure attachment, It may signal that your child has developed a healthy relationship with you or their caregivers, because after all, it just means they miss you and that they want to be near you. Number 8, they are affectionate. Securely attached children often won't hesitate to show affection and/or to communicate their feelings of love openly, reflecting their comfort with emotional closeness. Number 9, they may unleash emotions after school. Again, so now we're talking about a child who's in school. Dr. Brenn notes that this is another less pleasant sign of secure attachment, but parents who are struggling with a cranky kid after school might actually have reason to be proud of themselves. When our children hold it together all day at school, and then as soon as they reunite with us, their secure attachment figure, they let it all loose, she explains. They save their ugliest, messiest moments for us because they know Consciously or unconsciously, that we are safe containers for this raw, unfiltered emotion. And number 10, they are confident. Securely attached kids will show obvious signs of self-confidence. In other words, they aren't afraid to voice their opinions, And are honest about their feelings. So those are the 10 suggested clinical psychologists, 10 suggestions for how you can look for signs and just kind of measure that, hey, my, you know, kids are showing these signs and you feel good about that. You're— they have that secure attachment. And my point about it, and earlier I read, it starts Even in the womb. And right when they are born, that's the best time for this to happen. Now, these principles are suggested for infants and small children. However, some of you that are listening to this, you might be thinking, oh man, I wish I had known all this earlier. And maybe you feel like you missed your opportunity for this secure attachment thing we're talking about. You might be saying, "Wow, my kids are already grown," or "My kids are is using drugs," or "My kids doing poorly in school and has mental health issues," or "They're not even living at home," so I can't even make that attachment. Well, I have good news because it's not too late to make that attachment or to reestablish or to establish the connection. That maybe you didn't make it when their kids were earlier. So don't beat yourself up. Don't get sad. Don't get, you know, feel hopeless. It's not hopeless. You can make the attachment. You can reconnect even if your kids are a little bit older. Even if this is the first time you're hearing this kind of stuff. Listen, human beings, we have a great capacity to adjust, to change, to grow, to be resilient. And how that happens, I'm going to cover in our next episode. So make sure you stay tuned for that next week. All right, everybody, you've been listening to the Parent Whisperer podcast. Please subscribe. Leave a review, ask questions, and share these episodes with family and friends. And head over to my website, richardrramos.com. Richard R. Ramos, don't forget my middle initial. richardrramos.com for more free resources. And if you like, pick up a copy, purchase my latest book. The Art of Stepparenting: How to Blend Families Without Tearing Them Apart, which I specifically wrote out of my own experience and experiences of other parents and stepparents and blended families to help you build that blended family and enjoy the peace and the happiness and harmony that you and your children deserve. All right, and as always, remember, Parents on a Mission is not for bad parents; it's for good parents who want to get better. See you next time.
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