Shanli Liu, CPA, CTP, offers three rules for arguing with a narcissist: don't respond at all, because any reaction lets them flip the script; don't wait for their apology to validate your feelings; and walk away to protect your peace instead of trying to change them.
3 rules for arguing with a narcissist. Number 1, the most powerful move you can make is no move at all. A narcissist is hoping that you say something ugly because once you do, the whole construct of the conversation changes. They flip the script. It's now all about what you just did, which means less attention to what they've been doing. So when you have those chances that they will give you to hurt them, it's a trap. Don't do it. Number 2, you don't need an apology to validate your feelings. Don't get all caught up in trying to show them or make them understand how they hurt you. A narcissist knows full well what they're doing. They know that they're hurting you. They may not know why they're doing it, but they know what hurts. They just don't have the ability to care. You don't need a confession to know that your feelings are true. And number 3, walking away may be the healthiest response you can make. Instead of trying to fix the narcissist's perspective, maybe it's yours that needs a course correction back to your peace of mind. So try that and follow me.
