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What to Say When Arguing Over the Past #shorts

Name: What to Say When Arguing Over the Past #shorts
Uploaded: 2024-01-24T18:00:16+00:00
Duration: 51 s
Channel: Shanli Liu, CPA, CTP
Description: In this brief instructional video, the speaker outlines three practical steps for handling arguments about past events. First, they stress the importance…

24 Jan 2024 · 1 min

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In this brief instructional video, the speaker outlines three practical steps for handling arguments about past events. First, they stress the importance of addressing the present emotional state by acknowledging the other person's feelings and offering a sincere apology. Second, they advise replacing defensive rebuttals with a curious mindset, which helps keep the nervous system calm and promotes learning. Third, they recommend using open‑ended “what” questions to explore the other person's perspective and responding with “from my perspective” to frame one’s own view without triggering defensiveness. The overall message is a concise, empathy‑driven communication framework for de‑escalating past‑related conflicts.

Chapters

What to say if you're arguing over the past. Number 1: If you want to resolve the past, then you first have to address the present. That means acknowledging how somebody is feeling right now, and it's not hard. You can say something as simple as, "I understand you're upset. I'm sorry that my actions hurt you. That's certainly not what I wanted or intended." Number 2: Instead of getting all defensive, saying, "That's not what happened. That's not what I meant. That's not what I said," respond with curiosity. When you remain curious, you keep that parasympathetic system in place. It's coming from a position of trying to learn, which keeps you more relaxed. And number 3, to do that, use open-ended questions. A little trick is to begin your question with the word "what." For example, "What made you believe I was trying to mislead you?" And when it's your turn to respond, start with "from my perspective," because when you come and approach things as a perspective, it keeps you and the other person from getting defensive. So try that. Follow me.