Trial attorney Jefferson Fisher shares three phrases that defuse arguments: start with "I agree" to lower someone's guard, say "I've learned" to show you value their view, and use "that's helpful to know" to make them feel heard. These small shifts make people more open to what you're actually saying.
These 3 responses will keep somebody from getting defensive. My name is Jefferson Fisher. I'm a trial attorney, and I teach people how to argue and communicate. When it's your turn to respond in an argument, you can actually keep somebody from getting defensive. If you want, start with what you agree with. Now, you don't actually even have to agree with what they said. You can go macro and just agree that the two of you are talking. For example, you can say, "I agree that this subject is worth discussing," or, "I agree that we should talk about this." As long as you just use the words "I agree," you automatically bring down their wall. Number 2, tell them what you've learned. It can be as easy as, "After listening, I I've learned that this topic is really important to you. As long as they hear the phrase, I have learned, it makes them feel like they're educating, like they're understood, and now they're less defensive. Or number 3, you can try using the phrase, that's helpful to know. If you tell them that they've been helpful, it makes them feel like they're invested in their own mutual understanding, and then they're gonna be more receptive to what you have to say. So try that and follow me.
