Use This Easy Formula to Improve Your Life INSTANTLY

Can you change someone who doesn't want to change? The answer is yes. However, to change someone who doesn't want to change, you must find something called what? Leverage. Leverage is what makes change go from a should to a must. See, write this down, if you would. Change is never a matter of ability. It's always a matter of motivation or another word for that is drive or reasons. I'll say it again. Change is never a matter of ability. Anyone can change. It's always a matter of motivation or drive or another word for the reasons. I remember I was doing work one time with a woman and she was very health oriented. She was a colon hydrotherapist, but she was very ill. And part of it is you can make yourself ill no matter what you eat, no matter what you do. If you do enough in your head, that makes you feel sick. And she was a major worrier all the time. And I remember I was talking to her and I was trying to help her. We were doing an intervention and I was trying to help her find the way to get to make the changes that were necessary. She knew what she needed to do. Have you ever felt this way? How many of you have an area where you know what you need to do but you're not effing doing it? Who can relate here, say I. So the only reason you're not doing it is you don't have strong enough reasons. It's because whatever you're doing that's not good meets some of your needs for certainty or significance or variety or connection. You learned that the other day, right? You can meet your needs in negative ways, but the reason you want to change is it doesn't meet all your needs, like, let's say, growth or contribution or love. So in order to great change, we need more reasons to push us over the edge. So if you want to make a shift, you got to make it a must. And so the goal is make it a must. That's why I said to them, anyone can change. It's not a matter of ability, it's a matter of motivation. We have to find what's going to motivate them, what's going to put the leverage, what's going to make change a must for them. Now change happens in seconds. People say no, it takes forever to change. It might take you forever to make the decision. We finally say, enough of this. Another moment, another day. Who's been in a relationship way too long? Who stayed in a relationship way too long, say I. You knew it was wrong, you knew it wasn't good for them. You knew it wasn't good for you. Why'd you stay? You stayed because it met some of your needs. Well, at least, even though it's not great, it's what you know, it's certainty. Certainty has a certain level of comfort to it, right? It might have been. You know, you imagined it being better. There's so many ways that you can duck change, but it's not a matter of ability. If there's a strong enough reason, you will do it. So one of the ways people avoid change. Listen to me now. Is wherever they're experiencing pain that would give you leverage to change. They exit that time frame. Have you ever wonder how someone could go to a doctor, they're told they have lung cancer, they smoke, and the doctor says if you don't stop smoking, you're going to die. And they keep smoking. You would think that would be enough leverage for some people, Some people that still won't do it. You know why? Because their brain goes, well, George Burns smoked until he was 102 years old. And they say, because no one knows the future, so you can make it up. Or they escape the leverage by saying, well, I've smoked in the past and I was okay. We've all had moments of change. Who's had a relationship like that? And you finally got to a point, you said, no more, not in a moment. I'm out of here. It was painful in the past. It's facing the present and painful future. It's over. Who's done this, Say I. When you link pain to the past, present and future, there's no escape. And so you change how many got something that needs to change, that has not. Then you don't have enough leverage and you have to use pain judiciously. Just a short burst to break the pattern. I'll give you an example. How many of you have had a certain food or a certain alcohol or a certain dessert that you loved until one day when you had an experience where what you consumed came out of you in multiple locations. And as a result, this food, this particular alcohol, this particular dessert that you used to love, you have no desire for it. It doesn't take willpower. You have no desire. It almost makes you sick to think of it. Well, guess what? You changed in a moment. How did the change happen? All that happened in that moment is your brain changed what it associated in your nervous system. It's a technical term. It's called neuro association. It just means your brain linked pain to what it used to link pleasure to. And when you link enough pain to something, your brain will avoid it at all costs. If you link enough pleasure, your brain's gonna go for it. The bottom line is what happens to us can be horrific. But what really controls us is the meaning. Have you gotten that now? So no matter how horrific the experience we've all been through, and there's a lot of horrific experiences we'll go through in our lives, we got to know that we can heal any of those. As long as we can find a greater meaning, somehow that makes us stronger, makes us care more, makes us give more. And the meaning is the power. Change the meaning, you change your life. We are not our biography. We are the decisions we make about what things mean and what we're going to do about it. I usually will turn on the TV in the background, put some old movie or some news or something on. I see this black and white movie called A Christmas Carol, the Dickens classic. And as I started to watch, I saw that movie through different eyes. Because what is the Christmas Carol about? You all know the story, right? And the main character who didn't want to change Scrooge, is this man who doesn't want to change. And he thinks he's successful because he's mean, because he had a partner he loved who died. And then he was angry, he thought he may have cheated him, and so he decided to hate the world. And he's very financially successful. He thinks it's because he's mean. Many times in life, we do things and we think they contribute to our success or failure and has nothing to do with it. What makes you believe something? If you're in a relationship and it's so loving and it is so passionate, it's the greatest relationship you've ever had. And then, boom, it ends brutally, painfully. What is your brain gonna do? It never wants to feel this way again, so it's gonna quickly make up a meaning. A guardrail to protect you. But see, the wall that protects you also imprisons you. So if you're in this great relationship and it ends painfully, your brain's gonna want to never do that again. So it'll come up with a belief it'll make one up. Relationships are painful. Don't ever get that close again. And guess what? It'll work on the surface, but then they'll be in pain the rest of their life because they'll never have a deep relationship. Who gets it. Or the belief could be that's how men are, or that's how women are, or Germans are Or Americans are our friends are all the generalizations. Remember, our brains generalize. They distort and delete. If we don't think clearly, our survivor mind will put us in prison. And so what we want to do is free ourselves. But to free ourselves, we've got to break those associations. We got to go, no, it wasn't men, it wasn't relationship, it was the way we interacted. It was. We had different values. But how many of have experiences where you made up a meaning? Probably worse than it was. Make some noise if you think you've done this, ladies and gentlemen, right? So that night I'm watching this film and I'm watching from a different set of eyes and I'm going, this is the game plan for lasting change. Because this man does not want to change under any circumstances. Because he knows being mean has made him rich. He thinks it's not true, but he thinks it, so he keeps doing it. We do whatever we believe in our own life. The only way you end and have peace is you free yourself from those limiting meanings. So I'm watching this and going, wow, this guy didn't want to change and he changed that fast. How did it happen? Three neuro associative conditioning specialists showed up at his house. Three ghosts. And where those ghosts do they got him to associate massive amounts of what? Of what pain to all that had done in the past related to that. But then when he thought he couldn't handle anymore, they brought him to the present and gave him unbelievable pain in the present. And then he thought he was done. And they took him all the way to the future, all the way to the moment of his death and put him in eternal pain, he thought. And then he woke up and realized, I can change it all right now. And how fast did he change, my friends? How fast? How fast? In a heartbeat. But it's because he attained the past, the present, present in the future, there was no place to escape. The leverage is there. If I put a wall here, here and here, and the one behind, I start to close them magically, you move that direction. So we want to do that for ourselves, we want to free ourselves. Who's up for that? Say.