Tony Robbins Helps Her Break Free From a Lifetime of Trauma | Full Intervention

Pain is often made up in our what? Heads. It's all the meanings we've made up, most of which are not usually true.

I always tell myself that they don't love me. Actually, they love me. That's why I have an excuse to cut off the relationship and go away.

But what if they never left? What if they actually did love you? Only you can make your life better right now by divorcing your story and You're an amazing soul and spirit, and you deserve the happiness that's coming, but you have to free yourself of telling that story. What's your name? Where you from?

I'm sorry, I think I'm going to have the biggest breakthrough in my life.

She said the biggest breakthrough of her life, ladies and gentlemen! The biggest breakthrough of her life, for God's sakes! I'm from Malaysia.

I'm from Malaysia. I flew more than 24 hours to be here, hundreds of thousands miles away. And this is the first time I'm speaking in front of 6,080 nationalities.

Yes.

And I'm going to show my scar, my pain for my breakthrough for the past 2 exercises.

Yes. Is there pleasure on the other side of the pain? I'm just curious.

Pain and then pleasure and relief.

Oh, great. So the pain will lead to pleasure.

No. Pain, relief, and then—

That's the secret. Pain, relief, and pleasure. I wanted to find out what your strategy was for letting go. Because everyone has one, but not many people are clear about it. So if she gets enough pain, that jars the hell out of her, and there's something about the truth that sets her free and gives her relief. And then all of a sudden, what's replaced is joy or pleasure or happiness or love. And we forget that because we don't want to go through the pain. But if we don't go through the pain, we don't go through life. You don't have to stay in the pain, you don't have to suffer, but we do got to push through the pain. The pain is often made up in our what? Heads. It's all the meanings we've made up, most of which are not usually true. They may look true on the surface, but they're not true. So go ahead, share with us, please.

I'm shivering. I've waited this for 5 years. Before COVID I signed up, supposed to have it in Gold Coast.

Yes.

Yeah, but you don't go to go for Gold Coast anymore.

Well, they wouldn't let me go because I wouldn't take the shot.

Oh, that's what the reason. Things happen for good reason. That's why I'm in Florida.

Well, I'm glad you came to Florida.

5 years later, I'm in Florida.

Yes, we feel you.

OK, I'm not telling victim story, but I have a tough childhood that affect my relationship. So my parents separated when I was 3. So my mom took me from Thailand to Malaysia. And then she didn't tell me what was happen. I was traumatized, but I didn't know. I was too young. And then from there, you know, my mom need to keep work, keep working, and I've been placed in different family, been keep moving house every year. And I remember in 12 years old, so in this house that I stay, I got molested from the man in the house. And when I called my mom, she told me, "Please, you just bear with it another 6 more months. I will take you to KL," which is the capital city that she's working. At that time, I stay in the north of Malaysia. So Yeah, she say, "Just bear with it." I say, "But this man come and touch me every night." But my mom say, "Just bear with it.

Another 6 month, yeah, you was come and stay with me." Was that part of her cultural upbringing to just bear with it herself?

Sorry?

Was that part of your mother's cultural upbringing that she needed to bear with things like that herself?

Maybe.

The only reason I asked that is because it feels so inhuman what she said. But my guess, and it's only a guess, knowing a little bit about various cultures, is that she probably saw that as, that is the way of the world. And so you felt abandoned and felt so much pain, and I'm so sorry for the pain you felt. I'm so sorry. Let me apologize to you from all men to what this man did to you. I'm grateful you don't have a cell in your body that he touched. The skin on your hands and your whole body is replaced every 30 days. Your heart, even the muscles in your heart, every 90 days are replaced. Every cell, every nerve, every atom in your body changes every 2 years. So I'm now speaking— how do I pronounce your first name?

Shen.

Shen?

Yes. I'm speaking to the 2024 version of Shen. The version of 2022 is dust in the wind. And the version from so many years ago that when you remember it still creates pain doesn't exist in your body. So I hate this was done to you. I'd do anything I could to protect you. But now it's time for you to free yourself. Because there's nothing he did that's with you anymore except playing the memory in your mind. And why rent space to that fucking asshole who didn't have any humanity in him? And I only can imagine what he went through in his life for him to be so cold to you. 'Cause what I know is how horrible it is. 'Cause those that abuse were usually abused as well. Not always, but most of the time. Men and women, by the way. So I'm not making excuses for his fucking behavior. It's intolerable. I'd kill somebody who tried to do that to my wife or daughter. Or protect anyone I could. But it's time for you to give yourself a gift of stop renting space to that guy in your head. He doesn't deserve it. Doesn't have an ounce of touch on you, there's no bit of you that's been touched by him that still exists. So it might be time to turn off that horrible horror story film, because otherwise it becomes the filter for all relationships with men. And not all men are like that. Actually, most men aren't. I know some women think they are because some women also pick men of a certain type. They want masculine energy and they pick immature masculine. Immature masculine wants to control you, wants to take from you, wants to dominate you, not in a sensual, playful way or loving way, but purely for themselves. They are completely selfish. There are women that are immature, girls who will use their sexual energy to get whatever they want. They don't give a shit what happens, and those people only stick around as long as they're getting what they want. And there are a lot of them, but they're not the majority. But it looks like it, because if you're attracted to masculine, which I have a feeling you would be, It can appear really masculine, but it's not real masculine. Real masculine is a man who would die for you, die to protect you, die to protect your children, die to protect your family, and not hesitate. That's what a man is made of, a real man. And they're out there. But first, you have to be able to experience them, because right now it would be very hard because you'd feel unsafe. And because the tension, you would probably feel unseen, because that tension most men would feel and they wouldn't know where it's coming from. They think maybe it's towards them or you're just that kind of person. And so it becomes kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy then, unfortunately.

Right?

And this is not the worst.

Okay, well, go ahead and share us with us.

It's not that bad, but—

It's plenty bad already, but if you'd like to add some, you're welcome to.

So after that, I moved to KL finally to stay with my mom, but my mom is just so busy working, so she put me in a hostel. But after I finished my secondary, My mom told me that, "Sorry, I have no money for you to go to college, and I want you to come out and work, work in a bar as a hostess." It's just like one level before become a prostitute. She want me to earn money for her.

Is it possible that she wasn't trying to make you a whore, but that she worked in that environment and she didn't realize what it meant to you. Because the meaning you had may not be the meaning she had. I know many people that are hostesses and don't think that's anywhere near being a whore. In fact, they love serving people.

No, no, no. The place that she want me to work is not the hostess like in—

So not a restaurant or a pub or bar.

Drink with men and then they pay you, you know, they can touch you.

Okay, I understand.

Yeah.

Then with the right amount of money, maybe you can sell your body.

Yeah.

But because I have a very strong value, I know this is not right. I know this is not what I want for my future.

Yeah.

That's why I didn't, I didn't I'm glad that I know what I want in life.

Yes, give her a hand, beautiful.

It's not easy to say this out to 6,000 people, but I want to say it out, I want to break through. I don't want to live in this pain. No pain anymore.

Give her a hand. Beautiful. So pause for a moment, pause for a moment, pause for a moment and exit your story of what you've been through. I know it's horrific. Look around this room. What do you see?

I'm not the only one.

That's right.

Everyone has their problem. Their life.

But look at what you see from the people towards you right now. What do you feel? Open your eyes and feel what's surrounding you. It's magnificent. Look at men and women of every age, of every color, of every shape, of every religion, from 81 different countries. On the screens in their homes in Australia, in Taiwan, and Malaysia, China, and Malaysia, and London, and Peru, and Brazil, and Canada, and the US, and all of us here with you. You picked a good moment to heal, but take it in. 'Cause otherwise the story will continue to carry you.

And at the time I was only 18 years old.

Yes. But now you're how old?

49.

Take the 49-year-old and look around, not the 18-year-old. Look, open your eyes and take in what's being sent to you right now. It's gorgeous. It's gorgeous. Take it in. Take it in. I know you want to tell me the rest of your story, and I want you to be able to, but I don't want you to miss this. Because what we do very often when we get in our pain and our story of our pain, we think telling it again will complete it, and it doesn't. It just strengthens it. That's going to a therapist and reliving it all over and over again. It may desensitize you a little bit, but usually it makes it easier to access those negative feelings. There's only one way to let this go, and that is cold turkey let it go. Where you don't repeat it, you don't say it. You say it now so you can feel truly understood by 6,000 people from 80 countries. That's pretty awesome, but more than understood, loved. So that's the part you want to make sure you take in so you don't get stuck in the story, right? Okay, so I want you to feel the completion. So I want you to complete telling us, but I want in various moments for you to stop and look around again and just feel this moment. Feel this moment. If you want to know God's grace feel this moment because he sent 6,000 souls who have all kinds of things they do, and it's the middle of the night and they're right here right now loving you. If you want to know there's a God, you now know there's a fucking God. Just look around and feel God.

Thank you.

So you said you had the biggest breakthrough of your life. What was it?

I forgave my mom. Yeah, years ago.

Give her a hand. That's amazing.

And then a few days ago, I have a breakthrough.

She had a breakthrough a few days ago, ladies and gentlemen.

I appreciate her. Because of my tough childhood, I became whoever I am.

Yes, yes, strong.

Yeah, and there's another breakthrough for today.

Oh, she had another breakthrough today, ladies and gentlemen. I thought there was a limit, one breakthrough per customer, but I guess not. You know women, they have multiple breakthroughs.

So in my past relationship, I always tell myself that they don't love me. Actually, they love me, but I always say that they don't love me. No, I don't feel love. I don't feel love. That's why I have an excuse. To cut off the relationship and go away.

Yes.

I want to leave because before they abandon me, I just want to leave.

You're going to beat them to the punch. You're quicker than they are. You're going to get out of here before they leave. But what if they never left?

I don't know.

What if they didn't even want to leave? What if they actually did love you? You know, sometimes after enough painful experience, and it doesn't have to be as painful as you've been through, it could just be a painful relationship that ends, then the next relationship you're in, you don't see that person, you see that person through the filter of your past relationships. And so they start to do something, that was like that. And then you start reacting as if it means the same thing, is the same thing. You gotta let your mother die. Is she alive physically?

Yes. Yes. And she—

You need to let her die, meaning she's no longer the source of your love that you're disappointed by. She's no longer where you look for it. She's no longer the filter for every relationship you have, because that lack of trust comes from the situation with your mom. And one way you could do that also that you've said you've forgiven her and I believe you.

Yes.

But would be to actually somehow understand that it had nothing to do with you.

Chan.

That it had to do with all that was going on inside of her. Yeah, honey?

Yes, hi. Where are— I'm just trying to make eye contact with you. Hi, dear. Hi. As a woman, as a mother, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that through survival, through life, through burden, through responsibility, through duty, through my unconsciousness, you felt so unsafe. I'm so sorry that you were placed in that circumstance. Speak to me, Chen. Yes. What could you say to me, mother, that can free you utterly and completely?

I know that you were not doing this intentionally. Yeah. It's just like you have limited resources, you were not well educated, you don't have enough exposure, you don't know how to be a mom.

Yes.

And you didn't get the love from your parents. That's why you don't know how to be a good mom.

Yeah.

Be a mom that always next to me and say, Yes, that's so true.

And I'm so sorry from the depth of my soul. I'm so sorry. And I love you so dearly. And I haven't had the words to be able to make it right up until God has guided this moment in time with all these extraordinary angels. Holding space for us to heal. And as you heal, you're healing me, and I didn't even know I needed to heal. I'm so deeply sorry, Jen, for any pain that I have caused you. And I love you.

I love you too. I forgive. Many years ago.

Thank you. This moment—

And I love you.

I love you. This moment—

And because of you, I become a great mom to my son.

You are.

So is there a man in your life right now?

No, I'm single.

You're single. Okay.

And I keep fall for a wrong guy because I already said the ending, like I know that he is the wrong guy and I know that anytime I can get an excuse just to leave him, that is blocking me, that is blocking me. I know.

Yes, so what are you going to do different now?

Yes.

Yes, what are you going to do different now? Yes is the right answer, by the way.

Pain is part of life.

Yes.

People are not always loving and loyal all the time.

That's right. And everything changes and everything ends, including your pain. Yes. But now you've learned to care for yourself because of your pain. So you found a way to meet your needs to a small extent. It's not the same richness as with someone you trust and is trustable and that you love and loves you. And that also can get in the way. Yeah. Because it's more controllable. How many understand what I'm saying here? Right? So now what has to occur if you want it to is like, okay, I'm not going back to the store anymore because Even though it's painful, it's an addiction because you're such a giver. Yes. That the only time you'll give to yourself is if it hurts enough. Tell me if I'm wrong.

I'm a giver.

Yeah. So we need to now expand your identity, not take that away. Like my model of the world has been before I met this incredible soul was sacrifice equals love. So that's what I've done in all my relationships, even my relationships with people like yourself. I go up an event and I would go— before Sage was here, I would finish at 2 or 3 in the morning and then I'd be here for 2 hours signing autographs because in those days people didn't have cameras in their phone. And I made sure every single person felt that love and I received it like I'd earned it because there was nothing left in my body, spirit, or soul after 14 or 16 hours or 50 after 4 days. And but now I love everybody, I give my all, and then I go home, right? Because I have this love here that's so, so strong. So it's a slippery slope that when we have pain, and it's legitimate pain clearly, to let it continue because it meets the need for connection with ourself. It meets the need for certainty because it's what we know. And when things are overwhelming, it actually is a form of variety. And it's incredibly significant because it's so painful. So it becomes an addiction to stay in pain. That's not a comment on you because what you did, went through, was inhuman. But if you're going to now have a fulfilling life, you have to replace this story with something else that meets your needs. And you have to decide that number one is to your advantage, that so many people when they hear everything change, everything ends, they freak out. That also means something new begins. That's how I interpret that, because it's the truth. When a door closes, three doors or windows open in my experience. But you have to look for them and you have to decide they're there. You have to decide that life is happening for me, not to me. And I see you've done that. I've seen these breakthroughs that you've had even yesterday or day before, like and what you just said to your mother in quotes, right? It's fantastic. But now it's so in your body to go back to this story that it's an addiction now. Can you see that?

I know.

And we can get addicted to good things and we can get addicted to bad things. And there's no other way you could have fucking felt but pain. Most people would not have survived it. You pushed through. You're an amazing human being, you're an amazing soul and spirit, and you deserve the happiness that's coming, but you have to free yourself of telling that story. So I'm glad you shared it with us, 'cause you'll be able to tell people, the last time I ever told a story, and I'm not gonna tell it to you now, was in front of 6,000 people from 81 countries. And they were so loving to me, they listened to every word I said, and they understood. But they also wanted more from me.

Yeah.

And so they made one request of me. Feel all our love. It's pretty amazing. It's pretty— I mean, before I met this woman, I thought, how could I ever, you know, give this much love for one human being when I got tens of thousands of people loving me? It's a heady experience. But intimate love is even more powerful. And I appreciate all the love you've bestowed upon me in the time we've spent together. Deeply appreciate it. I love all of you so much, and I love you so much. But now I want to call to you, my dear. I want to call to you to put a stake in the ground that says no more of that fucking story. I don't need to tell it to myself. I don't need to go revisit it. I need to go there because to do that will only fire off all those things again, and then those filters will keep me from the life I deserve. And I'm not gonna let some fucking man or my past control my future, and I'm sure as hell not gonna let it control my present. You are an amazing woman, but you need to claim your womanhood again instead of the victim side of you. I'm not making you wrong. I would be a victim if I went through what you're doing. I mean, it's insane what you've been through. However, the only way to a new path is to cut off the old. The only way you're gonna take the island is burn those fucking boats.

Yes.

So let's burn this story. You shared it. 6,000 people see who you are and love you. We all honor your strength, right? From all over the earth. So now no more of that story. Now what's the new story?

I'm lovable.

Give her a hand for that. That's beautiful. Clearly, clearly.

And And I'm able to love.

Yes. And when things look scary, run towards what you're afraid of instead of away. Whatever is scary in your life, my experience is if you will run towards it, that's called courage. It doesn't mean you're not scared. You'll be run towards it.

What did I mean? Action. Sorry.

Whatever you're afraid of, you go towards it, not run from it. If you'll run towards it, even though every part of your nervous system is saying, "Shit, I can't do this," if you'll run towards it, as you're running, there is a transformation. It's like the firewalk. As you take the first step, your brain goes, "We're doing this shit," and you kick in gear and you get across it, right? The same thing. So you move towards it instead of going to push the button or running away because you're afraid. 'Cause there may be a relationship or two that's still not the right one for you, and you'll learn from those. But if you make them about your past, now you're giving it a meaning that isn't really real. It's just two people whose values are not the same, or who have different preferences, or different expectations. But you're so much love inside you, and you've been so vulnerable.

Yes.

You will go be a beautiful man that'll be pulled to you, but you can't live there or he won't know what to do because most will not understand how to get through to this. Yeah, most men have not been trained on how to deal with this situation. All we would do is want to kill this fucking guy. Who's with me, gentlemen? Make some noise. But we can't, and it doesn't matter if we did, it wouldn't make your life better right now. Only you can make your life better right now by divorcing your story and marrying the truth of who you are today.

Yes.

And some people get divorced and they go hang out with the person they divorce. No, no, no, you don't go visit this shit anymore. You don't go visit your divorce story. You cut it off. You don't say it another day of your life, not because you're hiding it, because it's fucking over. And this is what I'm going to build. I know we'll have some ups and downs. I know it won't always be perfect. It's not going to be a straight line, but I'm going to go on the journey, the hero's journey. I'm being called right now.

Yes.

And I know it's scary, but I'm going to meet some cool friends and some mentors, and I'm going to slay the dragons, and I'm going to experience the love, and I'm going to be the hero of my own life and bring that back to my son as well as to my family.

Yes. And Chen? Yes? Do you believe that there's a source greater than yourself? Creation, God, Divine, Universe, beautiful, whatever's true for you. Another way to continue to clear and heal is, beloved Universe, beloved Creator, I pray for mercy and compassion upon all those who have ever tried to hurt me, And all those that I have unconsciously or consciously hurt, may they be freed and maybe I be freed in the process. This prayer I pray for all my beloveds, our family, this entire room, and the world. Amen. And through that prayer, Through that surrender of the stories and the pain, and as we lift it up to something more than ourselves, we're free.

Yes. Let it go. Yeah. Set me free.

Yes. You hold those keys.

Yeah.

You hold those keys.

So have you taken those keys and have you unlocked all those walks on your heart yet, or do you want to do it now?

It will take time, slowly improve progressively.

Yes.

Yeah, but I have a very, very strong faith that I will not be alone. I will meet someone that who is deeply connected.

Yes.

If I don't, I love myself. I love myself.

I still have time.

We all We all want to bring you home.

You're adorable. Thank you. I waited for 5 years for this moment. I don't know that I would have been called, but I have a very strong faith that I'll be called.

Yes.

Happened.

Miracle happened. Law of Attraction.

And by the way, there are 6,000 people in this room and we only called on 3 tonight and you're one of the 3, so you made this happen, didn't you? I said, you made this happen, didn't you? Yes.

Yes.

And therefore you can make the relationship happen just the same way by a clear vision of what you want, not what you don't want. A clear commitment to whatever it takes to make that happen.

Very clear. Very, very clear.

And then what I'm going to do right now then for you and for everybody is show you how to know if you got the right one. Would you like to know how?

There's no right one. It's just, we just have to make it happen.

I love that. I love that. You can make it happen with anyone. I'd like to show you though how to make it happen with someone who's most aligned with you. Because I would say to all of you, 80% of success in a relationship is selection. Selecting the right person. And no one teaches us that. But Many of you think I'm talking— you're like, "Tony, I'm already married. What the fuck? Where were you?" No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about who you select to be in the relationship.

How?

Which part of you you're going to bring to the relationship. Are you going to bring the former asshole who no longer exists? Are you going to bring the lover? Are you going to bring the one who had the same passion as when you were pursuing? You're going to bring the broken one? Whoever you bring, whoever you select in you to consistently bring forth is what controls the quality of your relationship. The second selection is who you pick. But the one that's more important is which one you bring. Because if I bring a different part of me to you, I'm going to bring out a different part of you. How many get this? Raise your hand if you get it. That's why I said it's 100% responsibility. And what do most people do? One person gets in the relationship and then another person takes over once it's established. And they aren't the same people. You need to select the first one. It's like I always tell people, if you think it's the end of the relationship, act like it's the beginning of the relationship and there won't be an end. Because you do things very differently in the beginning. But there are 3 questions that you can answer that can help you to know who's most aligned with you that would be most likely when you select the best part of you to bring the best part of them out. And I'd love to share that with you. It's not perfect, it's a map. It's not the same as the territory. You can make any relationship work, you're absolutely right. And I don't think you should have to constantly work at a relationship, 'cause when you enjoy something, it doesn't feel like work, does it? How many have something you do for a living that you love and it's pretty effortless for you to do it? You enjoy doing it, you get called to doing it. That's what you want your relationship to be. And you know it's the right relationship, by the way, one way you know is that you want to be more from your partner than you even want to be for yourself. And so it calls you to be the best part of you, to select that part of you regularly. Does that make sense?

It does.

And so that requires you to then select which part of Chen is going to show up. The past one that went through so much pain, or the current incredibly strong, loving, passionate woman who's going to rock her world and the world of someone she loves?

Current one.

Yes, I agree. Give her a hand, everyone. Beautiful job.

Thank you so much.