The Real Reason You Keep Losing Motivation (and How to Fix It)

And so now, because I was able to get in touch with my hormones and balance them and really learn how to eat a little— a lot better, because I just loved exercise. I really wasn't the nutrition coach or anything like that, right?

Hmm.

I just did my own thing. And as I learned and learned and learned, and now— and that's— and so now that's where I'm going. and where I'm transitioning to, to really help women tackle that belly fat by balancing their hormones. And that's kind of like where I am in terms of like working with women in their, in their, uh, healthy and in their lifestyle right now.

Hello and welcome to Beyond Diagnosis, a podcast to raise your awareness, decisions, and voice for alternative practices. So you can take back control of your health. I'm Rita De Michele, your host, a mindset and empowerment coach, and the founder of the Onus platform. Join me each week so you can create the health of your dreams. Welcome to another episode of Beyond Diagnosis. If you're a woman 40 years and over and you're experiencing unexplained weight gain brain fog, lack of motivation, then today's guest can help you get back on track with physical and emotional support. Laurie Bertone has more than 15 years fitness and wellness experience combined with 10 years of mindset transformational skills to help women over 40 navigate the demands and stress of living their best life. Laurie, welcome to the show. So good to have you here.

Thank you so much, Rita. I'm so happy to be here.

Oh, it's really great. I'm so keen to dive in, and I'd like to dive in by starting— I'd really like to hear all about your story and what drives you. What, what made you start this and get into this line of work?

Well, for fitness, it's always been my own personal passion. I'm I'm not normal in that way. Nobody ever had to twist my arm to exercise. And so when I worked with seniors, they were like, you're, you're, you're in shape. You do fitness for the seniors. I'm like, I've never done that before. And so that was like the biggest step for me into teaching fitness and, and in that realm of fitness. And it was the hardest thing I ever did in my life and the best thing I ever did for myself. It totally took me out of my comfort zone. And so I became a fitness instructor and I did that for, you know, 12 years, 15 years. And I did it for seniors and eventually started my own little business and, you know, taught pre- and postnatal fitness when I was pregnant and all those great things. And, and then at some point, my, my clients were struggling. I'm like, they need more. And I knew that it was a mindset piece because I could motivate myself, but I couldn't motivate them. They would pay the money. and not— and they would show up or they would, you know, not do their food journals and not do their, you know, things like that they needed to do to get the results. Like, they just weren't full. And I'm like, I need another piece. So, um, and around the same time, I was struggling in my marriage. And, you know, this little— this— and which is interesting because this little piece of my life where there was just so much, um, conflict and, you know, distraction and all, like, all these things, it was big puzzle piece for where I am today for me to, like, kinda click to. But I went and I went and I learned a little bit about, uh, NLP. I went to a workshop to help save my marriage. I went to this workshop and I learned all about NLP and coaching and all those things and how that would be a nice little fit into, um, working with my clients to give them that, that edge. And so I did that. I did mind and body transformations. With women for a few years. And then I met a lovely fitness instructor in her, you know, top 50s. And she said, you know, if I could give you a piece of advice, I would tell you, don't use your body to make money like in the fitness industry. She's like, stop teaching fitness. Find another way to make money. I'm like, that's a great tip. I will not use my body to make money. Thank you very much. And so I transitioned. I You know, got tired of, you know, counting, you know, pushups, standing over people and counting pushups. Like, it just wasn't fun for me anymore. I'm like, I could hold them accountable in other ways. I don't have to show up in the gym. I could do the mindset and the coaching and the breakthroughs with them to get to, you know, kind of the emotional, the emotional barriers that were really what's, what was holding them back. I didn't have to stand over them to make sure they were doing their pushups. Because when we're not together, what were they doing anyways? They weren't following what they would be doing. So, you know, it's funny. You have to go through your own growth and for your own transformation to take your clients to new levels. And that's what I went through. And so I went through all of it myself, the, you know, all the coaching and all everything else. And then I just, and then I just focused on empowerment and mindset coaching women. I did entrepreneurs. I worked, you know, And and it was really and it's really at the basis of all of that. It's like what's at the root? What is really holding women back from living their best life in whatever area, whether it be weight? But I had a problem with weight loss. I did not want to coach weight loss because number one, I was struggling with it myself, which now I know was perimenopause, which I didn't realize back then. Whole another. We'll talk about that after. That's a whole other beast, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So um and so I was. Struggling with my own, you know, little bits of weight gain. So I didn't feel confident coaching weight loss, but I could coach strength training or I could coach, you know, anything else. And also just to find a joy for fitness and exercise that a lot of— 85% of the population don't have. So how do you teach someone to get, you know, excited about something that you're naturally excited over? Like, that was a big learning curve for me.

Right.

And now I'm just like, well, if you want to live a long, healthy life, you better do it or else. Now it's like use it or lose it, right, at this point. So it's like, you know, a non-negotiable, really, for me at this point. I don't— you don't have to love it like me, but if you love your life, you're going to find a way to get it in there.

Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

So, but just finding it and finding it a way that works for them and what they love to do. So it doesn't have to be, you know, because nobody loves burpees. I even hate burpees now. And I used to love them when I was, you know, way more, you know, in better shape. Right. So like now I'm like, whoo, burpees. Like, God, no. Give me yoga.

That's the—

that's more my speed now. Right. And so, yeah. And so I just transitioned and now I really am. And so now because I was able to get in touch with my hormones and balance them and really learn how to eat a little, a lot better because I just loved exercise. I really wasn't the nutrition coach or anything like that, right?

Hmm.

I just did my own thing. And as I learned and learned and learned and now, and that's— and so now that's where I'm going and where I'm transitioning to, to really help women tackle that belly fat by balancing their hormones. And that's kind of like where I am in terms of like working with women in their in their healthy and in their lifestyle right now without giving up a lot of stuff that they love. Because I still drink wine. I had some chocolate today, like, you know, and still being able to manage and continue to lose belly fat, which is like toxic fat. So, you know, I'm loving it now. Now I'm like, yay, I finally, you know, I've gotten to that point of confidence, which is all thanks to— Perimenopause and that whole journey of figuring out— yeah.

So how, how do you help women who are struggling? And now we've, we've touched on, we've touched on the menopause, we've touched on, you know, the way they feel, on how their body looks. So how do you help them when they're struggling with their health and also have all the stress from their life commitments? So how do you specifically help them?

Well, it's not one easy solution, but it is a bunch of easy solutions, right? So it's not one quick fix, but it is a bunch of little things that, you know, women need to start to address. And so you really need to— I think women need to sit down with themselves and really get ready to have a hard talk with yourself. And it's about parenting yourself, right? Nobody is going to— it doesn't matter how many trainers you hire, personal trainers like I was back in the day, who are going to stand over you and make sure you get your 50 push-ups in. It's when they're not around. It's what you're putting in your mouth. It's what you're thinking. It's who you're surrounding yourself with. It's, um, you know, what you've been taught from a child about life, like, like how you're living. And you have to sit down with yourself and be like, okay, like, I need to make some major changes. And most women know what it is, know that they need to do that. They just don't know what it is. And so working with someone like me who has the NLP background or somebody like you who has that, that ability to go deeper into your past and your programming and your patterns to help you recognize, okay, this is where the problem lies. And then you, you help them remove that or release that. I went through so much after my divorce. I did end up divorcing. And after my divorce, I did— it was such a— that was my awakening. That was my— the rug got pulled out from under me. And that's when I really woke up to, I really need to grow up and I really need to start to, you know, take responsibility for my happiness and stop putting up with— can I say bullshit?

Please.

Stop putting up with the BS. You know, that I had been putting up with for so long. Like, and this is where we were going to talk about, you know, like really standing up for yourself and being— you have to be prepared to make some big changes. It's not just what you eat and what you exercise. You have to make some boundaries with, you know, sitting down with your spouse, your partner, being like, okay, this is what's going on in my life. Like, I didn't know it. Now I know it. Now I'm going to tell you about it so that you can get the support Because if you don't have the support in your immediate environment from your children and from your partner, you're gonna, you're gonna get taken out because they're gonna, but they're also gonna help hold you, hold you accountable because they're gonna see, oh, this is important to mom. I'm gonna do this. Oh, it's important to my wife or my partner. I'm gonna do this for them to see. And I see it now with my kids and it's Everything's going to change. So if you want some big changes in your life, everything is going to change for the better. But it's going to be a shift because at first my husband was like— I remarried.

Oh, okay.

Let's just throw that in there. So I remarried. And so my, my poor husband now who's like realizing that this is like, you know, perimenopause is a big thing for women over 35 and it's a 15, almost 20-year, you know, roller coaster ride. And, um, so when I told him, he's like, wow, that makes so much sense. And he was so supportive and so on board, you know. And here we are, like, 4 months into my— 5 months into my, you know, perimenopausal awakening and journey, and he's like, is it always going to be because of perimenopause? Like, See, I'm like, yes, honey. Yes. No, I don't want to go to that party. He's like, oh, perimenopause. Like, yeah. So you have to be prepared that there's going to be some kickback because things are going to change. Right. And you have to be okay with that. You have to be like, with it's like, well, this is how it is because you love yourself enough. Like, you have gone through enough stuff that you just you can't do it anymore because.

Yeah.

What you're going through symptomatically right now, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, like, whatever hell they're going through right now, if you don't deal with it, it's only gonna get worse.

Absolutely.

And it's gonna— it's gonna just— it's just gonna roll and boil into other areas of your life. It's gonna follow you like this, like Eeyore, you know, with that shadow, that big cloud over your head.

That's it.

That goes with you everywhere you go. Your energy doesn't lie. It can't.

Exactly.

So until you, until you start to deal with those things on a deeper root level, and, you know, and it starts really with, you know, what do you want and what's holding you back from getting there? Was that a long-winded response to all that?

No. Yeah, it's actually a fantastic response because it did lead it—

perfect.

You virtually answered the question I was going to ask, but it's still, you know, worth asking, um, you know, because we are so habituated to listen to all these external forces you know, and influences, whether it's on the TV, whether it's on the internet, whether it's from family and friends, where, you know, of what we should do, how we should be, you know, how we should be, you know, change, you know, all these other things instead of actually sitting down and developing our own intuition.

Wow.

Understanding who we are, what we need at this point in time, because that changes all the way along our timeline. And how do we create those most important boundaries so we can support ourselves? And once we support ourselves, we can support our family. How do you help people or your clients, women, especially as we're talking about menopause, as they're transitioning through this stage? to develop that confidence and belief in themselves, that intuition, and then be able to do the— about how, how do you help them specifically? Is it mindset?

Number one. Yeah, well, it's, it's not— it's number one, helping them to get out of denial. Number one is because they want this, but they're on this path. It's like, okay, well, do you understand that everything that you're doing is only bringing you this? Okay, so if you want this, you have to change everything that you're doing over here to over here, and that's when you get the well I can't. I don't have the time. I don't have the money. I don't have the energy. I don't have all these things. And it's like okay, and this is same with weight loss, belly fat with women with weight loss, and they're like you know I have a weight loss problem. Like okay great, I have program for you. It's this much money.

Da da da.

And they're like. Well, I don't have the money for that. And it's like, okay, so you don't have a weight loss problem. You have a money problem is what you're telling me right now, right? And they're like, well, no. And I'm like, well, yes, because if money wasn't an issue, would you do the weight loss program? Well, yes, I would. I'm like, okay, so money is— so helping people see that their problems are really not their problems. Like, weight loss is just a symptom, maybe of a financial issue. And then we could dive deeper to that. Dive deeper even into that to really look at, okay, so maybe it stems from, you know, that woman, that woman programming that we have where we have to put all our, all our children before us, and we have to, you know, make sure everyone is taken care of before us, and we get what's— whatever is left over. Or maybe if there's a little bit extra left over at the end of the month, Maybe we get to do that thing. Right? But women are very resourceful, and they will find money for the things that they want to spend their money on. And then also on the same flip, complain that they don't have the money for the things that they think they need. Do you get what I'm saying? So it's—

So—

We're in denial. So you need to just kind of, you know, it's kind of like a little bit of a pattern interrupt with these women to say, Do you listen? Do you hear what you're saying? And when you bring that awareness to them, they're like, oh my gosh, never even thought of it like that. Great. This is not me trying to be mean and nasty and a hard-ass coach or anything like that. I just want you to start to hear what you're actually saying, and what you speak becomes the truth, right? So why are you thinking these things? So then you just kind of— that's what we start with. We start with Getting out of denial because people will pay the money. They paid me as a fitness coach good money. Here, Lori, I want, you know, I have a great story if you want to hear it about a client that fired me.

Yeah, absolutely.

I love stories.

Yeah.

Okay, great. You know, she's like, she was in the wellness industry. I knew her very well. She's like, Lori, I want to get a tight ass. I'm like, okay, let's do it, right? Woohoo! You know, squats galore. And She paid her money, and she asked a lot of questions. I'm like, she's gonna be one of those pain-in-the-butt clients. But whatever. I knew her. We were friends. We got her on a package, a personal training package. And sure enough, all of a sudden, she's like, Lori, but what happens when, you know, I get my tight derriere? You know, my husband's gonna wanna get romantic and physical, and he's gonna, you know, wanna have sex with me. And I'm like, this was before I did my NLP. This is when I was just a personal trainer. And I was like, how? I knew in my head that was— there was a problem with that. Like, how, how is that even a problem that your husband wants to be intimate with you? But I didn't know enough to dive deeper.

I—

all I said to her was like, you know what, let's not even worry about that right now. That's what personal trainers do. We're here to get you a rock-hard body. Like, they don't deal with deeper stuff. Get your squats in, you know. Oh, you didn't do your squats, you know, tisk tisk on you. They just shame people for not following their diet. But they're not knowing that there's a deeper issue. So I didn't know. And so, of course, she fired me. She's like, this is not going to work for me because I didn't answer. I didn't help her with the problem. So her weight issue, her, her, her body had this protective barrier that she could use as a great excuse to keep her husband at a distance from her. Oh, I don't feel sexy. How many women experience that? I don't feel sexy. I feel bloated. I feel fat. I feel like, no, my lingerie is too tight. Men don't care, right?

Right.

They really don't.

They have a need.

The less you wear, the better. Like, even so, you know, so when she fired me, I was a little bit upset. But once I got my NLP and my coaching training and everything else like that, she's my favorite example to say she came in with a weight issue. We found out that it was like an intimacy, a marital, a relationship issue. Right? There was a mid Kind of. But there was always a deeper— and this is where we talk about getting to the root. And the root was she probably, you know, had a lack of self-worth. You know, she didn't— wasn't loving herself enough to really just own her, you know, voluptuous juiciness to be intimate with her husband regardless. Right. So I didn't get a chance, but she did call me after she found out that I had divorced. Shortly after, she did Reach out to me and asked me for a divorce lawyer's phone number, and I was like, "I knew it! I knew it!" So she's my favorite example of really helping people understand that there are there's a problem. There's like a kind of like makes sense. Yeah, maybe I'm not eating enough macros or whatever. I'm not you know exercising enough. But then there's women who are they do all that stuff. They exercise really well. but they still, you know, they're packing on the pounds. And it's like, okay, there's something even deeper going on, right? There is a— usually it's like a, um, a not-enoughness or a lack of self-worth, or really, you know, um, and it sounds terrible. And it's usually attached to, you know, small event from their childhood or their past where they were shamed or for some way, shape, or form by their parent. And, you know, probably just a parent doing the best that they can with the skills and tools that they had at the time. And we've released them really simply and easily. It's like not even, you know, that big of a deal sometimes. Right. Sometimes they can be a little bit complex, but for the most part, that's my favorite part. I love getting to that so that we can clear it out and then they can start to move forward, you know, and, you know, live their best life and start to attract what it is that they want and do the things that they want without the guilt, without the shame, With better communication to be able to express to the people in their life, yes, this is what I want, or no, thank you very much. And I am, you know, just trying to do the same for myself. So if I can lead by example and show them, okay, this is what I did, which is what I love the most about what I do in my coaching, is really just showing women, this is what's working for me. Why don't you try it? If it works for you, Great. But I have done so much healing and deep dive work and pattern breaking and, and, you know, all those things to really just— and then just to find out it was perimenopause. But you have to go on that journey. Because what happens is that, you know, you, as you peel away those layers of the onion and you raise your vibration, you raise your frequency. Things start to come to you. Right? You get ideas or you get new information comes to you.

Drop into your awareness.

To receive it. You have to be open to receive. And you're, you know, so I did all that work, and then I was blessed to discover that, you know, all this time I had been struggling for 10 years, and it had been, you know, just fighting against nature. Really, women are fighting against nature. And when you realize that, and you make the switch, and you really start to embrace, you know, what our bodies are really truly capable of, you're way more powerful. You're way, way, way, way, way more powerful. That energy, you, you, it's like you You, you gain it, right? So you gain it through saying no and setting boundaries, which empowers you, right? And that energy you get to, like, blast towards the things that drive you and that you're passionate about. So it's like, it's like better instead of wasting all your time and energy on doing all these piddly things. Exhausting yourself, and you're getting no reward from it. And you're because and you're not doing the things that like fill your cup. You're not doing the things that you know really that you're passionate about because if you were, you wouldn't be so exhausted. So you're missing out. So this is the intuition piece. Like it starts from first saying no, taking a stand, full stand back, and then being like okay. What do I want to put my energy towards? If I only have, you know, like 4 outlets of energy a day, what do I want to put that towards? Do I want to spend time thinking and worrying about, you know, the past? You know, about what happened to me as a kid and oh poor me and da da da da, like that victim kind of mentality. And not to discredit, I'm sure there's a lot of, you know, terrible stories out there, but do the work, move on, heal it, forgive it, get over it. Work with Rita. She'll help you do that. And then you can move on to put the energy towards the other things, like more energy towards your kids. You'll be happier. You'll be a better mom. You'll be a better spouse. You'll be— you'll feel more, um, you know, vivacious, if that's a good word to use.

Yeah, well, you feel lighter and more energetic. You don't feel like you're wearing this, this backpack full of bricks weighing you down. And then someone said something And you just flip because—

Right.

Isn't that the— you— there's no room left in the cup that's full. So you add one more thing and it's just dribbling down the sides because it's full. Yeah, explode. I mean, we all live on a story we've created, a story that gets us through life, a story that keeps us safe, you know, from, you know, being the best version of ourselves. Well, now whether that's because, you know, we need to hide ourselves, or we have a— like you were saying, a self-worth problem, you know, or, you know, um, anything really that, that has happened that has created this wall, this barrier.

And so much shame, so much shame.

And then on top women over 40, the hormones are going crazy and we're not— I think one of the things is, especially in that—

Crazy.

We're not accepting. It's, it's— I think that also it's a lack of acceptance. The stress, the stress can also come from a lack of acceptance of what's happening to us at this stage of life, and that change is inevitable. You cannot be how you were back in your early 30s. You are a different person. You're physically different. So it's how do I make the best of that? Which brings me to, like, you know, we know that change feels scary and it's uncertain. And even a scarier word than change is therapy, especially here. A bit more in Australia maybe than Canada and America. I'm not sure that— that may be—

I don't know. But I love therapy. But anyways, it is—

But you say to people, some people, you know what, your body will benefit, your mind will benefit, you will, and everyone around you if you did some therapy. How do you help, A, get people over that uncertainty for change and the scariness of it? And what are some examples, if you can? I know it's very specific to each person, but what does— for the people who don't know and have never done it and are listening to this and think, um, maybe I need to do something but don't know what therapy looks like, can you just speak a little bit into that?

Okay, so first let me define therapy and let me define coaching because they're 2 very different things. Right? So therapy is very, let's talk about the problem. It's very talk therapy, right? Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk about the problem. You, similar to a coach, a therapist is there. We're gonna talk about setting goals, and we're gonna talk about, you know, mindset work, and, you know, doing, you know, all the things like being mindful and meditation, and, you know, all those things. So there's lots of similarities. But what differs from a talk therapist is just talking about the problem. A coach, a master NLP coach, they're gonna get to the root of the problems. They actually don't even give a crap about the problem because the problem is really, like I was saying before, never really the problem. Right? Like, I don't like my body. Well, how is that a problem? Like, therapist is not gonna ask you. They're gonna say why and how does that make you feel? And you're gonna— and you're just gonna talk about how much you hate your body. And okay, maybe, you know, this— the solutions are, okay, diet and exercise more. Where an NLP coach is going to really help you to get to the root of your problem so that you can release that, heal that, forgive that, so that you can start to now not have that story playing in the back of your head. You have that energy and more, um, focus to be able to move forward with the things that you wanna be doing because You know, and also, like, self-accepting that what's going on in your body, your body is a metaphor for your life. So it is telling you, it is showing you something is wrong. If you have pain in your body, you like fat or anything like that, chronic pain, um, dis-ease, skin stuff, hair falling out, like all those things, which is why I, I knew my body was like, no, keep going, keep figuring out the things I put my body through to try to figure out what my body was trying to tell me. Um, that it was the weight gain for me. That was my pain. I was like, why, despite all my exercise and everything else like that, why am I still gaining weight? Like, every diet under the sun, Rita, right? Like, I'd done them all and, you know, still gained weight. Like, exercise— I threw— I would have done burpees 50 times again, over and over and over again. But that's just the thing, is that you know, my body was saying, no, there's something else. There's something else. There's something— go deeper. Go deeper. Go deeper. So I did. I did, you know, a lot of QCPs and NLP and all, like, because I'm in the industry, so I have access to all coaches. Like, Mhmm. But I love therapy too, because once you clear all that root stuff out and you heal that and you forgive that, great. Life is still gonna happen. You're still gonna have issues with your kids. still gonna have issues with your partner. That's pretty much who you go to therapy for. You're still gonna have issues with your family members. Right? You're still gonna have issues with them, but they're not gonna be— they're gonna be current issues that you can't figure out to resolve.

Mhmm.

They're not stemmed in past, you know, childhood stuff that you're still working through. Right? Because most people, you know, they're like, oh, I know, you know, my partner has this issue with his family from when he was younger. My wife has this issue with this Like, work on that, get to the root of that, heal that, and then you can move forward with the issues that you have. So I love therapy. I love going. It's like the referee with my husband. I'm like, he's like, we have a problem. I'm like, all right, book an appointment.

Therapy.

Let's go. Because therapy validates. They listen. They're like the therapy. Did you hear what she said? Did you hear what he said? Okay, great. This is what you guys need to do to move forward. And you do. So I love therapy for that. My kids, I take them all the time as much as, you know, there's an issue. So I don't shy away from therapy. So there is a place for everything. It's just that if you've been in therapy for 10 years or 5 years or 3 years or 1 year and you're still, you know, going over the same issue, it's time to switch things up and go see somebody who can really help you get to the root. So that's what I love doing with clients. So, yeah. So even if with a client for me, if it's, you know, to their benefit, I'll even recommend maybe you guys should go to see a therapist, because sometimes it's a one-time quick fix after you've done all the work and be like, oh. So, you know, just working with, with people where they're at and just showing them the different, I guess, just the different options that they have out there into Working and dealing with their stuff.

Yeah, I mean, I think that's the difference between— what I love is when we get down to like NLP and all of those sort of modalities, you get down to the subconscious where the belief is. Whereas, yeah, I think, I think there's a place for talk therapy, absolutely. And, you know, and it's needed. People need to go there, they need to talk, they need to vent, they need to—

Yeah.

Have a different perspective on what they're experiencing. But that's why—

Therapy is 1 hour. What are you gonna— what are you gonna solve in 1 hour? Like, my coaching sessions, like, my deep dive clearing healing sessions with my clients are 2 to 3 hours. They're not just a one-time. But here's the thing, you don't have to come back next week for 3 hours. We're one and done. Like, I love that. As opposed to quantum leap. Yeah, the talk can take years and years going because you're having those same nightmares, having those same dreams, having those same, like, shiver moments where you're reliving the same, you know, stuff. It's exhausting. And no wonder, like, and then you have— and then this is what I was saying, then you have all the other demands of life on you, and that, that past event is taking up 50% of your energy, and you haven't even woken up yet. And then you wake up and you have, you know, 50% less energy to, you know, put towards the things that you truly value and love, like your family, your kids, your career, like, you know, your poor dog that you don't have the energy to walk at the end of the day, like all those things. So, you know, I'm a big, big advocate of, you know, getting to the root and really trying to communicate that But people are not ready to hear that. So let's, let's just— we really also have to meet people where they are, which is in their problem. Like, I am struggling with weight gain. It is, it is eating me up inside. I, you know, I can't diet enough. I can't, you know, exercise enough. Like, I don't want to have sex with my partner. You know, I'm feeling crappy in my clothes. I'm avoiding people. Like, those are, those are big problems. Like, you're isolating yourself, you're being antisocial, you're not loving life, you're just trapped in this, you know, shell of fat. And, you know, that's the problem. So really helping women recognize that, okay, I see that, I'm gonna help you with that, and we're gonna— at the same time, we're gonna, we're gonna do a whole bunch of other fun things that you're not even— don't worry about it. Right.

Not even aware of that.

Because if you tell women that we're gonna help get to the root cause and help you forgive, like, I'm not gonna forgive that person. It's like you have to be ready. But the reason why you have the fat is because you haven't forgiven. So like, you know, you gotta meet, gotta, gotta be prepared to do a little work. And when they say, I've done so much work on myself, okay, well, then it hasn't been the right work. It's been superficial. It's been the work that you think. And most people, when you talk about the subconscious, most people think, oh, well, it could be this event from when I was a kid. I bet you $10 it's not. I bet you it's something even sooner, younger, out of your complete awareness that you have no idea about. So people— and that's when you are like, it's out of your awareness. It is something that happened between you from 0 in the womb to 7 years old. is the time frame that we're looking at to really do the core wound, to really heal and forgive what is at the root of your weight gain. Because if you know it's perimenopause and you know that it's, you know, hormones, and you know that you got to eat right, and you know you have to exercise, like, you know all the things. Like, I don't have to tell the woman that she needs to diet and exercise to lose weight. Every woman knows that, like, by the time they're 12 years old, unfortunately, right? They know unhealthy food to healthy food. Why can't they? Oh, well, it stems from something that an event that happened from the age of zero to seven years old that deemed you unworthy, that deemed you unlovable, that deemed you, you know, not enough. No, I don't have enough money. I don't have enough time. I don't have enough. So when we don't have that not enough, I'm not a good enough wife now because I'm not sleeping with my husband. I'm not a good enough mom because I. know, can't bake cookies for my kids' bake sale. I'm not a good enough, you know, businesswoman because I can't make sales. It's like, oh yeah, that's all tied to something deeper. That it is. And so, you know, but I meet women where they're at. I meet them at belly fat. I meet them at hormones because then they get a 1-to-1 with me. And when we do a 1-to-1 with me, we get right down to the root. It's a one-time session. Boom. And that just frees up all their time. They don't even know. They don't know what hit them. They're like, what's going on, Lori? Like, everything's working. I'm like, oh, really?

I know.

It is amazing. You keep doing you.

That's right.

They don't even know.

It is incredible.

Because all of a sudden, it's— yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. And it's just making— it's just helping women to understand. And, and, and podcasts like this are great because the majority of marketing out there by the fitness industries are really just geared to poke at your problem. That's marketing. We're going to hit you where you hurt because that's, that's what you're complaining about. But and then, you know, and then I'm sure every woman has like invested hundreds and hundreds of dollars on so many things, on supplements and Diets and all these things that, that don't work because those things do not get to the root.

The root.

You're taking a supplement because your friend suggested it. You're, you know, you're— I went to the doctor for my hormonal stuff and I didn't even know, and this is just me learning and doing my research, that doctors now have a range, right? A normal range, right? Like, let's say whatever it is, like normal. This is really bad. This is really optimal. And you fall within that range, you're fine. But I learned recently that the doctor's ranges are inflated, which means they're actually much smaller, which means you're probably in the doctor's eyes not doing as great as you could be. But when they're normal, they can just push you off to the side because it's like, Well, it's within range, but I keep going back and complaining about the same thing, and they're not supporting you. It's because they're deeming you normal. You're not normal. And this is one of the things we were talking about—you know—having women advocate for themselves. Absolutely. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Do not take their normal. You're not normal. So no, do another test. Figure something else out. But unfortunately, the answers don't lie in the doctor's office. Unfortunately, the best thing my doctor ever said to me, and this is funny, this is how much she did not know me at all because I'm a past fitness instructor and, you know, I've been, you know, eating chia seeds. Like, my kids never, never were allowed to eat cereal unless they had chia seeds in them. So she said to me, oh, you know, do yoga and eat Chia seeds. That's what she told me in the doctor's office, and I laughed. I'm like, wow, okay. Yoga was a good suggestion though. I hadn't been doing enough yoga, but that's a whole nother side point. But the chia seeds, like, they just, you know, are just gonna randomly throw stuff at you because they don't have answers.

They don't have answers.

They don't really, because you keep going back. They keep going back with the same problems. Okay, so, you know, the night sweats and the whatever, and they're just throwing More women are, are prescribed antidepressants. Antidepressants for, for women who are going through menopause, like anxiety, depression, brain fog. All those things are symptoms of perimenopause. Not once did my doctor ever say, no, okay, Lori, you're not going through menopause. Great. Thank you so much. She forgot the perimenopause part. Oh, you're still in perimenopause. And oh, by the way, perimenopause is hell. But it, it doesn't have to be. Didn't say that. She didn't say, oh, you know, this is what you've been going through the past 10 years. No wonder it was such a relief, Rita, when I found out that I'd been struggling with perimenopause. Like, I'm like, that's it. I just have to balance my hormones. Okay, what do I need to do to do that? And it has been like Oh, I love it. I love saying no. I love— especially, you know, my husband's such a huge extrovert, and I used to be too, and I still am, but I'm only for the things that really bring me joy.

Yeah.

Yes.

Absolutely.

Yes. You know, so the party that's— I'm the, I'm the wife that at 10:30, I'm like, I'm ready to go now, honey. Like, you'll find me sleeping in the corner at a party now because I'm like, well, if I, if I'm gonna comp— if I have to compromise my extroverted husband who wants to stay and dance and party, I'm gonna go curl up in the corner over here and snooze.

Well, that talks to boundaries, does it not? That talks to boundaries.

I, I was— I'm the one that everybody draws on at the end of the night, you know, puts the mustache or whatever on, like, you know, freezes my bra because I would fall asleep. I'm like, this is not exciting enough for me to stay awake, you guys. I'm out. My body needs sleep.

That's great. I love it. And it's so true, you know, when we talk about advocating for yourself. If I went to the doctor about my hormones and she had a look, you know, I did a full blood test and she said, oh yeah, I can see you're in menopause. And, and that was it. And that's the advocacy. If you don't—

And now—

If you don't get the answer or if you're dismissed or—

Don't take no for an answer.

Listen to someone, move, go to someone, find someone who will listen to you. You don't have to put up with that. So that brings me to also, you know, I'd really love to know about some of the changes that your clients are having and, you know, what that kind of— that timeline. If you do have a case study that can sort of talk to that timeline, where were they when they came to see you? What were they experiencing and where are they now?

Well, I have one client where I'm so— you know what? They— I have such a great relationship with my clients. Like, they become friends. They're practically family. I stay in touch with them. I'm the coach that's like, if you ever need anything, like, just call me. I might not answer, but call me because it's a lifetime investment. Right? What it is, you know, what, what I'm doing with them. And so I'm, I'm, I'm seeing clients right now who came to me, um, for entrepreneur stuff, right? Feeling stuck. She wasn't moving forward in her business, what she was doing at the time. And, you know, and I helped her really move through some, uh, a little bit of past grief, right, that she wasn't aware that was still holding her back. and everything else like that. And it's amazing that when you do that quick work, like, so let's say I work with clients in a breakthrough process. It's about 8 weeks. When they start, we do that deep dive work right away. We get cleared out right away so we can start moving on stuff. Halfway through, they're already like, okay, like, what else can we work on now? Like, I'm ready to move on to something else. I've helped clients, like, you know, reinvent their business. I've helped clients, you know, go from, like, being stuck in their business here to being thinking about, you know, a completely new passionate passion project. And now, you know, she's running a challenge right now, and it's been a few years, and I'm, like, so excited for her. I'm like, good for you. She's still going, right? Like, but she came. And so following your intuition and where we're talking about all these things is that when you clear all that stuff out, then you start to focus on what you want. You know, and all of a sudden she's talking about her passion for organizing and helping people do all these things. And I'm like, great. Like, why don't you do something like that? And she started and she's doing it now. She's running a 30-day, you know, organized— get organized challenge. I'm like, sign me up. Like, you know, let's do that. Like, that sounds so much fun. So seeing, seeing them go from, you know, stuck in something to transitioning to something else. I've helped one client recognize that she's not even an entrepreneur. She was running a business. Her husband, they ran a family business. They ran a Tim Hortons. I don't know if you know what Tim Hortons is in Canada. It's like a big coffee franchise here. Coffee shop. Think Dunkin' Donuts kind of thing.

Oh, yeah.

I don't know. Right. So, and so very successful. They ran a family business like that. And so she started her own business and she was struggling, really, really struggling. So she came to me and she came to me with relationships stuff with her husband, and I helped her work through that. And, um, and we did values. We tested her values. We really went deep on her values to see, like, you know, what it is that she truly values in life, like what's most important to her in her business. And we soon found to realize, you do not have the values of a business owner. Like, and I literally swear to God, she, like, put her business up for sale. the next day. Like, it was exactly what she needed to hear to validate herself, to say, oh my gosh, I've been struggling for so long because this is not a natural force for me. Like, she just— she was more of a, you know, a supporting role, right? Her husband ran the business successfully. He was the entrepreneur, and she supported him to make that success. But she's more of a, you know, corporate work, you know, support benefit of the the hole, right? And, and she sold her business as fast as she could. It was a family business. Like, her family owned the franchise, and she's like, I'm out. I was so proud of her, so proud of her. And so now she's like, they're retired, they sold their businesses, they're living life, they're traveling, they're doing all these things. And it's like so beautiful to see. And she still stays in touch, and we still, you know, connect, and she keeps me On, you know, she keeps in touch with me with all the things that we're doing. The most recent client, though, that came to me for weight loss, and I told her, I'm like, I don't do weight loss. I will help you. I will help clear what's going on that can help you maybe eventually get to that point. But in 8 weeks, the work that I'm gonna do with you, you may never lose a pound. So I'm not gonna sell you on weight loss because The problem with weight loss is that you don't like your body and you want to change it, which means you are now going to diet and exercise to change your body because you don't like it. So that's not self-love. Instead, I would love to support you and help you clear out what it is that you— why you don't like your body, so that you can now move forward to nourish your body and move your body Because you love it. So let's get rid of, you know, the limiting beliefs that you have that your body's not good enough. Let's— they're not good enough. That's another one. So let's get rid of the why you're feeling your body is not good enough to be happy right now. Like, what's the deal with that? Like, how is that a problem? Right? So really helping her. So which is great. And so, and, you know, of course she had deeper issues, right? Weight This wasn't, you know, something she didn't just gain weight because of perimenopause. She'd been struggling with weight from when she was little. So, you know, depending on how long you've had the weight issues for, then you also know how deeper the issue goes, right? So that was— she was great. It was great. She really, you know, brightened up after that. And so now that I'm working with belly fat and weight loss— not weight loss, belly fat and balancing hormones. She's like, I'm ready, Lori. Let's do it. I'm like, oh, you're so ready. I can't wait to help you with this now, right? To be able to help her balance her hormones out of love. Because if you don't, this is just going to get worse. So how do we get to that point where we're eating, nourishing our bodies because we love our bodies, and exercising because we love our bodies? And we're not going to beat it into submission or punish it because we ate too much cake the day before.

Mm-hmm.

We're done with that. We're done with that. And that's where the fitness industry fails women. They also fail women is that because they don't help— I didn't even know this— they don't follow women's cycles with exercise. So there's certain times, like in a 4-week— in a month, there's 4 weeks, there's 4 cycles in your period. That you should exercise according to. I wasn't taught that. I was like, this is the most amazing thing I've ever heard. And I hired a personal trainer in the summer, last summer. And there were— and I remember because there were weeks where I felt so drained. I was like, why do I feel so weak? And I was punishing myself because I'm like, I'm so out of shape. I'm so weak and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Do you think she ever said, oh, Lori, what what phase are you in your cycle? So that maybe we need to switch things up and make you feel like a little bit more, you know, successful at the end of this instead of like, you know, feeling like a big fat failure. No, she just pushed me through it. And then there were weeks where I felt really strong that I was like, yeah, I'm ready to like, you know, do that pull up, but not really. But to do that pull up. or whatever, because there's weeks in your period where you could be doing like really intense weightlifting, and then there's weeks where, listen, we're— the goal is maybe just moving our body. Walk, gentle yoga. Like, that's the extreme. And, and when we're pushing our body through extreme exercise when we should be nur— nurturing it, well, your hormones get so effed up that you spike So much more cortisol that you will gain weight just because you're exercising too hard. It has nothing to do— and you're thinking, oh, I'm gonna kill that cake that I ate last night. No, you're not. You're gonna kill your hormones and your cortisol and your adrenal glands. And, you know, and women have hard bodies for a reason. They are hard. They are hard on themselves.

Very hard.

They are, um, they are overly disciplined. They beat themselves up. That's how hard they are. And when you're that hard, you break. Something will break. Your mindset will break. Your emotions are gonna break. Your spirituality is gonna break. Like, something is gonna break. So you don't want to really— you want to avoid being that hard. We need flexibility. We need to ebb and flow like our hormones do, our cycle does. Like, you know, we get into our feminine. Like, there's times where we want to be really feminine in our cycles, and there's times where we want to tap into our masculine and, yeah, like, go for it and go hard, right? But learning that, and I didn't know that, that was a huge thing that honestly I never Learned, and the fitness industry doesn't teach women. They don't, they don't, they don't know. But those male, those male trainers that are training women, maybe some of the newer ones are starting to, they're starting to get it. Like, I would love to, like, you know, interview a male person or trainer that works with a woman's cycle. I'd love to.

Right.

They're hard to come by. The newer ones, the younger ones are, are getting it now. Right? Because, you know, generations like me who get it, who are teaching my daughters, and it's so funny. And it's the same thing where I'm like, you know, the day before I'm having this conversation with my daughter and boy, is she bitchy. And I'm like, you have a really big attitude today. And the next day she's like, oh, mom, I got my period today. I'm like, oh, that's why you were bitchy yesterday. I'm like, okay, good to know. So I have this chalkboard outside their bedroom doors, and on it I wrote day 1, January 24th. I'm like, now I know where she is. Like, so you can gauge it. That's what I can avoid. Just throw food into the room and shut the door, or, you know, give her a hug if she needs it, or love on her a little bit more, or just stay away, or, you know, and learning how to ebb and flow. And my poor husband, he lives with 3 women. I'm like, Dude, I don't envy you at all. I really don't.

He needs a medal.

He's a trooper. He really is. And when, you know, I think that— and I, and I've also learned too that divorce, a high rate of divorce is caused due to women suffering through perimenopause and not knowing that. And I'm like, that makes a lot of sense. Makes so much sense because we're all over the place. We are. And when men don't know how to support us and we don't know how to help men support us, like, men are like, what do we— what can we do? And we're like, we don't know. Like, do something. We don't know what to tell you.

Yeah.

I know exactly what to tell my husband now. I'm like, cook. Like, yes, feed me. Like, do something. Like, yeah, help me out here. Just be supportive. Rub my feet. Run a bath for me or something. Right? Like, Being able to help each other because at the end of the day, he benefits from supporting me just as much as I benefit from supporting him. Right? So it's learning how—

Exactly. It's a win-win. Yes. Yes.

Yeah.

It's a win-win.

It's a partnership. It really, really is. And you have to really care about your partner's needs. But the thing, the sad part for women is they don't even know what that is. So part of the thing that I, I help women work through the most is like, what do you want? They're like, I don't even know. Because we were— you're talking about that. We're programmed to have certain things. I never wanted kids. I never wanted to get married. I never wanted kids. I worked with seniors. So I was like, I just wanted to be a grandma. But I'm like, I guess if I wanna be a grandma, I need to have kids. But I really didn't wanna have kids. And there I was one day getting married, having kids. I'm like, how did that happen? It's like, because that's what we're programmed from little. Like we were born into a parent, a family with a mom and a dad, and that's how it happens. Like, it's just, we're just programmed. And so when you find yourself in a situation that you're like, this is not what I wanted, I wanted different. Okay, you can have that. You can actually have it all. You just have to figure out, create a plan and figure out how you can make that happen. Without guilt, because a lot of women struggle with guilt when they realize, oh my gosh, I have to cut my kids off now. Oh my gosh, I have to, like, say no to my husband or say no to my kids or not cook. Or tonight I don't feel like cooking. I don't care if you eat grilled cheese. Like, I'm not cooking tonight. And not feel guilty for not being a good mom when I used to cook from scratch. And every night we have to sit at the table together as a family and hold hands and sing Kumbaya.

No.

Tonight we're gonna just eat in front of the TV. And you know what? If you're lucky, there's leftovers from yesterday and be happy with that and be okay with that. So, you know, there's, there's some, a lot of belief shifts that have to take place too for women to really start to embrace that, the confidence and the advocacy for yourself. You really have to shift that because if nobody taught you how to do that, if you never saw your mom doing stuff like that. Exactly. That's right. You may not have it in you yet, but you can. You can. You totally can. And this is what I love to really help women to step into, really start to step into who they are, what they want. You know, let go of things. Do it all. Do nothing. I don't care. My goal at the end of the day is that you like— I don't care if you lose a pound in my program. I want you at the end, your evaluation, to say I learned so much about myself. I am, you know, way more— I've got more boundaries. I have more, you know, advocacy for myself. I have more knowledge. I have more education. I'm willing. I want— I have better relationships. That's what I want to see women have.

Mm-hmm.

Right? Because you're— you can have that all and be voluptuous. Like, there's so many women out there, some— and I used to think, like, how is it that a woman that size can be so happy. I didn't get it. I really, truly didn't get it until I became a size and found that for myself. I was like, holy crap.

Yeah.

So now, you know, because there's so much judgment out there, but when you stop judging yourself and you find peace within yourself and with where you're at, and you know when that happens? When you start taking the steps to doing the things out of love for yourself because you're like, I deserve this. I'm going to do this for me. Like, you know, today I'm going to, you know, have that steak and eggs or whatever, you know, instead of the brioche or whatever. Like you start to make those, those, those choices different because you know better for you. And that's, you know, that's where it starts with stuff like that. So, you know.

And that has a profound impact on people's health. You know, aside from weight, anything. If you have a condition or you're not feeling well, or you know things are changing, that change in mindset and that dedication to self is what ends up helping you with any condition that you have. So to finish up today, can you just give just even one one example of what someone can do just in like a five minute? quiet time, on starting to recognize the story that they're running and that there's more behind it. And most probably what's behind it is the first thing they can do is a little bit of self-love. What's just one simple thing that they can do at home to start putting that into place?

Um, I joined a new fitness studio. It's called Oxygen Fitness. I don't know if you guys have that in Australia. And they have a mantra on the wall, and it's, I love my life. And every day after every yoga session or whatever fitness session, you will put your hands on your heart in a heart like this or whatever. Just put your hand on your heart and you repeat out loud and you say, I love my life. And I was like, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life. And not because I don't love my life. I'm like, but how— I'm thinking how many people in here hate their friggin life? Because as a coach, I am well aware. And there's days when I go into that yoga studio, and I'm like, I love my life. I love my life. I love my life because I'm going through whatever. I just, you know, had a thing happen with my daughter or my husband or whatever else. But I'm going into that yoga studio, and I'm like, I love my life. I love my life. I'm telling you, the more times you say it, the more times it comes— becomes true.

Mm.

So if you would just write, because you create your life, your body is a metaphor for your life. So if you could be grateful for your body as it is right now, fat and all, be grateful for that fat. It's protecting you from something. Be grateful for your kidney. It's like, you know, pumping all those toxins, you know, all that wine you drank last night. It's gotta pump it out. So it's like, you know, filter it out. Be grateful for every process your body has been holding you through and trying to give you signs and symptoms. So Love your life. So every day, if you could say, write it on your mirror, Sharpies, it will even come off your mirror, I promise. And say to yourself every day, I love my life, and it will become so. I love my body. Thank you, body, for supporting me, being there. Thank you, legs, for carrying me, even if they're puffy. Thank you, you know, jiggly arms for, you know, whatever. you know, making me laugh sometimes, whatever it is, be grateful because they're holding, they can hug, they can— our bodies are so miraculous. And they do so much for us. They breathe. We don't even have to think about it. And it just keeps us alive. So you're alive. You wake up every day for something to serve the world in some way, big or small. Your children are depending on you, your spouse, your whatever it is that you're doing, the world, even your neighbors, like, Humans, you know, we're a world apart here, Rita, and we have this energetic connection and this ripple effect between you and I right now. And we are affecting people across the pond. So think about that. It's like—

Absolutely.

Not to put a lot of pressure on you, but be grateful. Your energy extends outwards. So you can either, you know, be small and keep your light Dim, or you can just shine it just a little bit for somebody else. Make— you're here to, to improve someone's life. It starts with you improving yours. So I love my life, that's a little mantra, and I love my body, thank you body. Those are 3 little affirmations that will literally change your life.

So true, so true. Yeah, you're an absolute gem. I've loved—

Thank you so much.

You, so many good points. And, you know, so many takeaways for our listeners to be able to start recognizing where they're at and that what they're dealing with is the end result of something further along. There's a root cause. What you think you want to heal is actually the end of something else, you know, which is fantastic.

Yes.

It's been so great. I've so enjoyed having you. And to our listeners, if you've loved what you've heard today, all of Laurie's details will be in the show notes. And really, do your life a favor and connect with her. Thanks again.

Thank you so much, Rita.

Thank you. I would love to know what was the biggest insight or aha moment you got from this interview so you can now speak up, take action, and make informed decisions for your health. And if you like this episode, get instant access to your free ebook, Alternative Wisdom: Taking Back Control of Your Health, at life-onus.com.