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What to Say to a Passive Aggressive Person

Name: What to Say to a Passive Aggressive Person
Uploaded: 2025-01-03T13:01:08+00:00
Duration: 54 s
Channel: Shanli Liu, CPA, CTP
Description: In this concise instructional video, Shanli Liu, CPA, CTP, outlines three actionable ways to respond when someone makes a passive‑aggressive remark…

3 Jan 2025 · 1 min

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In this concise instructional video, Shanli Liu, CPA, CTP, outlines three actionable ways to respond when someone makes a passive‑aggressive remark. First, ask the person directly whether their comment was intended to be helpful or hurtful, which forces clarification and can defuse escalation. Second, employ “I’m noticing” statements to point out observed negative tones or recurring patterns (e.g., “I’m noticing a negative tone right now”). This frames the feedback as an observation rather than an accusation. Third, acknowledge the opposite of the person’s stated feeling—if they claim they’re fine, respond with “It’s okay if you aren’t fine”—to create a safe space for honesty. The speaker provides example phrasing for each tactic and ends with a call to follow her for more advice.

Chapters

What to say to a passive-aggressive person. Number 1, if somebody says something that is passive-aggressive, say this: Was that meant to be helpful or hurtful? It works because it not only calls out their behavior, but it also gives them the chance to clarify it, which can often prevent it from going any further. Number 2, use the phrase I'm noticing. For example, I'm noticing a negative tone right now, or I'm noticing a pattern of frustration anytime we talk about finances. What it's saying is, despite what you may say, I'm observing something different. And number 3, acknowledge the reverse. Often people will try to deny negative feelings and say something like, "I'm fine." In that moment, just acknowledge the reverse and say, "It's okay if you aren't fine." They might say, "I'm good, I'm good." "It's okay if you aren't good." What you're doing is saying this is a safe space, so even if you are the opposite of what you say, it's all okay. We can still talk. So try that and follow me.