Shankar VedantamHost, Hidden Brain · Journalist, Writer, Science Correspondent

The Shame You Think You're Alone In

17 Oct 2026 · 1 min

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In this segment of the Hidden Brain podcast, host Shankar Vedantam introduces the episode "Why Am I Unhappy? Why Am I Unhappy?" by sharing a personal‑style anecdote about psychologist George Loewenstein. Loewenstein, as a young man, felt unable to use public restrooms when others were present, a secret he assumed was unique to him. Years later, a friend disclosed a similar struggle, revealing that many people hide such shameful experiences. Loewenstein labels this phenomenon the "spiral of silence": when individuals feel ashamed, they conceal their difficulties, making those issues appear rarer, which in turn amplifies the shame. Vedantam poses the central question of how to begin unwinding these spirals of silence, setting up the episode’s exploration of shame, social perception, and strategies for breaking the cycle. The episode is available on Apple, Spotify, and hiddenbrain.org.

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What's the one thing you keep secret from everyone because you're sure you're the only one who experiences it? For decades, psychologist George Loewenstein carried one such secret. As a young man, he couldn't bring himself to use a public restroom when other people were around. He had no name for this difficulty and assumed something was wrong with him. Then, years later, at a dinner party, a friend mentioned his own version of the exact same struggle. Nobody at the table seems surprised. George says that when we're ashamed of something, we hide it. But because we hide these struggles, everyone assumes they're rare. The more rare they feel, the more ashamed we get. George calls this a spiral of silence. How do we begin to unwind these spirals? We discuss that in this week's episode of Hidden Brain. You can find us on Apple, Spotify, or at hiddenbrain.org. The episode is titled, Why Am I Unhappy? Why Am I Unhappy?