What I've learned from being a Female CEO
Leila Hormozi argues that blaming workplace setbacks on gender is an excuse that blocks growth. She shares stories of a female leader who blamed disrespect on being a woman, her own early sales work where she refused to lean on gender, and a red-haired man who blamed dating failures on his looks. The point: stop attributing failures to unchangeable traits and fix what you can control.
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What is up? In this video today, what I want to share with you is why I never use being a woman as a reason for why people don't do things I want them to do or things don't get done in the workplace. As many of you know, I'm a woman. Some may argue in the YouTube comments that I'm not because my voice is low. Promise you, I'm a woman. You can ask my husband. That being said, you know, this is something that I get asked a lot, and it actually always tends to get brought up when I'm talking to, you know, higher-level, uh, female CEOs as well as like my management team and my leadership team that are female. What I notice is the same thing that happens with anyone who has a good reason for something, right? And I'll tell you two stories. One is I had a female leader come to me. This is probably about 3 months ago, and she felt as though people in the workplace were not respecting her. She said, you know, I really just think it's because I'm a woman. And I said, well, maybe, right? Like, maybe they just don't respect women. However, they respect me, so that doesn't really make much sense to me, right? Because if they didn't respect all women, then you and I would be equal in that plane, whether I'm, you know, higher in the company or not. The second piece of that is maybe it's the fact that you don't command respect, and maybe saying that it's because you're a woman is a very convenient excuse to cover your other deficits. And she was like, oh crap, you're freaking right. And I was like, yes, we've been working on this anyways. We've been working on the fact that you need to command respect from a room, whether it's men or women, it's irrelevant. But that's a that we've been trying to work on. I said, you're just pointing to the most convenient thing possible to blame, to say, this is what it is. It's not me. It's this thing outside of me, right? Because to change the thing inside of yourself, to change that skill of commanding a room, demanding respect in that way, earning respect in that way is much harder. It is so much easier to get an off-the-shelf excuse for why something isn't working. And it's like, oh, here we go. It's because I'm a woman. I'm just gonna say everything's because I'm a woman, right? Because it's super easy to point to. I say this because there have been so many instances in my life when, in the last 5 years particularly, when I could say that it's because I'm a woman. You know, when I first started off in my career, I joined multiple sales teams at big box gyms. I was one of the only females. I got a ton of flack. They're like, oh, if you want to get clients, show some skin, do some of this, put some pics up with half clothes, all this stuff. And I never did any of it because I was like, I don't want to ever think that the reason I did or didn't get clients was because of, you know, me being or not being, you know, an attractive female, right? I was like, I just want to use sales skills like anybody else. And so that's what I did. I honed in on the skill of sales and I learned that. I didn't say, oh, I'm going to go like flaunt my body, because then I feel like what that does for you is if you use it to your advantage, it can also be used in your mind as a disadvantage, which is like, I get things because I'm a woman and I don't get things because I'm a woman. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with females like showing their skin and stuff. Like, there's plenty of people do that as careers. I don't care, do what you want, like live your life. For me, what it meant though was that if I can rely on being a woman to get something I wanted, I could also say it is why I do not get what I want, if you're following. So that's how I explained this employee that came to me. I was like, every time you use it as an advantage, then it also will adversely— your brain's going to use it as a disadvantage for yourself. And she was like, oh my gosh, you're so right. Like, I'm literally using it to hide behind the other things that are my deficits. It's just like an easy reason to put out there. Another, um, way that this kind of came about— and it's not about being a woman, but it's about looking at just things that we can point to that are easy excuses that are convenient, right? Off-the-shelf solutions and off-the-shelf excuses. Um, we had dinner with, um, one of my friends and her two sons, and they brought one of their friends, and she wanted us to meet them because they were young and they're like thinking about starting businesses. And she was like, I think you guys would be really inspiring. And so we met with them and one of their friends that they brought, he was a really short redhead. The entire dinner he's telling us how his girlfriend broke up with him, and he's like, dude, like, I just can't get other girls because like I'm a short redhead. And I was like, it's so funny because I actually have a friend who's a short redhead and he had so many girls. And this guy was like, there's no way, like, show me a picture, etc., etc. And I was like, here you go. And it was like mind-blowing to him. And I explained to him the same thing. I was like, You're just pointing to the thing that seems like the easiest to point to. You're like, oh, well, I have no control over this. And the thing is, is it's freeing and it's also creating your own prison at the same time because you're saying, I'm free, I don't need to do anything about it because it's because I'm short and have red hair, or it's because I'm a woman. But at the same time, you create a prison because there's nothing you can do about it, right? So there's no way out of the box. And so that is why I never use the reason for anything getting done for anything not getting done, for anything happening or not happening for me, as the fact that I'm a woman. Because I truly don't believe that that is a reason. I believe that if you were to take everybody off the street, 10 people, each person would have a reason that they could point to that is a very convenient reason for why things are not happening for them in life. I could also use the fact that I'm Persian and my father's an immigrant, right? And it's like, oh, you know, they don't like whatever, you know, people from other countries or immigrants and all that stuff. Like, if I, you know, I'm sure that I could find other things to point to like that, and many people do. And I'm sharing this because I, I just noticed it's this default that so many people go to, particularly women go to it in the workplace, but everybody has their go-to, right? Like, what's your go-to excuse for why things don't happen for you? I think it's something to really think about. And then the question to ask yourself is, what if you just didn't allow yourself to use that as a reason? And you might be thinking, well, Layla, that's, you know, that's kind of not fair because it is a reason that a lot of things don't happen. Like, there's been studies done for example, on, you know, people who are more attractive get more things that they want. Women get paid less. Women get less this and that. Well, true, but is that a helpful thought? Is that going to help you in this situation? Is that going to help you progress? Is that going to help you get better? The answer is no, it will not. It is not a useful thought at all. And so if you're trying to think of— if you're thinking of these things and these thoughts are coming into your brain about why you can't do things, and it might be because you're a woman and the gender gap and all these things,. But the question to ask yourself is, is this a good question? Is this a good thought for my brain to think? Is it useful for me to think this thought? No, I have found that that is not a useful thought to think. I share that because I think that women who like to say that the reason things aren't happening— and they just let it slip, like it's not, it's not like a huge thing, it's not like I'm talking like extremists that are like, everything is because I'm a woman— it's just like, it slips. You're like, I think it's just because I was a woman. But like, what if you didn't let yourself say that? What if it was for another reason, a reason that you could do something about? I would just challenge you to replace that thought, oh, it's because I'm a woman, with, oh, maybe I'm not commanding enough respect. Oh, maybe I'm not prominent enough. Oh, maybe I'm not setting enough boundaries. Oh, maybe I'm not setting the tone. Oh, maybe I have too low of tolerance. Maybe it is all of those things instead of the fact that you are a woman. Because I promise you, if one woman on this earth has been able to do something in business that is extraordinary, So can you. And the same goes for anyone else who believes that they have a reason why they shouldn't succeed. You are literally justifying your failure with something that you cannot change. And you know what that means? If you cannot change the thing that causes failure, that you are always going to fail. So that's all I've got for you guys today. I just— it was top of mind for me. I can't— I can't do it. I can't think those thoughts. They're not useful for me. And I hope that if you are thinking them, you challenge yourself to think the opposite. Because even if something is true, If it is not useful for you, then why are you thinking it? So, um, go ahead. If you guys like this video, you want to hear more about this gender in the workplace and things like that, which is the only video I have on gender, go ahead, hit subscribe. I'll see you in the next one.
