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Talking to someone you COMPLETELY DISAGREE with

Name: Talking to someone you COMPLETELY DISAGREE with
Uploaded: 2025-11-25T15:21:01+00:00
Duration: 50 s
Channel: Shanli Liu, CPA, CTP
Description: In this brief talk, the speaker offers a three‑step framework for engaging with people whose views you fundamentally oppose. First, instead of debating…

25 Nov 2025 · 1 min

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In this brief talk, the speaker offers a three‑step framework for engaging with people whose views you fundamentally oppose. First, instead of debating the opinion, you should identify the underlying need driving the other person’s stance—often rooted in safety, control, or fear of change. Second, shift the interaction from trying to prove them wrong to seeking genuine understanding, because confronting someone’s belief can entrench it further. Third, protect your own well‑being by "watering your own garden"—focus on maintaining personal peace and supporting those who depend on you, rather than expending energy on trying to change the other person’s mindset.

Chapters

If you want to talk to someone you completely disagree with, here's what I want you to do. Number 1, don't argue the opinion, identify the need. You don't have to share their opinion to have a valuable conversation. What you have to do first is identify the need, and that usually has to do with safety or control or fear, typically fear of change. Number 2, shift from proving to understanding. Understanding. The more you tell somebody they're wrong, the more convinced they are that they're right, or they all of a sudden clam up and go, well, I'm not going to share my opinion with you. This is what I believe. And number 3, water your own garden. Don't waste your water trying to water their bad seeds. By protecting my peace, I also protect my people, the people who care about me, the people that need me in the right state of mind, who need me to be present.