Ep 33: 12 Years Later - Part 2

If you're a parent looking for sound, solid advice on how to raise your child in an ever-increasing dangerous world, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Richard Ramos.

Welcome back to the Parent Whisperer podcast and my limited series, Twelve Years Later. Why this message matters more than ever. I'm Richard Ramos, your host, and today we're going to talk about something that's quietly tearing families, classrooms, and communities apart, and that is the war on authority and why our kids are paying the price. Now, this episode isn't just about parenting, it's really more about leadership, which to me goes hand in hand with parenting. At least that's the goal of Parents on a Mission, is parental leadership. So this is about the collapse of respect and responsibility. It's about the absence of moral anchors at a time where everything Just seems to be up for debate. There's no moral truth. There's no standard. Everything is two plus two equals five, and just kind of whatever somebody wants to identify themselves as it goes, and everybody's supposed to accept it. All of that, but what's needed most is truth. That's what our kids need is truth. And authority and moral anchors for their soul. So let's get into it. I want to start by saying that we cannot lead what we're afraid to confront. We can't lead past something we're not willing to confront. And yet that's what our kids need today. And far too many adults— parents, teachers, mentors— are afraid to confront issues. And this is especially challenging for stepparents like myself. As many of you know, I'm a stepparent, and I know that these things are especially— there's more pressure on stepparents because of the whole dynamic, which I've addressed before and I'm not going to address now. But these issues that I'm talking about are changing and challenging principles or mores that make for healthy homes and communities. It's because of the cancel culture we've seen over the last few years, the politically correct use or non-use of certain words. The controversy of things like the definition of a man or a woman, and whether or not men who identify as women should be allowed to compete against women, let alone be in their locker rooms. And this fear that we've seen, this cancel culture breeds fear, and it causes parents and leaders to be afraid. To draw the line, to be afraid to say, no, that's not okay. In other words, afraid to lead. And why? Because we've been told that expressing a difference of opinion is oppressive. We've witnessed how rejecting the popular but non-mainstream ideology causes one to be Canceled. And we're also led to believe that authority is oppression, that discipline causes trauma, and that correction is toxic. But here's the truth: when you and I as adults abandon our authority, we leave the children to fend for themselves, and that's a burden they were never meant to carry, not young children. So, as I reflect back on what I wrote 12 years ago in my book, From the Margins to the Mainstream, I talked about moral authority, not authoritarianism, not power-tripping, but the kind of moral authority that comes From a life of consistency, a life of integrity, and unconditional love. So back then, I was warning that our society, at least in my opinion, from my perspective, was slipping into chaos—not because we lack knowledge. I mean, we have more knowledge today than in the history of the world ever. But what do we see happening? In the home. There's a lack of wisdom and a lack of leadership in the midst of all this knowledge. And what we need, and what youth need, is wisdom and leadership that inspires them to follow us. But that's only going to come from somebody who's walked through pain who's fallen down and failed and been in the valley, but got back up, refused to become a victim and have a victim mentality, but actually healed from, got better from, and stronger from their hard time, their failure, their falling down, and got up and still stands for something. And now here we are more than a decade later, and it just seems like you look around and authority is mocked. We have people in authority that are embarrassing, to be kind. Be careful here how I say it, but I'll just say it that way. Just, it's embarrassing. Parents are ignored. And teachers who want to speak up are restrained from speaking up. Mentors are bullied into silence. See, everybody knows—at least I think everybody knows—what's happening in our current culture. I mean, it's plain as day. We're seeing a generation raised by TikTok therapists. Maybe that's what we should call them: TikTok therapists and YouTube philosophers. While mom and dad are being cool instead of being clear. So let's have some real talk here. What I'm saying, boundaries are still being blurred on purpose, even more so than when I wrote the book 12 years ago. Identity is being confused on all these social media platforms. Platforms and the influencers that are having tremendous impact on our young people. And respect for elders, for teachers and parents, it's practically gone. And that's something that we need to restore because we are not just in a mental health crisis, we are in an authority crisis. Because where there is no anchor for the soul, anchor of purpose, anchor of mission, anchor of direction, we're missing out on leading our people to a prosperous and healthy future. And when there is no direction, there's just going to be more chaos. And this is why I'm telling every parent And every mentor and leader that I coach, your authority isn't the problem. The problem is your fear of using it or the improper use of it. For example, I can't tell you how many parents, how many times they've said to me after going through the Parents on a Mission classes, They say stuff like, I wish I had known all of this sooner. Or they say, I wish I had these classes when my kids were small. Or, I realize now that I made the mistake of not using my authority to properly discipline my children. And on and on and on, comments like that I get all the time. But here's the good news. It's not too late, especially if your children are young or you have teenagers who are still living with you and maybe things haven't been going smoothly, maybe things are getting out of hand, maybe things are even ugly and you've had some, you know, falling outs, it's not too late to start to earn back respect for your authority. See, when we exercise our authority, there's a power in that. And I want to give you just a brief picture here or understanding of what does that look like, the power of healthy authority. Because it's not controlling, it's just consistent. And our kids need consistency rather than the up and down and never knowing where mom and dad are going to land. It's consistent, our authority, and it doesn't come from A loud voice, but it comes from our track record of being fair, firm, flexible, and consistent. And it doesn't mean you're always right. Nobody's always right. But it means we're always responsible. We take ownership of our mistakes. We own up, we admit it, we apologize for it. That earns respect for your authority. So to be clear, the power of authority is not authoritarian, it's authoritative. Authoritative, which means it's a balance of exercising authority with empathy Discipline consequences with compassion, tolerance, encouragement, and unconditional love. You see, parent authority provides structure for our children. It provides emotional security for our children and safety for our kids. And that's what children crave. Even if they resist it, inherently they really do want the structure, the security, and the safety that comes by us exercising authoritative parenting. So we got to stop letting culture define authority as something negative because when we use it correctly Authority is what keeps kids from falling off the cliffs. I say in Parents on a Mission that it is the number one overlooked reason why kids go astray. So what can we do today? Let me challenge you with 3 simple, but I think are powerful principles. Number one, let's lead with unconditional love, not leniency. Now there are times to be lenient. I'm not saying we always have to be strict and Rigid. There are times for that, but for the most part, we are consistent with our discipline, and we understand that love says no sometimes. Many times we say no for the protection and good of our own children. They don't understand all the things that they need to understand at the time, so we just say no. Second, we can reclaim our role as an authority in the life of our children. We're not friends with our kids. We are their parent. We're not trying to be their buddy and be cool with our children. There's a time for that, especially as our children become adults like I am with my kids now. I mean, I'm still their dad and they look at me as authority figure, but Our relationship's much different, and it is like a friendship because now they're older, they have their own kids, they're— some of them are married, etc. But right now, when your children are small, that's what I'm talking about, and you're— or they're young teenagers or even in their, you know, young 20s, we have to reclaim our role as somebody that they look to as an authority figure, not just their friend, a peer. We're not their peer. And we can't be afraid to start again, to set some boundaries and stick to it. Now, they may not like it. That's okay. But we're doing it for their own good. And if you're a coach or a mentor who's working with youth, You can model authority that's compassionate and firm as well, that's anchored in values. Authority isn't a threat. It's a gift when it's guided by wisdom and delivered with unconditional love. Let me end by saying and emphasizing that our kids don't need perfect parents. They don't need perfect stepparents. There are no perfect Parents or stepparents, there are no flawless leaders. What they need are adults who are brave enough to lead with moral courage. That's what we need today: parents, stepparents, and leaders and mentors that lead with moral courage. If this message. And the last message in this series that I'm doing on looking back 12 years when I wrote the book that I wrote, From the Margins to the Mainstream, and looking, comparing at that time my voice then to what it is today. It's the same message, but maybe more intense. And if this is resonating with you, I want you to do me a favor. I want you to share it with somebody who's in the trenches with you, maybe Parent to parent or mentor to mentor. And in our next episode, I'm going to go a little deeper into one of the hardest and more emotional topics of rebuilding trust and why our moral authority matters more than being liked. I'm Richard Ramos, and you've been listening to the Parent Whisperer podcast. And remember, parents on a mission is not for bad parents. It's not for bad stepparents. It's for good parents, good stepparents who want to get better. See you next time.

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