"These 4 Questions Can End Stress for GOOD!" - Byron Katie

Sage, that's when I began to laugh. It's like, oh, my goodness, I get it.

Yes.

All life is a state of mind.

Yes.

And that life is an incredible gift if we can live it fearlessly.

Katie, I know that from your own story, for those of you who, for the people in the audience, have never heard your story. And can you give a context of how this began? Because you didn't always have this understanding. And is it accurate that you went through close to a decade of life that was. You were an extraordinary depressed state and unhappy space? Can you just give a context of what that looked like and as well, what happened that shifted it for you?

What was actually just. Just stuck in this place of, you know, agoraphobia, the fear of even leaving my bedroom, more or less my home. And this went on and on. I'm raising three children at the same time and oh, my goodness, depression. I just, you know, I offer people a way out of that kind of dire, trapped prison.

Yes.

Because there is a way. And you spoke to it so well, Sage, in your own experience, how powerful it is, is to look to ourselves. Yes. And so one day, as I lay sleeping on the floor, my self esteem was so low, I didn't believe I even deserved a bed to sleep in. So sleeping on a floor one morning I was like, in this dead sleep and this bug crawled over my foot, over my ankle, and I opened my eyes and before ego could step in and grab that space, I saw. I saw like light coming through a window and I began to just laugh. I was without identification and I began to laugh. It's like, oh, my gosh, I've got the joke. It's like I was born in that moment on the floor as just witnessing, as ego defined, gave me identity like you described. Sage, it's like your identity, in my words, your identity in that situation with the doctor.

Yes.

You became the woman that could no longer experience motherhood.

Yes.

And that. The prison and then this work, you know, these questions and these questions, you know, there. There's nothing foreign about them. You know, it's like, is it true? Well, what does that mean? Even, you know, and, oh, the freedom you described. And that's my experience as well. And the experience of, of countless people in this world now that are able to just stand, sit in that quietness and ask themselves, is what I'm believing true? And so in that experience, the first sound out of my mouth was laughter. It's like, I get the show, you know, like light, window, ceiling, floor, walls, everything was just Naming itself self without I. And so I began to laugh. It's like I got the joke and I've been moving this work ever since. You know where the ego is? You know, we're locked in a spell. It's like a spell falls by and the wakes us up and allows us to sense of fearless like. And for me, the absence of fear is love. It's wisdom available to us. But when we're believing our thoughts, these thoughts just are costing us our life. We think in our heads there's a way out. And you and I know this and good for else just offering the world.

It's so true.

You know, I know anything sage, just. Just keep guiding me.

No, actually that was so. It's so beautiful. And so as that transpired and as you were experiencing life beyond identity, where did the questions drop in? Or did you experience that because you were hearing the question? Would you share your perception from that?

Such a good question. It's a really important faith I left out.

Yes.

But when I saw the light, it was without identification. The ego didn't have a chance to take it over. And I saw the light, but it wasn't light. It was just this extraordinary experience. And then the ego, it named, named it light. And then there's window and then the name. Oh gosh, how do I say this? There was nothing, no identification. And there was light. Yes. And window and feeling and sage. That's what I began to laugh. It's like, oh my goodness, I get it.

Yes.

All life is a state of mind. Yes. And that life is an incredible gift if we can live it fearlessly. And we deserve to live without fear. I mean fear can really move us forward. Wisdom, that's. That is a fearless state of mind when we're in touch with wisdom. So getting back a little, I feel like I'm moving all over the place.

You're doing beautifully.

But there was no light without the name. Was the nameless named and then ceiling. But it wasn't until it was named and I wasn't. I wasn't meaning it. It was image, name. And that is how life is created and life is imagined. And hopefully. What does that mean? Hopefully we'll have time to get into that today.

Absolutely.

The experience that, you know, I would just go out into the streets as a doraphobic. It was like free. And I go on the street, say, oh, you know, there's nothing, there's nothing, there's nothing. And people would look at me like I was crazy. And so that's how this work was Born so people can understand that suffering is necessary to move us forward. Yes. And that we can. Oh my goodness. We can live in what I see as non duality. We can live out our birthright. Yes. And, and, and what happens is through inquiry. It's like I understand now that I'm simply in earth school and other than what I'm thinking and believing this really, you know, we hear the word heaven. What does that mean?

Yes.

You know, on, on the absence of suffering and the ability to live wisely and to make change fearlessly with nothing to stop us. And it leaves us not stupid and not risk taking. It's. It's just clarity with, you know, I think I've said all I could keep asking questions and I just love and appreciate all of you following as closely as you can.

I'd love to just.

Thank you, Katie. I'd love to share in that moment that I was sitting with my own worksheet. I didn't have Katie's experience, but what I did, the clarity that was provided, the wisdom that I recognized as I was inquiring was the fact that I was already a mother. And I missed that. And as ego mind was chasing after this thing that I thought I deserved to have here now, I missed the intimacy in all the aspects and ways that already was. And I felt such extreme peace with whatever happened. And so for you women out there who are possibly going through IVF or anything, it can be any context in your life, not even just women, any of you that are going through something became a different experience. It wasn't life and death. If I went through the IVF and I didn't and it didn't happen all of a sudden, if I miscarried, it meant something different. It just was. It was like meeting life for the first time without the, you know, high peaks and lows. And by the way, then life offers you something else. And then life offers you something else. I still continue to do this, this practice. Katie. So the four questions in a turnaround. Can you walk us through that process that people are going and they were.

Today and they were born on the floor with this identity that doesn't stick and though walk out of it. It's very. So the first question is, is it true?

Is it true?

So it's slowing down self realization so that people can. It belongs to everyone.

Yes.

So I'm on the floor and there's light in this window. So before it was named, it wasn't. It was. Don't know, don't know. It was just beautiful. With no need of description which is what I saw. And then the word light and window hit and it was like. And so people. My ship was so radical. My children didn't recognize me. You know, I was walking around in their mother's body. But the, the, the ship was so radical.

Yes.

One you said at one time what happened to my mom? Where is she? What have you done with her? Yeah, yeah. So nothing. Just await to the cause of suffering. And second question is that's light. That's a window. Is it true? Can I absolutely know that it's true even though this gift is being shown to me that don't know mine. And I absolutely know that it's true is how everyone has an opportunity to be on that floor in that situation in their own. And then the third question, how do I react? What happens?

Yes.

When I think the thought that's light, that's window. Well for me in that situation, laughter I can say that's where, that's where I was born. That's, that's where I was born. And every moment is the same. Born, born, born. It's like life not life not life not. Or we can say life wisdom. Life wisdom. So that fourth question is who would you be without the thought? You know that's, that's a window. That's light. And then that is my experience on the floor and where the laughter came from. And then that's light. That's window turned around. That's not light. That's not window. And what, what, what do I offer there as I say that? You know, it's not like that's not window. And that's not something I can really. In my world it's not.

Yes.

In my world it's not. But I can still speak to it like I'm talking to you.

Yes.

But it's loving the dream and the gift of life.

Yes.

And people could say oh she, you know, she's just wacko. She's whacked. And self inquiry is for the brave and the bold. It truly the brave in the bowl because we lose world but you know, and we can fear that but we come out with a wiser world.

Yeah.

It's like we're birthing ourselves into a wiser to our wisdom and to live that way again to live that way is. It's. It's a life of fearlessness and, and sage. What you, you and I know is so well, it's, it's kind, it's giving, it's sharing, selfless. It's, it's Energizing. And we don't age. I'm in my 80s and. And I feel like, oh my gosh, I'm just, I feel healthier and am more active than I was in my 40s and I'm very active.

And you know, when Katie says being born, what we're losing in the false self. And so each moment as we inquire, are the thoughts that cause us suffering. The painful thoughts, because the beautiful ones, why question them, Experience them. It's a blessing, it's a gift. But as we question our stressful thoughts, the experience of Katie, that's a unique experience. But it's being born. It's like seeing the miracle. Experiencing the miracle. Being so intimately connected with our beloveds because we don't have all of our stickies over them. Katie, you speak about stickies and would you convey that? Like, let me just give an example. Since we're in America. We're not in America, but the election is coming up. This four step process would work as well. If blank. If Trump wins, America will. If Kamala wins, America will. And fill in the blank. Really, there's no place you can't go with these questions. Is that so?

Oh, anything that, that we are thinking and believing, Pondering. Absolutely, yes. It's disturbing. It's disturbing. You know, fearful. In other words, on a scale from 1 to 10, it doesn't matter. Fear is fear.

Yes.

Then we can get from our head to paper.

Yeah.

So we're not fooling ourselves. The ego loses control of their mind. Paper. And then we can question it as son. And then everyone, everyone can see what you and I have experienced as we sit in self inquiry and the freedom of that and the weightlessness of it.

Beautiful.

Well, Katie, everybody has their worksheets. Will you walk them through this process of the first steps of. Is the first worksheet I complain about.

You know. Yeah. I like to. I'd like to invite all of you to that because it is a way of emptying our head. You know, our head is full of complaints about other people. Let's say that that makes it easy. If we look at other people, the people that work for us, the people that work with us, the people in the news, the people that we live with. I complain about. And it's a meditative process. It's an exercise in stillness. So as you sit in this I complain about worksheet just meditatively, just. You may want to just close your eyes and wait for a complaint. Just think of a person's name and wait. And your Ego will offer up a complaint. Yes. And we're not looking for the compliments because those work for us. But we're looking for complaints like I complain about Paul because he lied to me. Now the important thing is when you're filling in this worksheet is Paul lied to me, okay? I see an image of Paul and I in the kitchen and he is lying to me. I said, you're smoking. I smell the smoke. I saw him throw it away down the garbage disposal, all of that. And he says, no, I wasn't. No, I wasn't. Okay, so he lied to me, okay? And then I complain about my mother because she never really cared about me. Okay? I complained about you. See how I'm just waiting for the ego to offer up a name. I wait and I have the complaint, but I also have the image with it. I have the time in place with Paul. It's mid morning in the kitchen. I smell the smoke. I come out, he's had four massive coronaries. The doctor said if he doesn't quit smoking, he's going to die. He's in the kitchen, I smell the smoke. I go roaring into the kitchen. I'm just. Okay, so what am I thinking? He's. He's saying, you know, he's. He's lying to me. He's defending, Okay, I complained about Paul because he lied to me. I complain about Annie because she's always late for her appointment. So you see on how random this is, I'm taking ego. I'm taking dictation. Name complaint. And you may have several complaints on the same person. But be sure as you're filling this in that you notice the time and place. You know, for me it was mid morning. Okay. Sage, anything I'd left out?

It's my microphone. There we go. No, I think it's so beautiful. You know, just from my own experience as well. It can be one of the most stressful thoughts or it can just be anything that comes. I love that the election is coming because that can certainly. There's been many conversations in the room about that. Trump is, Kamala is my husband. Does my mother doesn't. He should, she should. It all sounds the same. But whatever comes up, don't be shy. This is such a safe place. You're sitting with yourself. Katie always talks about it's a space to allow your ego out to play.

Yeah. It is invitation to just let it be. Yeah. Just give up life. Don't. No argument, no nothing. Just see what it has to say. Just I complain about and just Something will come. Just think of someone's name and like all the options, examples that Sage just gave us. And then the complaint. And again, you may have the same person. You know quite a few complaints. So you just list one belief at a time, one complaint at a time.

My father berates me. My wife never listens to me.

And notice the time and place, even though it happened five, six, a thousand times. Notice anchor in one situation to do this work.

Yes.

Beautiful.

Thank you, Katie.

Okay, so in silence, just meditatively, just get still. I complain about Annie because she is always late for her appointment. I see me in my office and she's late again. Okay, I'll complain about. I move to the next one.

Yes.

No, it doesn't have to be a beautiful question. Doesn't have to be about a person. No, it can be about anything. Anything you complain about. Is that so, Katie?

Yes, sure.

And people are aware. I invite people to start. And what you say is, it's absolutely stubborn. It's accurate. You can just think of anyone in your life and just wait. Be open to a complaint. Just wait and it'll show up. This is an exercise in stillness, Getting connected with the ego, taking all the restraints off of it. I see the eagle as a terrified child just fighting for survival. Just wanted to be hurt. I find this opportunity respectful. Who would do war with such a power as the ego, the creator of all life, of apparent love. Let's get still. Notice. Just think of a person, wait for a complaint. Giving the ego all the room it wants, all the room it needs without trying to shut it up or change router. This is an exercise in stingus. Is it you inviting your ego to be free and then moving it into the world, get it onto paper. There it is. I complain about it. You know, once you. Once you fill in a couple of these with an open mind, the ego will just give you a flow, just. It'll just complain for you. And it's such a. It's for me. It's just amazing to see what's in us, lives in. In our head.

The first time I did this worksheet. Yes, the first time I did, I complained about ego. Had a story that I don't complain that much. So it was only a couple. But I mean, between now and then, I could have filled books. I complain about it. Just willingness, just sitting in it.

And look what is.

Notice what's offered up.

And also it's an act of love. It's giving the ego an opportunity. It's like who invites the ego it gives it. It gives us this terrified child that wants to live as a body, as I. It just, it gives it voice. And I just find it so respectful, you know, would I shut my child up when it wants to speak and it's important to it. And I see the ego as a terrified child. And so this worksheet, it's like, okay, little ego, you know, you know, speak, complain about Paul. Because love to me, I love not having to shut my ego down. No, this work allows it to wear, show itself so we can question it. And in that it finds a hole in our heart. And in that you begin to truly enter the world. A world without suffering, a world where change doesn't even take courage. It's just natural to do the right thing. Whatever that is for you, it is that it gives. It doesn't fear. Love affair with the ego.

Love affair with the ego. Katie said.

So beautiful. When innocently we can so demonize our fearful thoughts, our judgmental thoughts.

Yeah. When we realize they're moving or noine to paper like this, our complaints to paper and we begin to question the freedom that rings allows us to see the beauty of life, the gift of this smallest experience we call world. Yes, understanding really is the power. War is not the answer. War is an act of fear in the name of. Oh, it's the best thing that we can deal with our inner war and find peace. The world doesn't have to change for to be free.

So, Katie, those who are wrapping up, do they take the next step from one complaint at a time?

For those of you that only have one or two complaints, that's enough to do this work. So. And if you filled in, you know all of the options for complaints. That's just all of us find a complaint and then new fit to the one belief at a time.

Your one belief at a time.

It's the next page, actually. Let's move it to the judge your neighbor worksheet in the interest of time. Sage.

Okay, beautiful.

Do you all have the judge your neighbor worksheet? Beautiful. So choose one of the concepts, one of the statements from I complain about and transfer that and write that on the first number one. Is that accurate, Katie? Judge your neighbor worksheet?

Yeah. Yes. Take one of your. One of your complaints as you notice the time and place and person like Paul and me, we're in the kitchen, we're having this argument. He's smoking, he's denying. So I complain about Paul because he lied to me. So you see how I'm not guessing. I'm Mentally there in the kitchen. I can see it. It's in my mind's eye. And he's lying to me. His arms are going up and down. His face is red. Can you all see Paul and I in the kitchen?

Yes.

Who can see Paul in the kitchen?

Yes.

Yeah. So it's, it's. And you weren't in the kitchen with this, but you're just as much in that kitchen as I was in that kitchen.

Yes.

That's how we are with it, how it works. Okay, so fill in number one. Get in touch with your emotion. I'm furious. But call. You just get in touch with the emotion. Really important. Furious. And not just angry. I'm furious, but Paul, because he lied to me.

So number one in this situation, who angers, confused, hurts, saddens, or disappoints you?

N.

Jason. Yes.

Just one moment. Can we get Jason the microphone so Katie can hear him? Yes, Jason.

I've already filled out 1, 2, and 3. But just curious really quickly for step two, when you're asking yourself, is this true and can you absolutely know if this is true, are you wanting to be exacting on the verbiage which you wrote, or like all those situations? So, for example, I wrote, I get frustrated when my girlfriend doesn't have dinner ready when she's home and I've been working all day. I'm just trying to give an example. I wrote down 38 complaints, so I really, I need a few more sheets. I, I just warmed up.

Okay, good. So when I, I, I am frustrated that my girlfriend, when she doesn't have dinner ready for me when, when she's.

Been home all day because she's not working and I was at work all day. We made an agreement that whoever's home first will have dinner ready for the other. So, for example, she's a nurse. She works three 12 hour shifts, so she's off four days a week. And when I'm working and I come home and at least there's not even a plan of dinner, a thought of dinner, she's on the couch, you know, in her pajamas. So from when she woke up, I'm like, oh, you must have had a busy day today. So, okay, whoever's booing now puts yourself in my situation when you've been working all day and you come home and there's no dinner ready, and then you go boo to yourself. Thank you so much. But.

So I think they're all, I think they're all relating to you.

Yeah.

Oh, maybe, maybe it's a complimenting. Boo. I'm not sure it sounds like a boo towards me. That's fine, though. I'm okay, to be honest.

Oh, honey, honey, I just got. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, what you said. Yeah. Working all day. She's on the couch. It's not kenner. Yeah, I think we get it.

So when I ask myself and I.

Say.

This is not recorded, Right. We will not show her this. This is not relationship. Thank you. This industry stays in this room stage. All right? But when I say, you know, is this true? Because this is. This is very important because, you know, when we do the leadership training in July, you know, my whole team's there. I. I really hone in on when transforming someone's opinion, you really have to ask and say, is that true? And you can't say, well, maybe because you know she does.

Jason.

Yes.

Jason.

Yes.

Be there now. Yes, I can. I can see what you've described in my mind. She's on the couch.

Yes.

Coming in from working long hours. Hardcore.

Yes.

There's no dinner. Okay, so you hold that in your mind's eye. She doesn't have dinner ready for you, Right? That's what you work with because you know the situation. So she doesn't have dinner ready for you. You see that in your mind's eye. Is it true she doesn't have dinner ready for you?

If I'm to pick that a specific day, yes. If I'm to say every single time, no. And I try to be very careful with that because I don't want to use all inclusive statements.

No. Be there then now.

Okay, There then, now. Yes.

Ready for you. Is it. She doesn't have dinner ready for you. Is it true? Now the answer is one syllable. It's either yes or no. This is an exercise in stillness. So be there now. She doesn't have dinner ready for you. Is it true?

Yes.

Okay, now notice how you react.

Yes. I get angry. I get frustrated. You know, it confirms my thoughts.

Okay, so let's. So, okay, so, Jason, close your eyes. Be there now. What do you say? What do you do? You walk in, she doesn't have dinner ready for you. Get in touch with it. So this is so important, Jason, because you're not guessing. You're in touch with what you said, what you did. Get in touch with your emotional. Be there now. You're emotional. Notice. Do you give her the look? Notice you know your body language, because now you're getting to know you in that situation. Taking a look where you were like a runaway train. You're There for you now in that situation where you were so disappointed.

Oh, I could be there easily.

Yeah. So. So. So notice how you treat her when you think that thought she doesn't have ready for me. She doesn't have dinner ready for me.

Yeah. I'm not present for her.

Okay, so now you're in. You're just shooting from the hip. Even though you're accurate. Accurate shooting from the hip, but you're present. Anything else? Notice how you treat her, what you say you do. The look on your face when you look at her.

I mean, I close off to her.

I get.

It's. It's very easy for me to picture this because it happens all so many times.

You.

It's. It ruins. Causes the whole evening to get ruined because I'm walking in, my dog comes, greets me. You know, he gets so excited. He's jumping on me because when she's home, he stays there. And then I barely greet her because I'm just like, wow. Another. Another night where I'm cooking dinner now. Yeah, I mean, it's like. It's not a surprise. Dinner happens every night. You know, you'd think dinner would be.

Ready like, well, honey, it's not. So it. It's what? This is. This is.

This is your stays there. And then I barely greet her because I'm just like, wow. Another. Another night where I'm cooking dinner now. Yeah, I mean, it's like, it's not a surprise. Dinner happens every night. You know, you'd think dinner would be ready like.

Well, honey, it's not. So. It. It's not. This is. This is. This is your. This is. This is stuff. You've worked all day.

I know, but it shouldn't be tough. It is every night.

Okay, so this, this is self inquiry, not a discussion. So notice. Close your eyes. Be there. Now you walk. You've walked in. You're confronting her. Dinner's not Eddie. Okay, so notice those images of past and future. And you've already described into us those images of past and future. When you think you thought, she doesn't have dinner ready for me. Notice the past. She's done it before. She's done it before. She's done it before. She does it.

She. She's.

Notice. Yeah, and notice the image of the future where she's not going to change. It's going to continue.

Okay. Is there a future?

Yeah. Huh. And that's in your head too, you know, like, this is too much. I'm out of here. So notice now those images of past and Future in that situation, you're in touch with them now. Who would you be? Look at her on the couch. And this isn't about going into denial. Just drop those images of past future in your head, okay? She's done it before. She's going to continue doing. Just look at her without the thought, she doesn't have dinner ready for me. Okay. And get in touch. Look at her. What do you see? Without the thought, she doesn't have dinner ready for me. What do you see in reality without your. Those, your ego images running through your head?

I see my sweet girlfriend with my dog, relaxed in our new house, very comfortable and you know, happy that I'm walking in the door and, you know, just happy that she's able to relax after a hard day of work the day before because it's a 12 hour shift and sometimes she has back to back days.

Yeah. So just be there now in that she doesn't have dinner ready for me. Turned around. I don't have.

I'm sorry, you broke up one more time.

So let's turn it around to an opposite.

Okay?

I don't have dinner ready for me. So contemplate that. You know her. She doesn't always, always have dinner ready for you. This is not a big shock. I jo. I have dinner ready for me.

Why don't. Okay. Why don't I have dinner ready for me is okay.

Let's just stay with. I don't have dinner ready for me.

Okay?

You're gonna find you knew you know her and you didn't plan for it. If you want dinner take care of you, she doesn't consistently take care of you in that way. Okay. All those hours and doesn't matter why, she just doesn't. And yeah, it's valid, but she just doesn't. That's your point. Knowing that I don't have dinner ready for me and I don't have dinner ready for her.

I'm playing along.

I mean, now there's a man, but there's a man I can believe now. He's a man that wants dinner ready for him.

At least when she's home and I'm working all day.

Yes.

Well, you still want dinner ready for you.

I mean, I gladly cook for her if she's at work and I'm at home. I do, all the time. Well, you're a good teacher because dinner is every night.

Yeah. Yeah. So if you, you want dinner ready for you, she's not the what there. But there is someone that can take care of that for you. And that is, you don't have to like it. It's just. She doesn't have dinner ready for me.

I'm hoping there's a positive outcome in this one.

Go for it. Yeah.

Shallow. Shallow.

Yes. No, let's just let.

But it's up to you.

Well, yes, but that's, you know, that's where it comes into not wanting to be me or you. It's about wanting to serve your partner, knowing and doing what they would like or what would make them happy, you know, and changing your blueprint. Or not.

Jason, she doesn't have dinner ready for her either. Give both of you everything you just said.

Yes, but she eats once I cook.

Well, she wants dinner ready for her. You're the guy.

I mean, she can eat a frozen meal. I can't. Yeah, but no, she literally, like, eats frozen meals.

I don't have all kinds of options. You can bring food home with you. You can call it in.

No, I. I completely understand that, but, you know, we tried to make a fix it forever solution, and our. What I don't want to do is I don't want to think that if we make an agreement then that she's not going to hold her end to it.

And, well, that's who she is.

Oh, okay.

I mean, there's. There's your dream partner and then there's your partner. Those are two different people.

Going, well, I'm. I'm dreaming that my partner can become a dreaming partner.

Yeah.

And that would not be your partner. That would be, again, your dream partner.

Okay, Is it. Is there a twist?

Well, that's. That's it.

Oh, okay.

That's it now. And. And she doesn't have dinner ready for me. I don't have dinner ready for her. Then you know. You know how she is. You didn't call to check ahead of time to see should you bring dinner home? Because without it, you don't. You don't have dinner and you don't have dinner as a gift for her. Knowing her hours, etc. That's your partner. We're just looking at how to have a happy life and to be fair fed. Well, notice you're emotional when you think this. God. You see her on the couch. Notice you're emotional. Those images of past future. Honey, get in touch with your. Your gut and in your shoulders when you're confronting her. You see her on the couch and you know, when people talk about what raises your blood pressure, you know, you're looking at it. And then she takes the wrap for your high blood Pressure, let's say if that were the situation, which I'm not hearing it, but notice how you treat her right when you think she doesn't have dinner ready for me.

Okay, so these are for, these exercises are for awareness of how our physiology is and stuff of that nature as.

We'Re having these thoughts and entirely you, entirely user friendly. You don't have dinner ready for you. It's serious and it's not on her.

Okay.

Because you know her pattern. That's why I say it's not on her.

Right.

You both agreed to it. It's not on her because you knew your partner.

Okay?

You're not fucked when you come in. Okay? Okay. So honey, you are one open minded, one open minded courageous human being to stand up here. And you are so not alone. You're so not alone with how you react. We're looking at the cause of suffering.

Thank you.

In the causes, the clouds of suffering. The cause of your suffering is what you were thinking and believing that trance. The ego offers up. She's done it before. You see that where you were hungry and you had these commitments and then you see where she's gonna. This is just gonna go on and on and on. What is the cause of your suffering? Her not cooking dinner or ego's play in your head and how you react out of that trance, the ego playing. Well, honey, you are still on the same beautiful.

I guess my, my question would be is that you know, if I'm to predict what I feel based off what I'm writing down these situations then I wouldn't even really be having conversations or asking people do actions because I was just completing all the tasks for them. No, no, you're keeping stuff like that.

No, I have, I. I can, I can ask and I can always make a change. And if they're my employees, I can always, you know like put them on, on alert on that they may lose their job and be very clear about why. And, and I'm very. It's. If it's my company, I can fire them, but not out of anger.

Right?

They're right for the job. And that's on you again.

Okay? So this is taking accountability for our thoughts and our actions to better to not allow ourselves to get in negative states because we should already be able to identify things that are bothering us before it starts to happen. That's the purpose of the work.

The purpose of the work is to, to understand that suffering is nothing wo or less. And your state of mind in any given situation, anytime you're fearful and anger is a word. Or fear.

Yes.

One little fear and terror get a future. A little shame and guilt get a past. And that's the ego's breeding ground. That's. That's. You know, I. Let's say if Stephen's job to cook dinner, because I have long hours and he doesn't do it if I want. The question is, do I want dinner or not? And obviously he's not someone I can count on for it. So if I want dinner, I need to take care of me, and I don't have to take care of him. We can just fend for ourselves. But the bottom line for me is, do I want dinner? And how can I. How can I provide that without war in my home?

Got it. Thank you very much. I appreciate you walking me through the exercise.

And you know something else, Jason? It shows us unconditional love. And it doesn't mean we have to stay with that person. You're free. And it doesn't mean if you don't stay with that person that you're not going to continue to love her and have an incredible relationship. It may not look like the kind of partnership you. You thought it would be, but we don't have to break up with people, you know, we can. We can love them both ways. Anger is on it's. What is anger? Those images in your head of past, future, when you're believing the thought she doesn't have dinner ready for. To me, what is the cause of your emotional. Those images in your head, right, of thinking to believe in past and future. Nothing that she can say and do is the cause of your suffering. And I love to squeeze you up to. To have the life you came here. You know, we're born into Earth School. It's like I was on the floor. We're doing that every moment, all of us. So listen, look at those images in your head. All of you all say a word. And do not. Do not give it a picture. Do not give it an image. Okay, Banana. You all saw a picture, right?

Yeah.

So that's life. You have no proof that bananas even exist other than what the ego just offered up. And you could ask the whole world, do bananas exist? They all go, yeah, yeah, okay, we're talking about you. Where is your proof that bananas exist? The whole world would tell you. Yes. You all understand what I'm saying? This is personal work. And I can tell the world, Yeah, I love bananas. And I can even kind of taste one as I'm talking about it or kind of smell it, sense it. But it's not a banana doing that. It's just the mere image of a banana in my head. What is the cause of what I'm experiencing? Even appetite. You know, this is the ego's world that we're waking up to. And what we're waking up to is a world without fear, without suffering. A world of understanding and solutions.

Perfect.

Is done, honey. Again, thank you for your very open mind.

Thank you very much. Appreciate you.

Thank you.

All of you. Just imagine a world where the only problem this world is ever going to offer up or ever has offered up is in your head. That gives you 100% control. And what is the control? No control. As you just honor what's there, no matter how horrific and just meditate in these questions. And then when you turn it around, there are solutions, as we saw with Jason. You know, if I want dinner and I come home from work, knowing her, you know, it's up to me. And I don't have to like it. It's just, do I want dinner or not when I come home? Okay, so, Sage. Okay, so you all, have you all entered a belief and enter one.

Of.

Your complaints over to the one belief at a time? No, we're on the worksheet.

On the worksheet, you judge your neighbor. Worksheet.

Okay, so in that situation, for example, with Jason, she's on the couch, he's hungry, he's had a horrific day at work. Okay, in that situation, all of you look at yours and I'm using Jason's as an example. In that situation, time and place anchored there in your mind's eye. In that situation, I'll ask Jason, and then you all follow suit. In that situation, with her tired as you are in the door, looking at her on the couch, what do you want? What do you want her to think, say, feel, or do? What do you want from her? Now, you don't have to guess. Be there now in the situation, get in touch with what you were thinking and believing. Look at her on the couch. What do you want her to think, say, feel or do? Now, all of you look at your situation and fill in number two, short, simple sentences. The only way to fill in this worksheet is to be there now, identifying what you were thinking and believing. Then in your mind's eye, just like me on the floor seeing the light in the window. Be in that situation and get in touch with and make sure your wants are short enough that they're easy to question later, uncomplicated. In other words, are you all beginning to understand this is an exercise in stillness. This is an exercise and meditative exercise. And be there now in touch with all of you in that situation. In that situation. And number one, with that person. To get what you want, what advice would you offer that person? That person should. Shouldn't. Make sure the advice is doable. It's not like airy fairy out there. To get what you want, what advice would you offer that person? So anchor in that time and place. Fill in number three. You know, when I, when this worksheet came out of me from the, from the experience on the floor. The ego only does this one through six that we're filling in. It's, it's all the ego does. And it's, it's, it's circular. It's just over and over and over. I'm angry because I want the dun dun. And they should, they shouldn't. And I'm to be happy. I need you too. You see how I'm going down the worksheet? And five, you're, you're unkind. You know, there's something you do. You don't like me. You don't love that. The number six. I don't ever want to. It's the, it's, it's completely neat. It only does six things when it's broken down. It's Eagle's survival. And it doesn't sleep. If it went to sleep, you'd have your own floor experience. That's what this works. It, it's, it's, it's. It gives all of us the freedom to understand our true nature and grief and suffering. And, you know, even, even physical pain is either remembered or anticipated, even when you're experiencing it. And this work will free you up in ways that you have. You have. Okay, for. In that situation, be there now. Anchor there. What do you need to be happy? For example, on Jason's worksheet, what do you need your partner to think, say, feel or do for you to be happy in that situation? So be there now. It was in you. What do you need to be happy? And fill in number four so you don't ever have to guess. It's just be there now, identifying what you were thinking and believing. Hold that picture of her on the couch. You're standing there after work, you're hungry. You need to be happy. What do you need her to think safely, learn you. I mean, if you need more time, would you raise your hand?

There was just one or two.

Okay, so in that situation, get present. Be there now. What were your thoughts? About that person. Paul is a liar in that situation. He's lying about his smoke, and he's a liar. He's arrogant, he's loud, he's dishonest, he's unconscious, and he's cruel. So in that situation. Bigger there. And fill in five. Okay, so what is it about on number six? What is it about that person or those people and situation that you don't ever want to experience again? I don't ever want Paul to lie to me again. I don't ever want to be disrespected again. Anchor in your situation, what is it that you don't ever want to experience again? And fill in number six.

It.

How many of you need more time?

Just a couple, Katie. We're actually the majority of the group is done.

Okay, so what was your experience as you were filling in the worksheet or do you have any questions?

There was a couple.

Hands up.

Does anybody.

Yes, right here. So.

Can you.

There we go. Hi.

Hi. I'm Mario from Florida. Thank you so much. I learned a lot from Jason there. I was really confused. You know, I'm writing all this stuff down, and I was married for 27 years. I've been separating divorce for four and a half years, and she just has not gotten over it. And I'm writing all these things down, and I just figure it out. The only person I can change is myself, and I've been doing that. I was trying to hope to get some kind of answer to help her, but at the end of the day, the only way I can change is myself. So I'm. Now I'm right.

Oh, I think. I think you are on to something really important. It's. It's like, you know, looking to ourself. You know, we can do that first and we'd understand others.

Yeah, it's just a slow process, and I feel like I'm doing the right things. I'm getting ready to move closer to the families where I'll be. Be there more regular and really be able to step in and be more for their. For them there. And my great. My son just graduated from Air Force boot camp two weeks ago, and it was the first time we've been together as a family for, like I said, five years. First time we've taken a picture in five years. So it's going in the right direction.

Oh, well, you were onto something beautiful. What, What? Did you fill in for number one on your worksheet or did you have. Did you have a question first?

Well, you're talking about for Step three or step one?

Number one.

Yeah. I put on here I am for. I mean, I am furious with Lauren for lying to the kids and not coming clean.

Okay, so she lied to your kids.

Yes, especially in the. In the early, you know, six months. You know, they're just a lot of lies going around. And my. My. My daughter took it very, very, very hard. I have one daughter, four boys, and she writes me an email a year and a half later with all lies. And I didn't accuse my ex or anything. I just asked her, like, where is she getting this information? And she was like, oh, I don't know. She just must be assuming this stuff. And I was like, well, you know, it's not true, so why wouldn't you tell her it's not true? And yet she wouldn't do that because the only way she can get back at me is through the kids.

Yeah. So she lied to your kids. Is it true? It's one word. It's either yes or no. So contemplate it. She lied. She lied to your kids. Is it true?

Yes, absolutely.

Okay, so just shorten it to yes and feel the yes. Yes, yes, absolutely. So, yes. Now notice how you react. What happens when you believe the thought she lied to my kids.

It's just very frustrating because she knows I'm very big on interpreting.

Drop the because it's like, how do you react? It's not how do you react and why. We already know why posit she lied to your kids is in your head. But how do you react? How do you treat Kurt and how do you treat your kids? How do you treat yourself when you think the thought she lied to her kids?

Well, I don't treat my kids any different. That part of it has nothing to do with them. I do get very, very frustrated. But when I got the email and I talked to her about it, I didn't point fingers. I didn't say, why did you lie? I didn't say any of that. I just. Just basically asked her, where would she get these ideas? And she basically said, oh, well, other family members must have been telling her that.

Mario, may I just suggest something? Just because Katie can't see you, possibly the same way. Close your eyes. Okay, let's connect and take a breath.

And Katie, can you repeat the question?

So, on the phone with your wife, how do you react when you're the mother of your children on the phone, how do you treat her when you think they thought she lied to our cats?

I raise my voice and I get frustrated.

Just notice now Notice those images of past and future. They have to be there before you can ah, experience what you just described and get in touch. Look at her. What do you see without the thought she doesn't have dinner ready for me. What do you see in reality without your those, your ego images running through your head?

I see my sweet girlfriend with my dog, relaxed in our new house, very calm.

I did that for the first couple years.

You did what? For the first couple of years I.

Was angry and I would raise my voice and then she would tell me, well, I'm not going to talk to you if you're going to raise your voice.

Yeah, yeah. Anything else? Notice how you react when you on the phone when you. She liked me.

Care, comfortable and you know, happy that I'm walking in the door and you know, just happy that she's able to relax after a hard day of work the day before because it's a 12 hour shift and sometimes she has back to back days.

Yeah. So just be there now in that she doesn't have dinner ready for me. Turned around. I don't have. She's not coming clean.

Well, I was the one that took it down that road because of the way I reacted. But coming to these programs for the last three years, I have changed my ways and I have not done those things. But because I did that in the first two years, you know, that's what she's always going back to.

And Mario, just as a consideration, stay in the moment moment. Stay in the exact situation and anchor there. Stay present and still and answer the question that Katie's asking. What do you notice?

I'm sorry, you broke up one more time.

So let's turn it around.

How do you react? What does it look like?

Opposite.

Okay.

I don't have dinner ready for me. So contemplate that. You know her, she doesn't always have dinner ready for you. This is not a big shock. Why Jill lied. Have dinner ready for me.

Why don't. Okay. Why don't I have dinner ready for me?

Is okay. Let's just stay with. I don't have dinner ready for me. Okay.

When you believe the thought she lied to my kids.

I mean it just hurts me and I know that she's doing it to hurt me.

How do you treat her when you're experiencing that? How do you treat her?

I have raised my voice and I have. I don't ever get crazy, but I have raised my voice and I have, I have said things I shouldn't have said.

You'll notice those images of Past and future. You're on the phone with her anchor there. Get in touch with those images of past and future that Egona find you knew play past future when you're thinking the thought she lied to my kids. You know her and you didn't plan for it. If you want dinner, take care of you. She doesn't consistently take care of you.

I mean, unfortunately, it just doesn't surprise me because she told me in the very beginning when I separated that she was going to turn the kids against me.

Okay. See and notice with that running in you and that way, okay. All those hours and doesn't matter why, she just doesn't. And yeah, it's valid, but she just doesn't. That's your point. Knowing that images of the future where you see your kids and how they see you, those lies. In other words, look at the. What's going on in your head that I don't have dinner ready for me and I don't have dinner of the future. As you're talking to your wife on the phone. She lied to our kids. Your fear about how your children will see you as you're talking to your wife on the phone, your ex wife on the phone or your, your mother's children ready for her.

Two of my kids haven't talked to me in four and a half years and that's the result of her.

And playing along.

I mean now there's a man, but there's a man I can believe now he's a man that wants dinner ready for him.

Telling those lies.

And you're feeling that, well, we're never going to talk to you again. The fear of future, it runs in your head when you're on the phone with your wife. We're just slowing down being there now to see the future. The ego is offering up in your fears. Your.

I mean, I know it's not going to last forever.

At least when she's home and I'm working all day. Yes.

Well, you still.

No, it will change.

Long dinner ready for you.

I mean I, I gladly cook for her if she's at work and I'm at home. I do all the.

Well, you're a good teacher.

The biggest fear is just, you know, the waste of time. You know, I could die tomorrow.

That. What did you say? That you could die tomorrow?

Yeah, I mean I could die tomorrow and my kids would think.

Yeah. So you know, there's where your ego goes and that's going on on the phone you're talking to your wife. Those images of the future and they're always going on. It's like your wife and you are talking, but these images are running. So notice how you treat your wife when you think the thought she liked.

You know, like.

And those impulses are going on in your. In your head.

I made a lot of mistakes in the beginning. I've never done this before. I never thought I was going to get divorced.

And what do you say, what do you do on the phone with your wife when you thought she lied to your kids?

I mean, I've apologized. I've told her that I'm sorry. We're Catholics. My kids have gone through all the sacraments, been going to church every Sunday for 27 years. And I don't know how we never talked about it, but she just assumed that we would always be married because we were Catholic and because we got married in the church where my parents are divorced. And I've always believed that the husband and wife always come first. And she didn't believe that. She always put me last, and I was fine with that when the kids were young.

Mario, if you can stay in that moment, you raised your hand, and Katie is so graciously facilitating this, and she's.

Not in the room. I hope you don't mind, Katie. I'm just.

No, I just find everything you say helpful.

I guess I'm just trying to give more information of where I'm at and.

Okay, so, Mario, as you do this process and stay anchored in the situation with your wife on the telephone, what do you notice? What do you notice of how you treat her or your reactions, your words? In that situation and that moment in time?

I was angry and frustrated, and I conveyed that to her, and she felt that.

What did that look like, Mario, your anger and frustration on the phone in that moment with your wife, how did you react? What did that sound like? What did that look like?

I raised my voice. I didn't swear. I just told her, you know, I was stating facts that, you know, to. To defend myself. And I felt like, yes, I did raise my voice, but I just felt like she was using that as an excuse to get off the phone, to not. Okay, answer my questions.

Okay, just stay there. Do you see?

Do you notice when we innocently go.

Into the story, the power of this, the power of inquiry? I'm sharing from my own experience because mind will offer up all the stories and justifications, you know, innocently. We can all do that. And the power of this, Mario.

Is.

Just continuing to notice. What else do you notice, Mario? You raised your voice.

Oh, that she's. That she's hurt. And she's very hurt.

Your wife is hurt. You notice she's hurt. You notice. You raise your voice, you're frustrated. What else do you notice about your wife? Yourself?