Psychologist Fred Luskin spent 25 years studying grudges and found they narrow your attention to past wounds, making you a permanent resident of your worst moment. Letting go means consciously choosing to stop letting another person's actions dictate the rest of your life.
What if the person who hurt you the most is still controlling your life years after they left it? The psychologist Fred Luskin has spent 25 years studying grudges, and he noticed a pattern in the people who hold them. Take Debbie. Her husband cheated on her repeatedly. She divorced him, but years later, she still talked about him constantly. She'd become, in Fred's words, a woman defined by a lousy ex-husband and a failed marriage. Fred himself wasn't immune. His best friend ghosted him after meeting a new romantic partner. For months, Fred stewed. Then one day, standing in a supermarket stocked with abundance, it struck him. He was surrounded by good things, but he was choosing to focus on the one thing that was missing. That's what grudges do. They narrow your attention to the wound. They make you a permanent resident of the worst moments in your story. Letting go means refusing to let another person's actions write the rest of your life. For more insights about the science of the mind, tune into Hidden Brain on Apple, Spotify, or hiddenbrain.org.
