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What to Say When Someone is Going Through a Hard Time

Name: What to Say When Someone is Going Through a Hard Time
Uploaded: 2025-03-25T00:05:00+00:00
Duration: 58 s
Channel: Shanli Liu, CPA, CTP
Description: In this concise instructional video, Shanli Liu, CPA, CTP, explains how to respond empathetically when a person is experiencing a difficult moment. She…

25 Mar 2025 · 1 min

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In this concise instructional video, Shanli Liu, CPA, CTP, explains how to respond empathetically when a person is experiencing a difficult moment. She emphasizes speaking very little to create space rather than trying to solve the problem. The speaker outlines three core guidelines: (1) avoid probing questions and unsolicited advice, treating the interaction as setting a table rather than filling a plate; (2) refrain from statements like “I know how you feel,” and instead use validating phrases that begin with “That sounds…,” such as “That sounds difficult” or “That sounds exhausting”; (3) do not jump straight to optimistic reassurance, but ask the person whether they need encouragement or more time, allowing them to dictate the next step. The video provides concrete phrasing and a mindset for supportive, non‑intrusive communication.

Chapters

What to say when someone's going through a hard time. Very little. When somebody's going through a hard time, say very little, because in that moment, your job is not to find the right words, it's to create the right space. That means, number 1, you're not going to pepper them with questions about who, what, when, why, or every little detail, or hear one sentence of a problem and give them a paragraph of advice. Your job is to set the table, not fill their plate. Number 2, stay away from responses like, I know how you feel. Because chances are you probably don't. But even if you do, it makes it more about you and less about them, which is not what we want. Instead, begin your response with, "That sounds," like, "That sounds difficult," "That sounds hard," "That sounds exhausting," "That sounds stressful." The key here is that you're validating how they feel. Number 3, don't go straight for the positive, saying, "Everything's gonna be okay, everything's gonna work out." Sometimes that's just not helpful because they're still processing those emotions. Instead, ask, "Do you need some encouragement, or do you still need some time?" And they'll give you the right answer. So try that and follow me.