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No.1 Way to Avoid Being Defensive #shorts

Name: No.1 Way to Avoid Being Defensive #shorts
Uploaded: 2024-02-19T20:00:14+00:00
Duration: 50 s
Channel: Shanli Liu, CPA, CTP
Description: In this short monologue, Shanli Liu, CPA, CTP, explains the single most effective strategy to avoid becoming defensive in conversations: do not interrupt…

19 Feb 2024 · 1 min

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In this short monologue, Shanli Liu, CPA, CTP, explains the single most effective strategy to avoid becoming defensive in conversations: do not interrupt the other person. She argues that interrupting signals that your own thoughts are more important, which escalates defensiveness. She advises letting the speaker finish, allowing them to “pour out” all their thoughts, then optionally asking, “Anything else?” to ensure completeness. She also recommends eliminating “but” statements (e.g., “yeah, but…”) and instead simply acknowledging with “Okay, I hear you, I understand,” before addressing the point. The overall message is to practice active listening and respectful acknowledgment to keep dialogue constructive.

Chapters

The number one way to not be defensive: don't interrupt. Don't do it. Because once you interrupt, what you are telling the other person is what you have to say is far more important than what they have to say, so go ahead and sit this one out and listen to me. It's going to make everything worse. Let them get it all out. How could you possibly pour new thoughts into a glass that's already full? Because just like you, that person is human, and for the last minute or hour or day, they've been thinking in their head of all the things they want to say to you. So let them pour it all out. And just when you think that they're done, you can ask, "Anything else?" And they'll either have something else or they'll be done. And then you can address the point. Additionally, don't give the "yeah, but" or "and, but" or "okay, but." There's no "but." It's just, "Okay, I hear you. I understand." And then you can address the point. Yeah? Try that. Follow me.