Self-Care That Actually Works: Simple & Sustainable Routines

Self-care is about cellular health, right?

Mm-hmm.

Now, that might be a little bit different than what people tend to think of, maybe going for a spa day or maybe going for, uh, getting their nails done or their hair done or taking a bubble bath. Those are all excellent things, obviously, right? But I put those under stress management, right? And that is a self-care category, But I think sometimes the, the, the— sometimes women are getting confused or they're getting frustrated is the word I was trying to find. Frustrated with their self-care routines and starting and stopping. The health and wellness roller coaster is what I call it.

Hello and welcome to Beyond Diagnosis, a podcast to raise your awareness Decisions and voice for alternative practices so you can take back control of your health. I'm Rita De Michele, your host, a mindset and empowerment coach, and the founder of the Onus platform. Join me each week so you can create the health of your dreams. Is self-care something you want to prioritize, but you keep sacrificing your own needs and putting everyone else's needs first. It's a toxic habit, and we must unlearn it if we want to live a vibrant, happy life. It's not selfish, it's essential. Today you'll learn from a master self-care expert, Cara Michelle Nether. She's a licensed health practitioner and an expert, like I said, in healthcare for women Over the age of 40. Hi, Cara. Welcome to the show.

Hello there, Rita. Thank you so much for this wonderful opportunity.

You're welcome. I'm so glad you're here to help my audience understand the— like I said, it's absolutely essential to learn and master self-care because it's something that we don't do, especially women, and as Especially women who then have families and/or aging parents and a whole lot of obligations. It always goes on the back burner. It's a learned habit. We learn it from our mothers, and really it's something that needs to change for our long-term well-being. So, Cara, let's start with why is self-care so important for our long-term well-being?

Yeah, absolutely. Great question. You know, first, I want to say that I think that sometimes the term self-care itself has gotten a little bit convoluted.

Oh.

You know, I've been a healthcare practitioner for the past 20 years. And, you know, this working with women 45 to 65 or a little bit older is just a passion of mine because, as you were saying, you know, we find ourselves really tripping over how to prioritize ourselves. And I think that that might be happening because there's a confusion about what self-care really is. And so I'd like to, to, to kind of zero in on the idea that we are made of trillions, with a capital T, trillions of cells in our body. Last I saw, it was like 35 trillion cells. Right? And those cells are like the building blocks of us. They make up our skin and our digestive system, our heart muscle, our eyeballs, everything, right? Our hormones, everything, right?

Hmm.

And so really, self-care is, is about generating mental and physical energy. And those cells are going to dictate— the health of our cells are going to dictate whether we have that energy Or we don't. So we could kind of back it up and say that, um, because they're not getting the results that they really need, they take the bubble bath, they go shopping, but then they feel good for a moment, but they're not doing— the activity doesn't generate long-lasting mental and physical energy. And so I think that that's really what self-care, the definition that's really going to help women the most. Any activities that generate mental and physical energy for you.

What a fantastic explanation. My God, the light globe just went off, and I think it did for all our audience there, that no one has actually heard it explained in that way. And like, you're right, it is always, you know, um, go read a book, go meditate, like you said, have a bubble bath, but never about our cellular energy. Yeah.

So that's just what we are. We're made of these trillions of cells, and they— if they don't get the environment that allows them to operate at optimal levels, then we're not gonna feel well.

So I've got 2 questions around that, and one is, what do you do for that cellular energy? And is it because we haven't understood this, is that why consistency It's become such a problem because we're just getting those sort of like self-care dopamine hit.

Yes.

And then it's not there anymore, and you're sort of going, oh my God, you know, what do I have to do? I never feel good. You know, you start beating yourself up a bit. So let's go back to my first thing. What do you do for that cellular care?

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. You know, I've zeroed it down to 7, what I call fundamentals of health and wellness. And I'm going to give everybody a clue, is they already know. If we were to poll your listeners right now, they would come up with this list of 7. So there's nothing exotic or new here. Okay? So if I— if you and I had a clipboard and we were standing on the corner, And we said, ladies, what is it that you need to do to take care of yourself? Everyone would say, I need to pay attention to my nutrition. Everyone would say, I need to get a little better sleep. Everyone would say, I should probably watch— get a little bit more exercise and stretching, right? Everyone would say, I just probably get some more water, be hydrated better, right? Everybody knows that there's stress management techniques that They kind of have, or they kind of, you know, they miss and hit there.

Yes.

The other 2 kind of fall underneath these because if you have a good rhythm with those first 5, then you'll probably get these others. But I think they're really important to make mention of, and that is to balance our blood sugar and then to make sure we have strong digestion.

Right.

If we can have some level of rhythm And I'm saying that in a very specifically in a particular way, some level of rhythm. Because what often happens is that we go-getter women handling everything, we think that it all needs to happen at 100%. And if it doesn't, then we want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. But I want to say that that is a That, that's a very defeatist mentality that gets in the way. That causes— that's one of the major causes of the health and wellness roller coaster. So I just want to put a pin in that and say that we don't need to be perfect. We just need to have some rhythm with all those things. And the rhythms are going to change because guess what, ladies? We're all busy, full, because we are running other people's lives. Right. Well, you know, a friend of mine said that to me. She's got 2 small children, and she said, I just never thought about the fact that I was going to be running my own life, my husband's life, my 2 children's life, you know, like, and her parents are starting to need some support, running to the doctors back and forth with all with them, you know, to make sure that she's being supportive. So there's no, there's no way for women, especially in this age group. To believe that they're going to maintain their self-care routines at 100% without a wobble. It's— there's no way to do it.

Yes.

Right. We, you know, we all— we're going to get the phone call. So-and-so needs this, or there's been, you know, an accident, or there's been some big project that screwed up at work. Right. So like, we have to— if we accept that it's going to be a little bit wobbly, I think It really does help us to just know that, oh well, this is going to be— this, this one of the 7 is going to be a little bit lower for a week or so, and then I'll bring it back up later, right? We have to just know that that's just the way it's going to be.

Well, that's very sound advice and very logical too. And it does help women especially— I mean, this also is a bit for men as well, but especially for women— to understand that it's not about, you know, like you say, it's not about being perfect and everything has to be running smoothly, you know. You're not gonna break down. It's not like a, I guess, like a car, you know, it has to be a well-oiled engine, otherwise you're gonna break down on the highway. It's not like that, you know. You, you will break down on the highway if you keep putting that level of stress and pressure on yourself, which will then, like you said, digestion will go out, which means your blood sugar. So then the roller coaster starts again. So it's kind of like What I hear you saying is to create a, like, a system that feels sustainable and doable. And if, you know, and if you've had a week that where you haven't eaten well, well, it's okay. Jump back on the next time, the next week.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, one of the, um, one of the, uh, principles that I like to share with women at the beginning when I'm working with them is what I call the bounce back ability. And I think this is one of the most important practices to, to learn how to engage in for, for busy working women in this age group. When we understand that life is going to have these ups and downs and that our self-care routines are going to be okay for a little bit, and then they're going to drop and think— and it's not all of them, right? It's going to be some, right?

Um.

Then, and, and when we know that that's going to happen and we understand how to start again, it doesn't matter that it happened.

Yes. Yeah, it's kind of about giving yourself permission to know that, isn't it? To be able to do that, you have to kind of say, it's okay that I start again. I haven't ruined it all. You know, this all-or-nothing kind of attitude. And I can, I can speak You know, for myself, Cara Michelle, and definitely like my mother, and I know quite a few people as well, that as soon as something comes in and does disrupt our care routine, that we give it all up for that. And that, I feel, over time reinforces that give-up mentality. So then we Just, it becomes normal to give up. What would you say to that? How, how this sort of routine can help, you know, our mental health? And if someone is struggling with mental health, how can this kind of routine and what you've been saying about giving yourself permission to, to, uh, not be perfect help our mental health?

Yeah, you know, I was having this conversation with my mom recently. She's Just, I think this coming Saturday, she's going to be 82. And she was saying, we were talking about how easy it is for generations to pass down, for women to pass down this understanding that if we're not pushing, if we're not redlining it, if we're not giving everything, if we're not Turning over ourselves to, to our— this desire to make sure that everybody's safe and taken care of and needed and all their needs are met at a moment's notice. If we're not doing that, then we're not being the best mother or wife or partner that, that we can be.

Yes.

I mean, let's, you know, and, and, you know, when we even just saying that outside, right, Out loud right now, your listeners are hearing this, and I I would love for for them to like take that in. So the story that if we're not giving ourselves over to the job of taking care of our family and our friends, then we're not being good mothers, wives, partners, and friends. Just hearing that, we know that that's crazy. That doesn't make any sense to the, to the, to the average person, right? And yet, and yet, subliminally, subliminally, unconsciously, we keep passing this, this, um, this torch on, right? Because a young person— my mom was saying that, you know, she watched her mom work really hard and take care of everyone and not put any time and energy into herself. And so my mom learned to be that person. And so I learned to be that person, right? And the truth of the matter is, I think for that, for most women, we just— there is no understanding that they can be there for the people that they love and take care of themselves at the same time.

Absolutely.

That they don't have to be separate things. I don't think that there's an awareness of that.

Yeah, that's true. I don't think it's taught, and I don't think it's— people have enough, um, information around that. You know, everything's a bit more on the surface level. Like, what you're talking about seems to be, uh, the root cause, which I love. You know, like, this whole podcast is about the root cause of things, and this is definitely what you're saying is the root cause. Of why we don't look after ourselves.

Yes, you know, yes, it's a mentality. We've just— we— it's been passed on, and we watched from a young age, we watched the, the women in our lives do it this way. And so when it was, when it was our turn, we just, we just take off, and we— and you, you don't even question it. And I liken it to women's suffrage, Rita. You know, in the 1700s, women didn't think twice about whether they should have the right to say how their— what the trajectory of their life was gonna be. Nobody even thought about it, right?

Right.

Until a group of women got together and said, oh, you know what? This isn't right. I should have say over myself, right? So I think this is the same. And this is one of my missions is to start a movement Right? I want women to understand that not only can they feel good, but it's their right.

Oh, that's right.

They deserve to be able to say, this is how my day is going to go. You know, we have this— the suffrage movement gave us the opportunity to set our trajectory, but what about the day-to-day? You know, do I have to feel worn out? Do I have to stay up so late that I, you know, and worry over every little thing so much that I can't sleep, right? Do I have to forego my exercise routine just because the phone rang? Do I? You know what I mean?

Exactly.

It's like we, like we, if we give ourselves permission to say, you know what, I can take care of these things and I can feel like my brain is actually working.

Right.

I don't have brain fog. My body's not in pain, right? I feel like I can handle— and so I— that's the movement, right? I don't know what we're going to call it, Rita, but we're going to start.

It needs to happen. It needs to happen.

It needs to happen. That's right.

I'll join you. Yeah, that's fantastic. And I, I do love that you use suffragettes, you know, that movement, because this is one of the things that I've come across is, yes, and what happened when they started? They got massive pushback against it, right? And sometimes when you have been the caretaker, the one who looks after everyone, the one who puts their needs last, you know, all that pattern, and people have become used to that.

Yeah.

So they know you as that. So as soon as you start changing, you're going to get pushback. You're going to get pushback from everyone. And you have to, through someone like you, understand that's gonna happen and that's okay. And it's them that's gonna have to learn that you're different now.

You know, it's, it's like any other change, right? Like, we just have to say to the people that we're caring for, you know, I, I explain to them what's going on for yourself. Right? Like, look, I, you know, I'm, I'm worn out. I'm tired. I barely want to get out of bed in the mornings. I'm not sleeping well at night. I'm not being very effective at work, and I don't feel like I'm being very effective here. Right? When, when, you know, we have to just remember that when someone asks us for our support, what they want is the best version of us to show up.

Yes.

Yes. Right? Right? And so I think it's okay to just share with folks, you know, like, I want to— I want to be able to think a little clearer. I want to be there for you. I want to be a better listener. I want to be a better— whatever it might be. And I want to be better for myself. And I want to set myself up so that I'm okay 20 years from now. Right? And so I'm going to make some slow changes. And, you know, that word slow, that phrase slow changes, that's at the meat of the work that I do. And that's what I want women to understand. You know, it's kind of, you know, in terms of what gets in our way from being consistent with our self-care, we talked about the all-or-nothing mentality. The other one that gets in the way that's just as high is this idea that we have to get it all done at one time.

Yes. Yes.

Right. And yeah, so we— that's— we would never We didn't ask our children to stand up and walk all at once, right? We didn't ask to learn how to ride the bicycle in one, you know, half an hour session, right? But when it comes to us, because we're so full and busy, we think that we need to just get it all done like that. And so you can just say to yourself, and you can say to your loved ones, I'm going to make some slow changes, but I just wanted to let you know that this is kind of what's going on when you see things that are a little bit different. And you know, the truth of the matter is, is that people will fall in line. The only reason that they, they believe that they can come to you and you'll drop everything to be with them and take care of whatever they have going on is because you have done that. So when you slowly start to, to make some changes, you, you, instead of just dropping everything just because the phone rings, you wait and you check the message and you see if it's really an emergency or not. Most of the time it's not.

Yes, exactly, exactly. Such a good point. And I really like that you tapped on, you know, you're going to let people know, because change needs communication.

Yeah.

And I must admit, when I started making change, I just did the change. I never really communicated with it. No wonder why I got so much pushback, because I never really spoke about it. I never actually let people know what I was doing or, or why I no longer wanted to do that particular Um, activity or event or action anymore. So that's where I guess the person on the receiving end becomes a bit, um, confused or disgruntled that you no longer want to do that.

That's right. When, when people show up different, we, we start making up stories. We want to understand, right? And so if we don't give the clear information or communicate that I'm making some changes, then they start to wonder, is there a problem? What's going on? You know? And so—

Exactly.

As much as you can, right? You know, like, we don't always know what the changes are going to be. We don't always know what it's going to look like, right? But just to say, you know, I'm going to try to create some new routines, or I might handle things a little bit different. If there's any questions that come up, I'm open to that conversation, but things might look a little bit wonky for a little bit. You know, I think that's, that's very helpful for those around us. And it fortifies it in, in us, right? It gets out of our head because sometimes we can just run around in our head thinking, I'm going to make some changes, but, uh, maybe not, right?

That's true. That's so— that's a really good point. Yes, because that we've got, we've got this, this narrative happening in our head that most of the time we don't actually execute. So actually putting it out there and letting someone know means you're staying accountable to what you actually want to happen.

That's right.

I love that point. So, Kara, Michelle, tell us, what are some of the thought patterns, um, that you know of and that you see that makes self-care consistency so much harder for women?

Yep, sure, great question. So we talked about trying to An all or nothing, right? If I, if I, if I, if I, if I don't hit my exercise goals and I miss one day, we'll just throw it out and I'm not going to do it anymore. The second one we talked about was trying to do too much at one time. You know, most women are, you know, often think that, see my clients as holding on this huge tray over their head, you know, everybody, everything and everybody's on that tray, but they're just trudging along, right? And And they, they read a magazine and it says, oh, I should— that, you know, intelligent women are going to be eating this, you know, in 2025. And so you throw out everything and you, you know, but we never take anything off of our plate, right? We just try to make it 100%. We throw 100% of that on top, right? And it's just, we don't need to do that. Another thing that shows up a lot is this idea that If I am— if I'm, if I'm going to be my best, that I have— what? Wait, wait, hold on a second there. I just lost that in my head. Hold on a second. Another thing that shows up a lot is, oh, is if I'm going to do this, then I'm taking time away from my family. There's a guilt.

Uh, yeah, the old shame, the shame spiral, right?

Yeah, yeah. That we often feel like any extra time that I have, it should be spent on my family or my friends, right?

Mm-hmm.

And so, but, but the thing to understand here is that, again, we are made of these trillions, these 35 trillion cells. And there, the— if we really want to be the best friend and best wife or best partner or best mother Uh, grandmother, to the people that we care about. Those cells, they need that. They need a correct environment. So having some time for ourselves, filling our own batteries, then lets us— when we do go and connect with those folks, they get the best version of us. They get the most of us. And it's— and it can't be any other way. If we are not sleeping well, if our nutrition is off, if we're dehydrated, Then we can't— our brains aren't going to click on the way we want to. We can't be funny and humorous and thoughtful and playful, think outside the box. And we certainly are going to have more difficulty, especially as we age, uh, you know, getting on the floor and playing with the smaller children and, and, and relating to the, to the teenagers, right? It's, it's going to be difficult.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think there's, there's a couple of points that I have here that you talk about. And one we just mentioned was that shame spiral. And the other one is comparison. That comparison trap where that person seems to be able to prioritize their needs, they go here, they do this, they do that, and I can never seem to get to do that. You know, I have more obligations, or I, you know, my parents need me more, or, you know, whatever it is.

Yeah.

So how do you— because they're big, shame and that comparison and guilt, they're really big. So it is about what you're saying, definitely the, you know, the cellular level and all that we've talked about so far. But shame and comparison are even deep. They're pretty deep. Do you help your clients around that, and how do you do it?

Yeah, you know, um, with social media these days, it's really easy to get a little peek into other people's lives. And remember, we were just saying how you can see something going on over there with a friend or family or a neighbor, and, and, but we don't really have the full story there, but we, we're going to fill in the blanks. We're going to make up a story about what it is that we see. And the truth of the matter is that I've been working with, uh, in women's health And seeing and one-on-one within working with different women one-on-one for 20 years. And I have met— I've met zero women who had it all together.

Yes.

Yeah. You know, the truth of the matter is, is that we're all struggling with the same things. Now, here's the difference. Some people have more experience with exercise and stretching than other people. So I, like, for myself, I've been an athlete all my life, right? I played in high school and college and been a martial artist for 20 years now. So, you know, doing exercise isn't very hard for me. But for my wife, who did not grow up that way, getting a good exercise routine is a little more struggle for her. So I— what I think is really useful is for us to, number one, understand we don't really know what's going on.

That's right.

Right? We get a little snippet, but that's all, that's all it is, right? I, you know, I've had clients, I, I peep in on their, uh, social media feed and everything looks perfect, picture-perfect family, but I know that they're getting ready to have a divorce, right? And that the kids are having— well, so it's the truth. We just know that that's the truth intellectually, you know that, but we forget when we see that, right? So we just got to remember that. And then we have to just be willing to accept that while one person may have more experience with getting good sleep and being fully hydrated, but they don't have so much experience with exercise, that that's okay, right? Like, we just have to honor who we are, where our starting point is for these 7 foundations, and let that just be okay. The truth of the matter is they're never all going to be at 100%, and they don't need to be at 100%. We just have to say, you know what, I'm pretty good with these. Let me stay consistent over here with this. This is not a problem. And then I'll slowly start working on these over here.

Yeah, love it. And what I do love also is that you have 3 steps that help, uh, to make self-care more consistent, and we have touched on 2 of them, which wouldn't hurt to go further into. But the one that I really love, which even if you look at it from a health stance, clarifying your why.

Mm.

I don't think anybody— well, I can't say that, but I don't know anyone who says, I've got this health condition or I need to become healthier, but starts that process— or even now, like we're talking about self-care— starts that process with understanding why. Why do you want to do it? Because without knowing your why, where's the motivation to keep going? So can you expand on clarifying your why? That's— I love it.

Absolutely. Thank you again for, for the question. So, you know, Rita, if making changes was easy, we'd all be, you know, the perfect version of ourselves, right?

Mm-hmm.

And we— but it's not. It's challenging, and especially when you have a lot on your plate. So the tactic that we tend to use is to try to force ourselves into new practices. We try to push ourselves, we try to guilt ourselves, we try to, you know, We're all, you know, we're just shoving ourselves forward, like, just be different, be better, you know, that kind of effort, right? I'd like to look at it from the other side. I think that if we could take some time and clarify what I call your you and for who. Your you. What is the vision that you have for yourself in the future? Who is it that you would like? And I'm not, you know, sometimes when people hear questions like this, they think they have to leave themselves, who they are now, behind and create someone else new. And that is not what I'm saying. What I'm trying to suggest is that there's a future out there for all of us, and we get to say what that future looks like and how it feels day to day. So it's nice to understand what that is. Take some time, jot down some adjectives, write out some sentences, get that vision out of your head so that you can see it there, right? The for who is, who is it that deserves the best version of you? Because in the end, all of this, all the things that we're carrying on this tray we talked about is really about relationships.

That's it. Yes.

Right? We want to be great mothers. We want to be great friends. We want to be great daughters. We want— right? We're, we're doing all of these things because we want to connect with these people that we care about. So let's just— let's get clear. Who out there deserves the best version of you? Right? That's the you and for who. Now that we've clarified that vision, and I'm going to suggest that it's probably not a one-walk dog. That's my friend Diane would say, meaning that it might be, you know, 2 or 3, 5 or 10-minute sessions where you just put a little brainpower on that, on those questions, right? And then when you get that clarity, whenever you hit the fork in the road, which there are going to be forks in the road, that's what a decision You know, making changes is you're making decisions, right? So you hit the refrigerator, you grab the handle and open it up. Now you have a decision to make. Am I going to go my normal route, or am I going to choose something different that's actually going to energize me? Because I know the grandkids are coming over later, or I know I have to do a presentation in the afternoon, right? And I want to be my best. So In those moments when you can see the vision for— of the person you're trying to become, that you're walking towards, and you also maybe even see that vision of the person who needs the— who deserves the best version of you, now you can use that as a compelling force to pull you over the hurdle versus you being on the other side trying to push yourself over the hurdle.

Wow, what a different perspective. And it just sounds like it just makes it easier, you know, like, yeah, instead of that push-pull, it didn't work, I failed, I gave up again. Absolutely.

We want to get away from the negative conversation that is so prevalent when we're trying to figure out these routines, right? Look, there's nothing wrong with any of us. I just want women to know that there's nothing wrong with you at all. You just have a lot on your plate, and no one has told you that you deserve to feel your best. And you can do that taking small steps and understanding why they're important, because there's going to be forks in the road whenever we're trying to, to, to make the— to grow. To really reach our own personal potential, we have to make some decisions. We have to leave some things behind and we have to make some— move things forward. And so then that means that we got to know why are we doing this? Why am I going to make the more difficult choice? Because— and it's only difficult because it's new. After, you know, you do it several times, that's just how life is. Yeah. You know what? I exercise 5 minutes every day.

Right.

I do some stretching. I, you know, I often have a salad instead of the pizza whenever we have the gatherings of the neighborhood or whatever it might be, right? And so after a while, it's not going to be new. It's not challenging. You just take your time.

Yeah, that's so important. And I'd just like to add a little point there also, which I'm sure maybe you've come across with your clients, is that we need to understand that we're worthy. of these changes. I think that's a bit of a— what would you say? Is that a bit of a stumbling block that you've seen?

Yeah. You know, so many, uh, you know, it's always interesting when I have these conversations with folks is that, um, it's hard for people to actually say that out loud. They would never say that they don't feel worthy. You know, that's kind of that subliminal conversation that we were saying before, you know, generations are passing things down. But, you know, but really think about it, right? If you believe that you were worthy of taking some time for yourself so that you could feel your best, right? That it is not just important but imperative for you to have a high quality of life, that you actually feel good. In that, right, then we wouldn't have— you and I'd be out of business, right? We wouldn't be having these conversations, right, if we truly believe that, right? And so, yeah, we just have to, you know, put a little bit of intellectual thought on some of our behaviors, right? Because being a great Mother, daughter, friend is not predicated on your suffering.

That wow, that's powerful. I think everybody needs to hear that. Yeah, need to listen to that on repeat. Absolutely.

Yeah, I'll say it again. It is not predicated on your suffering, right? It's actually the other way around. They get more when you feel your best.

That's right. That's right. Absolutely. I love it.

But that's, that's the mentality that is— that we're— that this, this movement, we haven't put a name on it yet, but this is the mentality that we're, we're trying to— you know what, I don't even want to— I don't want to take it from women. I just want to wake them up to the possibilities of something different.

Yes.

You know, to have that conversation within themselves.

Yeah, like, stop glorifying burnout.

Oh my goodness, that— we need to hear that one again because that's what it is. It's like a badge of honor.

Yeah.

Oh my God, we were so busy I could barely think, right? We had so much going on, I just like— like, no, that— that— I mean, look, I guess But, you know, women often will say that they're unhappy with their lives.

Mm-hmm.

And they don't want to not be mothers. They don't want to not be wives. They don't want to not be friends. But they're unhappy.

That's right. That's right. Absolutely.

And I just can't help but see that in many of the women I'm working with, it's just because they're, they're, they're not prioritizing their own happiness and joy. Like they are prioritizing that, those, those things for others. And if there was a better balance, and I think folks would feel a lot better.

Exactly. And like I said, I think I said it in the intro, it's not selfish. We have to move away from this belief that if you're focusing, you know, then you're self-centered. You're not. You're just looking after yourself, your basic needs. Like you said, digestion, sleep, water. That's where you start. And then you can do all the, you know, spas and all the rest of it once you've got that down pat. That's what I've taken away from this episode so far. And I'd just like to point out one, one thing before we go. How important do you think community is to women and to keeping them accountable to what they say they're going to do and, and just for help and moral support?

It's everything. It really is. It really is. You know, again, making changes can be a little tricky. And, you know, especially in this day and age where we can, you know, you in a, in a, in a half an hour, you can come across a magazine and that article tells you you need to go this way. You watch a podcast, it tells you you need to go that way. You watch a YouTube video, tells you you need to go that way. And it gets— it can be very convoluted, very complicated, right? And because there's so much going on, it can be really hard to try to figure out which— what is the best plan for myself, right? What do I need right now in this moment? You know, I often say to clients that, you know, a lot of the vast majority— I'm gonna give a number, I'm gonna say 75%, 80%— of the exercise videos that you'll see on YouTube, they're not talking to you, right?

Yes.

They're talking to younger people who are interested in jumping on boxes and lifting twice their body weight over their head, right? Like, my clients always are interested when they stop to think about it. Well, really what they want to do is be able to pick up their grandchildren without hurting their back, right? They want to be able to travel and try and get on the trains and get on the boat and do these things, go play tennis with the girls or whatever it might be. Those are the things that are important to them right now. So, so I say all that to say that, you know, health and wellness can be very complicated and can be really tricky to try to figure out what's the right thing for me, and then how do I integrate that into the life that I have without tipping the apple cart? So having a community of like-minded women who have made up their mind that they're going to make some changes also. And having, you know, coaches and support mentors that understand the lifestyle of women in this age group that are handling so much and running so many different women's lives, people's lives in their, in their, in their family and friends. It's everything, right? Because you don't have time to run through everything. You can't try all the different things and try to figure out which, which one worked and which one didn't work. And I tried 4 things, which, you know, like that, that's crazy making, right? So, uh, being able to be in a community, you know, I started the Strength and Vitality Accelerator just for this reason, so that women didn't have to try to sort it out themselves. And, you know, the magic is when we, we have these 7 foundations that we discussed earlier, But to pair those up with proven habit-building skills, behavior change tactics that are scientifically proven, pairing those things up together just makes it so much easier to make changes in a small amount of time, little bits at a time over, over, you know, a few weeks, a few months. Uh, it just makes it so much easier to handle. That way it doesn't interfere with all the things that we have to, have to manage.

Sage advice, Cara, Michelle. Sage advice. To finish off, what's one action our listeners can do today to help them move closer to better self-care?

Yeah, you know, I, I, if I could, I'm gonna give 2.

Yes, please.

So it depends on where that person is, right? So, uh, when we talked about that you and for who, understanding why, you know, what's the vision that I have for myself? Here's a question that could be really powerful in guiding that, that internal conversation. If I were the woman of my dreams, who would I be? Mm.

Wow, that's powerful.

That's, that's worth jotting down. If I were the woman of my dreams, who would I be? And just start to, you know, just in a notebook, just start writing down like who, you know, I'm great as I am now. And as I move forward, who would I like to be in the next, you know, the next phase of my life? What would I like that person to— how does that person handle, you know, difficulty and disappointment and all of those kind of— how do I want to show up? Right? How do I want to feel? What kind of environment do I want to be living in? All of those kind of things, because that's going to be that compelling force that all of a sudden it's like I have a root. I have an understanding of what it is I need to put in my life. What kind of routines do I need to have? Because I see that person over there, and if I want to go over there, this is what's going to take me there.

Yeah.

And that could be the most helpful thing, I think.

That's a— I'm going to be doing that as soon as we're off this, off this interview. That is fantastic. Cara Michelle, thank you so much for being on the show. And for our listeners and watchers, all of Cara's details will be in the show notes. Really, if you've loved this, reach out to her. It'll change the way you think and also start prioritizing— help you to prioritize your self-care. Thank you, Cara.

Thank you so much, Rita. This has been a fabulous opportunity. You're a great host. Thank you so much.

You're welcome. I would love to know what was the biggest insight or aha moment you got from this interview so you can now speak up, take action, and make informed decisions for your health. And if you like this episode, Get instant access to your free ebook, Alternative Wisdom: Taking Back Control of Your Health, at life-onus.com.