A three-step apology framework: say exactly what you did wrong without conditions, acknowledge why they're upset, and name one specific thing you'll do differently next time. Each step builds credibility and shows you mean it.
How to apologize. Number 1: Begin with "I'm sorry that I..." "I'm sorry that I said that." "I'm sorry that I did that." The more specific, the better. Do not begin with "I'm sorry if..." Like, "I'm sorry if you were upset by that," as if you're not sure. Or worse, "I'm sorry you..." Like, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Don't apologize for their feelings. Apologize for what you did. Number 2: Acknowledge that how they feel is an acceptable feeling. You can do that with the phrases "I can see" or "I can understand." For example, "I can see how you'd feel that way," or "I can understand how what I did caused that." And number 3, take one small step. You're taking that learned behavior and applying it to the future. For example, "Next time, I'll talk to you before I do that," or simply, "I won't talk about this again." You're showing that the future is going to change. So try that and follow me.
