393: Speaking Story Chapter 33 - Using Our Bodies (aka Distraction Is the Bar)

Scares me so badly when she does that. Anyway, what am I saying? Chapter something. Okay, team, I am really excited that we have finally landed on the chapter where we're gonna talk about actually using your body in delivery. We've been talking about delivery this whole part, part 6, and welcome to everybody who's been following along bit by bit here of the audio version of Speaking Story. That we are putting out into the world for free. If you wanna bypass all the extra chit-chat, you can go grab it on Audible. But for those of you who are here for all of the extra little tidbits, I'm so glad that you're here and hanging out. My name is Sally Koering Zimney. I am a keynote speaker and author and coach, and you're hearing the approaches and frameworks that I have been bringing to life. As a coach for the last 30 years, which is weird to say, but that is true. Uh, and I've learned a lot of them from other incredible coaches and have adapted them and put them to work with my clients over the last many, many years. And this is one of the chapters that I hope is a game changer, if I'm gonna go ahead and say that for you. Because, uh, there are a lot of coaches out there who obsess over what I think are ultimately unhelpful because they end up actually getting in our heads and keeping us from ever doing it to begin with. There's a time for super nitpickiness, and context is always the deciding factor. On what is appropriate, how many filler words or no filler words are allowable, and um, as I say, um, because there are some contexts where a lot of the things that other coaches obsess about don't freaking matter. And I will often find myself when I'm coaching somebody and they're doing this thing and I'm like, why are you doing that? And they'll say, well, I was told by a consultant, or I was told by this so-and-so, or I read, or whatever, that I should never fill in the blank. I should never turn and look at the screen. And I'm like, what was that bullshit? I'm just gonna say it. It is. There are sometimes where we want to intentionally turn and look at the screen because we're drawing people's attention there. So it's just like, there are so many stupid rules and I'm just like, I feel ranty about it because now everybody is up there being robotic 'cause they're trying to follow all the stupid rules. And in terms of physical delivery, we end up creating weird, robotic, extra-postured, weird eye contacty people who, who are so focused on their technique that they, and doing it perfectly, that they have lost the thread of actually creating a meaningful connection with their audience. So in this chapter, I'm going to give you the framework that can help you decide, is this worth messing with? Is this worth working on? Or do I have more freedom? Do I have more room to play in this? What if some of the rules, I could just say, screw it, because I know what's happening here is real and I'm making a connection. And to be fair, sometimes it's hard to know that for yourself, which is why having a great coach is helpful. But I want to offer this framework in hopes that— or it's an idea really, it's not even a framework, it's a simple concept. That can be game-changing for you in terms of how to approach how you show up in your body. And please know that you are welcome in the body that you have right now. And all we're looking to find out is, are you creating meaningful connection, meaningful communication with your audience? In other words, Do they get the meaning? Are they feeling what you want them to feel? Are— do they walk away with the idea that you want? And how can we leverage the body, this beautiful, complicated, interconnected tool that comes with us? How do we leverage this tool to make it more meaningful, not to undercut the meaning and the impact of our message?

That's what we're trying to do.

To make space and love the body so that it can work with us. Yes?

Okay!

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Rant over. Dive into this chapter. I think it's less ranty than you just got a little peek at here. Well, we'll see. Here we go.

Hey everybody, and welcome to This Moved Me, a podcast about creating talks that move the world. With me, your host, Sally Koering Zimney. All right, team, quick question before we dive in, and I want you to answer it honestly.

Do you have a message that you know is worth sharing, but you're not quite sure what to do with it next?

If you said yes, even, um, Yes, I want you to hear something first. Here's Jenn Whitmer. She is a keynote speaker, award-winning author, and someone who was sitting right where you might be right now.

I remember my clicker just hovering over the join button about 6 years ago with Sally Koering Zimney, and I am forever grateful that I clicked yes. I'm Jenn Whitmer, keynote speaker, award-winning author, and all-around joy bringer. And since I tapped that little button. My business has continued to grow and expand and been on stages that I had never even considered dreaming about. And that's all because of the insights that I have gained from being a part of Sally's community, the skills, the cheerleaders, the referrals. If you are scared and you are hovering over that button, I'm telling you, Now is the time.

Now is the time.

That's what's on the other side of your yes.

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It's a free one at sally-zimney.com/path.

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And when you're ready to go all in, Movers Collective is where we are gonna take you from talented to the spotlight.

Amazing.

All right, now let's get into the chapter. Chapter 33: Using Our Bodies, AKA Distraction Is the Bar. Stories can conquer fear, you know. They can make the heart bigger. Ben Okri. It's easy to feel like the body is a bit of a problem in speaking. It often reveals us without our permission, and it's this very personal and visual reflection of who we are since most of us have a long, and complicated history with our bodies. Understatement of the century, right? I was doing a speaking retreat one time with my highest-level speakers. One of those speakers was very nervous about the photos and the videos we were taking on stage. Despite her years of experience and industry expertise, her discomfort with her body was palpable. She questioned every move she made. She was very concerned about what she was wearing, she sought out very specific choreography to ease the discomfort, and she was miserable in the process. When we finally workshopped our content together, she bravely and vulnerably shared that she did not like her body. And I could tell she wasn't comfortable in her own skin, and you could see that. I said to her, and to everyone in the room, because We all struggle with this from time to time. You do not have to change who you are to belong on stage. You get to bring you with you, and that's all you need to do. In my TEDx talk, I referred to Martin Pistorius, a speaker who doesn't have a voice. Here's what I said: If you haven't already, meet Martin Pistorius. His TED Talk about how his mind came back to life after contracting a brain infection has had over 2 million views. Here's the thing: Martin cannot speak. I watched his talk. He sat in his wheelchair and barely moved, and I was riveted. We all wage battles wondering whether we have what it takes. But can you imagine if Martin had succumbed to the common myth that runs through all of our heads? That somehow we don't have something of value to offer people in this way? We would have missed his story, his wisdom, his life because he wasn't sure if he was a real "speaker" or not? He is a speaker who cannot speak. So maybe we need to adjust our definition of speaker. Whatever skills or qualifications you think you lack, You're missing out. And more importantly, the rest of us are missing out on you. Because you belong on stage too. Whatever shape your body is, it's yours. Whatever quirks you have, they're yours. Whatever capabilities or challenges you experience, they're yours. And they're all yours to share. The body is the tool of speaking. It's what differentiates speaking from writing. We embody our stories, and embodying your story means that you are more than a neck-up speaker, even in this virtual world. In other words, just because they can only see your shoulders, neck, and head doesn't mean you're only speaking with your shoulders, neck, and head. No, we speak with our full bodies, and we communicate with way more than just the perfect script you have created. We experience a whopping 93% of our communication by how the script is spoken. 55% of that is nonverbal and 38% tonal. That leaves only 7% for the perfect script. Your words live in your body, and having an embodied delivery means that we know how to use our body well. Here are some key ideas around using your body in your delivery. Distraction is the bar. Many people come to me worried about what to do with their hands or how they are supposed to move, and they over-choreograph their movements to perfect their delivery. Let me be clear: there is room for you to show up with your mannerisms, your quirks, and your imperfect delivery. There's room for you to show up with your natural physical approach, the way that you hold your space and your natural body type. There is room for you, but there will be times when something you're doing in your delivery is not helping you communicate your idea. The only physical adjustments I make happen when one of my speakers is doing something distracting. If a physical movement is distracting to the audience, then they're no longer hearing what you're saying. They're noticing your body instead. They get taken out of the moment, and instead of leaning in, they're sitting back and analyzing. Any analyzing takes your audience out of the experience and puts them into thinking mode, not thinking about your idea, but thinking about you. And that is not the goal here. Ideally, your body is simply a natural extension of your expression, passion, and meaning. When you're fully committed to your message, the body will follow. Of course, there are things you can do physically with intention to emphasize your point and idea with your movement and body. But too often we overcomplicate this approach and choreograph each and every movement, and it ends up looking and feeling unnatural. That unnaturalness becomes a distraction that, once again, takes us out of the moment of the story and into analyzer mode. Unfortunately, many of us were coached poorly at some point in life, spent time in an unhelpful Toastmasters group, or read one too many ill-informed feedback forms. No filler words, no unplanned hand movements, no searching for your perfect word because you should have it memorized, no moving unless you have specifically planned to move, and yet no standing still. Big ol' sigh. Listen, there are a lot of rules that have come down from somewhere on high, who knows where, and truthfully, most of those rules are neutral concepts applied too broadly and without nuance or context. People get one piece of feedback about these speaking rules and voilà, their hand has been slapped and they have been warned that a real speaker is a perfect physical creature in complete control of their body at all times, so That's what we aim for, forgetting it's not even possible. Years later, we have some bad habits that we've convinced ourselves are a sign of our professionalism. Breaking out of them requires some gentle self-awareness and a good coach, colleague, friend, or someone else who can be a positive and clear mirror for us so that we can see ourselves more clearly as we grow and develop. This is not an easy thing to find, or offer to ourselves. We do not see ourselves accurately. Here is the big mythbuster that sounds too simple to be true, but I promise it is. Most of the time, if we just don't think too much about it and simply speak with commitment and passion, the body isn't a problem. The body becomes a problem when you are in your head and thinking about your body instead of thinking about your audience. And when you hang on to habits that don't serve you, and nobody's helped you steer away from them or even brought your awareness to them in a helpful way, you can make the whole thing more complicated and challenging than it is or needs to be. Oftentimes, I am simply helping my speakers unlearn these habits that aren't even natural, ones they started doing in an effort to be a quote-unquote Speaker, to do it a certain way, to live up to a certain expectation. And it's so much simpler than that. When you're thinking about your delivery, distraction is the only bar worth worrying about. So if it's not distracting, I don't want you to worry about it. Which sounds really easy. Easier than I know it is when you're busting through old habits and mindset challenges. But here's what's important. If we can let go and commit fully, the movement comes from the body. When you commit fully, it starts from the inside out: how you feel, the words you find that strike you and articulate a powerful truth, your passion and willingness to be vulnerable. You can see all of that in the body. You can see it in your hands. It even comes out in your knees. It's clear how grounded and engaged you are. When we are committed fully from the inside out, the body cannot help but follow our words and feelings. And what if you are someone who sometimes thinks, "I don't know what to do with my hands and I just feel kind of awkward about it." Instead of choreographing things to do with your hands, think this instead: How can I bring more belief and passion to what I'm saying? How can I take my commitment level from 50%, the place where my hands aren't sure what to do, to a full 100% commitment. Focus on what you're saying and how you feel about it. Find a stronger word that sparks a different emotion. Speak to the back of the room. Let your fire out, because then your body will follow. When we get our body and mind in sync, we can let go and just do what our body naturally wants to do. 95% of the time, that works beautifully. Now, a big caveat here: committing fully does not mean going big. It is going to look different for each of us. Finding passion and powerful words that connect with you in a deeper way can happen in all kinds of ways. And so when we think about stretching ourselves into full commitment, not holding back, and really listening to our instincts, we want to use our own scale on that. A mistake we often make comes when we tell ourselves, "Full commitment looks like this, fill in the blank." A better way of thinking about this is, "For me, full commitment looks like this." And we can think this knowing that authenticity does not mean comfortable. It means stretching. It means finding our edge. And we've got to keep our own spectrum and scale in mind. Here's a pro tip I want to underline: our brains and our feet are connected. When you have a wandering brain, guess what happens with your feet? They wander too. And when we have a focused brain, our body makes more focused choices. If you find yourself with wandering feet, my guess is that your brain is also scrambling a bit. So plant your feet and notice how your brain gets more focused then too.

All right, everybody, that's a wrap on this chapter of Speaking Story.

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Sally-z.com/path.

All right, Movers.

This moved me. What is moving you? See you next time.