390: Speaking Story Chapter 30 - Foundations of Delivery

This is the last one I'm doing, and then I need to hang it up and go to bed, maybe take a nap. I don't know. 3, 2, 1, go. Here we are, chapter 30 of Speaking Story. Hello everybody. Welcome back to This Moved Me, a podcast that is showing up to you right now in audiobook form because we have decided to bring the audiobook free To all of you, wherever you're at, whether you're listening to this on your podcast feed or you're listening to this over on YouTube, hello! I'm so glad that you're here. My name is Sally Koering Zimney. I am the author of said book, Speaking Story, and the host of this show. And it has been my privilege over the last many weeks to bring to you this book, the audiobook version of this book, part by part every week. And this week kicks off part number 6. Part number 6. I don't know why I thought that sounded weird, but it's fine. That's exactly right. Part 6. We are at part 6. And this is a long, this is a long part. Oh my gosh. Everybody get ready to dig in. It's the final part of the book. And this is where we talk about delivery. Now I think it's hard. It's hard to talk about delivery in a way that is meaningful because it is so personal and it is about the body. And especially in this first chapter, The Foundations of Delivery, we don't talk too much actually about delivery as the foundation of delivery because we cannot talk about what happens in our bodies unless we also talk about what's going on in our head. Because what happens internally shows up in our bodies. You cannot, you cannot hide. You cannot hide where you're at. The body will reveal you, which is part of the reason why people are like, "Ugh, I don't wanna do this." Like, yep, you will be seen. And so that's why we start. With mindset as the foundation of delivery. Okay? And honestly, the fears that people have as they step into actually showing up in your body, allowing yourself to be seen as you bring the story to life, because we— this is not about writing. This is not about writing your story. This is about Speaking It, which means it's all about what's going on in the bod. So, uh, this is a really fun chapter and it is, I share with you a handful of mantras and, uh, what do we call those? Reframes! Reframes! Okay, I'm halfway through my cup of coffee. That's just maybe why this is hard for me right now. Bring on the words. Let's go, Sally. Okay, so chapter 30, here we go. I'm really excited and cannot wait for you to dive in. Should we do this? Let's do this.

Here we go.

Hey everybody, and welcome to This Moved Me, a podcast about creating talks that move the world with me, your host, Sally Koering Zimney. All right, team, quick question before we dive in, and I want you to answer it honestly. Do you have a message that you know is worth sharing, but you're not quite sure what to do with it next? If you've said yes, even, um, yes, I want you to hear something first. Here's Jenn Whitmer. She is a keynote speaker, award-winning author, and someone who was sitting right where you might be right now.

I remember my clicker just hovering over the join button about 6 years ago with Sally Koering Zimney Zimney. And I am forever grateful that I clicked yes. I'm Jen Whitmer, keynote speaker, award-winning author, and all-around joy bringer. And since I tapped that little button, my business has continued to grow and expand and been on stages that I had never even considered dreaming about. And that's all because of the insights that I have gained from being a part of Sally's community, the skills, the cheerleaders, the referrals. If you are scared and you are hovering over that button, I'm telling you, now is the time. Now is the time.

That's what's on the other side of your yes. And the first step isn't a big commitment. It's a free one at sally-zimney.com/path. You can grab 2 free resources. The Movers Roadmap, a short clarifying exercise that shows you exactly where you are in your speaking business right now, where the real gaps are, and what to actually do next. And I want to make sure you get your hands on our Power Pitching Push. This is a live audio series where I walk you through exactly how to pitch yourself as a speaker. No fluff, real next steps. It really hands you the roadmap to get more Hinks. And if you're just like, I'm not sure exactly what to do or what my path is, you can get this all at sally-zimney.com/path. You can grab the Movers Roadmap there, the Power Coaching Push. You can learn more about the pathway that Jen took to get where she is right now. And when you're ready to go all in, Movers Collective is where we are gonna take you from talented to the spotlight.

Amazing.

All right, now let's get into the chapter. Part 6: How to Bring Your Story to Life. Chapter 30: Foundations of Delivery. Good stories surprise us. They make us think and feel. They stick in our minds and help us remember ideas and concepts in a way that a PowerPoint crammed with bar graphics never can. Shane Snow. It's time to take this idea, whether it's a draft from something that's only been written or an abstract concept, into a living, breathing story that exists in your body and is shared with an audience. What does this story look like? What does it sound like? What does it feel like as it lives in our bodies? I think of this as the rubber meets the road moment because Reminder: we are not writers. We may write as a pathway to get up on our feet, but we are ultimately speakers. The moment when we finally stand up and speak our stories changes everything. A friend of mine recently lost someone he was really close to. As his family gathered together to tell stories, he wanted to share something too. Now, It wasn't something he was necessarily nervous about, but he wanted to do right by this person. He wanted to give them a significant moment of recognition to communicate and express accurately what this person meant to him. He had an idea of what he wanted to say, but something changed when he took this draft in his head and spoke it out loud. As he told me about it, he described a moment when Everybody turned to look at him, and suddenly his words took on a different meaning. They mattered more. The nerves kicked in. All these emotions bubbled up because speaking these words out loud made them real in a different way. It felt raw and real, exposing his tender, bubbling emotions. He felt like he couldn't hide them. They were revealed. He felt vulnerable, and seen. Now if he had just written those same words down and left it as a note, it would have been a lovely, thoughtful sentiment and appreciated, I'm sure. But not expressing the words out loud denies a shared experience for everybody in that room. There is something so powerful about speaking words out loud and having those words witnessed by others. It communicates at about 12 different levels, not just one. That's not scientifically accurate, I'm afraid, but it definitely feels that way. In the coming chapters, we're going to get into the mindset, fear management, physical adjustments, and practical strategies we can do to bring our stories to life and physically embody them. And perhaps a bit ironically, to fully embody our stories while we speak, We have to first work on our mindset. Mindset. Many years ago, when I started coaching, all I had was passion and my own experiences of being coached by really amazing coaches. Luckily, I was given some opportunities and found I had a knack for speaking. I was pretty young. I mean, I remember being 24 or 25 and having this realization that I thought was really profound. That speaking was 50% mindset. At the time, I felt like it was a really bold thing to say to these coworkers who had a lot more life experience than I did. Hey, now all of these skills we're working on, they're only half of it. But what you're thinking, what you're feeling, what you believe about yourself, what you believe about your audience, everything that exists outside of these skills, they matter too. But as I kept coaching, working with skilled professionals, aspiring speakers, CEOs, keynote speakers, entrepreneurs, and other people who, in every respect, had every reason in the world to show up with confidence, they would still show up and say things like, "Yeah, but what if I screw up? What will they think of me? What if I look stupid? What if they don't like this idea?" What if they don't respond the way I want them to? What if they don't think this is funny or as brilliant as I do? It didn't matter how experienced, qualified, or totally awesome these people were. It just didn't. Speaking is an incredibly vulnerable thing that taps into our deepest human-ness. So, if we are doing it right, it will reveal our deepest fears. Fears that, under other circumstances, we've learned to keep at bay. As my work matured and my coaching conversations became more and more about how to really show up with vulnerability and courage, I realized that 50% was too small. Speaking is 80% mindset. In other words, it's 80% of what we think, what we believe, what we tell ourselves, and how we show up that day. You can be the most skilled speaker and have the best coaches in the country who help you learn how to move your body and structure your talk and message well. You can absolutely learn all of those things, and they are a really important foundation that ultimately helps you with your mindset. But if your mindset isn't in a good place, the rest doesn't matter. The audience can feel that. We can tell if somebody has really brought their full self to the moment and is doing something that they know matters. So this 80% mindset, it's very closely connected to our capability to show up with authenticity and courage. Everyone I've ever worked with is challenged by mindset in some way or another. It's not like 20% of people who are really successful in speaking aren't challenged by mindset. That's simply not the case in my experience, even if they don't want us to see that. We all struggle with mindset day in and day out, some days more so than others. We all have to pay attention to our mindset if we're going to embody our stories in a powerful way and show up with our full, free voice. Creating an 80% Mindset. So if speaking is 80% mindset, how can we create a mindset that encourages us and allows us to show up fully and with confidence? Tip #1: Know that you are ready enough. Let's accept the fact that we are never really ready. One of the things that keeps people from really showing up and telling their stories is this feeling of, "Ah, it's not quite ready. It's not perfect." It's not where I want it to be. I'm nervous about this. It isn't exactly right, etc. There's a lot we can't control in speaking our stories, and we've got all kinds of excuses for why we aren't ready. So let's just embrace our unreadiness. We are never really ready, and that's not a bad thing. I honestly think that when the edges are a little rough, it's more engaging and interesting for the audience. In terms of mindset, I'd rather have us think about being "ready enough." Assuming we've done the necessary prep work, we are ready enough even if we're not totally feeling it. You may never feel "ready" because you're ready for what? It's live theater! So stop and accept that "ready enough" will get you there. Here's a pro tip: if you've been following along with this book in creating a story to speak, I hope you'll trust me when I say that at this point, you are ready enough to put your story on its feet and start sharing it. Remember, speaking is iterative. You won't get better by thinking about doing this. The only way is through, so start now. Tip #2: Become friends with your fear. Fear is simply a part of public speaking and not a sign of your unreadiness or lack of skill. That statement might put you on pause for a moment, but it's true. The people who speak are those that speak anyway. So if we accept and believe that fear is simply a part of speaking, then how do we manage our fear? There are two kinds of fear that can rule our thinking. I call them growing fear and shrinking fear. It's important to distinguish between the two because one can be a catalyst if we allow it to be, and the other can be debilitating. Growing fear pushes you into discomfort without risking your actual safety. Your body might perceive that you're not safe, and your adrenaline response might be convinced that you're in danger, but you're not in any actual physical danger. Growing fear helps you step into something bigger. It challenges you, and you need that so you can step into what's truly possible as a speaker and storyteller. And then there's the opposite: shrinking fear, where we get smaller as we do something rather than stepping into a bigger sense of ourselves. This is the fear that does endanger us in some way. So telling your story, speaking up, or stepping into courage should feel like growing fear. It causes you to think, "This is good for me, even if it's not easy." So when when do we share these stories? If we're not waiting to be 100% ready, and if we're supposed to feel fear when we speak, at what point do we follow our fear onto the stage? Do we just do it scared, no matter what? Well, no. As the brilliant Brené Brown once said, "Share your scars, not your scabs." In other words, it takes time to have perspective on our experiences, and it takes even more time to have the kind of perspective we can shape into something meaningful for an audience, versus telling it for the catharsis and release of simply sharing it. I remember watching a very famous author take a big stage for the first time. She is an incredible writer and someone I admire greatly for her courage in investigating her life and her willingness to share all the difficult and beautiful parts of her journey in her poetic, sharp writing. But speaking? That was not her thing. She had made clear on social media and even in the first minute of her speech that she was nervous. In many ways, this was a growing fear moment for her. But the story she shared was being shared from her scab, not her scar. And we could feel it. I watched as the author paced back and forth, hardly ever looking at the audience. Her emotions were raw. We were witness to her very first public sharing of this story. She had written it down and shared it, but it's quite different to stand up and speak it with witnesses around you. Am I proud of her for standing up and speaking her story? Absolutely. But was that moment for me or her audience? No. It was an experience for her. And that's okay. Those moments can still be important, powerful, and even needed. But if our goal is to lead through our stories, then we have to not just make friends with our fear, we also have to do some internal work and reflection so we can offer something through our stories in service to our audience even when we're afraid. It may take a lot of time before you can share from your scars. But when you do, those scars can be a catalyst, and help push you out front. You can feel a sense of mission around your scars and your message because you have been there. Tip #3: Know that vulnerability is bravery. Vulnerability is one of those things that we know is a good thing, but it still doesn't mean we're going to be vulnerable. I want to acknowledge this, especially if you aren't someone with systemic power Or if you've been systemically marginalized, like many BIPOC, the idea of stepping into vulnerability holds an added level of risk. History has shown us that sometimes a person sharing their vulnerability has been at the very least underappreciated, and at the worst, has been through something life-threatening. The lesson learned was to protect yourself. In other words, don't show any weakness, don't leave yourself open to criticism. This isn't safe, and for good reason. As a white woman, I've been urging people to be vulnerable for decades. However, I can't possibly understand how callous that can sound since I'm someone whose vulnerability doesn't risk safety for me the way it does for other people. So as I challenge you to be vulnerable, I want to be clear that your safety is more important than your vulnerability. Some people don't get to see your scars and haven't earned the trust of that moment. Some audiences aren't ready for your truth. But this truth remains: without some level of vulnerability, we cannot truly lead in transformative ways. So for the sake of this book, Let's assume you are operating within a growing fear context and are safe to take these risks, even if it's scary. The thing about vulnerability is that we admire it in other people. We appreciate other people's courage when they share something real we haven't seen from them before. We recognize their bravery. And it's powerful, not just because we are held in higher esteem for our courage, but also because of how that courage translates to the audience. One of my speaker's keynotes is about mistakes. Every time she shares about the moment she made this huge, public, embarrassing mistake, I see the audience squirm, and I can imagine that they're thinking, "I can't believe she is standing up there sharing this with us. Why would you relive that? Why would you share that with us?" And they are in awe of her courage. And then, as they watch her share from this scar that is offered up to them as a gift and an example of how we can recover from those mistakes, I see the audience say to themselves, and in their comments and evaluations of her keynote, "You helped me recognize my own need to embrace my mistakes. Thank you." It's as if they're saying, "Your courage and vulnerability are showing me that I can do that too. That's the power of a vulnerable story. It helps the audience feel like they can also be brave and do what's needed. Your story shows us the way. So why is it still so hard? If we know it's powerful, needed, and generally appreciated, why are we so convinced that those same benefits will not be extended to us when we are vulnerable? We have to remind ourselves of the exact opposite of the phrases that are likely going through our heads. Instead of the phrases in the left-hand column in the book, you can replace them with the thoughts in the right-hand column and have those on repeat in your head. So instead of the negative thought, "Why am I doing this?" a more empowering thought is, "This is brave." Instead of, "Who do I think I am?" you could say, "This is strength." Instead of, "Who cares about my story?" an empowering thought is, "This is what good leadership looks like." Instead of, "What will they think of me?" the better thought is, "This is how I create change and connect." I realize I'm making it sound fairly peachy keen and easy. As I've observed over the last 20+ years, as we get more and more successful, it can feel more and more difficult to shed the layer of "I've got it all together" to show up fully and imperfectly, because that's what stories require us to do, and to embrace the idea of risk. But as you become more successful, it becomes more and more important that you do exactly that. We have to fight against the instinct to be the most polished, and perfect version that aligns with people's oftentimes overly rosy ideas of who we are. I can't tell you how many times during the hardest moments in my business people have come up to me and said, "Sally, it looks like you're absolutely killing it!" as a result of my activity on social media and the limited view of my life they get online. But that's not the whole story. It never is. It's kind of like this beautiful quote from one of my favorite writers, Glennon Doyle: She once said, "We can choose to be perfect and admired or real and loved. You must decide. If we choose to be perfect and admired, we must send our representatives out to live our lives. If we choose to be real and loved, we must send out our true tender selves. That's the only way, because to be loved, we have to be known." Showing up and being our authentic selves in these big moments requires deep courage and conviction, but it doesn't require our comfort. Authenticity doesn't mean comfort. This distinction is important because sometimes people think, "Well, this doesn't feel right," but authenticity is supposed to feel like vulnerability. It's an unlayering versus a polishing up. It's the edge. It's growing fear. So authenticity is supposed to be scary, and it's supposed to feel vulnerable, and it's supposed to be uncomfortable. You may be sarcastically thinking right now, "Sounds like fun, Sally!" But I promise you that all of this discomfort and fear is worth it. And sometimes we need someone to help us get there. Tip #4: Get yourself pushed off the ledge. We all need somebody who can push us. Sometimes we can't leap on our own, and if you can't, you've gotta find somebody who's gonna give you that loving shove. And if you need that shove, I can be that person for you. Literally. People call me a professional nudger. Whether we leave the ledge on our own or get shoved, we all take the same path. You jump off the cliff and it could be thrilling or it could be terrifying. It could be the most freeing 7 minutes of your life. Whatever happens, I promise it won't be boring. So let's go for it. Let's take the ride that's been given to you and do our very best to enjoy the leap together. So find a coach or a community. Find an accountability partner. Find a free group online or a supportive club. Find someone at work or a hype squad of other entrepreneurs who know what you're capable of and won't let you get away with playing small. Find your cheerleaders because you'll need them. At some point in the journey, you'll wonder what the heck you're doing and if you can really pull this off. You may feel like you don't belong in this big moment and everyone's about to find out that you're a fraud. You may avoid the hard parts of the process and just cross your fingers that it'll be okay anyway. Maybe you'll even give up sometimes—hey, we all do—and that's when you need that loving shove. As you are standing on the edge of this cliff, and below you is a void of unknowns filled with opportunity, it's easy to imagine the worst. It's easy to assume that gravity is stronger than your ambition and to believe that you'll fall. Instead of fly. I can't tell you how many speakers come to me in the metaphorical wings of the stage of their lives while the spotlight is right in front of them, awaiting action. They are on the edge of the cliff. We don't know what exactly will happen. We don't know how the audience and world will respond. We don't know if we have what it takes. And I remind them of this, just like I'm going to remind you of it now: You have everything you need. Your story matters. And whatever happens, you are brave. And you never know, you just might enjoy it. So go love 'em up. Now. How We Share. With the exception of the structural craft of putting together your story, Part 4: We've spent the majority of this book talking about the internal stuff—the emotions, the beliefs, the mindsets, and the creative attitudes required to do this brave work. But when it comes down to actually doing the thing, why does all of that matter? Isn't it simply about the skill with which we do it? Nope! The body and the mind, aka the thinking and emotions, are inextricably connected together, and they impact each other in profound ways. What we are thinking in the mind impacts what happens in the body. It informs how we show up on stage, how we use our body, what happens with our voice, and how the content comes alive in the moment. We cannot separate the body and the mind in speaking. They work together, in a powerful, kind of weird way. I admit that when I first started coaching, I was kind of like, "Oh dear, maybe I need a psychology degree to do this." I was having deep conversations with my speakers about what was going on inside them way more than I was about their skill and approach. This led to big-time feelings of imposter syndrome. Who am I to be doing this? What if people figure out that I'm not as good as they think? What if— what if— What if? When we master the mindset and combine it with intentional skill building, that is how we build confidence. Speaking is way more about what's going on up in our heads than it is about anything else, and it's too important for us not to wrestle with it. And it's an essential foundation as we talk about actually getting on our feet and sharing our stories. This is also where we'll get a bit more tangible. We're going to talk about how to deal with your body—hello, nerves—how to use your body in space while you speak, and how to prepare for your speaking moments so that you can show up fully with an open mind, body, and spirit. All right, everybody, that's a wrap on this chapter of Speaking Story. You can find the full audiobook ad-free on Audible or just subscribe and the next chapter comes right to you. And hey, if Jen's story up at the top hit a bit of a nerve, if you've got your own clicker hovering, the Movers Roadmap is free. It takes about 20 minutes to go through and it will tell you more about where you are and what you need than most paid programs will. So go grab it along with the Power Pitching Push. At Sally-Zimney.com/path. Sally-Zimney.com/path. All right, movers, this moved me. What is moving you? See you next time.