Kate Bowler, battling cancer, felt like a burden until she asked friends for gummy bears. Each bag that arrived gave people a concrete way to help and show love. Asking for specific, small things lets others feel useful when you're struggling.
Why is it so hard to ask for help, even when you're desperate to lean on somebody? When Kate Bowler was sick with cancer, she was sure she had become the bad thing in everyone's life, a burden. So she kept her suffering to herself and told the people around her that she was fine. Then she noticed something. The people who loved her were eager to help, and they had no idea how. They wanted a job, something to do with all that helpless love. So Kate started giving them a job. She told everyone she knew that she loved gummy bears. She didn't particularly, but every bag that showed up was someone finding a small way to feel useful. Kate came to believe that none of us gets through tough times alone. In the end, life is a group project, and sometimes the most generous thing you can do for the people who love you is to give them a small, specific way to show up.
