S2 EP 4: The Art of Deception (Part 2): Winning the Battle for Influence

Hey everybody, it's Richard Ramos and welcome to the Parent Whisperer podcast. Today I want to continue in our 3-part series. I call it The Art of Deception: Winning the Battle for Influence. But first, I want to address a question that you might be asking. That you know, Richard. How is this relevant? Deception? What does that have to do with parenting? Or how how is it going to help me in my relationship with my children? So I want to be clear about why am I doing this series, and in my opinion, the reason that I'm doing it is because based on all the disinformation and information. And the high-tech environment we are raising our kids in. I'm saying that it has a lot to do with how our kids are being deceived and influenced away from you, mom and dad, away from your values, away from your family. And I'm saying that this is where the battle for influence, which is what we're talking about, and loyalty is being waged. And therefore, you need to be aware of deception and how it's working in social media and everything else that I talked about in the last episode. So I wanted to go a little bit deeper, and it's not to be something you need to be afraid of, but it is something that we need to understand. And and that's so I want to talk a little bit about it again. But before I do that, Those of you who are new to me, you don't know me, you haven't listened to season one of my podcast, or this is the first time you're you're hearing me. I want you to know, or these season two episodes, these are the first episodes you've been hearing. I think this is episode three or four. I can't. I'm losing track. But I want to direct you to season one in my on my podcast. You can find my podcast. Just go to my website, richardrromas.com. Richard R. Ramos dot com, and just click on the tabs and you'll find it there. But I want you to be aware of season one of other topics that you might want to consider that I talked about in the parent-child relationship. I mean, right now I'm talking about this art of deception and how to win influence. But I talked about a lot of other topics regarding the parent-child relationship. Stepfamily, step parenting, blended family, single parents. And so I just wanted to give you, for example, an idea. I have some of the topics here. I don't have them all. There was 53 topics, so you have to go and check them out. But some of them are the following: the one thing your child craves from you the most. What is that? Another one: reconnection before correction. So that has to do with the relationship and discipline. discipline. Um, single parents, you've been lied to. You are enough. Encouraging single parents that you can do it. You don't have to be, you know, you can— well, you can be married and miserable or single and sad, you know, which one of those is— do you want? But what I'm saying is you don't necessarily have to have a mate to raise your children correctly, or robustly or powerfully. You can do it. My mom did it. You can do it. You've been lied to. You are enough. Another topic: can you really be a good parent after 17 years of absence? So that was a message. I was talking to reentry people, people coming out of jail, coming out of prison, you know, and you haven't been able to be around your kids. But yes, you can be that parent, even if you've been gone for a while, for whatever reason. The Power of Forgiveness. I mean, what that is brings so much blessing and dividends. Just the ability to acknowledge when we're wrong, admit it, and forgive. The Art of Stepparenting. That's my book that I wrote on being a stepparent and blending families without tearing them apart. I did a whole episode on common parenting questions that I've gotten over the years. I think it was like 20 questions that are common questions that parents have in raising kids. Another topic, the sacredness of the parent-child relationship. I mean, what, what's other than your spouse? What's more important? What other relationship do you have that's more important than with your children? Another topic for parenting in the stepparent situation is how to co-parent during the holidays, because, you know, birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, graduations, things like that. And you know how to navigate your way, because that's not always easy when you have the ex and the ex-in-laws and all those things coming together or not coming together. So I talked about navigating through that in that topic. And then another one. What do I say? This is a very current thing that's happening that I think needs to be talked about. What do I say my child is confused about their gender? So those are some of the topics. There's a lot more, but I just wanted to let you know I have a lot of other topics I've talked about. So now, as far as this self-deception And I'm not sorry, not this, not self-deception, just understanding deception and the influence that it's having on your children. So this is a study that I want to read a few things from this study. And the name of this study was Understanding Deception: The Influence of Social Media, AI, artificial intelligence, and mass media on parental awareness. So, quote, the rapid evolution of digital communication platforms has fundamentally altered the landscape of information consumption, presenting unique challenges. I didn't make sure my mic was on. Presenting unique challenges for parents attempting to safeguard their children from deceptive influences. Close quote. Another quote: The synthesis of existing research reveals a significant discrepancy between algorithmic deception and the level of parental understanding required to mitigate these risks effectively. Close quote. Another quote: While children demonstrate varying levels of awareness regarding digital marketing tactics, Parents consistently exhibit limited awareness of the sophisticated strategies employed by marketers online, or we know them as social influencers. And they're often underestimating— this is parents now— underestimating the psychological effects of marketing on their children. Close quote. So here's the conclusion of that study. I mean, there's a whole lot to it. I just pulled out these specific things. But here's the conclusion, quote, ultimately addressing the pervasive influence of algorithmic deception. That's what's happening on your phones, on your computers, on artificial intelligence. Algorithmic deception requires A collaborative effort that empowers parents with the necessary knowledge to critically evaluate the digital environment their children inhabit. Okay, so I just want to be clear about why am I talking to you about this, and that I'm just one part of a collaborative effort to empower you and and to help you understand at least you know enough. Again, this is not about fear. We don't need to be. Be afraid of it, but we do need to understand it and how it works and how to raise our children to have the discernment and the wisdom so they're not being deceived and won over as is happening to so many parents and their children. Now, in my last episode on this, I talked about 5 main points that I wanted to lay a kind of a foundation. Number one is for you to realize you are parenting in the most aggressive Influence environment in history. That's just true. Number 2, the rules of the influence game have changed, and that's something that none of us were prepared for. Number 3, smartphones and AI are programmed to know you, not just inform you. That, that's so important to understand, Mom and Dad. of what's happening when you're interacting with artificial intelligence and your kids. Number 4, the psychology of the high-tech environment our kids are bombarded with cuts across all ethnicities, all cultures, and all social classes. In other words, nobody's escaping this, no matter who you are, where you're from. If you are constantly Your kids are constantly involved with social media, American artificial intelligence, TikTok, etc., Snapchat. This is what's happening. And number five, all of this is again, I'm saying not to be feared, but to be understood so that we can lead our children in discernment. Not we don't need to panic, but we just have to understand the true nature. of the environment that they're in, that we're all in. But I'm talking about you and winning the influence and the loyalty of your children. So let me move on then. Last week I introduced you to a man named Edward Bernays, the father of advertisement, basically. And interesting enough, he was the nephew of Sigmund Freud, which— that's a whole nother story. But I want to share— I want to share from his classic book that he wrote about propaganda. That's— we're all being bombarded by propaganda, but I want to give you an understanding of it because in his book he gives us insight and understanding about propaganda and how it relates to deception. So He says here, listen to this. The minority has discovered a powerful help in influencing majorities. Okay, so who is the minority? Obviously, the people that— the power— powers that be. And they've discovered a powerful help in influencing majorities. Who's the majorities? The public, that's us. It has been found possible so to mold the mind of the masses that they will throw their newly gained strength in the direction desired. It's called deception and manipulation. In the present structure of society, this practice is inevitable. That was true then. And it's true today. Whatever of social importance is done today, whether in politics, finance, manufacture, agriculture, charity, education, or other fields, must be done with the help of propaganda. Propaganda is the executive arm of the invisible government. Now, But he goes on to give the understanding of the history of where did this word propaganda come from. And if I— I don't know, I think I could maybe explain it so I don't have to read it out of the book. But basically, in— what was it— in 1627, the Pope at the time, he was concerned that so many people in the Roman Catholic Church were leaving the church to a Protestant evangelical faith and believing. And because so many people at that time were leaving the church, to go to the evangelical side of Christianity, he wanted the bishops and the priests to come up with the propaganda to win them back. So the original meaning of the word in itself is not bad. It's not evil. But the issue is in propaganda, how is it being used? I mean, this is what I'm doing is propaganda. Podcasts are propaganda if we're trying to give you some kind of insight and understanding And then, you know, to make decisions. And in my case, is to help you raise your children in the world that they're living in. So the issue is, how is it being used, by whom, and for what purpose? So in his book, Edward Bernays, he quotes from an article written by the Scientific American magazine. And this is, this is the point I'm making. Quote, propaganda becomes vicious and reprehensive only when its authors consciously and deliberately disseminate what they know to be lies. And that's what I talked about on my last podcast. That's what I'm saying. Knowingly, they're disseminating them deliberately, what they know are lies, or when they aim at effects which they know to be prejudicial. To the common good. Now, mom and dad, that is what's happening. You don't have to take my word for it. I gave you the references last time. I'm giving you the references now. But what I'm saying is that in this series on the art of deception, in understanding how prevalent it is in all the places I mentioned—the government, universities, public education, doctors, pharmaceutical companies, psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, therapists—the World Health Organization, the Center for Disease and Control, the CDC, not to mention movies, magazines, and music. So generally speaking, all of those entities are not giving propaganda and influential information that is in your favor. Now let me say again, I'm not saying every doctor, every teacher, every counselor, every psychiatrist, every school— I'm not saying every But I am saying that it is prevalent enough for us to understand how we are being deceived and how your children are being deceived, and the ramification that that's going to have unless you and I are aware of this, not taking it for granted, not looking the other way, not staying ignorant of it, so that we are teaching our kids to have discernment. And wisdom. That's what it's about. So I want to repeat my message, my main message that I say all the time. You may have heard me say it before. It's in my book. And I want to say it again. Mom and Dad, you are in a daily battle or a daily war for the heart, mind, and loyalty of your children. And the key question is this. Who is going to win that battle for the loyalty of your daughter, the loyalty of your son? And my answer is, the battle for loyalty will go to who wins the battle of influence. That's what we're talking about, and the deception of how our children are being influenced away from us. So another one of these psychologists, these guys, uh, Kind of like this Edward Bernays I'm talking about. His name was Kevin Mitnick. And what he discovered about the psychology of human beings is that the easiest way of deception is trust, is to get people to trust you, and then you can easily deceive them. Imagine that, winning trust to deceive. That is what's happening. He said that— excuse me— people don't get manipulated because they're stupid. They get manipulated because they're trusting. And he also said manipulation doesn't attack intelligence. It exploits trust. So. All that to say, so, so what should we do? What do we do? So I want to give you 4 keys that you and I as parents can use to mitigate these circumstances and to give our kids the wisdom and the discernment and the understanding so they're not so trusting of all this stuff that they see on social media and on the internet. All right, so number one. The key to winning this battle is, is earning trust. They're earning trust for deception. You and I are earning trust to bless our children and keep them healthy and away from being manipulated, deceived, and, and, and all the other things that we see happening with a lot of young people. So how do you do that? How do you win that trust? Number one, we have to give them emotional stability. And this is why our emotional growth as a parent is so important, so that we can give that emotional stability in our home. We can create the culture in our home from the time our children are born until the time they leave. They have emotional stability, emotional security, emotional consistency. And really important when they're just born, emotional attachment. Those are the things that are going to earn the trust so that we are the primary influential people in the hearts and lives of our children, especially from the time they come right out of the womb. We're giving them that emotional attachment, emotional stability and security and self-worth because of the time and attention that we give them and the unconditional love. Number 2, the removal of fear. The, in business they call this creating a culture of psychological safety. And what— there's a lot of things that means, but basically, as a mom or dad, we want our kids to know that we are approachable, that we are understanding, and that they don't have to be afraid, have fear to come and talk to us about the way they're feeling, about the things they're hearing, about what's going on at school, about what they're seeing in social media. And that we remain curious, not suspicious and not controlling, but we just remain curious. Son, why are you, why are you so interested in that? And give them that psychological safety and remove any fear of judgment and shame that they can come to us and talk to us even if we don't agree. Third, we want to create a culture of belonging. I mean, this desire to belong—that's just a human. That's just in us as our human nature is a desire to belong, and that first desire should be to mom and dad and to our family. But there's all these other things out there. We all—you know what they are—that are competing for. Um, our kids to belong to this gang, this cult, these drugs, this movement, this thing, uh, new trend. And we are creating in our home every day a healthy culture of belonging. And the 4th thing that I want to share with you is that we don't foster a sense of shame in our children. In Parents on a Mission, in the curriculum, I explain the difference between guilt and shame. And sometimes as parents, you know, sometimes it's just the way we were raised and the way the words we use and the things we say. But we need to understand the difference between guilt Which is good when we feel guilty. If our conscience is bothering us because we did something wrong, that's how you repent and get it right. Shame is something else. So guilt says, "I made a mistake." Okay, nothing wrong with that. Shame says, "I am a mistake." That's a whole different ball game, and we don't want to be saying things like, "What's wrong with you?" Are you stupid? How could you do that to me, to us, to our family? Why can't you be more like, you know, fill in the blank? Those are things that cause shame, and those are things that push our kids away from us and allow them to be deceived by people that are deceiving their— winning their trust so that they can manipulate them and use them for their own ends. We don't, we don't, we don't, we don't want that. So the peer pressure, you know, today that our kids are under to agree, that if you don't agree with the trend or this thing, then there's something wrong with you. If you don't agree with this ideology, this political thing, then there's something wrong with you. But our kids have to have that self-worth, self-confidence, self-definition, and self-differentiation, wisdom and discernment To know who they are, what they believe, what their values are. And that's coming from us, our family, so that they can stand their ground and say, "No, I don't believe that. I don't think that way. I'm not going to go down that road." Okay, and so this is what I'm talking about: that as our kids grow older, the goal—our goal—is not to control them. Our goal is to have influence with them, that they listen to our counsel. Now, I know they don't always listen. I know kids make mistakes. All my kids made mistakes. They didn't always listen to me and everything I said. But I gotta say, for the most part, as they're all now adults, some are married with kids. They do accept my counsel. They do consult me. They do listen to me. We don't always agree. That's okay. But we learned how to disagree in an agreeable manner rather than causing division. Oh, you didn't do that? Oh, I don't want to talk to you anymore. You voted that way? Oh, I don't want to talk to you no more. Oh, you're going to go get that? Oh, I don't want to do— I don't want to be in the family anymore. That kind of thing. So this kind of influence in our generation that we're living in requires discernment. And, uh, we don't need to be the loudest voice, but we do need to be the wisest voice. And that's going to require growth on our part. Our children are not necessarily rebelling against us. I think sometimes they're just listening to somebody who's telling a better story. Now, in order for you to to grow in all these ways, that's why I've written my my books. I want to share with you everything I'm talking about is right here in this book, Parents on a Mission: How Parents Can Win the Competition for the Heart, Mind, and Loyalty of the Children. As far as the how-tos, like Richard, how do I do these things? It's all in here. Everything I teach in Parents on a Mission in the curriculum that we teach and train parents in. in the community throughout the country and in different countries. It's all in here. Okay. For your children, I wrote this book, From the Margins to the Mainstream: Preparing Latino Youth for Leadership in the 21st Century. I mean, it says Latino youth, but this— I've taught this to all kinds of youth of all ethnic backgrounds. But the reason I wrote this book was to give young people a vision for their life, of, and how they can become a leader in their community, not just a follower, but a leader and a light, uh, and, and to help their friends. And so how to do that is in this book right here. This is, this book can anybody from 15 on up, it'll help. I have people in their 20s have written me letters about how reading this book inspired them to build a leadership nonprofit or get involved in leadership training and be a better leader. And then my latest book, The Art of Stepparenting: How to Blend Families Without Tearing Them Apart. I mean, it says it all right there. That's why I wrote it. Do you know that the statistics say that 2,900 families, blended families, are formed every day in the United States, and that by the time a child, 1 in 3 children, by the time they're 18 will be part of either have a step-sibling or be part of a stepfamily. And also that children that are part of stepfamilies oftentimes are more prone to get in trouble and to become juvenile delinquents because of all the dysfunction and the lot of ugly things that go on when you have a stepdad or a stepparent. And in I talk about my experience, my mistakes. I made a lot of mistakes. I've been a stepparent from day one of my parenting experience, so I've been a stepparent for a long time. My oldest stepson is my stepson. He's 50 years old, and I've raised him since he was 2. Okay, and so I'm— I told our story in here, and again, it wasn't always pretty. Because it's not easy to be a stepparent or to blend families, but it but it can be done. So all those books are available on my website, Richard R. Ramos dot com. And if you if you wanna, I have a video course. If if the parents on a mission classes are not being offered where you live. Or you don't necessarily like to read books. I understand that not everybody likes to read books. The whole course is online on my website, richardrramos.com. Just go on where the tab says— and it says Courses— click on that tab. And you can watch the videos as much as you want, as slow as you want. You can stop them. You can listen to them, you know, at your leisure. You can have friends come over if you have older kids that are parents. All of those resources are there on my website, plus some other resources that are free. You can, you can download those. But all of that to say, Mom and Dad, we're living in a deceptive, manipulated environment. And I'm just wanting to raise that awareness in you, to give you a little bit of insight again, so that we can have the discernment and the wisdom to influence our children and win their loyalty before somebody else does. I appreciate you listening. I'm Richard Ramos. You've been listening to the Parent Whisperer podcast. Do me a favor and subscribe, leave a review, like the podcast, and help me reach more parents. And remember this, as always: Parents on a Mission is not for bad parents; it's for good parents who want to get better. See you next time.