Shanli Liu, CPA, CTP, shares three steps for difficult conversations: skip small talk and thank them for their time, say "I need your help" to shift from adversarial to collaborative, then share how you're feeling and ask how they are to close the loop.
When it's time for that difficult conversation, number 1, don't begin with, how are you? How are things? Difficult conversations are not the time for small talk. The only thing that should come out of your mouth is thank you for making the time to talk with me. Number 2, follow that up with, I need your help. I need your help knowing how to feel about this. I need your help knowing what to do about this. When you say I need your help, it takes it from opponents to teammates. And number 3, end with how you feel about the conversation. I feel better having talked with you. I feel more settled after discussing this. And the key is you then end it with, so how about you? When you say, how about you, you are getting them to connect with you to say, how do you feel about this conversation? Do you feel better about it, or do we need to continue to talk?
