Psychologist Gordon Flett studies "mattering," the need to feel valued by others. When people feel ignored, depression and loneliness spike. The Columbine shooters lacked this sense of mattering. Small acts of acknowledgment can fulfill this basic human need.
Psychologist Gordon Flett at York University studies something he calls mattering, the feeling that you are noted, valued, and significant to the people around you. When Gordon was hospitalized with liver failure, a nurse sat with him for hours in the predawn darkness. She didn't just check his vitals. She talked to him. She made him feel like he was more than a patient in a bed. That experience shaped his research for years to come. Because when people don't feel like they matter, The consequences can be severe. Gordon's work shows that when we feel like we don't matter, we are at higher risk for depression, loneliness, and in extreme cases, even violence. After the Columbine High School shootings, for example, researchers examined the journals of the shooters, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. Among the themes that emerged were loneliness, alienation, and a sense that the world had failed to see them. Gordon argues that they chose infamy because it was the only form of recognition they could imagine. Most of us will never reach that extreme, but the underlying craving is universal. We need to feel like our presence matters to other people. Sometimes the simplest thing you can do for another person is to let them know you see them. For more insights about the science of the mind, tune into Hidden Brain on Apple, Spotify, or hiddenbrain.org.
