We married for business...the TRUTH about what happened next..

What is up? Welcome to my channel. My name is Leila Hormozi, co-CEO of Acquisition.com, and in this video today, I actually want to share something a little bit different. Normally it's business tactics, business advice, etc., but I've got a lot of questions lately about a post I made about, you know, being an alpha or a powerful woman in a relationship. And so I actually want to bring my husband Alex, uh, and business partner on this episode to really talk about like our relationship, why we chose the relationship we have today with each other, why we do things that we do, and just our like opinions and beliefs on things. And disclaimer for this video is like I'm I really truly don't believe there's a right or wrong. I have friends who have completely opposite relationships to us and it works really well for them. This is just what works for us and we get a lot of questions about it and so we wanted to share. And so with that being said, let me know what you think in the comments and if Alex and I should do more videos together. What's up guys? So like I said in the description, really this video today is about the post I made the other day about alpha females and alpha men and having a power couple dynamic. And so I wanted to bring Alex to the video today because there was a lot of comments from men and a lot of comments from women and I kind of wanted to have both of us express our sides and our viewpoints. And so just as a disclaimer, like, this video is made for people who are asking us, you know, like, how do you achieve the relationship that you guys have? And they're looking for something like that. And so, like, I'm not poo-pooing people who have maybe a more traditional setup in their marriage, or maybe you are like a really powerful woman that's dating a more passive guy. Like, I'm not saying that that's wrong or that I think it's bad or it doesn't work. Like, there's always things that work, but What we're talking about is what works for us. And so these are our opinions, these are our viewpoints and our beliefs, and you don't need to defend your marriage to us if it's contrary to these.

We don't care.

We don't care what you do or how you run your marriage. And so we believe you if it works. That being said, I kind of wanted to share my, my kind of background and my story and then let Alex kind of share his, which is just— I made this post basically saying that an alpha female needs an alpha male and like, you you know, I wasn't really even paying attention to like terminology or anything like that or language when I was doing it. I was just like, this is just what I— like a gut like came out of my mouth and it caused a lot of controversy because I think it violates a lot of people's beliefs about what a marriage should look like. And I think that there's a lot more nuance to it than I made in a, you know, 30-second video. And so I kind of want to extrapolate it out here with Alex. I stated in a post I made that I actually used to date men, guys, whatever, who were more passive than me. And so they were actually more beta than me. And I stated that It took me, I want to say up until I was like 22, to realize that I was dating men like that not because I was more attracted to them and because they had the qualities I wanted in a partner and all these things, but because I was doing it out of fear. And it's a really common thing for women to do is that you seek a man who is more passive or more beta because you seek to control them. And so it's like if you can put someone in a box and someone listens to you and does what you say all the time and they don't go outside the realm of who you label them, it's much easier to feel safe in a relationship. And so it took me a lot of like self-reflection and really hard looks in the mirror to realize that that was why I was dating people like that. And so what I was sharing is that like when I first met Alex, I was actually super uncomfortable in the relationship, like probably the first like year, year and a half, because like there's no— there's no containing Alex in a box. There's no— he is who he is and he's changing his identity all the time. And the thing is, is that if you want someone who's more powerful, they're going to be of that, right? But it's not going to feel as secure, as safe, especially for women. And so I put that out there because I'm like, I actually just want to help women who are— maybe they're frustrated with relationships they're in, they're not happy, they're not understanding why they're not achieving what they want. And my plea to you is that look for what you want in a partner out of not fear or desperation, but out of inspiration. It's like, what inspires you? What do you admire about people? Rather than making these decisions of who you date out of fear because you're scared about not being able to control this this person. And the control is all an illusion anyways, because typically those men end up being resentful of those women who try to control them. So it just backfires on you in the end. And I've seen that happen, and I've, I've experienced it in relationships myself, but I've just not seen it— I think that if you could just consider this other viewpoint, it would be more useful.

I think an interesting part of the discussion is also like getting into what alpha even means, right? I think, I think as, as far as we're using it, we're thinking it as a placeholder for the word power. And power is non-binary in that it exists on a continuum. So you have, you know, not like powerful or not powerful, but how powerful are you? And I think that within trying to keep a masculine and feminine dynamic within a relationship, if you have a woman that is more powerful, it is our belief that having a guy who is even more powerful maintains that masculine and feminine dynamic. And this is not us poo-pooing. Like, if you have a marriage and you feel like you were the more powerful one in that marriage, good for you. Fantastic. We're happy for you. You don't need to feel insecure and defend it. But we bring this up because, you know, for me, I had a different kind of like the flip side is my story. And so for me, I always, I dated, I dated girls that I would say I had love for. But I did not respect. And I think that that ended up being a continuous issue. And I honestly didn't know that another way existed. And so that's why we're making the video is that like we both went for a very long time, not really imagining that another dynamic existed. And for me, I pretty much just steamrolled every woman that I was with, you know, and I would talk to them after we'd be out of a relationship and they're like, oh my God, my life's so much better now. I feel like I was just like completely being not submissive, but, uh, stifled. Yeah. Suppressed. In our relationship. And I was like, well, that sounds terrible. And it's not something I do, like, it's not something that I'm like actively suppressing people. But I think a lot of times just like if someone, you know, is expansive in nature, then some people will kind of shrink away, etc. And so for me, Layla was the first girl that I had a relationship where it was really built on respect first. Like, I met her and immediately asked her to work for me and said, hey, even if our relationship doesn't work, like, I really want to work together because I respected her skill set. And and I respected her mind and I respected her ability to make decisions and I respected her viewpoint on the world and the values that she was ascribing. And we had immediate trust within the first 2 weeks. I gave Layla all my bank accounts and asked her to start collecting cash from my businesses for me.

Cue the gold digger.

Yeah, right. Cue gold digger.

Cue the gold digger, she'll steal everything comments.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had never had a relationship that was founded in respect. And I think that if you want to be a quote power couple, then both people must have power.

Right?

Like, if you want to be a power couple, both people must have power. Now, you might not want that, in which case, awesome, do whatever you want, you know what I mean? But I think that in order for that to happen, that would be a requisite of a power couple, is that both people are powerful. And I think another kind of interesting one is that people always like to have— people like to label things, right? Because it makes them feel better, but it doesn't make the labeling actually correct or right. It just makes it easier for you to process the information. And so You can think of power in terms of silos as well, which is Layla probably makes more decisions in our relationship than I do. I just don't like the vast majority— like, I don't have any dog in the fight in terms of where we go to dinner. Like, I just— there's just a much smaller select handful of things that I care about. And there are probably some things in your relationship that you care about more and some things that they care about more. And so for us, it's a natural delegation of like Well, she cares about all these things more than I do, so why would I— I don't, I don't care, so do whatever you want. Some people see that as— some people could frame that as, oh, Alex doesn't have the power in that. Sure, okay, like, whatever you want. That is just me describing it as it currently is. On the flip side, if we have a major decision, we'll both make it. And if there's a decision that more falls in my camp, you know what I mean, then I'll make it, right?

And I think that's by the nature of, like, I'm more tactical, like, execution-based and you're more big picture, big vision-based. And so I think like you only give a shit about the decisions that are going to affect the big, you know, like macro of our lives. Yeah, you don't give a shit. I'm like, where do you want to go to dinner? And you're like, I'd literally rather jump off this balcony.

Yeah, I think that's— and that's— we actually run the marriage very similar to how we run the business in terms of it functions that way, which is what, what, what are the big moves we're gonna make? What are the big rock decisions? And then like I will think a long time about that and then kind of like, this is what I'm thinking. Are you in alignment? Yes. And if we're not in alignment, then one of our, one of our biggest rules that's been so useful for us is like, if we both don't agree, we don't move forward. And that would go with anything. And it's not— and, you know, earlier on in the relationship, and this is something that I learned, I think I tried to— if I didn't get agreement, I would just overpower. And I try not to do that anymore. Um, and it's been much better.

Yeah. And I think like that's something— that's a point to this, which is like when we say power couple and I was saying, you know, alpha female, alpha male, it's like if Alex is with a woman who is not a powerful woman or is much more submissive, he— and this is the same with like a team surrounding Alex— he will just steamroll them completely. And then they say, I'm suppressed and you're, you know, overpowering me and you're a narcissist and all this crap, right? So it's like you almost around anyone that's as powerful as Alex, you have to have a voice of your own. And I see that with like the people we hire and the teams we have to like, if someone's not smart, hardworking, and powerful on their own, like, they can't— they won't, like, survive around you. They'll just end up quitting or, or something.

Yeah. And like, you know, we use the words powerful mostly because like these are things that people have described us as, and we're just relaying this back because we get— we get probably, I want to say, like a third of the questions we get in general are like about our marriage dynamic. And we don't talk about it much at all, and it's not because we haven't done private stuff, it's just that we, we just, we both run different schedules and stuff on different timetables. So we decided to get together to make this video. But like maintaining the, the masculine-feminine dynamic, I think another interesting point is that there's boxes for that. And so if we're both in the business, we're both probably in a more masculine dynamic when we're in the workspace. And I'm really just treating Layla as though she were COO, you know, because she is. And so if we were not married, how would that relationship look? And that's pretty much how the relationship is within the business. Like, we have conflict, you know, around key decisions, things I usually want to go faster, she tends to want to go slower. I tend to be more trusting, she tends to be less trusting. And that's kind of a yin and yang balance. And I think that we also have, as we've got grown to trust one another more and more, I actually think that we've polarized a little bit, believe it or not, because I think if Layla got hit by a bus tomorrow, or I got hit by a bus tomorrow, we would probably come towards the middle, right? I would probably become a little bit more conservative, a little less risk-taking, a little bit less trusting, and she would become a little bit more trusting, more risk-taking, et cetera, because she'd have to compensate for the fact that I'm not there to push the envelope. And so we've kind of— we take those roles and those dynamics in our marriage because we just continue to increase the trust that the other person's gonna represent and hang their balance, right? And then ultimately make the best decisions. I mean, we've even said, if I didn't exist, Layla wouldn't have started the businesses, and if she didn't exist, I would have too many, right? And so it's really having that balance that allows us to, you know, to make the best decisions. And I think that's why this dynamic works really well. But that's the business side. On the relational side, we kind of like, we take, you know, like we take hats off. So it's like, okay, hey, I need— and Layla even said, she'd be like, I need husband Alex right now. It's like, okay, got it. Like, let me like step into that for a second. And then I can recalibrate.

And I think that's taken us years to learn. You know, a lot of the reasons that we see like couples that come to us and they're, you know, working in the business together and they're like, I just don't know if we should because it's really hard, we can't, you know, like it's really hard for us to transition through it. It's just a muscle you have to keep flexing until you get it right. And like now for us, I feel like it's super easy to go from work to home. It's almost like everything about us changes. So like something we talk about is like if people see us like in public in our own like dynamic outside of work, they'd be like, What? Like, who are these people? Because it's just like so different than how we act like on camera and at work. Because we also never want to bring our relationship stuff to work. Like, I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable. I don't want to make people feel like they can't talk to me about Alex because we're married. I don't want people to feel like they can't talk to Alex about me because we're married. And so it's like, it's better to keep it professional in the workplace, uh, as much as you can when you're married, because I think it just, it just makes for a more comfortable environment. And that's always Typically in like a married couple that's running a business, it's one of the main concerns. They're like, well, how do you guys handle conflict? What's your dynamic like? And like, if people see dysfunction in the workplace between two married people, no good talent is going to take you seriously.

Yeah. And that being said, I think that having united front from— it's almost like parenting, you know what I mean? Like within the company. And this is not to say that the people in the company are children. That's not the point. I meant more so that having united front, especially if you're married, is important. Right? And so, you know, if you have a COO dynamic in the relationship, making sure that you kind of come to the table on the same terms is important. And if we do disagree on something, we'll never outwardly, or say rather publicly, like smash the other person if we disagree. It'd be more like a direct message like, hey, let's, you know, circle back on that, and then we'll recalibrate, and then we'll, you know, re-come in front of the team, right? And so have making sure that we also both mutually respect one another publicly is important because if I disrespect Layla or undermine Layla on the call, she'll lose respect for the team and I will too because they'll be like, man, that was out of line, right? And the same is true in reverse. One thing that you said that I wanted to piggyback on was I think we've been able to switch back and forth between like the business and the marriage dynamic because we've just gotten better at kind of transitioning with like the cues of reading each other's body language and understanding even like the tone of voice that we talk to one another in when we're in the marriage dynamic versus the business dynamic is different. And like, we usually, we can almost seamlessly pick up on it now. But before that, we literally had to be like, hey, I need like, or she would say like, I need husband Alex. Like, I don't need business Alex right now. And I'd be like, all right, my bad, sorry. Let me just like, you know, be nicer.

You know, obviously this isn't for everybody. Like, not everyone wants to work together. Not everyone wants to build something with their spouse. Like, I, I think just like a couple of the reasons for myself, and I know Alex has some too, is like why all the relationships that both of us had prior to this were totally different than what we have now. And so I think for us, it like, we like talking about and sharing it with people, and people like hearing about it, I think because it's like, it's, it works better for us than the prior relationships. And I think like the main thing that if I could like put it into words, just like it's a shared reality, which is like the most important things to me in life are also the most important things to Alex in life. And before, like, the people that I would date, it's just like their ambitions were so small and their vision was so small that it felt like I wasn't inspired by them, you know? I wasn't intellectually stimulated when I was talking to them. And I was like, I just don't believe that because I am a more, like, I don't know, alpha woman, whatever you want to call it, whatever the terminology is, like, I don't believe that I need to settle for a man who's more passive or more beta. I believe that I could just find someone who, in proportion to my alpha or power, whatever you want to call it, is so much more. And it was like the moment I met Alex, you guys have heard the video where I've talked about like the list I made of what I want in a man. I met him and I was like, this is everything. And it made me super uncomfortable at first, but like it ends up being so much better in the long run, you know? Because I think in those relationships where, where there's not power, the, the other side of that is like there may be more comfort, more security, more ability to, you know, I guess feel good in the short term. I think it— I got bored. Like I got bored. I felt like it was a detractor from the other things in my life. We weren't walking the same path towards the same end goal. It was like we were walking separate paths, holding hands, tugging each other back and forth. And that was just something I didn't wanna do for the rest of my life. I wanted to be with somebody who I felt like we inspired each other, we poured into each other, and we helped each other achieve what we wanted in life. And so that's my reason for it, at least.

Yeah, and I have, and I'll throw my 2 cents in there. So I was actually engaged at one point before I met Layla. And I would say that that relationship they had big vision, but it was a different vision for what they wanted their life to look like. And it was constantly a source of conflict because I was like, I'm doing this. Like, this is like, I, I'm not going to sacrifice what I want, and I'm not gonna— like, you know, I was, I was in my 20s. I was like, I'm in my 20s. Like, I'm not compromising my goals. And nor should she have, you know what I mean? And I think that that ended up basically them sacrificing was, you know, the short-term solution, which was not a solution. And then obviously we decided to part ways, and it was for that reason. And so I think that it's not only having somebody who has ambition, but has an ambition that is the same as yours, right? And your ambition might be to have the most amazing fucking family on planet Earth. Awesome. So this isn't just like a business thing. This is just aligned mission, aligned values. Where do we want to go? How do we want to get there? And so for us, It was so— for me, it was so rare to find a girl that wanted to do what I wanted to do and wanted to get there the same way. Honestly, once I saw those two things, I was like, we'll figure out everything else on the way. And that's kind of how we, you know, that's kind of how we did it.

Well, it's the same as, you know, hiring people and like finding people for your team. Like, if you want to attract really great talent, like, you want them to be on board with the same mission, the same vision you have. You have to have a vision that's so big and encompassing that they can fit theirs within it. And it's almost same when you find a partner. It's like, do we fit in each other's vision? And so it's like, that vision could be a family, that vision could be starting a charity together, that vision could be so many things, but it's just like, do we fit in each other's vision? I think that was really obvious when we first met. It's like we had all the same interests, we had the same values, and we saw the world the same way, and we were both like, let's do this and do it together.

Yeah, I mean, and this is me just talking to the guys, at least, like most of my audience. Yeah, right. Excluding the 4.9% of my audience that's female. So talking to the guys, like, it's a different dynamic, um, because it's far more common to find— especially if you are more alpha guy, and most entrepreneurs tend to be a little bit more assertive, a little bit more dominant by, by nature, because you're more risk-taking because you're in business, right? It's really easy to find women who just like fall in line, right? It's just, it's very easy to do that. There's a line of them, and there's— and hey, if that's what you want, There's nothing wrong with it. That's the thing. Like, there's nothing wrong with whatever you want. But if you continue to have those relationships and feel like something is missing, then this is why we're making this video, is that maybe there is something else that's out there. And so for me, I just saw that Layla was just made of steel. And I knew that where I wanted to go and where I wanted to go in my life was going to be rarefied air. And I knew that I was not going to stop trying. Even if I never got there, I knew I was not going to stop trying, and I wanted someone who could hang with me. I think that in some of the high-pressure situations that Leila and I have been in, I think many of the people that I had had in my past would have crumbled or would have been doing the opposite, which is just like trying to get me on the sidelines, just trying to get me to quit, trying to say, hey, you know, maybe you should take it easy, maybe, maybe you shouldn't work so much, maybe you should X, Y, and Z, you know, we should do this instead. And, and, um, rather than You know, when you get knocked down, someone's like standing on the side of the ring being like, get the fuck back up, let's go. And that's what I wanted. You know what I mean? And I didn't know that. I just— we stumbled into this. And Layla had this, you know, Layla went like 100 dates and with like her big list and would just like look at the guy, be like, no, you're not the list. And then like move us on. I did not have that. You know what I mean? So I kind of lucked into it because Layla was probably like my 20th date on like apps. And I was like, okay, cool, done. This is great. So I didn't expect that. But now that I— now that I have this experience, and we get questions about it all the time, which is why we're making the video. It just works really well. Um, and I can say that me observing our relationship from the outside is like, we're just partners, like, through and through with everything, just all the way. And, uh, that kind of ride-or-die mentality permeates through every aspect, and it's a foundation of respect. And I think what's interesting about this, because I was talking to Trevor, one of our good friends, is that If you, if you're, if your relationship makes rational sense on paper, right, if it makes sense on paper in terms of what you want to do and who you're looking for, when the moments that your emotions fade, because that does happen at times in season, life gets hard, etc., you have your rational reasons for staying together. When the entire relationship is founded on emotions, then when the emotions fade and wane, which all emotions do in time, they they wax and they wane, then what are you left with? Not a lot. And that's why I think so many people break up, right? And so that rational foundation, that foundation of respect and loyalty and shared mission and shared values, is the bedrock upon which we build the emotional side of the relationship, which comes and goes like any relationship, you know what I mean? Like, there's waxing and waning. And I would say that what has happened is If you have the ups and downs, the midline of the ups and downs continues to rise over time as we get better at relationshiping with one another.

Yeah. And something I just wanted to say to like, I saw a lot of comments on, you know, the post that I made and, and you kind of mentioned it as like, you know, the, the difference in the women that you dated. But I think that a lot of men think like, oh, well, you know, in this relationship, like what if I want a woman who like cooks and cleans and like does all— I do all of that. So like, obviously I pay people to do some of the stuff, but like, make lunch— like, something I've never stopped doing is like, I make Alex's lunch every day, and like, I'm never gonna stop doing that because like, I like feeling feminine. Not at work, but in home. And so like, I've learned to do both. It's like, I like to have that balance of that masculine-feminine energy. I maintain that, and I think that that's something that we've done really well with. But I think it's a common misconception, it's like, okay, well, if I'm this career-oriented, ambitious woman, I'm not going to want to do anything nice for my man. I'm like, No, that's not at all. Like, I'm still gonna put away his laundry, I'm gonna bring him water, bring him snacks, make him food, cook for him, like do nice things for him, you know, because that's what I want in my marriage. And just because, you know, you work with somebody, what you see when they're working together is not always what's going on behind closed doors.

Yeah, we have like, honestly, we have a wildly different personal relationship than we do kind of public relationship. Like, it's much more, it's much more like cutesy and like we whimsical and fun and light. I mean, and for me, like, I have to, I have to ratchet down my aggression levels like a lot when I— like, and I had to learn that because like I can be very harsh and very cold and very cutting. And so I had to like learn how to just like tone it way down. And then kind of like I had to learn how to just be nicer and be kinder. And it's, it's, it's done wonders for me. I think also like my personal life with Layla has helped me be a better leader in the business because it used to be all fire and brimstone, and it's taken a decade, you know what I mean, of managing people and working to not have to be that way. And that's me reeling in, um, and kind of finding more balance.

Yeah. And I think on the, on the other side of that, working with Alex has helped me find more fire and brimstone. And so if you look at like the evolution of us and you watch like old videos or interviews and things like that, I think you could probably see how we were more of those, and we've now learned from each other. And I think that's something that I like, is that I can learn from Alex and he inspires me in so many ways. I've just never had that before.

Yeah, it's kind of interesting because I was thinking about— so it's like on, on one side, I think we represent different decision poles, and we are more comfortable in being more polar because the other person exists to balance us. But when it comes to interpersonal, like, traits and whatnot, uh, I think that people grow, you know, like we've grown closer together in that and in being more similar in that way, which I think is actually kind of nice for business because then we become more unified and people can kind of deal with us similarly.

Yeah, yeah.

So I think that was it. Any other trigger-worthy stuff that we had in our comments? Anything we can piss anyone off about?

I'm sure now people are gonna say, oh, that's codependency because, you know, if you guys each have these, you know, conflicting traits, you're not one whole person. I'm like, I just don't actually don't believe that at all. I think when we were completely whole people. And it's just that, you know, like when you bring on— you say you're running a team and, you know, you're doing everything in the beginning, and then you bring on someone who they're amazing at sales. Am I gonna keep doing sales just because that'll make me a more like well-versed leader? No, I'm going to let that person do sales because that's all they do and they're better at it. So I think it's also the same with, you know, if you want to build something together, you know, there— it's okay to rely on each other for certain things. And I think that like a lot of stuff nowadays with like the word codependency and all that going out there, I think it's kind of foo-foo bullshit because like, yes, you don't want to rely on someone to the point that like if they don't do something for you, you're incapable of doing it themselves. But if you choose to let them decide, if you choose to let them do something, I think that that's really healthy.

I mean, we're codependent on other humans to live, so like, you know what I mean? Like, who makes your food? Who's the one who's doing the farming and hunting for us so that we can like, you know what I mean? Understanding the point of delegating, you know, different, different decision silos is part of having a relationship where you can both accomplish more. Like, if we both are doing all the same things and one of us isn't required, and so we can just double the ground that we can cover if we delineate roles, which we do inside the marriage as well as we do inside the business. And they're different, you know, within each of those dynamics. It's just what are the things you're responsible for, what are things I'm responsible for, you know, and we, and we roll accordingly.

Yeah.

Yeah. So, you know, at the end of the day, I just wanted a woman that, like, if I hit her, she would hit me back. And that was, uh, fuck, seems like a really good place to, uh, to stop, to end this, end this video.

Domestic violence.

Yeah. Um, anyways, Mosey Nation, love you guys. Uh, and, uh, yeah, we'll see you on the next one. Bye!