Shanli Liu identifies three signs to stop arguing: the discussion circles back to the same point, personal attacks start, or you feel emotionally unsafe. When any happens, pause and try again later.
When to stop an argument. Number 1, when you keep restarting it, talking about the same thing over and over in a circle. What this typically sounds like is somebody will say, "I just can't understand," and they go back to the original point again. It's not that they can't understand, it's that they're not ready to. When that happens, you need to stop the argument and pick up the conversation another time. Number 2, personal attacks. They'll start calling you names, saying you're so stupid, you're so dumb, or worse. But what they're really telling you is they're spent. They have nothing else left to contribute. A personal attack is the lowest-hanging fruit in an argument. At that point, they don't want it to make sense. They just want it to hurt. And number 3, when you don't feel safe or you don't feel steady, when you get emotionally drained, you'll start to raise your voice more often, start to interrupt the other person and feel like you're out of control. When that happens, it's time to stop, take a breather, and find out what path is best for you. So try that. Don't follow me.
