Shanli Liu shares three ways to keep conversations from turning into arguments: don't assume intent, avoid absolute words like always or never, and attack the comment, not the person. Use phrases like "I interpret that to mean" and "When you said X, it made me feel Y" to stay neutral and invite clarification.
If you want to avoid an argument, avoid these 3 things. Number 1, assuming someone's intent. That's where you say something like, "You're only saying that because..." or "You don't really care about..." Whenever you're speaking on behalf of someone's state of mind, it's going to lead to problems. So if you want to avoid that, begin your response with, "I interpret that to mean..." If somebody says something to you, begin with, "I interpret that to mean..." then tell them how you heard it. It allows them to clarify and can prevent an argument. Number 2, using extremes like always and never. Like, you never care about, you always say. Whenever you use extremes, you are forcing an argument. That is, whether you always or never do the thing. So if you don't want an argument, don't use them. And number 3, personal attacks. These sound like, you're so selfish, or you're just like your mother, your father. If you want to avoid that, attack what they said, not who said it. So it's, when you said X, it sounded like, or it made me feel Why? So try that and follow me.
