Ep 51: Why Kids Are Questioning Their Identity Today

If you're a parent looking for sound, solid advice on how to raise your child in an ever-increasing dangerous world, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Richard Ramos.

Experts with lots of diplomas instruct you to begin using your child's new name and pronouns at once. Your gut screams no, but maybe you doubt yourself. I'm saying in this instance, and I am an expert with lots of diplomas on my wall, believe your gut. Trust your parental instincts. The entire world is telling you to put your gender-questioning child in the driver's seat, but you will learn they are wrong. Arrogant teachers and therapists believe they know better than you. what's best for your child. They believe all kids should question their identity, that feelings trump reality, sex is on a spectrum, and all the rest of it. This is healthy, they think. So they teach the ABCs of gender ideology to your children when they've yet to learn their real ABCs. My advice: run the other way and don't look back. You know your child best. Never forget that. Sooner or later, whether it's about your child's classmate or cousin, the topic of being trans and new names and pronouns will come up at your house. You'll be prepared and know how to respond. Hey everybody, I'm Richard Ramos and you are listening to the Parent Whisperer podcast. Again, I read you just now from the book by Dr. Miriam Grossman, Lost in Transition: A Child Psychiatrist's Guide Out of the Madness. Now, if you listen to our last episode, we talked about what gender dysphoria actually is and how parents can respond Without panicking or fainting or overreacting and rushing into life-altering decisions. In today's episode, why so many kids are questioning identity today, understanding the cultural noise. That's what we're going to talk about. Because a lot of parents, good parents, engaged parents are asking, Why are so many kids suddenly questioning their identity? What happened? What changed? Well, part of the truth is it's not that kids suddenly woke up confused about their identity. Rather, it's the world around them that's changed. As I read to you in my opening from, from the book by Dr. Grossman, So, let's look at the 3 major sources of this cultural noise causing our children to question their identity. Simply, am I a boy or a girl or something else? Now, the first 2 are obvious by now to all parents, but what I find is that many parents still are not taking action to protect their children From these 2 things. The first one being the internet. The internet, you know, technology can be a blessing. It can be great. You use it for your, you know, advantage, and there's a lot of good things about it. But again, the internet broke the speed limit on identity because, you know, when you and I were teenagers, maybe we compared ourselves to a few people, maybe a few friends. There might have been one TV show that was influencing you and trying to tell you who you should be, but none of us had the social media like TikTok explaining to you who you should become. But today's kids, that's what they're living with, and the internet has sped it up 1,000 times. What I call an identity mall, a million stores all You know, shouting to our kids, try this and try that, become this and you'll be so happy, you'll be so popular if you do this, you'll be so famous if you become that, you'll be accepted, you'll be loved. The problem is none of those promises come with any kind of guarantees. And if your child or you or together with your teacher, doctor, counselor decide to make a life-altering Decision. That's why Dr. Grossman wrote her book, because so many of the families she's worked with regret it today. So the internet, again, it's loud, it's influential, and not enough parents are taking it serious of how much influence it actually does have. So the second one, obvious one again, is social media. I mean, we just can't get away from that discussion about the power and the impact and the influence that social media is having on not only our children, just the whole world, you know, adults included. But right now we're talking about this issue of transgenderism and the identity amplification that comes with social media that gives kids, you know, this instant Comparison with other kids, maybe not even your own school, could be in another state. It could be in another part of the world, but they're able to compare themselves instantly to gain instant likes and validation, you know, from whatever we're posting. Or on the other hand, instant rejection because young people and adults can be bullies and instant identities. Try this, try that. And imagine having, you know, at 12, 13 years old, millions of people, hundreds, maybe thousands, you know, who knows how many people, and most of them, many of them strangers that can say, wow, you are so amazing, or you're so terrible. That is a lot of emotional overload. And when young people are having that kind of pressure, Of course, it can cause them to start questioning, who am I really? Since everybody else is wondering who they are and trying this and trying that. So the third source that may not be so obvious, but it's a wake-up call for parents, and that is the trusted sources of education, medicine, and science. So I want to read to you just a little bit more from Dr. Grossman, what she says here. I'm going to teach you what you must know about gender but aren't taught. I regret to inform you That with this matter, the sources you've always trusted— your child's school, pediatrician, and therapist— will likely provide ideologically driven misinformation. They will direct you and your child down a perilous path. I've spoken to hundreds of parents who regret following the advice given them by schools, pediatricians, and therapists. All explained that transgender ideology is a system of beliefs, like a religion. It has a unique language and articles of faith. While the language and beliefs are bizarre, they are taught as sacred facts. The core belief that biology can and should be denied is a repudiation of reality. I'm teaching you to recognize the falsehoods your kids are absorbing, to discuss them calmly and rectify them with confidence. You'll understand that not only is your child misinformed, but so are his teachers, guidance counselor, therapist, and doctor. So that again is from the book Lost in Translation: A Psychiatrist— A Child Psychiatrist's Guide Out of Madness by Dr. Miriam Grossman. So this is something that, you know, again, I don't think parents are hearing enough, you know, because we get intimidated by the principal, by the counselor, you know, by the letters after their name and the doctors and the therapists and things like that. Because we're not really in agreement maybe with what they're saying, but yet so many parents go along with it. And that's why Dr. Grossman wrote the book. She wants to sound an alarm for parents to wake up, and that's why I'm sharing it with you. Well, you may not agree with it. You may not agree with me. That's fine. And if you agree with this culture of identity and transgenderism and You're gonna, as she says, you're gonna allow your you and your child to be walked down that path. That's again, that's your call. But based on her experience and all the confusion and regret that she has to deal with and has been dealing with, that's all we're trying to do is bring more education, more awareness, maybe pump the brakes a little bit before you panic and or make life altering. decisions. And again, that is why, Mom and Dad, if you are dealing with this situation, your presence is more valuable than anything else. And certainly we want our children to feel supported if they are in fact going through this gender dysphoria. But today, you know, the kids are growing up in this culture, and it makes identity the center Of everything. Now, you and I, when we grew up, identity was something usually we discovered it, but there wasn't as much pressure. In today's culture, kids, they're being taught you have to define yourself. You have to announce yourself to the world. You have to perfect yourself, and you better get it right. You better not offend anybody. You better use the right words, the right pronouns, and you better be consistent. And all of these things are being, I don't know if I should say forced, but certainly introduced consistently to our children. And as parents, we need to be aware of that. We need to educate ourselves, as I said last time, and realize that maybe our kids, it's not about rebellion. They're just trying to survive. They're trying to fit in. They're under the pressure. Because of, as I said, whether it's the internet, social media, and doctors, teachers, counselors, people in authority that are encouraging this kind of change in the identity, the biological identity that we are either a boy or a girl. And in another episode, I'll teach or talk about some of the ways this is being done in our schools. So, when it comes to mental health struggles, which we know is another big issue with a lot of kids today, this is one of the main reasons why young people have such mental health issues of anxiety, Depression, trauma, feeling alone, and causing a lot of kids to just feel disconnected even from themselves. And we all know that when we don't feel good about ourselves, about living in our own skin, about our identity, then when something else comes along that is promising belonging and community and clarity and a sense of being seen and heard and understood, and if you're not getting that at home, then those other— Opportunities and lifestyles seem very appealing, and that's how young people can all of a sudden become strangers in their own home. All of a sudden, we wake up and we don't— we no longer recognize our son. We no longer recognize our daughter. Even their brothers and sisters don't recognize them, or extended family members. Something has happened based on this pressure, This sense of not feeling that they belong, feeling left out, feeling rejected, depressed, and anxious about, you know, the fear of losing out because they're not taking part in this pressure about identity. And that's why this issue matters for you and I, Mom and Dad, because it's not, you know, us to start blaming ourselves and thinking, well, if my child is questioning their identity, I must have done something wrong. No, no, that's not it. It's the cultural shift. It's all the noise out there. It's not about parent failure. And that's why I wrote my book, Parents on a Mission: How Parents Can Win the Competition for the Heart, Mind, and Loyalty of Their Children, because my job isn't try to fix the cultural Movement that's out there. It's too big. But what I can do, I can focus on my relationship, my connection to win, not demand, but to win the heart and the mind of my son and my daughter, and therefore their loyalty, because that is the prize. That is what all these influencers and what this is all about, is trying to Win the loyalty. Who is going to win the loyalty of your son, your daughter? And for them to make a decision and make a choice to jump into this gender identity maze, that again has caused families a lot, a lot of heartache. So what we can do, parents, again, just repeating some of what I said last time, slow things down. Be the safe person. That your child can come to, not overly reactive. We can be curious and ask questions and just have a calm discussion with our kid and allowing them to feel heard, understood, and seen. And that we don't have to assume anything is happening. We can just, you know, again, be there in our presence, a calm presence, and all the time strengthening our Our relationship and strengthening our commitment to the development of our children. Identity confusion today isn't a sign that the world is falling apart necessarily, but it is a sign that the world is louder, faster, and with an agenda. Let me repeat myself, to win the loyalty of your children. But at the same time, this is also an opportunity. For us to shine and for us to win the battle for the heart, win the battle for the mind of our children, and show them what steady leadership looks like in the home on a daily consistent basis. So in our next episode, we're gonna talk more about how to respond, what do you say, where the line between love, leading, supporting, you know, setting boundaries. And I think that Dr. Grossman does a great job of that. She provides a lot of resources. Again, I want to encourage you, if you have not heard of or read the book Lost in Translation: A Child Psychiatrist's Guide Out of Madness, to read it. It's very educational. I also want to encourage you to go to my website for more resources on parent leadership. Richard R Ramos dot com, and there you can find my book Parents on a Mission: How Parents Can Win the Competition for the Heart, Mind, and Loyalty of Their Children. So parents, stay steady, stay hopeful, stay tuned. I'm Richard Ramos. You've been listening to the Parent Whisperer podcast. Please subscribe, leave a review. Send me your questions. Share these episodes with other friends and family parents that you may know going through these things. And always remember, mom and dad, parents on a mission is not for bad parents. It is for good parents who want to get better. See you next time.

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