We married for business...this is what happened.

In this video today, what I want to share with you is how my husband and I work together and were able to build a $100 million business. This came from the question, how do you balance working together, you know, you and Alex, with your relationship? And so I feel like I've avoided answering any questions about our marriage and our relationship, working or otherwise, until now because it just feels like it's so different than honestly most people's scenarios. And so I'm just like, whatever, I just don't feel like it's relevant, but here we go because a lot of people ask about it. So I feel like there needs to be context, which is just the background of our relationship so you can understand how we were able to build this giant business together. Alex and I met on Bumble. Okay. But as soon as we met, it was very obvious that one, there was not a giant like chemistry reaction. Actually, when we first met, we were both just super interested in each other. We were like, you're super smart, you're super smart. We both are really good at sales. We both understand marketing. We both see the world the same way. And we both had really, really big goals and we were both like heads down, career-oriented at the time. Not that we still aren't, just saying like this was 5 years ago. And so when we met, I think it was like 2 weeks in, you know, we're dating, we're hanging out, but Alex says, he's like, listen, even if this romantically doesn't work between us, like we should make this work business-wise. And I was like, yeah, I agree. I want to do this thing called Gym Launch. I feel like you should do it with me. I'll make sure that you're taken care of, et cetera, et cetera. He's like, even if we don't work out, I feel like you should do this. And so I was like, okay. And a lot of people can't really comprehend that, but our relationship was built off of the business. It was not that we had a relationship first and then went into business together. It was that we literally went into business together and built our relationship along the way. It actually has turned out to be fantastic for us and we love our marriage and love each other. And I think that's because it was built really intentionally. And so I actually wanted to share some of the principles that we put into place that helped us and have helped us be able to have a really good working relationship, but also build that personal relationship at the same time. And I want to actually say that the business relationship came really natural to us and the romantic side didn't, because honestly, I don't think that we even were good at having friends. If I'm being really frank, I wasn't even good at having friends, let alone a boyfriend. I was so heads down just trying to invest in myself and my career and I took everything really seriously. And so I think learning to have a good relationship was what we did together. So here's the principles that we base our relationship on. The first one is that when we decided to get married, we said love is logical. In the sense of when people say love logically, I believe and Alex believes and we agree on this, that you could love anybody and that love is a verb and that if you do the actions, you spend enough time with someone, you do enough things together, that you will feel love towards that person. The question is, is that the person you want to be your life partner? And so the question really that we start out with was, do we want to be life partners? And if the answer is yes, then okay, we should fully love one another. And I know that sounds completely ass backwards. Most people out there get it wrong and they say, I love this person and now they're going to be my life partner too, and then they fuck each other up all the time because neither Neither of them are emotionally healthy, they have horrible habits, they're not actually compatible, they don't want the same things, they don't have the same values. We have the same values, we want the same things, we logically on paper make absolute sense for each other, and because of that, we made the decision to get married and then we fell in love with each other. We actually weren't even in love until after we got married. I know, it's crazy. Love is a verb. It's for real. The second thing that we based our marriage on, our relationship on is and that we're able to have both a really great marriage and a really great working relationship is that we hide nothing from each other. And when I say hide nothing, we had a coach. He said, "Do you know what the one thing that will stop you two is?" He's like, "Because you're so lucky you found each other." I was like, "No, what?" And he was like, "Whatever sits between you two on the couch." And I was like, "Hmm." And he was like, "And the thing that sits between you on the couch is not a person or a thing. It's the thoughts in your heads." It's the unresolved issues. It's the things that you don't tell each other. That's what sits between you two on a couch. And that really hit me hard because both of us come from parents of divorce and so we're like, that's the last thing we would ever want, right? And so I think almost out of fear in the beginning, it was out of fear, we just tried so hard to just anything we were thinking, anything that we were feeling, we just tried to be transparent with one another. And that has played out extremely well because if you're not able to do that in your relationship, then you're not going to be able to do it in the business. And in the business, if the two people at the top cannot share everything with one another, then the thing crumbles. Like 100% of the time it will crumble. And so that's why that's a skill that if you can put into place, whether in the business or in your marriage, and then translate it to the other, is incredibly helpful. And that has allowed us to put all of our focus on other things rather than the relationship. And I think that a lot of people, what they do is the relationship takes so much energy and effort And relationships take energy and effort, but they shouldn't take all of your energy and effort. And the analogy I like to think of is this, which is if you are walking towards something, if you are staring at the person you are walking with the entire time, then you are going to be distracted and you will never get to the destination. But if you are both staring ahead, holding hands, going towards that thing, then you will get to the destination together. And so when I think of hiding nothing, I think of you cannot walk together and hold hands without hiding nothing. If you hide things from each other, then you'll be staring at each other the entire time and distracting each other from the end goal and you'll never make it. So that's the second, is hiding nothing. The third is that we promise to always grow together. And the reason for that is because I believe that most people that I know that end up not staying together, and we do want a long relationship, we would like to just be married to each other. If you don't want to, that's fine, totally. This is just what works for us. We say that we need to grow together, meaning that maybe we're not tactically studying the same things, but we're both growing. And at the end of the day, at dinner, at lunch, we share what we've learned. And we recommend books to each other. And we get to educate one another. And we get to transfer our knowledge to one another. And I think that that is one of the cornerstones of a great relationship. I've witnessed this in so many other people, and that's why we apply it. It's like I see the great relationships and they they do this. They teach each other, they inspire each other. And I think in order to do that, you have to be constantly growing. And if you're not, then it kind of goes stale because you're stale, right? And your relationship is just going to be a reflection of the investment that you each put in yourselves. And so that's the third, is you always grow together. And if one person grows and they don't bring the other one up, then there's a gap, right? And everyone's been in some relationship where they feel like, "Dude, we're just not on the same page. We don't have the same perception of reality." I think a lot of entrepreneurs specifically feel that and it's because the person that they're with either doesn't want to learn or it's because they don't invite them to learn. And so I think that that is a principle that I would apply if I were in that situation. The fourth is the dichotomy of desire. And so it's funny because for those of you who have read Alex's book, he talks about desire and this actually came from a relationship book that I read. And it was talking about the dichotomy of desire and how in order to have desire, there must be lack. And so when you are running a company with your spouse and you are married to your spouse and you are living with your spouse and you're doing all the other things in life with your spouse, there is not much space. And where most people go wrong is they feel insecure about their relationship. They feel like there's things to improve. And so they think we need to spend more time together. We need to talk to each other more. We need to have more of each other. And the reality is it's the exact opposite. It's the thing that you fear and are nervous about, which is putting more space between the two of you. Space creates desire. Space also creates autonomy. And so there's two things that you get from that, right? One is making sure that, and I'll do a completely different video on this, is understanding the dichotomy of desire in terms of having space and having closeness. Closeness brings security, but too much of it, they feel like it's your brother or sister. Distance brings curiosity, but too much of it and they feel insecure and they can't— they don't feel like they can talk to you or trust you or confide in you. And so it's finding that space in between. And it's especially something that has to be found when you're in business with one another because if you don't seek this out, if you don't try to master it, if you don't pay attention to it or tune into it, then you will go really far on one end of the spectrum and neither is a great place to be. And so we always stay on the same page and we're transparent, we're like, hey, I think We're like feeling super close right now. Or we'll be like, hey, I miss you. Like, I'd like to spend dinner together. And so, you know, I think being able to verbalize that to your spouse is something that's insanely important if you are in business together. Because if you are in business together and you want a good business and that person is your partner, then your communication with them is the foundation of the business. And so it has to be rock solid. The last one that I put on there in terms of— it's really simple, but it's just mutual respect and autonomy. And what I mean by that is When you are in a business relationship with somebody, just as some people put down their business partners, I see people put down their spouses or just say little things about them or little like jabs at them. And that is not something that you can do when you're in business together and have a relationship together. If you have an issue with your partner, you have to be able to address it with them in private. And I think that what I've seen a lot of the times, particularly with women, is that they'll complain about their husbands, they'll make little jabs at them in public, etc., etc. And that's just not acceptable if you're trying to have a business together and have a marriage. Your team won't take you seriously. They won't feel like they can rely on the two of you if they see that or feel that underlying tone. And then outside of work, it's not going to be a happy place to be. And so for both of us, it's been having mutual respect for each other, always making sure even if maybe we don't feel it in the moment, maybe you don't feel like it, maybe your partner does something that's just like you just can't believe it, you don't understand it, and you want to talk to them about it, but you're really upset. Don't act on it. Never act disrespectful. And so that is one of the hallmarks, I think, of a great relationship is always respecting each other. And with that comes autonomy, because if you respect your spouse and you work with your spouse, then that means you also respect them enough to allow them to make decisions without you. And that is probably one of the biggest places where people lose themselves in relationships or in business is that they enmesh themselves so much with each other that they don't even allow them to make any autonomous decisions about anything in the business. And I do think that that is something that we have done very well, which is we have our domains, right? Like we know where we each make decisions. And so if you're curious, you know, like Alex will make decisions about primarily anything acquisition-based, right? Marketing, sales, that's primarily what he handles. What do I make decisions about? I make decisions about typically operations. HR, IT, finance, customer success, like all the other backend. And so that is what we consider our domains. The overall business, we do work on those things together because the more people working on something, uh, on a large decision, I think the better the outcome typically is. But nonetheless, mutual respect and autonomy, um, it's very productive for your business and for your marriage. And so if we go over that, the principles that we base our relationship on, and this is me just sharing, like, this is what works for us, It is not the typical relationship. And if you got into a relationship and you're trying to— Yeah, this is a really interesting— Okay, this is a good point. If you got into your marriage and now you are trying to build a business relationship, I don't know if these apply or not. This is just for what we did and this is what I know worked for us. So context is very important. And what I do see a lot of the times is a lot of men will come to me and they'll say, "How do I get my wife to be like you?" And I'm like, you don't get your wife to be like me. I would have been this way no matter what. I would have had a business and just been married to somebody else. And so that is the biggest thing I would like to get across to people who ask us that question because that is a large question and it happens. It's typically the husband starts doing something and wants to bring the wife in. She had to have been someone who would have done it anyways. Otherwise you are probably not doing her or yourself a favor. That being said, the principles: 1. Love logically. 2. Hide nothing. 3. Grow together. 4. Remember the dichotomy of desire. And then 5. Always maintain mutual respect and autonomy. I hope that you found that useful, whether you're married, whether you're in a business, even just a business partnership. Crap, these things would work for that, besides the love logically, that would be a little awkward. But I hope you find it useful and maybe you picked 1 or 2 things out. In terms of insight. And if you like this video, go ahead, hit subscribe. I will follow up with some more on how to run a business with your spouse.