Simple Phrases to INSTANTLY Silence Disrespect | Jefferson Fisher

When somebody is belittling you, the first thing that I want you to do is number 1, make them say it again. That's right, I want you to make them say it again. That means you're going to tell them, "I need you to say that again. I need you to repeat that." When you make them say it again, they don't get that hit of dopamine that they're looking for. When somebody is belittling you to put you down, they're looking for that spike to get them going, to have that feeling of control. We're not going to give them that. So we're going to talk about those strategies. Number 2, if they belittle you and you ask them to say it again, then you're going to give them questions of intent. Questions of intent. Those are questions that ask them to have them search into the intent of why they're asking or why they're saying what they're saying. For example, did you intend to embarrass me? Did you want that to hurt me. Again, we are withholding that hit of dopamine. And number 3, if they have responses, are they going to keep on going? And if they're not a person that you feel safe around, number 3, you just say nothing at all. You let your silence be your response, because often when you say nothing at all, it's the most powerful move you can make. So one time I had a case, this was probably about 2 years ago, and I am training a client. And by the way, I train almost every client that I have in conflict advice, how to communicate in conflict, how to say things in a way that's going to protect them. Because when they go, when I present them for cross-examination at trial or deposition, in many ways I'm handing them off for somebody else to try to hurt their credibility, for somebody else to attack them. Those are the opposing attorneys. It should come, it just comes part of the job. And what I did with this particular person was train her on when somebody belittles you. If the other side, which I knew the other attorney was, he was very critical. He was somebody that was, you know, those type of people that just love to throw bombs in conversations just to aggravate you. It was very much like that. He was, I knew he's going to want to say something to upset her. He was going to try to say something to cause a reaction. And so what I trained her in is making sure that she gets him to repeat whatever he said that was ugly in some way. And she seemed to understand it. We kind of practiced it a few times, but then, then on the day of the deposition, she made me so proud. So other attorney was asking her questions and he made a snide little comment. Most people in that situation, when somebody gives you a belittling comment, you want to take it. Right? You want to take off with it and challenge them and start getting ugly with them. She didn't do that. Instead, what she did was she asked him, did you say that to embarrass me? She goes, I'm sorry, did you, did you say that to embarrass me? Without— I mean, just immediately this other attorney goes, oh no, no, no, I mean, no, I didn't mean to say that. And he totally backtracked in real time. I mean, I could not I couldn't have wiped the grin off my face. All she asked was, did you intend to embarrass me? These little tips really, really work. And I want to go back to number 1, and that is you ask them to repeat the belittling thing that they said. I know that sounds counterintuitive. You're going to think, Jefferson, what are you talking about? I'm going to have them repeat the belittling thing? I'm going to make them say it again? I have to hear it twice? Yes. Yes, and let me tell you why. When somebody makes a belittling comment, they are wanting that reaction out of you.

All right?

They are wanting some kind of response. When they say something to hurt you, they— you're giving them that reaction by being hurt, by getting upset, by huffing and puffing, throwing something back, by yelling at them. That's what they want. Often when you ask them, "I need you to repeat that. I need you to say that again," they won't do it. They can't do it, or they'll backtrack because they realize, "Oh wait, they're not doing what I want them to do. They're not taking the bait." And so often they can't repeat it that second time, or they'll say it differently than they did. They'll rephrase their words. If by chance that they do say it again, Now you know what you're dealing with. And that goes to number 2. You ask questions of intent. And this can be used from the workplace to home to kids who are being bullied in some way. When you ask somebody, did you intend? Did you intend? Did you intend for that to embarrass me? Did you intend for that to upset me? Did you intend to hurt me? When you ask those questions, what it does is instead of the spotlight being on you, and your behavior and how you're going to respond to that belittling comment, it goes back to them. Now that the spotlight flips, it flips, and they have to ask themselves these questions like a mirror. Why did I say that? Why did I do that? They're forced to now answer the intent behind, the purpose behind their hurtful words. And so often when that happens, the other person will apologize or rephrase or say, I didn't mean it that way, or they'll move on. The biggest key to this is you're not going anywhere. You are showing that you're standing your ground. You're not saying anything rude. You're not putting your integrity on the line. You're just asking them to see themselves by just saying, "Why did you do this? Did you intend to hurt me? Did you intend for that to upset me?" Because what you're telling them is whatever you meant to do, it's not having that effect. Whatever you meant for that to be, you're not getting it, and they'll backtrack from it. Number 3, if by chance they respond and say, yeah, I didn't mean to hurt you. Yeah, yeah, I didn't mean for that to embarrass you. Understand that's not somebody you want to be around, right? That's not somebody you want in your life. But the best thing that you can do often in those situations is say nothing. Now, I don't mean that to say I'm not equipping you with any tools and just be a you know, a wallflower, somebody just to be laid over. No, I'm saying is often silence, when you just look at them, it says, I don't have to respond to anything that you said. It's not having that effect. And then their words ring hollow because there's just nothing for them to— their words to stick onto. It's just nothing but an echo. And that's how you're going to have something to where you're going to be more powerful every single time. So, let's run through a quick example. All right. Let's assume maybe you're at work in a team meeting or something, and you make a suggestion, and somebody makes a belittling comment. They say, "Nobody asked you," or "Nobody cares." Have you heard that before? Where somebody says, "Did I ask?" or "Nobody cares," "Nobody asked you." When you hear that, let's go number 1, make them say it again. That means you're going to ask, "Can you repeat that?" or "Say that again for me." "Say that again for me." They're going to say, "Nobody asked you," if they actually have the guts to repeat it. Number 2, going to go to a question of intent, like, "Do you say that to make me feel less?" "Do you make— do you say that to make me feel small?" "Did you intend for that to embarrass me?" Did you intend to dismiss my ideas? Do you say that to dismiss my ideas? You see how you're taking what you perceive their action to be doing and you reflect it back on them like a mirror. Did you intend for that to hurt my feelings? When you say that, they then have the spotlight all on them. They have the floor to either correct the issue accept the issue and apologize, or double down on it. And whatever they say— now, if they apologize, it's up to you if you want to accept that apology, if it's a genuine apology. But if they double down on it, then don't feel the need to go back at them. Don't feel the need to say anything ugly. You just let it go silent, because if other people are around, they're going to be paying attention to your integrity. Other people are going to be paying attention to how you're going to respond. And the person who is more emotionally mature every single time is the person who feels like they don't have to respond to disrespect. They don't have to respond to these things that are belittling or beneath them in some way, that you have this threshold of respect before you respond to these kind of things. All right, we're at the part of the episode where I get to read a question from a follower. It's one of my favorite parts of the episode. If you're not part of my weekly newsletter, I send out an email once a week right to your inbox, and those who are part of the newsletter are able to email me questions. So that's where I get all these from. This one is from Carol. She's in Denmark. Let me pull it up. Carol says, hey Jefferson, I love all of your advice. Thank you, Carol. I have an issue with somebody at work. This is a colleague, a co-worker of mine. And he likes to compare me to different things. For example, he would say, 'Not bad for an old lady,' or 'Not bad for a blank.' I'm guessing this is comparing you to something else. These are things that really bother me, and I like to try and wave them off, downplay them, but sometimes when I'm home alone, they really, really get under my skin.

What do you suggest?

Carol, I'm so sorry that that happens. I don't like that at all. I need to meet this person. The way you described it, it was a male coworker, and I don't want to get into the differences on men, women, but what I can tell you is here's some basics that I want you to follow. Number 1, Carol, you stay as calm as possible. Don't wave this off. Don't laugh it off. Absolutely not. Because when you laugh it off or you act like it's not a big deal, it does nothing to stop them from doing it again. They will continue to do it. This person will continue to say these belittling things, and that's often a very belittling tactic is when somebody compares you to things. Not bad for an ugly person. Not bad for somebody who's old and tired. Not bad for somebody who's X, Y, and Z. Or they might say, you're so annoying, you're such an idiot. You know, you're not bad for the not the sharpest tool in the shed kind of thing. These little things that they think are funny in that moment, and most likely he's doing it in front of other people trying to get some kind of laugh, trying to get attention. I want you to stop all of that by remaining calm like we talked about. Number 1, remain completely calm about it and don't laugh it off. Number 2, Ask him a question. I know this is the question. Did you say that to embarrass me? Did you say that to hurt me? Make him question the purpose of why he is asking that. Did you say that because you thought it was funny? Did you say that to get a laugh? You can call this kind of behavior out. Very quickly by asking these questions of intent like we talked about earlier in the episode. If that doesn't feel comfortable to you, Carol, you can always ask him to repeat that. So if he were to say something like, you know what, that's not too bad for an old lady. He might not have said that in a way to be hurtful, but it's, man, it certainly can feel that way. And if you ask him to repeat it, say, say that again for me. I need you to say that again. Right? Man, he might feel that and go, oof, I can tell it's— he's not going to want to say that again. Or if you've asked, I need you to say that again slower for me. That means you're asking him to say, not bad for an old lady. He's probably never going to say that because it's going to expose him.

It's going to put him too far out on a ledge.

People don't like to feel like they're exposed in their bad behavior. That's what repeating, asking them to repeat it does. That's what asking them these questions of intent does.

When they, when they go off on a ledge, they feel like, oh, everybody's listening to me, everybody can tell.

And when they feel that way, they hide. They hide because they know at that point they've gone too far. They've gone too far, Carol. So when that happens, don't smile, don't laugh it off, don't wave it off, don't try and be funny with it. I want you to just calmly ask the question, "Did you say that to embarrass me?" And just let that rest. Give it that silence. Don't feel like you have to rush. Don't let it bother you. Don't let it get you upset, because that's what he wants, to be able to say, "Did you, did you say that?" to— because you thought it was funny. And just hold— just let that hover right there in the air and see how he responds. Most likely, the result you're going to get, Carol, is he's not going to do that again. And at the end of the day, what you have demonstrated and shown him without even saying it is that you're the type of person that can stand your ground. You're the type of person that is not going to be pushed over.

All right. When somebody makes a belittling comment to you, how do you react? What I'm hoping is that by the end of this episode, that answer changes, or at least you see a little bit more into the below the surface of what's happening between you and the person who's making that comment. The belittling comment, like I said at the beginning, is not about you. It's about them. Number 1, when somebody gives you a belittling comment, meaning something that's mean, rude, meant to make you feel little, to be little. It is, under no uncertain terms, a grasp at maintaining hierarchy. In other words, it's an assertion of dominance. The word belittle, right, to make you feel small, is to then make themselves feel big. And in process of that, and as a result of that, You have this levels, this system of here they are now. They've created a hierarchy in which they're on top and you are below. That's how you feel with a bully, right? Think of grade school. Think of junior high, high school, wherever it is. Maybe in work, even now as an adult. You have somebody who's a bully personality. Where do they picture themselves in that hierarchy? Bullies never think that they're lower. Than you. They think they're above everybody. Give me your lunch money. I have this spot. This is mine. That's mine now. I am the one on top of the hierarchy. You must all now serve me. Belittling comments are a grab for hierarchy. So that's why often when people feel the most insecure, they have to reach for outside things, right, to have that inner that inner sense of that ability to live with themselves because they don't have that inner security. So they have to have that outer grab for it. And where we hear that a lot of the times is that reach for hierarchy and dominance and saying mean things to make you feel less. Now, let me put this in a different view. Belittling comments are not always ones that are direct. Have you ever had somebody give you a belittling comment that you realized maybe a few minutes or an hour later of like, I don't think that was a compliment. You know what? I don't think they really meant that. I think that was a slight. Belittling comments are not always direct. They can very much be indirect, and still it is a grab for hierarchy. So number 1, what I want you to realize when somebody's giving you that kind of comment on the offensive is see it for what it is, and it is a grab for hierarchy. Number 2, the best way to deal with that grab for hierarchy is to not take it personal by decoding the intent. Decoding the intent. In other words, rather than trying to see it in this glossy magazine-style form, understand that there's hieroglyphics to it. In other words, there's this secret language that they're not giving you. So when somebody's saying something ugly, the best way to decode it is to use questions that look for the intent of what they're saying. I teach that the best way you can do this, and I have this all throughout my book, The Next Conversation, is that You use questions rather than responses when somebody's giving you something belittling, not only because you're trying to get to the intent, but because you are trying to get them to see the intent. So let's assume you said something ugly to me right now. Go ahead, think of something ugly. Oh, that hurt my feelings.

I'm kidding.

If you had said something ugly to me, And my question to you, after giving you a pause, was, did you mean to hurt my feelings? What does that do? What does that do? Immediately gets to the intent, the purpose, the motive. That's what you're looking for. If you said something mean to me and I went, excuse me, me? Let me tell you something about you and just send it right back to you. And now I'm having that grab for hierarchy. Oh, you think you're this? I don't know if you know who you're talking to. Maybe I need to remind you who I am. And you try to bow up, you try to get bigger. What is that? That is hierarchy grab. That is dominance. That is, I am the king of the mountain here. I'm the superior one. And that almost always goes south. And you never get the true motive. Instead, you're the one who has to live with that and have to now live with that regret and the wonder of what could have been had you not reacted so violently to it. And I don't mean physically, I mean with your words when you send it right back to them. But if I were to say, did you mean for that to offend me? Did you mean for that to embarrass me? Did you say that so that I would get uncomfortable? You hear me asking a question? And trying to get to the intent shuts it all down. And now puts it all back on you, the person who said the mean thing. They go, "I don't know." Maybe the spotlight is now back on you. Maybe it feels a little awkward. Maybe it all of a sudden just doesn't feel fun anymore because now you're going, "This is not what I thought this person would say." When you decode the intent, what it does is help you realize that it has nothing to do with you. They're just in a bad mood. Maybe they're feeling insecure, or maybe they're having— feeling like their job is insignificant, or maybe they're jealous, and things that have nothing to do with you whatsoever. And by looking to the intent, it is now you naturally go up in the hierarchy without doing anything whatsoever. That is control. That is the genuine kind of authentic power of using your words to stand your ground. In other words, it naturally does that of a progression in the communication, not by trying to assert it. You feel the difference? So when you ask the question, did you mean, did you mean for that to upset me? Did you mean, did you intend, was the purpose of you saying that to do X, Y, and Z? Whenever you're able to ask those questions, you decode the intent for a better conversation. And for sure, if not a better conversation, to stand your ground and feel more confident and feel more controlled. And that right there is a lot to be proud of. Before we keep going, I want to take a second to tell you about masa chips. Yes, you heard me right, chips. You might go, Jefferson's doing chips. Yeah, they're that good. 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So not only are you looking for intent, part of that is you're starting to look at, oh, this is how they feel about themselves. If they're judgmental about what you're wearing or how you are looking, you can rest assured they are all the more critical and insecure about how they look, and they would much rather call attention to you than to them. If somebody is putting down your intelligence in some way, one, that's a sign of somebody not being intelligent. That's somebody who's being emotionally immature, who lacks that emotional intelligence. And so to make it up, they have to poke fun at your intelligence or your significance or how much you're worth in your job and who's more important. I feel like a lot of struggles between married couples, between relationships and friendships, and at work especially, It is a dominance of whose job is more important, whose job is more important. And that breeds a lot of insecurity between both people. And so you'll hear comments where somebody's trying to put down your job. All right, I mean, you just have to go to that meeting. I mean, but that's not even that. And they'll put it down because there is an actual insecurity of how they're feeling in that moment, of whether or not they even matter, or do they even feel authentic to you. Themselves. And it is natural and normal, and we are all capable of giving belittling comments. I don't want you to feel like belittling comments just come from these unknown— it always comes from them. We have them too, all right? We have them too. And why? Because we know deep down, if we have to go through the layers and are actually honest with ourselves, is because deep down we have an insecurity that we're masking too. So As part of decoding the intent, understand that it is simply a projection of how they're feeling, and that helps inform you. That helps inform you of what's happening in that moment, and that is, it is a grab for dominance. And your best move is to not retaliate, not respond, and use a question that goes to the intent that's going to give you the level of consciousness that you did not have before and see that, oh, this is simply a projection. And now I'm looking at the intent. This is a projection of doubt they're feeling. And now we're at the full circle— is it's not about you, it's about them. All right, so number 1, understand it's a power grab. It's an assertion of dominance and hierarchy. Number 2, What you wanna do is use intent, questions of intent to decode what's happening, and it takes away that personal feeling and effect from you. And number 3, it is simply a projection of their own insecurity, which helps inform you where you truly stand. And if you are listening to this podcast and go, you know what, the next time I get a belittling comment, I'm not gonna respond. I'm gonna stay still. I'm gonna control myself. I'm gonna stay regulated. I'm gonna use a question of intent. To find out what they really mean. And here you might be asking, well, Jefferson, what if they say yes? If I say, did you mean to embarrass me? And they say yes, your response is, good to know, and act like it doesn't bother you at all, because it shouldn't. It shouldn't. It's going to be— let that weight be carried with them. They're the ones that are going to have to live with that, that yes, and deal with those emotions that they have to carry. Eventually they're gonna have to process that sometime in their life. Don't put that— don't, don't you carry that. Most of the time people say no. They adjust, they walk it back, they feel awkward, they apologize, they feel sheepish. That right there naturally adjusts the control in the right way.

How do you handle somebody that kind of belittles you? They're like picking on your weight, or they're constantly like 'Are you still single?' Like, you know, like people, like especially people that you're close with, have a way of belittling you.

Right.

What do you do in those situations?

When somebody is belittling you or giving you an insult, that hurtful comment, you make them repeat it. Because what they're hoping to do in that belittling comment is get that reaction out of you. And instead, you find a way to take all the fun out of it. So when you ask them to repeat what they said, you're not giving them that hit of dopamine that they're expecting from your reaction. They're not getting that response time from you. Instead, you're delaying that gratification for them. Then it's just not worth it. Then it's just not fun. And so when you ask them to repeat it, to say, I need you to say that again.

I'm thinking of like using this with a couple people in my life.

Yeah.

We need to role play this.

Sure.

I'm trying to think of a scenario.

Like you just said right there, you're still single.

I need you to repeat that.

Yeah, you. So exactly. And I'm not going to want to say that again because now that spotlight is on me. And then also what you lead up with that is you ask questions of intent. For example, did you say that to hurt me? And now it's this mirror that they feel like Why did I say that? Oh, okay. And then they start to backtrack. Then you don't have to say anything. But if often I can just repeat what they said. So if somebody says to you, oh, so you're still single? I need you to say that again. Most likely they're not going to say that again. But if they do, then you can even repeat what they said. I'm still 'Single? That's what you asked me?' And all of a sudden they realize this isn't fun. They're not going to ask that kind of thing again.

Wow.

Or you just ask that question of, 'Did you say that to embarrass me? Did you say that to offend me? Oh, no, no, no, no, I didn't say that. What I meant was—' And all of a sudden they're backing away because they know you're going to stand your ground.

Wow.

This is like very eye-opening because I can see both situations where I need to use it, and I can see situations where I probably say things, and I'm thinking particularly to my adult kids, that probably feels belittling. I can think about like our daughter out in Los Angeles, and every time I see her, she's wearing a piece of clothing that I don't recognize. And so I think to myself, And oftentimes I will say, is that new? And I'm thinking in my mind, where do you get the money for this? You know, like that kind of thing. And then she's like, yeah, I thrifted it. And there's this little tiff thing. But if she were to say to me—

If she was to ask you—

Are you trying to embarrass me? Yeah, exactly.

Are you trying to insinuate something? Are you trying to say something that you're not wanting to tell me?

Because you're right, the question is what I'm saying on the surface, but what I'm actually accusing her of is not being responsible with her money.

It's that mirror. Yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

And so it takes away the power of their insult. Wow. When you can take all the fun out of it, you take all the oxygen out of their room and they realize that they're not going to be able to control you with that reaction that they were hoping to get from you. Holy cow.

How do you respond to disrespect?

A lot of silence. So often, if you just wait 10 seconds, you're going to add distance between what they said and how you're going to respond. And that makes it very clear, because what they're wanting when somebody's disrespectful is the same way with belittling. They're wanting a reaction. They're saying this to get something out of you, because in that moment they're feeling something, whether it's a fear, an insecurity, whatever it is. You're understanding you're not going to deliver on that same plane that they are. You're not going to be on that same level. So if somebody says something disrespectful, you give enough silence to make sure that it's a little awkward. And then you're going to say something to the effect of, "That's below my standard for a response." And then all of a sudden, they feel like the dynamic has been flipped. That's below my standard of respect. Something as simple as that. All of a sudden, you're now making it clear that what you just said was beneath me, and I don't respond to things that are beneath me in that way. And so now you're taking control of it. Now you're leaning into it. What they thought was meant as a disrespect, they're now understanding that they're in the wrong place.

What do you do? I was with somebody yesterday who had just visited their mother. And I said to her, you know, like, "How did it go?" And she said, "Well, it was fine, but it's my mother. And the thing that drives me crazy is she is extremely disrespectful to anybody that is waiting on us at a restaurant. Like, so much so that the owner came over and said something to her." What do you— Is there a way to respond when someone else is throwing a fit or is being disrespectful, you know what I mean? Like somebody is getting testy at the airport or— and they're, they're with you. It's not a complete stranger. Is there something that you can say to somebody in that situation?

Depends how your relationship is with that person.

I would advise that whoever they're disrespecting, you don't join in it and you make it clear that that is not your behavior. So you're going to be the person that is kind to this person. So I've had it before. My grandfather came with me to Walmart. This is a terrible time. Uh, and he was, he was in a bad mood and he was crotchety to everybody we talked to. But I was the one that was, thank you so much for helping us, I appreciate it, thank you so much. Being overly, hey, I understand, thank you, making that eye contact with this other person. This other person's not having a good time. And then you have that conversation. I had to have that conversation with my grandfather.

And how did you do that?

I had to put a boundary, a very firm boundary of, if this is the way you're going to talk to people, I can't come with you. If you don't change the tone in which you're talking to people, Papa, I can't come. And so it very was— what am I saying? You're not being respectful to people. Yes, I am. I would not be telling you this if you had been respectful to people. And it's just having this conversation where they need to— it's the people you love, and often you have to be their biggest mirror of protecting them also for how other people see them. And so I love my grandfather. I want other people to love him. And that means I also have to make sure that I need to prepare him in a loving way of being very direct. This is how you're talking to people.

Has he changed? Yes. Wow.

We also just don't go to Walmart, so you can actually calm yourself down by rubbing this or even rubbing the sides of your arms. It reminds us of when we were babies and our parents rubbed us to try to calm us down. So it's a very sensitive part of our body for self-soothing as well as protective gesture. Here's the problem. So Cornell did a massive research experiment looking at untrustworthiness or mistrust behaviors. They asked people, when do you most mistrust others? And they cataloged all these different cues. And there are 4 cues that signal others to not trust you. Again, these aren't actual signals of mistrust. They're just socially, we have been conditioned to think, uh-oh, is someone not telling us the truth? The first one is touching the face. So we have to be very careful. The neck is not one, but it can very easily go up into a face touch where we're rubbing our face, we're touching the sides of our eyes, we're biting our fingernails. We associate self-touch of the face with anxiety, nervousness, and deception. So I always tell my students, do not touch your face.

I say the same exact thing in depositions for clients I'm preparing.

If they start to about to answer a question and they start touching their face, I'm like, oh, —That's my—

don't, don't, don't, don't do it. So, like, do not touch your face. That's the first thing. The second thing that they found was a lean away, which is called a distancing behavior. And this makes a lot of sense from a psychological perspective, which is if we don't like something, we want to get away from it. And so we will take a step back, we lean back, we even will tilt our head over to the side. I've noticed we do a lot of, like, mock depositions and code them for deception behaviors, that when I bring up a topic someone doesn't like, they will literally like, "Oh, let me think." And they pull their head back and away. It's without even realizing it's a subconscious way of trying to get away from that question they don't like or that information. You tell someone bad news, they're like, "No." And they lean all the way back or they step away. So if you lean back, tilt back, scoot back, lean away, it is signaling that you don't like something, or perhaps that was a topic that you are being deceptive about. This is why it's really important to understand space, your— how you're interacting in space. That the fancy word for that is proxemics. I always say claim your space. So like, I stand for my podcast because it helps me move less. I also make sure that when I'm on stage, I'm lateral moving or I'm forward moving. The only time I ever move back on stage is when I'm showing a video, because then I want people to not pay attention to me, I want them to pay attention to the video. So thinking very carefully about your world blocking is actually important. The third thing that Cornell found was any kind of crossed arms. Now, crossed arms is such a hard one because it is comfortable, and I know it feels so comfortable to cross our arms. It makes us feel warm and cozy. It makes us feel protected. But study after study after study after study finds that when we see someone in any situation with closed arms, it makes them look more closed-minded and sometimes deceptive. One research study really changed my mind on this. I always knew that it gave a bad impression, but actually it changes your own thinking. They gave people creative tasks in open body language or closed body language, and they found that when people had their arms crossed, they were less creative, they were less open-minded. In other words, there's sort of a cycle between our body and our mind that if we are blocking ourselves, our mind even kind of shuts down a little bit as well. And so if you can get out of the habit of crossing your arms when you're in interpersonal situations, I don't care what you do when you're by yourself, but especially in