Shankar Vedantam explains psychologist Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion: people with higher self-compassion report greater life satisfaction, lower anxiety and depression, and are more likely to actually change their behavior. Self-criticism triggers stress and shame, while self-kindness creates space for honest reflection and growth.
Imagine a close friend has just lost a job. She calls you in tears. You would be warm and reassuring. You would tell her this happens to lots of people. She'll find a new and better job soon. Now imagine you are the one who lost the job. Most of us speak to ourselves very differently. We criticize ourselves, lamenting our stupidity and our incompetence. Psychologist Kristin Neff at the University of Texas at Austin studies self-compassion. Her research has found that people higher in self-compassion are more satisfied with their lives and less anxious and depressed. They even sleep and eat better. Also, they're more likely to actually change their behavior for the better. That last part surprises people. We often believe that being hard on ourselves motivates us to do better. Kristin's research suggests the opposite. Self-criticism activates a threat response that makes us feel stressed and shameful. Self-compassion creates the safety we need to look at our mistakes honestly. So if you've been trying to bully yourself into being a better person, consider trying the opposite. The science suggests it would work better. For more insights about the science of the mind, tune into Hidden Brain on Apple, Spotify, or hiddenbrain.org.
