When Your World Breaks

Welcome to the Science of Abundance Daily Alchemy podcast. I'm your host, Sean Clayton, and my story's pretty interesting. Went through a ton of trauma, former incarceration, suicide attempts, sexual abuse in my life. And one of the things that's happened in my life is I've actually used hermetic principles, alchemy, all these really cool tools that we hear and we talk about, the Illuminati, whatever you want to call it, and develop practices in order to change and affect my lives differently. So within this podcast, I will be giving tidbits and bites for individuals to be able to bite into on a daily basis. That will allow you to take baby steps to change your life. But at some point, you'll find the door that starts to change the effect of how you show up on a daily basis. Enjoy this, give feedback, come to my Instagram comment, whatever it might be, always open because we wouldn't be here without each other. Please enjoy and thank you, and I love you. Welcome back to Daily Alchemy. And on this episode, I'm excited to talk about the concept of when your world breaks. And this has happened to me a couple times, some through the lens of love and some through the lens of fear. And what I recognize, it's how we stay true to ourselves in the breaking of the illusion around us that creates a rhythmic state of permanence to build our new lives. And it's a damn hard thing to do. So I'm gonna go a little bit backward about 10 months in my life and talk about the Hoffman process and what happened to me after that. And I had a really interesting revelation today, talking to a brother of mine who had just gone through it, and a lot of beautiful things are going on in his life. But what I recognized within myself was that there was a gentleness and a career that I didn't give my higher self as it was starting to embody a new me. And whenever something would happen, it would create this trigger or this reaction, and I would go back into my old patterns. And when I go back into my old patterns, what would then happen is that because all of the trauma work that I had done eliminated the foundation that I was standing on before from the trauma that I used to be in, that any process to pacify those states wouldn't work at all. So going back about 10 months, when I went through Hoffman, I was in there. And one of the things that I was working on was being able to really stand in truth, to stop the bullshit, stop the lies, stop the what I was doing is this overly affirming self through the lens of female interactions. And I was an asshole at the time, to be honest with you. And so I was in there and working on it and you know, I was talking to people in the, in the event and basically like, dude, your life is exhausting. You're trying to manage too much and trying to be everything to everybody and just to like break it down to be raw with you guys. I was very much so in love with who is now my fiance. And I was fortunate that she had enough compassion for me to see me in my wholeness now. But what was even more challenging was at that time because we had gone through some really traumatic stuff prior to I was using the illusion of other women around me to validate myself through how that person treated me. And even though it wasn't my truth or my authenticity in it, it was me using that in order to pacify certain areas of brokenness in me. And so it's no different than doing a drug, right? You do drugs, you get involved in something, you're pacifying the reality of life. And was taking what I would consider is this pattern that I had learned by watching my father and looping that into a cycle within myself that said, okay, this is a safe space for you. And it wasn't safe at all. And so as I started to go down that path and went into Hoffman, Hoffman really has you eliminate the bullshit. And so like for instance, let's say I solved all these problems or not all of them, but I saw started solving a lot of the problems in my life by eliminating the negative self love patterns that I had received from my parents and having enough compassion and forgiveness for them. So I eliminated that. I had let it go. And then when I walked back into the world, I still had some of those patterns that were in my life. And so as I started to walk in this new sense of truth, what was starting to show up was that all of the things that I had done before were no longer working. So if I tried to be this old person that was manipulating life or creating delusions or whatever you want to call it, you know, it wasn't real, it wasn't truth. It actually exacerbated and made the issue worse. And so after that, my whole fucking scene got blown up. Because what it was that I had set myself in, in the intention of myself was now having to step in a very intentional integrity. That's the cool thing about trauma work. You gotta be careful when you do it, because once you do it the integrity that you have to walk in has to be in conjunction with your intentions. So if you set an intention like hey, I'm gonna do this thing and then you start doing anything that veers off course of that thing, that thought, that execution, you start to destroy your life. And what's cool about that is that the trauma work that you do that eliminates the things that you had trauma about, you start to create your own trauma. Because it's like, okay, now I've let all that trauma go. Now it's like, okay, are you going to stay in truth because you said you wanted to get rid of this old trauma pattern. Now are you going to go through the process of not being in integrity, not being integrated into this world and are you going to walk in a lens of non truth? And when you do that, well, you're going to draft significant trauma in your life because you are so far out of integrity. And it's not moral integrity, but it's the intention and the integration within your daily life. It's if you say you're going to do something, you do it. If you have an intention, you follow through with it. It's very simple as said. But with that trauma work, what it does is it goes through the process and it actually literally eliminates all of the negative self love patterns that were built and constructed that had illusions in your life. So for me, there was a pattern of this other person that was an illusion in my life that was not my truth. And it had to eliminate that. And once it was eliminated, it also then created more trauma because it was like, okay, now you created your trauma from your own stillness. And it was an old pattern. And now that carried on and then since then what I would do is be in some fearful state about losing my fiance or reacting in a very specific way. And my reactions have got significantly better, number one. But number two, my resilience of being able to stay back in my heart has really shifted. But what I've also had to do was learn to let go of that old world, let go of that old version of me. What I did not do a great job of, and this is definitely something that should be taught after any mind blowing kind of ceremony, whether it's a mushroom ceremony, whether it's ayahuasca, whether it's Hoffman, whatever it might be, is that integration work that they talk about is much more beyond sitting there hugging a tree, being still and walking in nature and doing some journaling. It's really about being gentle enough to understand that you are Literally walking on baby legs. You have never been the new person that you are now. You may know who you are, but walking as that, who you are with the expectations that the world has seen you as your old version of self is a vastly different deal. And when you're not gentle on yourself, the world's not going to be gentle on you. And even when you attempt to be gentle on yourself, the world still may not be gentle on you. Because what you've done is you've created an expectation of how that world needs to treat you. And now the thing is, is are you going to go back out there into the world and stand in your truth and stand in who you are and not lose yourself in that process and love yourself enough to be like, hey, I'm going to die on this cross. And if I go back and I look at any of the work that, say, Christ did, if you go into biblical stories or even, you know, Muhammad or any of those, they all had this moment where they woke up and they walked through this different door. And then when they walked through that door, were they going to be truthful enough to themselves to be able to die for what they believed in? And if they were going to walk through that door to be able to die for what they believed in, they could have gone the other way. They could have said, hey, I'm just not going to be an integrity of my intention and I'm going to go backward in order to be who I was. And it's not about being a walking miracle all your life. It's about being a walking miracle at the right time in your life to when you find that present and that present moment, then you start to essentially expand into all the infinite realities that you have been, that you will be, and that you are now. That is where that change starts to happen. And that's where breaking your life starts to become beautiful. So know that you're gonna be met with the opportunity to take that blue pill and go right back into the matrix when it happens. You gotta be truthful to yourself. And it's okay if you go back. We all have compassion for that. You will rip yourself back out of it again. But it's okay to go back. But the doors will keep showing themselves because your higher self is going to constantly pull you through. And when you go through these opportunities to break these cycles, it sets you in a space to where you can't really fake the funk anymore. And you have to be in this, like, really integrated state. And so integrity used to be such a wayward word for me, because I was like, I didn't agree with what moral integrity was because I was building my truth off of what somebody else told me was true, not what I knew to be true. And as we're on the spiritual journey together, because we all are waking up as one, we must remember a couple of things. Number one, as we do one thing, we do all things. So if I'm out of integrity with anything in my life, I'm out of integrity with everything in my life. If I can't actually go through the understanding of why I created it all to love myself, then I'm not going to see the love in everything that I create, the good or the bad, the heaven or the hell. If I can't turn back around and see it all as interconnectedness, then I'm separate from everything. You can't be just connected to one and disconnected from it all. Because as you do one thing, you do all things. This is the law of correspondence. And so once you start to master those aspects of self, and once you go through that world breaking and once you have enough gentleness on yourself and delicacy on yourself to be able to walk in that truth, what will happen is the world will start to show up for you. So I encourage you guys to be delicate and gentle with yourself. I encourage you to make sure that you understand how you do one thing, you do all things, and then see how that proliferates in your life from a moment of stillness. And that is where the world will start to change. Thank you so much for tuning in, and I love you.