In this monologue, the speaker argues that the key to unlocking massive business revenue lies in an entrepreneur’s relationship with discomfort. While many entrepreneurs thrive on external busyness—long hours, endless meetings, and constant problem‑solving—they often avoid the internal discomfort that arises when they are still, alone, or step back from daily operations. The speaker explains that this avoidance creates a feedback loop: external chaos is used to distract from internal emotional and mental chaos, leading to burnout and stalled growth. By recognizing that internal negative thoughts and feelings are normal, accepting them, and "befriending" the negativity, entrepreneurs can learn to manage internal chaos, delegate effectively, and create space for strategic thinking. The talk emphasizes a 50/50 view of business life—half positive, half negative—and suggests that trying to eliminate the negative side only undermines the positive. The core takeaway is that accepting and working with uncomfortable internal states, rather than constantly fixing external symptoms, is essential for sustainable business growth.
Chapters
What is up? Today, what I want to talk about is the one relationship that unlocked $100 million in revenue for me. And for those of you who have been watching my channel, I know that you're probably thinking, oh, she's going to talk about her relationship with Alex, but that is actually not what I'm going to talk about today. So what I want to talk about today is something that I've observed in myself for a long time, and it's something that I can now see more and more in others, particularly entrepreneurs who are starting out in the journey. And what that relationship is, is it's their relationship with discomfort. And let me play it out like this, right? I have never been someone who has run away from a challenge. And I think that most people who start businesses don't do that. I think that maybe they did, but then they actually learn to seek out challenges. But what I see happens and what happened to me is that we create a ton of chaos within our lives through the business. Because what actually happens is that we are comfortable with being extremely busy and with doing all of the time, but we are not comfortable being still and thinking and taking more time. And so the discomfort actually kind of switches. And the reason that I have come to believe that I did this to myself, and I've seen a lot of other people do it, is because What happens when you start a business is there's so many emotions around it and there's so much stress and chaos and all the stuff that it is easier to deal with that than it is to deal with the chaos in our own heads. Right? And so it's something that I think we then spend all of this time fixing things externally, trying to solve for the chaos that is actually in our heads. Right? And so we have this thing thing outside of us that is really easy to work on. It's really easy to fix. It's really easy to say there's problems everywhere. And so because of that, we're not solving the actual things in our head, right? We're not having to deal with the emotions of running a business. We're not having to deal with the discomfort of, you know, what thoughts arise when we sit by ourselves. What thoughts arise when we don't work for a day? What thoughts arise when we're not, you know, perfectly on routine? You know, there's tons of books on what the glass ceiling is for people. I think that's the glass ceiling. I think that it is the switch between busyness and stillness. And the reason that so many people can't make it is because, because their relationship with discomfort, because the discomfort has changed. It's no longer that you're uncomfortable with challenges or adversity or any of that stuff. It's you're uncomfortable with your emotions and your thoughts when you're alone. And so that's why a lot of people can't step back. It's like, I can't step back because every time I do, I get tons of anxiety. I can't step back because every time I do, I feel like people drop the ball. I feel like I get anxiety, right? People get scared and they can't deal with those emotions. So rather than deal with those emotions and say, this is part of stepping back from the business, this is part of delegation, this is part of a growing business is losing control and having emotions that arise. Instead, they just jump back in and just do, right? They're just trying to solve the external when the reality is, is that they need to solve the internal. And so I share that because I think that for myself, I noticed that this came out in really rigid routines, being super busy all the time, working 14-hour days all the time, taking 11, 12 meetings a day and not even paying attention to the fact that I was absolutely exhausted. And I didn't realize until I got myself out of it how much of a discount I was doing to my team and my company because I wasn't taking time to think. And I think now, now that I see that and I've had much time to think and to process emotions and to confront the difficult feelings that arise when you step back and you take time, I really see that that's the number one problem for most people, and that's why they can't continue to grow their businesses. There's something else that they are running from, right? And it's typically in their own minds. And so the first thing I want to say is, if this resonates with you, is that it is completely normal to have internal chaos. So here's the thing. You have external chaos, and the reason that you are comfortable immersing yourself in it is because you have learned how to solve it, how to manage it, right? You don't even solve it, you manage it. But if you don't take the time to be still, to be by yourself, to take space from the business, you don't learn how to manage the internal chaos. And so then it's really funny because in reality, it doesn't take that long to learn how to manage that, to learn how to be still, to learn how to be quiet, but we don't even give ourselves a chance. And so we spend all this time spinning in circles because we're trying not to experience what that actually feels like. And a lot of the times people think like, "Oh, all these thoughts and these feelings I'm having about the business are bad and wrong." And the reality is like, I wish so badly that we could take everyone in a room, put a room of like 20 entrepreneurs, and we could open up everyone's minds and you could see how fucked up everyone's thoughts are and their feelings that arise. Like, holy crap, like you think you have anxiety? Try that guy over there, right? Because we all experience these things. And I think that the reason that people run so much from the internal chaos is because they think it's abnormal and they think there's something wrong with them. And the reality is that if you're a human and you're part of the human species, it is normal. It is part of your contract with life. And it's actually part of your contract with success, right? In order to have the success that you are going to have, 50% of the business life, et cetera, is going to suck. And the reality is, is that if you really think about it, if, you know, many people say like, I don't want the 50% of the negative, they're trying so hard to get rid of the 50% that's negative. Negative. And the reality is, is that if you didn't have the 50% that was negative, would the positive even exist? And so if that is the case, then is the negative even negative if it is a prerequisite for the positive? Something to think about. What I realized is that in trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, etc., we actually create more discomfort because we spend— we We stress over our stress. We spend our lives chasing and running from something that doesn't exist, is only within our heads. And so it will ruin most businesses and it will be— it is the reason businesses start and it is also the reason most of them don't grow is the chaos. It's the need for external chaos to escape the internal chaos. And that is good to get something off the ground, is not good to keep it going. It's not good to grow it. And so that is where I see most people bottleneck themselves. And this isn't just entrepreneurs. Also leaders in businesses and managers. They do the same thing. It's just human nature. And so what I have come to understand is that accepting and expecting uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, emotions when I step back, when I am more still, when I have time to think is what I must do. I am not to solve whatever's going on in the external world. I have to accept the fact that 50% of running a business and 50% of life in general is going to suck. But that's okay because I know there's another 50% on the other side. And so if you look at the behaviors that you have, what I want you to ask yourself, because this is what I ask myself, is me trying to solve this thing creating more problems than the thing itself? Okay. That's what I ask myself. Is me trying to solve it actually creating more problems in the process than the one that exists in my mind, right? And if the answer is yes, then it's probably something you just need to accept as a fact of business or a fact of life. And that is what I would call befriending the negativity, which is it is okay to feel negative. It is okay to have bad thoughts. It is okay to feel like crap sometimes. But we spend all this time and energy rejecting it and not accepting it and saying I must change the external in order to do that. And if you do that, you will never grow your business. Or you might grow it and then you will burn out and then you will realize all along that you were doing so many things out of the need to escape this internal chaos rather than the need to actually grow a business. Because growing a business is actually very simple. But if you enmesh the business within your own emotions and it is like an extension of you and your bad habits, right, your bad mental habits, then it's never going to grow to where you want it to, right? Not until you step back and you say, I'm going to take care and I'm going to manage the thing in here. I'm going to befriend my uncomfortable emotions. I'm going to accept that they exist. I'm not going to try and change anything. And so realizing that these, you know, horrible thoughts and feelings, etc., that you're feverishly trying to avoid are normal and experienced by literally all of us, I think that that is the number one takeaway I would have for everybody is that we spend all of this time trying to avoid these things that are absolutely normal and experienced by everybody, and I think that if everyone knew that, they wouldn't spend so much time doing that, and in the consequence of doing those things, often harm their businesses. And so remember, if you, in the process of trying to solve a problem, create more problems, then it is probably not a problem to be solved, but an emotion, a thought, a situation, et cetera, to be accepted. So if you like that, go ahead, hit subscribe. I will see you on the next video.
