Shankar VedantamHost, Hidden Brain · Journalist, Writer, Science Correspondent

The Two Words That Make Pain Worse

9 Oct 2026 · 1 min

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In this monologue, Shankar Vedantam reflects on how the common comforting phrase “at least…” can unintentionally worsen the suffering of people facing severe crises, using the example of author Kate Bowler’s experience after a stage‑4 cancer diagnosis. He explains that such minimizers, while well‑intentioned, aim to reduce the unsettling randomness of tragedy and restore a sense of order for themselves, not the sufferer. This habit of downplaying pain leaves the afflicted feeling unseen and isolated. Vedantam contrasts this with the more helpful response of simply sitting with a person’s pain—offering presence without explanation—highlighting that true comfort comes from being seen rather than from rationalizing the suffering.

Chapters

What do you say to someone whose life is falling apart? When Kate Bowler had stage 4 cancer, she noticed that almost every attempt to comfort her began with the same 2 words: at least. At least you're at a good hospital. At least you have the resources to get the right help. At least, at least, at least. Every one of these comments was meant kindly, but each one minimized her pain and left her feeling a little more alone. She started to wonder, When will I merit the full measure of your sympathy? Do I need to have stage 5 cancer? Minimizers are not cruel. They just find other people's tragedies frightening because such events are completely random. Minimizing someone else's pain puts the world back in order. The comfort on offer isn't for the person who's suffering; it's for the person who cannot sit with the fear. Kate is not asking anyone to find the perfect words. She's simply noting that the phrase at least tends to dismiss a person right at the moment when they most feel the need to be seen. The comfort that stayed with her came from people who didn't try to explain her pain away and were willing to sit inside it with her instead.