Ep 26: Why Youth Commit Acts of Violence

If you're a parent looking for sound, solid advice on how to raise your child in an ever-increasing dangerous world, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Richard Ramos.

Hey everybody, welcome to the Parent Whisperer Podcast. I'm Richard Ramos. Well, unfortunately, it happened again. Another school shooting. Two children died. I believe fourteen or fifteen others were wounded. And here we go again. Youth violence. You know, in Western Europe and North America, the U.S. has the highest youth homicide rate. It doesn't mean it's the highest globally in youth. Suicide, homicide. But when it comes to school shootings and mass shootings, the U.S. is far ahead on a global scale. The most powerful country, the most rich country, the most— with all the technology we have and all the advances that we've made, and this is what we're leading the world in: school shootings and mass shootings. The U.S. is seen approximately, according to some of this information I researched, 109 public mass shootings. 109 from 2000 to 2022, compared to just 35 mass shootings in 35 other similar countries. And what that means is that the U.S., we only have 33% of the world population, but we account for 76% of those— these mass shootings and school shootings. It's just crazy, and it's sad, and it's tragic. According to a widely other recognized databases, the other database, between 2009 and 2018, the U.S. experienced 288 school shootings. Far surpassing any other country. From 2009 to 2018, 288 school shootings. So even though we don't hold the crown for all youth violence metrics, but when it comes to school shootings, mass shootings, and firearm-related child deaths, Tragically, we in America are in a class of our own. So of course that raises the question, you know, why? Why is this happening? Why do youth commit acts of violence? What causes them to get to the point of wanting to kill other people? And then of course, you know, what can we do? We're Just non-answer, ongoing, ongoing, ongoing. So that there's no answer. But there is something we could do, and I'll get to that later. At least you know we got to keep trying. We can't just throw up our hands. And even though these things are just seem to be happening more and more frequently, so maybe we can't completely prevent these tragedies, but we got to try and cut them down. These numbers, these incidents are taking place. It seems like almost every month, and it's not a rare thing. It's a regular thing. Imagine just saying that. If you say all it happens all the time, or if you say it's frequent, or if you say it's common, those are not exaggerations. That is the truth. It's not rare, and it's just happening sometimes in a week. You have more than one, maybe two. So whether it's youth as victims of crimes or as perpetrators of crime, the sad fact is that concerns all of us is that we're losing the innocent among us. The innocent, innocent kids, we're losing them in one way or another. We're losing them either to— they become the perpetrator. That's a loss. A child And they become a killer, or they end up getting killed. And it's just sad, sad, sad. I was asked years ago to speak at a conference, and the subject that they wanted me to address was why do youth commit acts of violence? So here was at the time the theory that I came up with was youth commit acts of violence. Because they have an angry heart, and an angry heart is the result of unresolved injustices that usually take place in the home. I mean, that's what we want to know. Why? Why does this happen? So that's what I came up with. That you know, I know that whenever I did got in a fight, you know, or something by it, I was angry. You know, you're mad. But this is taking it, you know, so much further. So I said youth commit acts of violence because they have an angry heart. But the key to the angry heart, how does that happen? And I said it's the result of unresolved injustices, and usually those take place in the home. So, I mean, you got to think about who are these people that do these things. They come from somewhere, and that somewhere is called home. They were born innocent, just like we all are. But something happens, man. Something's missing. And the next thing you know, we have an angry person bent. On violence of one kind or another. I mean, it could be a normal 2-parent home, it could be a broken home, it could be a divorce situation, a stepfamily situation, a blended family, foster family, foster home, they adopted. They come from all walks or all these different family make— setups or makeups. But my point is They come from the home. Something is missing, something goes wrong, and that's what I mean by unresolved injustices. What is that injustice? Well, we know it's some form of abuse, but basically it comes down to 3 basic things in the research: children who are neglected, children who are abused, and children who are abandoned. Now let me be clear, not 100% of children that are neglected, abandoned, or abused become violent criminals. That— I'm not saying that. But what I am saying is when the research has been done on these kinds of people, people that have been locked up for years, people that we all know— if I said their name, like Charles Manson and people like that— when you look at their background, which has been studied now, And just confirmed my theory that I spoke on that in, I think it was in the '80s or '90s, early '90s. But now it's been shown when they've done research on all these, whether it's mass shooters or mass murderers or, you know, acts of crime and violence or violent crime, I mean, neglect as a child, abused as a child, abandoned as a child, one or two or all three or some combination. So picture this: a kid in a household that's being reshaped because of divorce. And in that situation, children are, you know, they're trying to deal with the loyalty now because there's a split and there's changing of routine and there's emotional storms. And during that time, you know, violence can be lurking in the wings. You just don't know. But What I'm saying is there's a broken home. There's something wrong. There's something missing. Add a stepparent to that mix, if there's a divorce, for example, and the environment can become even more unpredictable. That's what the research says. And that these kinds of settings, a child in this setting is at greater risk of abuse or victimization. In the United States, 3.3 to 10 million children are estimated to be exposed to domestic violence Every year. That's a lot of silent witnesses and victims. That's a lot. Another stat, approximately 10 to 20% of children in the United States are exposed to inmate partner violence. In other words, you're the kid, but you're seeing, you know, the man and the woman, the mom and the dad, or the boyfriend and the girlfriend, whatever that you see. You're witnessing that violence. Went through that as a child. With my dad, who was an alcoholic, and he would get violent, which is the reason my mom made him leave. And I really didn't have him in my life like a regular father. It's just here and there. But, you know, this is the kind of things that happen. And then stepfamilies, um, it's just kind of known that they have a higher overall rate of victimization by family members. Research suggests that stepchildren in certain samples are at significantly higher risk of abuse. So I'm saying all this, you know, why does this stuff happen? How does the child innocent go from innocent to this? And that brings me to this podcast and what I do, because I believe we got to work. The solution is in the home. That's the root of the problem. It's in the home. And situations involving whether it's divorce, stepparents, blended family, the dynamics are key areas where children are at risk to be exposed either again as a victim or witnessing this kind of domestic violence. So this is exactly why I started Parents on a Mission. This is exactly why I wrote my books. Parents on a Mission: How Parents Can Win the Competition for the Heart, Mind, and Loyalty of Their Children. That book came out in 2023, I believe. You can get it on my website or on Amazon. And then the new book I just released last month, The Art of Stepparenting: How to Blend Families Without Tearing Them Apart. And I'm talking about my story and my experience and experience of other people that are in stepfamilies or divorced parents, single parents, blended families, because it is norm now, as I've been saying. So that's why I do what I do, because I believe parents are the key. They are— that is the answer. And that's what this podcast is about. And I hope it's been speaking to you and encouraging to you and enlightening to you and helpful. And I'm just bringing all this out— it's such a tragic thing that happened, it just bums me out. But I really just want to encourage you, mom and dad, at who you are and what you do and how important your role is, as I keep You know, emphasizing to all of you, we don't want this to become normal, and that's a danger. That's kind of what happened to me. I experienced domestic violence both as a victim and as a witness, but, you know, I never thought about it really because we never talked about it. Nobody apologized. Nobody took me to counseling. Nobody asked me how I feel or how I felt. Nothing. There was nothing. No kind of Guidance. So what happens? You just kind of figure it's just normal. Until I became a parent. Then I began to realize, uh-oh, you know, I'm losing my temper. And you can easily see, you know, how parents can abuse their children and things like that. We just got to stop this. We got to take care of our children. We got to do a better job. And that's what we're trying to do here. So I'm going to read to you this parent guide I put together, Understanding and Preventing Youth Violence. Here's some things we can do. So this matters because mass shooters don't snap out of nowhere, as I've been saying today. They follow a pathway of warning signs, and parents are in the best position to notice and act early. Childhood trauma, family stress, and isolation raise these kinds of risks, but prevention is possible. So here's the outline. Number 1, the warning pathway. Early adversity, you know, if there's been adverse circumstances, neglect, abuse, bullying, Any kind of turmoil in the family, that is a warning sign. Isolation. And if a child feels rejected, they feel left out, they feel being made fun of, they're being bullied, unfairly treated, humiliated, that's another warning sign. Acute crisis. You know, again, there's some kind of breakup in the home. I already mentioned that. And then what's called leakage. They talk about it. They might joke about it, or they talk about, you know, "Oh, I nobody will miss me if I'm not here, right?" You know, those kind of things we got can't just take as a joke. And then the fifth thing is access to weapons. That's a huge problem. So other red flags: withdrawal from friends. These are the common ones. You know, withdrawal from sports, from family meals. They don't want to be around. They want to be isolated in the room. They don't want to eat with. You anymore. They start hanging around with different— a crowd, or they have a fixation on past shooters or violent games and things like that. Suddenly they have decline in their grades, their hygiene, their sleep, expressions of hopelessness, things like that. So those are all red flags. Obsession with guns. What we can do, mom and dad, is we can listen seriously. Don't brush off dark comments as just a phase. Ask directly about suicidal thoughts. It won't put ideas in their head, but it may save their life to just ask them straight up. Check online activity as a safety net. You're not trying to spy on your kids, but it's a safety net. Secure or remove firearms. If you have any firearms, make sure they're secure. Remove them. Seek early help from either counselors or faith leaders, therapists, crisis lines. And use reporting systems. If threats are made, make sure you alert the school and local law enforcement. And of course, you know, again, this all seems like common sense, but as I always say, common sense is not always common practice. You know, if you see something, say something. All that kind of things. So here are 3 crisis resources in case you don't know. 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can call or text 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-SAFE. 799-SAFE. 1-800-799-SAFE. And then the local school threat assessment team. Ask your child's school, do they have an assessment team? Do they have a plan if there's a school shooter? What is that plan? You should know as a parent, especially nowadays, how could you not ask that question and want to know what the plan is? And a principal that doesn't have a plan, we need to help him get a— him or her get a plan. There needs to be a plan. And just because a shooting hasn't happened in your school, don't take that for granted that it's never going to happen. So I just wanted to raise the issue and encourage you parents, and then also just give you this guideline of warnings, red flags, what we can do, and some crisis resources. Because I just want to add my voice to this issue. It's just so sad, and I feel so terrible for these parents that lost their kids. Hope it never happens to any of you listening, to any of us. Remember, mom and dad, you are the first line of defense, and you are also the first line of hope. And that's why I always say parents on a mission is not for bad parents. Parents on a mission is for good parents who want to get better. Please make sure you subscribe. Leave a review. If you have any questions, you can always email me. You can go to my website, richardrromans.com, and you can find resources there. I appreciate you listening. We'll see you next time.

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