Why Your Body Gets STUCK in Stress Loops (And How to Break Free)

What if the problem is not your thoughts, but the stress loop your body is stuck in? Today's guest is Mary Petto, a vibrational energy coach, rapid turmoil resolution specialist, and author of The Family Guide to Law of Attraction. Mary supports people who feel trapped in cycles of emotional overwhelm, shame, self-doubt, and mental exhaustion. Her work blends mindfulness, nervous system regulation, and subconscious pattern work to help people experience emotional shifts. Welcome to the show, Mary. It's so good to have you here.

Oh, thank you so much. I'm very happy to be here.

A lot of people get stuck in— I guess talk therapy can be effective in bringing us to awareness, but it's not necessarily a quick way, or I don't know if quick is the right word here, an effective way to really get down to where these patterns are, these beliefs are, which is usually in the the subconscious. Why does the mind keep looping on the same worries or fears?

Well, that is the work of inner mind. That is the work of the subconscious. And the reason why we experience looping thoughts, preoccupation, can't let something go, it's those thoughts are being generated From the sympathetic nervous system. And the sympathetic nervous system's directive is survival.

Yeah.

And it is primordial. And we are the same as the animals in the animal kingdom, that constant scanning. Now, one difference between us as humans and the other mammals is that we have the ability to, to take in data that's not just present, But also remembering the past and imagination for the future. This is the distinction right here. If a zebra senses data comes in, there's a threat, perhaps a lion is nearby, sympathetic nervous system will do its job and it will expand the image of a lion, of a threat, so that the physical body can prepare. and take off, right? So blood goes to the legs, survival. And what's happening during that, of course— and I'll, I'll say this here because I know your listeners are very interested in healing not just on the mental but also physical level.

Yes.

And it's good, right? It's good. All systems shut down. Um, maybe their stomachs get upset and they poop, all because it's all in preparation for the body To run. And so all these other systems are not in parasympathetic, they're not in that restorative state. And that's all good because the moment the threat is gone, everything snaps back into place. The animals, the rest of the animals are mindful creatures, if you will, and their sympathetic nervous system, the data it takes in is real in real time. We, with our advanced minds, We're getting data from imagination and worry about the future. We're remembering the past and, and that's great cuz it helps us write books and build bridges and all kinds of fun stuff. Remember the important people in our lives. But if data gets stuck and then is determined as a threat, the sympathetic nervous system will cause your thoughts to loop to do something about it. Even though it's not happening, even though it doesn't serve you. And if the conscious mind could just shut down when the sympathetic nervous system or inner mind is looping, we'd all be walking around pretty content. You know, there wouldn't be much business for therapy at all, right? Because we could just, you know, rationalize why it's not serving us. There's so much opportunity in the future and That's all good. And but we can't really talk to inner mind the way we talk to our therapists because it's coming from a place very different from where we're experiencing it. And that is why often talk therapy is not helpful for certain things, for PTSD, for grief, for resentment, ongoing resentment, anxiety. Yes, There can be success. But I've had more than a few traditional therapists refer their clients to me to get something clear so that they can get back to doing the great work they were doing with much more impact. And that's all because this— the way to communicate with the inner mind is very different than the conscious mind. It's a completely different language. And the looping is Literally coming from that part of mind that is trying to protect you and get you to do something about whatever that loop is. And it means well. Okay? It's very well-intentioned. It's not trying to hurt us. It's not trying to cause us turmoil.

Mhmm.

But it's just— it is the result of it trying to be helpful. And so that's what I do. I talk to that part of mind in a way that it will understand and get the message that there's no threat. And then energy can get back to where it needs to go.

So when someone feels kind of like overwhelmed and wired, totally stressed out, is that because, you know, sometimes we think about it and we think about, you know, some therapies need us to go back to the past. Do we usually remember the past accurately, or do we sometimes imagine it so much bigger than what it was, or we imagine events differently to how they had presented, that remembering and keeping us in this maybe not totally accurate past can keep us totally wired and overwhelmed.

Here's my secret about why. If we naturally resort to, I'm feeling stuck right now because of something in the past, the reason is because the story isn't finished in inner mind. It's stuck on the loop. So in other words, this thing happened to me. Let's just say this thing happened to me 10 years ago and I can't let it go, can't see a future for myself, I'm not happy, and all these things. Some people can experience an event and then it gets moved over to the part of mind where it's memory and we can recall it. We could tell the story, but from a neutral space without it affecting us. That's great. But others might have experienced the same thing, and it got stuck. And one of the keys to it being stuck, and now you're looping on it, is again, inner mind sympathetic nervous system trying to— it feels like if it's stuck, it's being read as it's happening now, or is just about to happen. And mind will keep looping it to get you, to try to get you into a behavior where you try to stop it. And so that's why we retell our stories over and over again when we're upset about something in the past. And because inner mind is causing that, that inclination to do that because it thinks it will make it go away. One of the things that we do in a session is inner mind did not let the end of the story process. So if something happened to you, let's say you suffered from abuse as a child, and that's looping, or it's just a story or something that haunts you or making you absolutely miserable now, inner mind does not know that you're not a child anymore. Inner mind doesn't know that actually you survived. You have survived. This many years have gone by. This many great things have happened to you that you're proud of since then, and there is closure to the story. Your conscious mind isn't remembering it correctly because only the facts that inner mind wants to protect you from will be blown up. Just like the zebra has the lion blown up so that there's no confusion about what action to take, it will only blow up the parts that are a threat. And not the parts where you survived, where you moved on, you made friends, you became an adult, you contribute to society in some way and bring light to others. It doesn't— it hasn't gotten that message, even though that's the truth. Yes, I think you're right. We don't remember it. If we're suffering from a past event, we are not accurately remembering it. And it's not our fault. It's because that's the survival mechanism.

Do you believe that humans are naturally wired for negativity?

I do, but I also understand that every time we can communicate with that part of mind, it's okay, and that there's 20 million other ways to look at the situation. That is also something within our control. This sympathetic nervous system, its only job is survival. We used to need it thousands of years ago. We really don't anymore. And I almost wish it was something we could remove like a wisdom tooth or a tonsil or an appendix because it's built for a time that's not modern age. It's almost like your computer, right? Before, before we, we got on this call, right? And you're, you're working some really complex systems here and perhaps your computer Isn't built for the advanced things you're trying to do with it. So we are in an advanced world right now where, for the most part, we're not really worried about lions eating us. So, you know, it's just kind of too bad that, that we have this thing. But we do have— because we have advanced minds, we do have the capability of overriding it. And, you know, that is That is my core mission, is to get people to understand that your healing, your mental stuckness, your emotional turmoil is just a breath away from being cleared. And whether it's something acute, and I can clear that for you acutely in a session, it's just to generalize what you were saying. You know, we're built to seek out negativity. You know, that's the scanning. That's the scanning for survival. Anybody, no matter their age, no matter where they are in the world, is capable of cultivating the skill of mindfulness to be like the other animals in the animal kingdom and be fully present and get the message to Inner Mind, nope, there is no threat right now. Thank you for the additional scanning and protection, Inner Mind. But I'm good, I'm safe, and as a matter of fact, I'd like my mind clear because I have a lot of work to do and people to meet and impact to make on the world in a positive way. So thank you, we don't need you today. You can do this. Anybody can do it, even if it's just a few minutes of relief. So much can come to mind, so much inspiration, our intuition, our creativity, all of that can flow in and our body can move into that restorative state, even if it's for a day, you know, relief from the looping.

When you say this looping, it's, it's quite interesting. Like, just, it's like almost taking a breath to stop and recalibrate. Do you believe that someone who may have depression or significant anxiety has the ability to do that without having seen you or done any sort of therapy first?

Well, I do think yes, with the right exercises in your pocket, the right little toolkit, it's almost like muscle memory. Okay. This is what I'm feeling right now. This is what I know to be happening in my body and what's causing it. So let me get message to inner mind by following a mindfulness exercise protocol or a visualization exercise. Or some specific breathwork. I actually do see many people who suffer from anxiety and panic attacks that— I mean, that's the quintessential result, the sympathetic nervous system going haywire, basically an inner mind doing scanning and then over-scanning and sort of doubling down on the fear response. What we do in a session is practice the tools. 'Cause sometimes a person isn't in a panic attack mode while they're meeting with me, but we do a little practice anxiety and those tools, we whip out those tools and practice the language that inner mind understands. You know, we get it clear. It's not about medicine. It's not about something to take or swallow or a shot. It's not about journaling. It's just something is stuck and we're gonna get it clear out. And no, really, that's good news. You know, that 3 people can experience the same situation and come out very differently. We look at the world around us. We learned as kids about science and cause and effect, right? The tree fell down and hit the house because of the storm and the wind and the lightning, and therefore it all rolled out this way, and this is why this happened. With that same cause and effect, we can look at the people around us and start to observe them from a mindful place and see, oh, she's reacting that way because the way she was brought up in her environment and what she's sensitive to right now. And, you know, when you can start to look around you at the people or the things that bother you and now look at them and their behaviors with a cause and effect from a real, uh, think like a scientist, recognize why they do what they do, act the way they act, say what they say. And we realize it's got nothing to do with us. It's very freeing. It's very empowering to take that a step further now. An event happening here is a place where the cause and effect— we love to say, I'm this way because that happened, or I'm suffering right now. I'm feeling this way because of this person or this situation or where I'm at in the world right now. Instead, I invite people to understand that if 2 other people could be in your exact shoes, they might not be experiencing the emotional turmoil that you are.

Mm-hmm.

So what does that mean? The cause is a, is a blip in the way mind is functioning, the way mind is acting. And therefore, if it's a blip in the way mind is functioning, then we can just pop it out. And get everything clear. It's very empowering to know that it's not what happened that's causing your distress, but something that we can just tweak really quick. Because we're not trying to forget what happened, that's not the name of the game, but we're trying to remember it with a neutral perspective, the way the other 2 people in the same situation might just remember it and be able to tell the story. And it's really important to be able to tell your story But without injuring yourself, right? Because when you can tell your story in a neutral way, A, you're not injuring yourself, and B, you're helping others, right? We know about connectedness. We know when we hear similar stories in other people, we start to feel that sense of community, that sense of the aloneness stops. You know, turmoil just thrives. in solitude, that distress starts lessening. And now you have like a shared experience, and you can provide that for people, telling your story in a healthy way where it's not hurting you anymore.

When it comes to having these sort of experiences that some people call traumatic experiences, you can have friends or siblings, especially siblings, they both have the same experience, But the story they're telling is dramatically different. One will say that it was the worst thing in their life. Others, another one will say, oh, well, you know, that happened, but it doesn't really affect me that much. Why is that so?

It's just the way mind processes information. This is good news because it really means that the cause and effect can't be that thing that happened, whatever it was in the story. It's, It's the way it's processing. Inner mind will attach meanings to things if it considers there's a threat to survival, and that can come in on multiple channels. Even though you have 2 individuals growing up in the same household, they still have separate experiences outside the household. Just the Convenience of the birth order can mean their experience in the home is different. Meanings will attach themselves in different ways. I like to sometimes talk about something called the red sand effect, and that's this interesting perspective that as an infant, again, the animal kingdom, right? That's what we're all part of.

Mm-hmm.

And when we're infants, we cannot survive on our own. Guardian or parent has to do is leave us alone and we won't survive, right? They don't have to do anything to us. That's it. So we rely on our caregivers and the sympathetic nervous system will start looking for clues about how to survive. And so the person bringing the bottle often will say things like, good girl, good boy. And so there's that connection to, oh, I'm good. I'm going to get fed now. And the same, so it will start doing these things, and all of it's happening obviously in our mind. You know, we're not consciously thinking, oh, this is rational. It's just the connection there. So we need, we get this sort of reinforcement that good means we'll survive. And later on, we're a little older, we'll start hearing things like, bad girl, you're disappointing me. And so the reason we react as children and we want to change that, or we might fight against it, is because down deep in our mind is saying, uh-oh, you might die. I mean, it's literally that traumatic. And so even as toddlers and preschoolers, right, fight back. What do you mean? I'm not a bad girl. Don't call me that. And the meaning is strictly about survival. So you can imagine that as individual little people, these experiences with those who care for us are going to come in different. What might be expected of one might not be expected of the other. And that's because of how the parent or the guardian grew up, or what's going on in their lives, or how stressed they are that day. And so it's all of this. There— it is such a complicated thing that it might seem like, oh, well, we all had the same dinner together every day, and the rules might have been the same for us every day. But literally, that experience and what inner mind is connecting to You know, is what's different. And as we grow older, more and more expansion happens there about meanings that the inner mind is doing. And doesn't— you know, we grow up and we know that good doesn't mean, um, that you're not going to go through bad things. Being a bad person, we know bad people that get lots of good stuff. So we know in our conscious mind that that good or bad has nothing to do with survival. And it's just a label. But down there, deep down, is just like the sand art, right? If you have different colors of sand, like little kids make that in the glass jar, and it's so pretty, but you can't get down to that red sand. It is down there. And so that's something else that we do, not just in RRT, but also in mindfulness courses and mindset programs that I do. It's about just Getting really present and observing things for how they are and not reflecting meanings back, because it will change the story because it's connected to survival if we don't try to clear that.

You can see where certain behaviors in adults, you know, you have the people pleaser or I'm not good enough, you know, a belief comes from. Because, you know, you were told that's— you've done that wrong, or, you know, like you were saying, you're not good. So all of a sudden you start compensating and you become this people pleaser, which I think is really common in society. So why is it so hard? Like, when someone's going through this, they have their story, and maybe they've developed one of these sort of behaviors, you know, like people pleasing or overcompensating. So when they're emotionally triggered Why is it so hard for them to hear helpful information?

It's hard because you cannot fight against a mechanism that is acting for your survival. If the inner mind sympathetic nervous system is saying, no, it has to be this way, it will throw up thoughts and behaviors to get you to keep things at a survival level. I mean, it's the same reason why talk therapy can bring you in circles and circles. It's not that you're not listening, and it's not that you don't understand it logically. It's just that there's a message there that's going to overpower everything. I mean, even the people pleasing. Again, this, this goes so far deep down there. I actually just had a client today who's done so much work. He's done so much work, and he's connected things back to things that happened in his childhood. And he journals, and he does all this stuff. But his reactions are always the same. And he can't prevent it, even though he knows it's, you know, not good. And so it's because, again, going back to that primordial era when, when we really did have to worry about surviving being chased by a lion. Okay, which we don't have to do anymore. There's this herd mentality that was— that is a survival, right? If you are the slowest zebra in the group, in the herd, then when the lion comes out, you're the one that's going to get eaten. And that same herd mentality, you know, you have to stay with the group. And there are many reasons in the animal kingdom of fellow herdsmen might be kicked out of that herd. And that just meant— it just means death. And we have that same system. You know, again, I wish, I wish we could remove it like a wisdom tooth.

Yeah.

Because we, you know, or an appendix, it's no longer a useful piece of our situation here. Um, and so, but, you know, here's the good news is, you know, we think because we have advanced minds, we have to look at these things through this advanced lens and label and categorize and do these things when really we just have to Get the message to inner mind. Hey, I don't have to be part of the tribe. I can live out loud. I can say no. I can do what I want and fill my own cup. And it doesn't matter if I'm not part of the tribe because I might even thrive, let alone survive. But we got to get that. We got to get that little way, the blip in the way mind is processing information.

When someone has done a lot of work, why is it, you know, and they've had a huge breakthrough, is it habit that sometimes they fall back into the old emotional pattern? Like, I find that some— you clear emotions, sometimes you have a huge breakthrough, but then you keep repeating the same habit. Does the habit need to change to be able to sustain that breakthrough?

You know, the, the breakthrough can definitely come from a conscious conversation where you get new information and a new way of looking at things. And now, you know, wow, the world looks different. I've had this breakthrough. And that can work, that can sustain, depending on how you got the message, because the inner— again, the inner mind doesn't understand conversation. It works through symbols and metaphor, storytelling, allegory. And so I think when there are situations where there's the breakthrough, but there's falling back into old patterns, that's because conscious mind had the aha, but inner mind is still working under the same presumption that it needs to protect you from something. That is why that might happen, and it really would be good at the first sign somebody has a breakthrough because not only would falling back into the same pattern obviously mean progress taking two steps back, but also now you might start to have to layer on regret and guilt on top of everything else. Right? Oh, I had the breakthrough. What's wrong with me? And it's there's nothing wrong. With you. We just have to be grateful that we have this system trying to protect us. Let's get the message down there too. We just have to talk to it a little differently to break that. And, you know, we can work with it too. I mean, sometimes, and depending on what you're talking about, depending on what the breakthrough is, it's important to note that while this inner mind sympathetic nervous system is trying to protect you, it's picking up on clues based on your conscious behavior too. So when you proactively move towards something, do something, an activity, say something, speak out loud, exercise, whatever it is, mind says, oh, this must be safe and good to do. Even if it's not good to do, if whatever it is, if you're proactively moving toward it, it could be any behavior. Good or bad, mind will say, oh, that must be good to do. And anything you avoid, it's going to begin to think that you're avoiding it because it's a threat. So whether those behaviors, the things you're avoiding, are bad for you or good for you, either way, remember, inner mind, sympathetic nervous system, does not make judgment calls. It's scanning for data. And if the data says you keep doing that, that must be good. It will throw up thoughts, behaviors, and sensations to get you to keep doing it until you give it a different message.

And I feel it had, like it has been for me at times and for people, my family and some friends, and I'm sure a lot of the listeners and watchers of this episode will think, Well, I've had a breakthrough and I then completely do the same habits I was doing before. You know, what's wrong with me? Why, like you were saying, why can't I change that? And that is the most difficult thing because you want to go and do what you feel is the positive. But sometimes the negative or what was keeping you stuck in that belief, that action is just so much stronger And it just overpowers you. And, and you, like you say, you then you go into the guilt and the shame. Would— what would, what would be a couple of actions that someone could do, or a couple of things that someone could say to themselves, a couple of words when they're about to go and step and go in the same direction of the unhelpful behavior that can instantly interrupt that?

If you are recognizing that you are about to go in the wrong direction I— it sounds so simple, but that, that, that moment, that quintessential moment is the time to stop and do box breathing or just any kind of deep breathing. Observe the breath, lower the breath, then bring yourself back to— and I know this is interesting. It's not just interesting, but it's again, simple. Visualize the outcome, right? Because we don't just want to do what feels good to do. We want to do what is good to have done. And we want to be able to look back at what we've done and feel satisfied and accomplished.

Mm-hmm.

And so if that's getting up off the couch If it's biting your tongue, staying on the couch in a non-reactive way, if it's moving into something that— a behavior or a task that feels uncomfortable but is tied to a goal that you have, visualize the outcome. And what I mean by that is, yes, visualize the outcome of having accomplished it. Sounds good. But also visualize coming to the end and having not done what you committed to do. And sometimes that is enough for inner mind to go, oh, that's not safe. Let me do the opposite. Let me do the task. Because if I visualize the outcome and see not just that it's done, but the sense of accomplishment, the feeling, immersing myself in the feeling. Of having done what in the situation is the right thing, this devotion to the end, to looking back and saying that was good to have done. But you can't— you've got to— you can't go right there from falling in the wrong direction. You have to stop and do the breathwork and the mindfulness for a minute or 2. It's a reset. It's a getting yourself to neutral. So that you have the bandwidth and the capacity to visualize these 2 different outcomes. In Rapid Turmoil Resolution session, there's something that I do called coding, right? That kind of takes that into more and even more intense message for inner mind, especially as it pertains to addiction or diet or these other behaviors that are not literally good for your physical health, you can work with symbols to get mind to connect the bad behavior with, with things that don't make sense. So it no longer even becomes an instinct. to do the other.

I remember someone saying, who was a coach for emotional eaters, and this is very kind of dramatic, but he said when you are putting something unhelpful in your mouth, like processed food or junk, you know, whatever it is, and you're chewing away, start thinking of it like it's glass. Like you're chewing glass. And that glass, the more you chew it, it's gonna lacerate your mouth and your tongue. And you know what? People were actually doing that, and they were getting fantastic results because they were, like you were saying, applying the action. Like, either seeing a symbol like shattered glass in their mouth.

Mm-hmm.

And it was like, oh, I can't do that. I'm gonna literally cut up my mouth and tongue. And they do do it.

Yes, that's exactly right. Coding into one's mind processed food is glass is— it has the same effect, better effect than setting a goal and coming up with a plan where you're replacing these foods. I mean, you should obviously, you need to replace processed foods with better things for you. But again, if you're having difficulty and that's still not working for you, that's because even though you're smart and even though your conscious mind knows it's a mistake or knows you're putting poison in your body, you've done it so much inner mind thinks it's got to be safe. You can't outrationalize an inner mind that says it's safe to eat that because you've always eaten that. If you use a symbol, it only will take 1 or 2 times for that reflex of spitting it out or gagging or not even wanting to reach for it, because now inner mind got the message, oh, you can't eat glass. So it's, it's a very, very effective way to approach it. And yes, what, what that coach said, that perspective now is, is really the application. of RRT in all aspects of any emotional turmoil or stuckness.

Is it that people who have anxiety experience this more, or do these things create anxiety?

Anxiety is a very interesting topic, and, um, it's so common. And anxiety actually can mean different things to different people, but overall It's a discomfort from things that should not be uncomfortable, you know, that starts from things that shouldn't be uncomfortable. And it— you feel it in your body. You feel the anxiety in your body, right? It's not an emotion. It's a sensation. Grief, emotion. Anxiety, sensation. And, and, you know, again, this is, this is my perspective, but this is how I get people clear. Anxiety in, you know, its truest form can be just a slow, leaky kind of stress sensation, or it could be panic attacks.

Yeah.

Um, but overall, the difference between anxiety and fear That's how I like to see it is. I'm afraid of something. So while it's there in front of me, I'm afraid of it, right? I'm afraid to jump out of an airplane. I'm afraid of that spider. I'm going to turn around and walk away. It's temporary. It's a temporary feeling, emotion, or sensation. Anxiety is the Oh, and of course, when you're afraid, you will have that visceral reaction, right? Right. You're right. Heart. For me, it would be a big spider, right? My heart would start pumping rapidly, and boy, would I get dumb, right? The blood would drain from my head because it would go to my legs so I could take off. And that is a fear response.

Anxiety.

is the, is the sympathetic nervous system's fear response to the fear response. And it's doubling down on the fear. So then that's really what a panic attack is.

Mm-hmm.

So, um, if we know a fear response is rapid breathing, we know that the heart's gonna pump more, we're getting more oxygen. People might feel weak, but really that's just because the body is making physical shifts to get energy to where it needs to go, right, to run. But what's happening is the body's getting strong. But if we then become afraid of what's happening in our body, then sympathetic nervous system sends up more Enforcements. Let's get stronger. Let's breathe faster. Let's pump our heart more. We're afraid. Oh my gosh, let's get the body pumping and ready to run. Let's make it faster. You know, and it's also, you become preoccupied. Your mind starts racing. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? Oh my gosh, you're afraid. Let's get more. Let's get more blood pumping. Let's empty the bowels. That is what anxiety is— sensation caused by fear and the fear response. But it's more of sensation. It can all be triggered by that first inclination of something that makes us afraid for a moment. But it will all double down. And it's, um, it's a, it's a slightly different approach in an RRT session, how to, how to deal with anxiety, um, because especially panic attacks, people prone to panic attacks. So in those cases, we actually have to provide tools for the client to use in the future. I have had clients in full panic attack mode in a session, but generally those appointments are made out there. And then in the moment, they're not having a panic attack. But because it's like, it's almost like a grandfather clock with all these mechanisms happening, and this happened, this happened, this gear, then this goes, then this goes. And so we have to kind of disassemble it in a way that gets the whole system to back down, right? De-escalate.

Yes.

Um, and so in those cases, often I have to, um, provide a tool for future use.

Yeah. Well, anxiety is huge in, in the world at the moment. Well, it has been for a long time and it's, and it seems to be increasing. I read that you teach people that when they're having anxiety, You want them to move instead of to sit calmly. Right.

We become uncomfortable in our bodies with the anxiety sensation, right? Because these things are happening. Um, most people, 99% of people not listening to this episode right now might not be aware that it's a, it's a nervous system reaction to something, and they might feel weak and they might feel like they have to sit. Because what's happening to my body? But if you get up and move, you've got someplace for the energy to go. And inner mind is— thinks it's getting this message that you're taking care of something, you're, you're getting business done, you're doing something about whatever it is trying to protect you from. If you move, not to mention that you can kind of cut off whatever stream of consciousness conscious or unconscious is happening by quickly shifting out of wherever this is happening to you. Changing rooms, switching on a television, going for a walk. Absolutely right. Changing your environment, new things to focus on. But at its core, it's movement. Because the inner mind thinks, oh, good, she's doing something about whatever's whatever this threat is. Of course, there's no threat. There's no threat. But inner mind thinks there's a threat. So if you do something like get up and walk, it's going to start backing down. Oh, good. She's doing something about it.

So it's, it's very much taking control of yourself and the state that you're in, not, not, um, allowing the situation or the emotion to be the big beast on you, but for you to actually step up. And that's what I'm hearing, is for you to step up and take control of the situation and take control of the emotion, or this, like you said, the sensation if it's anxiety.

Using the right language for inner mind to get the message right.

And that's what you teach people, the right language to use.

Absolutely.

Can you give us a hint of what a couple of those words would be, or is it all individual depending on the situation?

Um, I think it's individual depending on the situation. The tool that you just mentioned, which is quickly changing environments or going for a walk if you're having anxiety, um, that is a really great common practice. Mindfulness skills are incredible. And it's a tool that everybody can have in their back pocket is learning how to get present, focusing on something else. If you're preoccupied all the time, you know, that's guilt, resentment, there's this preoccupation of some kind all the time. And it's, it's inner mind is going to keep the stuckness on repeat to get you to do something about something That you— that can't be done. And listen, we don't want our surgeon to be preoccupied about a fight he had with his mother 2 days earlier. So there's like this skill of mindfulness should be brought into all environments. And just being able to— it's not just breathing, but it's breathing with awareness of the breathing.

Yeah.

It's breathing with awareness of, I'm inhaling, I feel where all the air is going, I feel my belly going out. I'm exhaling, the air feels cool. I feel it more in my nose than in my mouth. I'm noticing that my tush is uncomfortable in the seat right now. I'm noticing that I feel relaxed. I'm noticing that I have a pain in my knee. And so doing all of these things, becoming aware that where you are in the present, and grounding can stop a preoccupation cycle. Maybe it's temporary, but it's enough to get you resourced again, get you good with where you are, so that now you can make smart decisions and react appropriately, say the right thing. Consider cause and effect. Not be triggered because I'm present. I've made peace with where I am right now, being mindful and stopping this reactivity. So that, that really is one way to do it. Deactivating an anxiety response. If you can't get out and walk, if you can't change environments for whatever reason, I know it sounds crazy, but saying to inner mind, thank you for the unnecessary protection.

Ooh.

Right now, I can feel the sensation in my chest right now, but so what? And that so what, that paying it no mind, consciously saying it doesn't matter that my heart is racing right now. My heart is racing. It's temporary, and so what? The sympathetic system reaction system cannot thrive when you don't care about it. It's when you give it importance that it wants to double down. So if you're going to be flasé da about what's happening, then you're actually telling In her mind, this must really not be a threatening situation. And so, you know, you start trying to consciously think that way. Not, you know, we try to tell a friend that's having a panic attack, no, you're fine. You're not having a heart attack. No, you don't need to go to the hospital.

Right?

We try to— that's rational. And the person probably does hear that rationally, but But, but, but this could be important. You know, this— I could be at risk of having a heart attack. I might, I might, I might. But if you can instead start saying, you know, I'm having heart palpitations and I'm feeling jittery and I'm having an out-of-body experience, but it's just extra protection. Thank you for the extra protection. It's just temporary. Thank you. So what? That, that disconnection from caring is really what your inner mind needs to hear. It's not so easy, you know, and that is kind of the work that I could bring somebody through in a session. But that is the kind of thing that we're talking about, deactivating the complicated grandfather clock mechanism by starting with Nonchalance.

I could imagine that someone who is highly anxious, that would take a lot of practice. Like, it would be like a daily practice to give it like, I don't care, you know, you're not winning, I'm winning, you know. Like, just have that sort of attitude. We realize that from your work, it's all subconscious. What does that What does a session actually look like? So someone knows who may want to book in with you. What does that look like? Talk therapy, we're upright, we're speaking to someone. Is this similar to like hypnotherapy? How do we see this session?

First, I'd like to let everybody know it's like a treat because I do all the talk. So I do all the talking, I take responsibility for your healing, and I make sure that you are clear before we hang up our Zoom connection. We just having a conversation, like I said, where I'm doing most of the talking, but it's a life-changing conversation. We set the intention for what we're going to accomplish in the beginning. I don't ask you to tell me the whole story that you've said 100,000 times. I don't ask you to reinjure yourself. I don't ask you how you got here. I just ask you what is getting in the way of you being happy or thriving or having your relationship or whatever it is What do you think it will look like on the other side of it when it's gone? And then we take it from there. I start, I provide my perspective. I take you through some exercises. A lot of it is that mindfulness work while I'm talking to you. I think hypnosis might be the closest if somebody's wondering what it's like, but it's not because you're just very much here present with me.

Mm-hmm.

But since I can talk to you in a way that I know your inner mind will hear and get the message to clear. It's, it doesn't feel like much except a, a conversation where you get to just really listen throughout the course of our time together. It's usually like an hour and a half, but it's not by the hour. We just work until it's clear. Sometimes it's 45 minutes, sometimes it's 2 hours. It just depends. And throughout the session, I check in and I have a way of determining— together we have a way of determining if you're clear or not, if it— if that turmoil has been cleared. That's it. And, and we're good. And then I do check on you a few days later, a few weeks later, a month later, just to make sure, because We want this to be lasting. It is automatic. It is natural. We wanna make sure it's also lasting.

Sure.

And that you can just sort of take this into your life, and then you get to live your life in a way where you can visualize a future and you can start experiencing contrast of things you like and things you don't like and having experiences, you know, manifesting the things that you want and the outcomes you want. These things that aren't really possible When you're stuck, that undercurrent, when that vibrational frequency heading out there is not serving you. Right. But now it can. So so much opens up. The energy goes to where it needs to. Your health is restored because your body is not in depletion mode, that leaky energy, like with your laptop. Right. It's something else is running. So You know, it might affect your digestion, it might affect your head, it might affect your sleep, which, you know, you know, you're not going to be on alert anymore. Um, so everything just improves tremendously afterwards.

And I think very reassuring for people who have high anxiety or have never really tapped into their emotions and they can't find the words, you know, like to express your emotions and really explain how you're feeling, it's finding those words. And hearing that you do the talking instead of someone needing to start expressing themselves, which a lot of people don't like to do, I think it's, it's a fantastic technique and a great one for people that do, uh, have that resistance and go, I'm not opening up to anyone, you know, that sort of thing. Or like I said, can't find the words.

Okay.

Mary, this has been so enlightening. Thank you so much. It's You know, I do really believe that if you want to change your beliefs, your patterns, or whatever is keeping you stuck in life, you have to go to the subconscious mind because that's where it all is. So this has been very educational. And for all our listeners and viewers, if you would like more information about Mary, her— all her details will be in the show notes. Go there, chat with her, or book in. Honestly, it's a great service. Thank you so much.