What Is Monitored Visitation? Learn With Scott Levin Chief PeaceKeeper & Doug Hokstad APS Visitation

Hey everybody, this is, uh, Scott Levin, Chief Peacekeeper, and we're back again with another one of our videos. And today we are really, uh, stoked to be joined by a good friend of mine, Doug Hockstad. Hi Doug!

Hey Scott, how you doing my friend?

Good, thank you. And so Doug, Doug does something that, uh, for, for his career that's— it's not always, uh, pleasant or fun, but it basically, it's monitored visitations. And they're normally court-ordered visitation. So Doug basically will meet with one parent and their children with Doug, and he'll, he'll monitor that visitation to make sure that everything goes smoothly and well. And his company is APS Visitation. And I just wanted to kind of have Doug on to talk a little bit about that side of divorce and the industry, and also, you know, kind of have him talk about the positives and the enriching activities that he's able to facilitate as a result of his being involved. So, Doug, you do hard work, my friend.

Hey, you know what? At first glance, it seems hard. In fact, when I got into doing this type of business, I had some of my friends and colleagues say, hey, Doug, why in the heck would you want to do that? It sounds like Such torture to sit there and be a monitor of a visit. But you know what, Scott, I have found that what I do is absolutely rewarding. It's necessary. And when I leave a visitation that's supervised, and that's my role, when I'm driving home, I just feel really good because if not for me, Scott, that parent would not be able to connect and bond with their child. And so for that reason, I love what I do. Yes, it's tedious. I mean, a monitor, I mean, I don't know if your listeners understand exactly what we do.

Yeah, explain a little bit about it.

All right, so what we're doing is we're ensuring that a parent has the opportunity to connect and bond with their child. So they've gone to court, and if the court decides for various reasons that it's going to be unsafe for that child to be with the parent, and we call them the visiting parent or the non-custodial parent. And that could be for lots of reasons, and we don't want to go into the negative, but it could be things like domestic violence, it could be sexual abuse, it could be simple things of neglect, it could be drug or alcohol addiction. There's lots of reasons the court might—

Or simply allegations of those things, right?

You know it, right? So yeah, and that has to be flushed out through the courts, but nonetheless, those allegations are listened to. So, so it appears to the court that, you know what, this parent needs to have a connection with their child. It seems and appears that at this moment in time that it might be an unsafe situation, but we're going to honor the truth of the universe, and that is every father, every mother has a right to bond with their child. And so the court will say, look, we're going to give you a visitation right, and— but it has to be supervised. Now, there are 2 types of supervised monitors. I want to just real brief— there's what's called professional and non-professional. A nonprofessional is someone who's not trained through the court's curriculum, has no certifications. It's usually a family or a relative, family member or a friend or relative, and they're not paid, but they don't have the training behind them. Then there's a professional monitor like myself, and so we're trained. We have 24 hours of training that the court mandates we go through. We also have to become mandatory abuse reporters, child abuse reporters. So as an example, if I suspect that a child has been abused by a parent— silly example— a bruise the size of the face, the size of a hand on the side of the face, well, I have an obligation, and if I don't report that right away, I can be in serious trouble with the courts. So we're well trained. But the main purpose, Scott, is we're there to observe. We're not professional babysitters. I don't change diapers. I don't, you know, I'm not, I'm not there to babysit. I'm there simply to monitor the visit, and the number one objective, Scott, is to make sure that the safety of the child is, is always in check. And you might have some questions, but, but basically we're there to observe. And we're also there to document. In other words, I'm documenting things and what I'm looking for and what— and before I can even have a visit, I have to have a very intense interview with both parents and I let them know, look, nobody wants a monitor, have a monitor in a visit, right? Somebody sitting there shadowing, I have to hear everything that's said and I let them know this. Look, you know, I have to hear every conversation. There's no whispering in your child's ear. I'm going to stop that. I have to, you know, I have to be able to hear everything because bottom line is what the court doesn't want to have happen, and you know this buzzword, alienation, right?

Yeah, alienation. Explain what that is.

Right. Well, in this case, specifically in my industry, um, where one, uh, we don't want to pit parents against each other. So in other words, we don't want, uh, as an example, the custodial parent, right? So they've got the custodial rights. So the child is in their home and now a supervised visit is mandated by the court. That parent can't alienate the child from the other parent by poisoning the situation.

Yeah.

Right? They have to be— both parents have to be on the same page. And what I do as a professional supervised monitor is I coach the parents through this exercise. And if I can get the parents to become child-centric And put aside all this adult conflict just for a period of time. You know, there's a court date looming where we get to all revisit this. I'm going to bring all of my notation to that hearing if the attorneys ask for a report. I'm going to facilitate, do everything I can to maintain that connection, but the parents cannot and should not pit each other and use the child for nefarious, selfish purposes. And it happens a lot. And you probably know that.

Yeah, no, and that's, that's really why I wanted to have Doug on because, you know, in, in people might be thinking, well, Scott, you're not a litigator, you're a mediator. And that's true. But I was a litigator for many years. And I'm very familiar with monitored visitation. And what Doug just said about the, about his role as a positive coach, And how he is really there to make sure that the child is protected, is healthy, is experiencing a parental relationship with both parents. I mean, those are all virtues that we strive for in mediation, and we don't always reach them.

Yeah.

But Doug— in Doug's role as a positive influence and putting the child first is just a really cool way of kind of looking at the— Visited— monitored visitation world. And Doug has shared with me privately a bunch of really cool positive stories that he's seen. I don't know, Doug, can you share any of those, like an example of kind of like, you know, how you work and, and, and, you know— Yeah, so I'll talk in generic terms.

So obviously it's going to be unusual for a child to have a monitor, you know, hanging out with mom or dad. Who is this guy, right? And, and so if done right, and if, if I fulfill my role, um, the, the custodial parent needs to help the child understand what's going on. Um, depending on the age of the child, I'll even be part of an interview. I'll meet the child ahead of time so they know who I am. We want everybody comfortable.

Comfortable.

And but I express to the non-custodial parent or the visiting parent That, look, I have to hear every word that's said, and I'm taking notes. And what I do as a professional monitor, and I'm taking notes on my phone, and the rule is no cell phone activity when I'm with that parent, that visiting parent, for 2 hours, 4 hours, 8 hours, 6 hours, whatever the time might be. I tell that parent, you are not to take or make phone calls. You know, if it's an emergency, yes, but, you know, no taking any business calls because, Scott, you know, a business call can last 2 hours. So no phone calls. I said, but I— and I won't take or make calls either, but on my phone I am taking notes. And I let the visiting parent know I'm going to take a note, I'm going to timestamp those notes. Every 10 minutes I am making notes. And here's what I'm telling them. I said, look, here's what you need to know. The court needs to know, um, what, uh, what kind of experiencing you have with your child. So things the courts are looking for from that, from the visiting parent: is the visiting parent attentive to their child? I mean, are they, are they actually present in this visitation, or are they so hung up on the circumstances that they're just not going to participate wholeheartedly and understand that this is my moment to bond with my child? I don't care what's going on in this adult world of mine. It's my child. Is the parent prepared for the visit? You know, if we're going on a picnic, you know, does the visiting parent bring an extra sweater, a jacket, you know, a sweatshirt? What kind of food are they bringing? Are they bringing a bunch of junk food, Milk Duds, and is that the picnic, or is it actually like— Hey, healthy food? Is the parent being a parent? Is the parent on time? And then we also want to have the conversation always, and this is how I do it. I tell the parent, the conversation should be in the moment. We're not there to fish for information. We're not asking questions. It's a silly thing, you know, like, well, who's mommy seeing? Is mommy dating anybody? Come on.

Yeah. Well, Doug, you know, you do incredible work. APS visitations, is who I refer to when anyone asks me. So Doug Hockstead, APS Visitations, where can people find you, Doug?

Yeah, apsvisitations.com. I have a website and you can contact me through the website and fill out a form. And, you know, like I said, I love what I do. When I do a visit, a monitored visit, it's a fine line between, you know, making it as comfortable for the child without taking away from the parent having the time that they need from their child. I work really hard to make that experience as comfortable and as, as, as, uh, as, as amazing as it can be under the circumstances.

And I've heard nothing but that. So, um, thank you, sir, for what you do. It's, it's hard work, but we appreciate you.

Hey, brother, appreciate you having me, man.

All right, buddy, I'll talk to you soon.

We got to hang out more. All right, take care, brother.