A comedian riffs on the absurd nightmare of managing passwords: the ever-changing requirements, forgotten logins, security questions, CAPTCHAs, and password managers that need their own passwords. It's become a full-time job just to remember them all.
Chapters
1, 2, 3, into the phone. I forgot my password, now I just don't know. Now I'm making another and I need to remember it, but this one needs an ampersand and a D just to enter it. There are some variations of my great aunt's name, but did I use a 4 instead of an A or a capital J? I wrote them down one time, but then they got misplaced, and Face ID can't even seem to remember my face. Got so many passwords, it's a world record. I can't take no more. Don't tell me about no app to remember your codes because you need another password just to log into those. Reset them more times than days I've been alive. What did all this— I click show password just in case it needs to be corrected, but that's just not enough to stop it from being rejected. I typed my password wrong on Chase.com and now they're asking about my favorite book and the maiden name of my mom. I swear it was my password from my AOL days, but I haven't been able to log back in for 6 months straight. Oh no, I hit forgot my password and I can't ignore when I type in something new and seen I used it before. Got PIN codes and text codes and codes I haven't seen. There's one I only Remember when I drank caffeine? Got so many passwords, it's a world record. I can't take no more. Even when my browser's safe and they're still wrong. And how is 16 letters not a password that's strong? Reset them more times than days I've been alive. What did I miss? Sometimes I have to sign out. Guess what happens then? I spend all day trying to guess. I'm back in again. Could have made them the same, but the requirements changed. And now I'm crying in shame from the stupid word game. Thought I was being secure, but now I'm completely sure. Password secure, wasn't worth the alert. I got so many passwords, it's a world record. I can't take no more. Somebody help, it's making my head throb. I'm forgetting and resetting like a full-time job. Reset them more times than days I've been alive. What did I do wrong? Got my mind off my passwords and my passwords off my mind. I'm detecting and selecting all these CAPTCHA street signs.
