A read-aloud of a satirical picture book poem that advertises "slightly used" parents named Linda and Dale for sale, listing their quirks like hiding iPads and breaking rules. The narrator throws in absurd instructions like tying a kite to a chihuahua's tail, then reveals at the end that their own parents aren't for sale.
Chapters
Parents for sale, parents for sale. Two slightly used parents named Linda and Dale. This deal won't last long, stop in today. Lease them or buy them, I'll give them away. Linda's a great mom, she'll teach you your math. She'll hide your iPad if you try to skip bath. Dale's a good dad, you can break all his rules. And if you buy now, I'll throw in his tools. Parents for sale, parents for sale. Got some used parents who fly off their rails. Who needs strict parents? Linda and Dale are stern. Free shipping on orders, but no returns. I'll throw in their coffee. I'll kick in their kale. What more can you ask for? Parents for sale. Get off your couch, I rented a whale. Only because it rhymes with used parents for sale. Squirt soap on your floor? Get a timeout from Dale. I climbed out my window to scream, parents for sale. Parents for sale? Used parents for sale? Throw wet toilet paper at the ceiling? You'll meet mean Linda and Dale. Who needs new parents? I just need one buyer. They won't yell at you if you follow the tips on this handy flyer. Don't fish in the potty for potato chips. Don't tickle gorillas on school field trips. And do not tie a kite to your chihuahua's tail. Follow these tips and you will love your new Linda and Dale. Don't worry, they're not all that bad. Want a new video game? Just annoy your new dad. Like this. Dad? Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Okay, works like a charm. Linda just took the iPad out of my arm, didn't she? They're a little rusty. Parents for sale. Parents for sale. Get them before they get me. Here come Linda and Dale. Please hurry. Let's make a trade. Oh, hi, Lynn. Mom and Dad, would you like some lemonade? Sorry everyone, we're closed. My parents are not for sale. I would never sell my wonderful, charming, fit, youthful, intelligent, kind, lenient, very, very lenient parents. Can someone make sure that whale gets returned to the ocean? And if you want to make me an offer, I will listen to it. You know I'm always wheeling and dealing. If you need me, you can find me. Scraping toilet paper off the ceiling.
