Feeling Anxious? How to Calm Your Nervous System

If you feel like your anxiety is hardwired into your DNA, stop. It's not. Today, psychotherapist and brain coach Helen Dugdale is here to show us that anxiety isn't a life sentence. It's a learned habit. We're diving into exactly why your brain stays stuck in fear and the evidence-based tools to rewire it, no matter how old you are. Helen, welcome to Beyond Diagnosis.

Thank you, Rita, and I'm so excited to be here and to share some tips to people, to all your listeners.

Well, anxiety is so big now, you know. I think it's— I think by research, it's the number one researched mental health condition, or condition actually, globally. Like, people just seem to— anxiety seems to be increasing over the years. What What is exactly happening in the brain and the nervous system in developing anxiety, and is it learned or genetic?

Good question, because a lot of people who are suffering with anxiety feel that they have to put up with it. They feel that because they've always had it, they will always will have it. And, and it can be genetic, it can be passed down through the genes, or it can be learned from your environment or from events that have happened to you. I'm here to tell people that you don't have to put up with it. Even if you've had it for a long time, it is possible to change your ways. And even if, um, your parents or grandparents have been anxious and you might have inherited a predisposition to anxiety, it is still possible to change.

That predisposition, as opposed to being modeled, is that because genetically you have Like a predisposition to a more sensitive nervous system?

Yes, that's right.

And also modeling plays a big part, I'm sure.

Yes, like for example, if your father had a fear of dogs, it might instill a fear of dogs into children even though you've never been bitten. But because the father is uptight or upset about dogs, you might learn that. Or if the mother is anxious about germs and touching things, you might, um, learn that behavior.

Is that why anxiety can become a long-term condition instead of like resolving after the stress has passed, for example?

Yeah, because your brain gets into the habit of thinking and reacting that way.

If it's a learned behavior and then you then repeat, is that why repetitive thought patterns, physical patterns train the brain to stay anxious and then You know, can do things like in the long term cause insomnia and other health conditions.

Because anxiety can build on anxieties and it will just get embedded even further until you do something about it. It's called neural pruning. The psychologists say it's use it or lose it. When you keep embedding, keep reinforcing a certain way of thinking or a pattern of behavior, your synaptic connections are firing together And that's embedding it even further. Even if the danger might have passed or the stress situation has passed, your brain is firing like that. But it is possible to stop that. It needs practice and repetition to install a new way of thinking, a new thought process. So you've got other synaptic nerves firing together.

Mm.

And then the other ones will drop off.

So the brain actually understands this logically, but whilst it has that mode going over and over and over, it just can't stop itself, even though you might be saying to yourself, this isn't logical. I'll go, I'll get in the car and maybe, you know, I'm going to have an accident. Like that. Is it always like a predictive fear of something?

It's fear of something that might happen, and then it's Worry upon worry. And it's the more you think about it, the more it embeds that sort of behavior. But it is possible to stop that. And, and as you said before, bring the logic in instead of your— the left and right side of your brain, instead of the emotion taking over so that you can't think straight. How many people are in that— have been in that situation that they get so anxious they can't think straight? their emotions are taking over, when in reality they know they might be being a bit silly, they might be overreacting, but they can't do anything about it. Or they feel that they can't do anything about it.

Yes.

But with practice and with, with developing new pathways in your brain, you can stop that anxiety, that overreacting, and develop new, better, positive habits.

What I'm hearing is this long-term kind of anxiety and behavior, like reinforcing behavior of the anxiety, it can actually change someone's identity from how they were.

Yes. Or some people say, oh, that's just the way I am, I'm always like that, or I'm just a worrywart. Do they want to put up with that, or do they want to change?

For someone who wants to know, well, what does that differently look like? What is that?

Well, it depends on the situation, of course, and everyone is different. Everyone's circumstances are different. I was thinking more about— we'll just say you've got a difficult boss. This boss really gets you upset and uptight, and, and the more uptight, the more anxious you are, the more likely you're going to make a mistake or, or feel bad about yourself. The secret is to Stop being so anxious that— and the logic is, that is them being them. You can't change them. You can only change yourself and your own reaction. So what if you started reminding yourself that you are a good worker, you are a good person, you do do a good job, you know what you're doing? If you keep reinforcing all those positive messages to yourself rather than, oh, I bet I make a mistake. If you keep reinforcing that you are good at what you do and that boss is just being them, you will be able to calm down and be able to react in a different way. I've even had some people tell me that once they started to calm down and reassure themselves that they are doing a good job, they said it was like the boss changed. Because the boss wasn't getting the reaction that they used to get. When you start valuing yourself, other people will value you.

Yeah.

So that, that's really interesting seeing that even though we didn't set out to change the boss, we just set out to change your own reaction, it had a flow-on effect to the people around them. That was really interesting.

That's really interesting because that, that sounds like it takes a lot of Start to develop a lot of self-belief. It sounds like to me that anxiety is really based in negative thinking as well.

Low self-esteem, confidence, those things. So we need to build up our confidence. I'm not like that. I am whatever you want to tell yourself. I am, I am good at what I do. All those sorts of positive things.

And would it be good for someone who is attempting to do this, like they find that they recognize that their self-esteem is a bit low, they recognize that they're an, you know, a worrier perhaps, and they have anxiety, and they start saying, start doing what you're saying— no, wait a minute, let me step back and rethink that thought I've just had— would it be helpful for them to understand what projection is then? Like you were saying, the boss is projecting his, you know, um, emotions onto this person, so they don't recognize that that's actually projection and they take it on. Yeah, it'd be good for them to start understanding what that is about.

And the more you talk yourself up, the more you're going to believe it, and that will have a flow-on effect. I think there was a famous saying about your thoughts become your— your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become actions, and then you change your way of being.

I feel I brought up the projection thing. I wanted to hone in on that from what you were saying, because when someone projects their stuff onto you Yes, they're not taking responsibility for their own emotions and they're putting them onto you, causing your anxiety to escalate, maybe. But that person sometimes can have a secondary gain from that. There's a reason why, you know, like—

Being manipulative. As long as you don't automatically go into believing what that person is projecting onto you, if you can give yourself a moment to breathe Is what they're saying true, or am I this? Just stop and think, what is really going on here? If you agree with what the boss is saying, or whoever is projecting, well, that's another matter. But if you don't believe it, if you believe in yourself, give yourself a moment to gather your thoughts. Do I want to go down my anxiety path, or do I want to stand up for myself? Do I believe in myself? Yes. That's only their opinion.

Maybe one of the things for that anxiety, when anxiety gets out of control, what's missing from what you're saying is like questioning yourself, self-reflection.

That's right, because we go into automatic reaction rather than just stop for a minute. What's really going on?

What I find with anxiety, like why I say that is because there really has been anxiety in my family, extended family. And one of the things that I've seen as a common denominator with anxiety is insomnia. And I feel like if you sleep less, I've noticed in some of my members of my family, the anxiety seems to increase.

That's had so much research put into it. The less sleep you get, the more your anxiety goes up.

Yes.

The more anxiety you have, the less sleep you get. There's, there's heaps of research, and I think I've I've told you about the book I've written, Put Insomnia to Sleep. I put a lot of research into that, just about that topic that you've just raised. It's like a vicious circle. The more stressed you are, the less sleep. The less sleep you are, the more stressed. And when you stop and think, has anyone ever woken up after a really good night, a good night's sleep, you feel so much better. You feel, oh, what was I anxious about? It's not that bad.

Mm.

That's after a good night's sleep. Wouldn't that be great to wake up every day like that? But it's when it's the other way around, the— because lack of sleep plays havoc with your circadian rhythm and your cortisol levels and your sympathetic nervous system. So your hormones, your cortisol and adrenaline, are all over the place. So you are going to be more anxious. Some people can cover it up, but eventually something's going to give.

What is something that you can suggest right now if they have that chattery brain and they just can't turn it off and they feel very anxious going to sleep, and then they become worrying about, I'm not going to sleep? Is there something they can do prior to going to bed to ease that anxiety?

There's whole lots of sleep tips. It's called sleep hygiene to get yourself into that relaxed mode before you go to bed. And what works for some people might not work for others. And I've got a one-page PDF I could send to people. I've trawled through and got the best tips, like bad habits to stop doing, good habits to start doing. And you can choose what might suit you, might not suit somebody else. But you can choose what will fit with your lifestyle. We want to aim for a relaxed state. Like, I know people who've said, I have to sleep, I have to sleep, and getting themselves all worked up. So there's no way they're going to go to sleep. But if they aim to be relaxed first and not even mention the word sleep—

Mm-hmm.

If they aim to be relaxed, like, like a warm shower or soothing music, bedroom at the right temperature, warm milk helps. Some people. Just get yourself into a relaxed state. Write your to-do list so that it's out of your head and onto paper. So that if you do wake up and think, I have to do this and I have to do that, it's already on paper.

Mm.

You can say, I've dealt with that. It can— I can't do anything about it at 2 o'clock in the morning. It'll be there when I wake up. So the logical you knows that it's there waiting for you. You can't do anything about it in the middle of the night. So that's a— that's one good tip that helps people. Another one is progressive muscle relaxation, just concentrating on different part of your body, slowly, deep breathing. And then I've got some people who say they don't even get to their shoulders and they've fallen asleep. Next thing they know, it's morning. So that works for some people. Other people might Listen to binaural beats music. That has a calming effect. It's the left-right in their ears. And the other thing is to not just lay there for hours tossing and turning, because then your brain gets used to the idea of, oh, bed's for tossing and turning.

Mm-hmm.

So if you're tossing and turning for more than 20 or 30 minutes, get up and go and do something boring. Go and do something that's not going to stimulate your brain, and then go back to bed when you are tired. And the other thing is to say a calming mantra that reminds yourself that you are a good person, you are capable, you are calm, you are relaxed, whatever it is that suits you, that fits with your lifestyle, rather than beating yourself saying, I should have done this and I should have done that, or why did I do this, and all those— the what-ifs— just repeat, I am calm, or I am capable. And you'll come up with your own mantra that suits you.

Mm-hmm.

But it shouldn't have a don't word in it. Nothing negative. It's always positive. This reminds me of what Aristotle said 2,000 years ago. We are what we repeatedly do. And like, they thought of this 2,000 years ago and we're still thinking about it now. Like, and, and when you, when you think about it, if you keep telling yourself, I can't sleep, I can't sleep, I can't sleep, well, guess what? You won't be able to sleep. But if you tell yourself, I am relaxed, I am calm, I am relaxed, eventually that's how you will be.

It sounds— it's— it sounds like pattern interruption is the number one thing.

Yes.

Just always stop, ask, evaluate. Is this what I'm saying true? Is, is what I'm doing correct? Is what I'm, you know, being scared of actual reality? Or whatever it is. You can see how this actually moves into phobias later. It sounds— it sounds also like someone with extreme anxiety has a very low sense of, um, self-assurance, you know, like to feel assured that they will sleep, that they will be confident in that meeting, that, you know, whatever it is. Would you say that's, that's one of the, the areas that—

Yeah, they've got that. They've entrenched that pattern of thinking in their brain. All I can say is that there is hope. You can Just because you've been like that maybe for years, there is hope that you can change. There certainly is. You might need some external intervention to help lead you, to help guide you to what is— what you feel comfortable doing, but there is hope that you can change. I had a person in their 90s who was very anxious and couldn't sleep very well, and it was affecting their health in getting around during the day. We resolved their anxiety. They started sleeping through the night, and the doctor was able to reduce their medication, and they were enjoying their life. It was amazing. And she was so happy that she could get rid of that anxiety after all these years. It was just very lovely to see.

Is it possible to retrain the brain even after decades? And so many people say, oh, you're, you know, post-60, you're past 60 years old now, you know, it's too hard to try, uh, change, the brain doesn't do it. What would you say to that? Is that a myth?

Yes, you can change. There's neural plasticity, and there's been lots of research in the last 20 years about, um, how plastic the brain is. And you can change. Your brain keeps producing brain cells. So you can change. It's just not as quick as when you were younger.

Is anything as quick as when you were younger?

That's right.

I don't know anything I know in my life. I don't feel like anything's as quick as it was when I was in my 20s.

But there is hope. That's, that's the message, that there is hope. You can change. Yes, you have to want to do it though. You have to put the work in. It's like learning an instrument or learning a A new dance routine. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

Absolutely. And I guess it's making that decision and be very firm about that decision. I don't want to live with this anymore. I'm going to do something about it. But if you kind of sit on the fence, one foot in, one foot out, that's when it can maybe take so long and people think, see, this doesn't work. What is actually happening in the brain when this— when the anxiety starts to ease off?

We can get a bit technical here because it's all to do with hormones and neurotransmitters. When you are reducing anxiety, you're reducing the cortisol and adrenaline and encouraging the feel-good hormones like serotonin and oxytocin and dopamine. So they're flooding your system and making you feel good. So when you feel good, you're more inclined to do the right thing for yourself rather than getting stressed and upset with like the cortisol and the adrenaline. So your brain is getting into a more relaxed state and you're feeling better about yourself. So you're becoming more regu— your emotions are becoming more regulated rather than being reactive.

Mm-hmm.

Like the fight or flight process. So that has a snowballing effect as well. The less stressed you are, the more calm you are, the more likely you're going to do these positive things for yourself.

No one changes, or no one has an inclination to change. I mean, I certainly haven't in times of high stress.

No, you do what you have to do.

Yeah.

It's survival.

Yeah, it feels— even the thought of it when you're really stressed feels overwhelming. Just one more thing, and then you put it off. And then you end up living with the anxiety for much longer. Yes.

What's— what is happening when all— when, when all that is going on, you're reducing the stress hormones and increasing the, the feel-good hormones. It's having an effect on your prefrontal cortex, which is where decision-making occurs. And so you're more likely to make logical decisions rather than letting the emotions take over.

How does So we've got the, we've got the sleep, we've got the stress. Now, what sort of lifestyle factors would you suggest that people— I, I know you're not a nutritionist or anything like that, but is there lifestyle factors or even diet that you've seen in your clients when they change certain things that actually helps them reduce anxiety?

Yes, and that's a good point too. I've got a chapter in in the sleep book about the gut and diet. Too much sugar, processed foods can affect the gut biome, which in turn affects the brain. There's— you— I think a lot of— there's been a lot in the press lately about the gut-brain connection.

Yes.

And that is a thing. There's been a lot of research on that. So if you're, um, if you're not having a healthy diet, I mean, I'm not saying perfect diet, but a healthy— more than healthy than unhealthy. Um, that will affect your stress hormone and your emotions.

Yes.

Just think churning guts and how that makes you— you can't think straight. Or the other way around, when you're upset, you have a churning gut, you might tend to reach for chocolate or caffeinated drinks or something unhealthy because you're not thinking straight.

If someone starts to do everything, they're making these changes, how can real improvement be distinguished from what's just maybe temporary relief?

Persevere, and then after a while, test yourself. Am I as bad as I was? And, and maybe if, um, if, say, if your anxiety was a fear of heights, Go and test yourself in somewhere safe. I'm not saying go into danger, but go and test yourself. Like if there was some— someone was anxious about being in an elevator, how would you test yourself? How would you reduce your anxiety and test yourself? I'm not saying to put yourself into a situation where you're going to have a panic attack. Just look at elevators on a, on a screen or walk past one. Or just do it gradually and see how you feel.

Yes.

See if that anxiety is building up or not. Or if it's— if it— if you're anxious about a particular person in your life, how are you going to deal with that? How are you going to let them continue to affect you? So are the— are the measures you're putting in place enough to keep you calm and bring the logic in? Am I going to let that person keep upsetting me? You just have to test yourself, but also trust yourself. Back yourself that you're doing all the right things to look after your mental and physical health. So trust yourself. But again, it's repetition. Repeat, repeat, repeat until you feel comfortable about thinking about possible situations.

Yeah, I like that you brought up trust. Seems like trust and anxiety—

Yeah, we keep doubting ourselves.

Yes.

And like, some people won't go out of the house because, oh, what if something happens? Or what if I do this?

What if—

which there might be a 1% chance, but there's a 99% chance that it won't happen.

Helen, um, Helen, I have just loved all of these points that you've talked about. So to leave our listeners with one action that you think someone could do today at home to try to ease their anxiety, what would that be?

Well, it's actually 3 actions, but you can do it all at once.

Oh, great.

Do some deep breathing. We've all heard how good deep breathing is for us, but a lot of us, especially people who are anxious, we just do the shallow breathing, just enough to get by through the day. But once we stop and do some actual deep breathing, it puts more oxygen into our bloodstream and calms us down. It also physically gives us the traditional breathing space. What is really going on here? So do some deep breathing. Doesn't have to go on for half an hour, just a few deep breaths and blow it all out. Blow out that stress. Have your mantra repeat, what are you good at? What do you like about yourself? While you're doing the deep breathing. And I'll also suggest people to tap their chest. I know, or even hold their chest. And some of my clients say it's like they're giving themselves a hug. They're reminding themselves of their good points. They are worth it. You are worth repeating your mantra. You are worth taking time to take a deep breath. You are worth taking a minute to think about what's really going on.

They're great points. I love that. And they're so Doable for someone to do like right now and even like throughout the day. This, you know, it doesn't require anything else. Thank you, Helen, for coming on and sharing all your wisdom around anxiety with our— with my audience. And for everyone who has loved what Helen has to say, all her details will be in the show notes, including on her website. I'm sure you're selling your books on your website, so if you're curious Do purchase her book, and you will be able to find links there to work with Helen as well. Thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you for having me, Rita. It's been a pleasure.