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Trick to stay calm when angry

Name: Trick to stay calm when angry
Uploaded: 2025-04-04T16:00:21+00:00
Duration: 1 min 52 s
Channel: Shanli Liu, CPA, CTP
Description: In this instructional monologue, the speaker presents a practical method for managing anger when faced with insults or condescending remarks. The core…

4 Apr 2025 · 2 min

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1:52

In this instructional monologue, the speaker presents a practical method for managing anger when faced with insults or condescending remarks. The core steps are: (1) introduce a 5–7 second pause after the offensive comment, allowing the words to settle and giving the listener time to breathe and stay calm; (2) repeat the insult back verbatim, e.g., "I'm an idiot, Jefferson," which forces the aggressor to confront their own words and either apologize or double‑down; (3) if the aggressor apologizes, accept it, but if they double‑down, respond with sincere gratitude—"Thank you for showing me who you are"—to detach emotionally and signal that the relationship is ending. The speaker illustrates the technique with examples involving weight‑loss comments that shift from polite to rude, showing how the pause and repetition expose the speaker’s intent and how gratitude reframes the interaction. The overall message is that controlled silence, reflective repetition, and appreciative acknowledgment can de‑escalate conflict and protect the listener’s emotional well‑being.

Chapters

You finally lost some weight. I was wondering when you would. Yeah, that's good on you. Would you still say thank you again? No. Yeah, what would you say? That's rude. Whenever somebody is insulting you, we have this ability to get really mad and stew on it and get angry. But best way to do it is, let's say if you told me, you know, I really think you're an idiot, Jefferson. Give it a little bit of silence, and I would repeat, I'm an idiot, Jefferson. Now that's gonna put a spotlight right back on you for you to confirm it, double down on it, or you're gonna apologize. A lot of time in arguments, people take it back. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I got too in front of it. But if they double down on it, all you need to do is just thank them. Thank you. In other words, thank you for showing me who you are. Thank you for making sure that I'm not gonna be with you anymore, and this is who you are in my life. Very different from, let's say, with somebody who is belittling you, patronizing you, being condescending to you. This is where it gets fun. This is one of my favorite ones. Oh, Stephen, I see that you lost some weight. That's great, man. Good for you. How would you typically want to respond to that? Thank you. Yeah. Now, if I had said something that was a little bit more ugly, if it was like, oh, you finally lost some weight. I was wondering when you would. Yeah. "Uh, that's good on you." Would you still say thank you again? No. Yeah, what would you say? That's rude. Yeah, exactly. You'd be like, "Oh, okay, that's a little offensive." So here's what I would want you to do. Add silence. We're gonna have 5 to 7 seconds of silence. And what that does is allow them, their words to fall. So it's gonna, one, tell you that their words aren't threatening. You're adding that space in there for two reasons. One, to calm you down, 'cause you can be using that breath we talked about. Second of all, it allows them to hear their words back because it's like they walk their words out onto a plank and now they're all alone.