Episode #30: Coconuts, Lies, and Letting Go

Hello, my friend, and welcome to the Better Life, Better Business podcast. I'm Shawn Ellis. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad to have this time with you. And today I've got something to share that I believe has the power to transform not just one aspect of your life, but, but truly every aspect of your life, whether we're talking about career or business, parenting, relationships, health. Really, if you've got any area of your life where you've been feeling stuck, this could be the key to set you free. And I didn't mean for that to rhyme, but it does, so we'll go with it. But truly, I, I don't say that as, as hyperbole. This is something that— it's, it's super simple yet also extremely powerful. And I didn't even plan to share it this week. It just came about through a chance conversation with my girlfriend's son, and I'll tell you a little bit about that. In a moment. But first, I wonder, have you heard of something called the monkey trap? That's what we're going to get to here. And the episode title is Coconuts, Lies, and Letting Go. So if you know what the monkey trap is, you know what I'm talking about. Maybe if you don't, you will when it's all said and done. But so let's go back to this conversation with my girlfriend's son, Caleb. Caleb plays baseball. He's on a travel team, but we were just having a conversation and he was telling me about how, you know, sometimes at a game he would stick his hand through the chain-link fence behind the dugout just to, to wave to his little sister, to touch her hand or something like that. And he was saying how when he would put his hand through there, there would be this moment of panic like, oh my gosh, am I going to be able to get my hand back through there? And of course, he knew that he could, just as we would know. You put your hand through, you know, you can get it back. But I'm sure you've also probably had that experience where it's like this. It's not quite as easy as I thought it was going to be. And so there's that moment of panic and then it all works out and then it's fine. And so that was just, again, just something that popped into his head to share with me. And then what that reminded me of is something I had heard of, and I told him, I was like, there's a— there's something this ties into, I think, where a monkey puts their hand in a coconut and gets trapped. And, and I had to go back and look it up because I hadn't heard this in so long, but it's, it's the monkey trap. And it's a, it's an old lesson, but it's extremely relevant for you and for me. Because what it is, the monkey trap is something that hunters will use to trap monkeys. And the way it works is they hollow out a coconut, cut a hole in it, hollow it out, and then they put something in there, some kind of bait for the monkey. So it could be a banana, it could be peanuts, something that the monkey is obviously attracted to. And the monkey will come along, find this coconut, and then they reach in there to get what they think is their new treasure. Like, oh my gosh, here's, here's a, you know, a banana. And so they reach in, they grab it, and then they're stuck. And they're not caught up in any kind of true trap. It's not, you know, they're not caught up by wires or a net. But when they reach in there to grab their treasure, they put their they make a fist around it, they try to pull it out. Now they can't get their hand back out through that hole, and they, they pull and they pull and they pull it and they can't get it out. And that's where the hunters get them, because these coconuts are attached to a rope or a string or a wire or something of that sort. And now they've got the monkey. And of course, it's a cruel, cruel thing that happens. But there's a lesson there for us, isn't there? Because that monkey, again, it's not, it's not bound by anything, any physical chains, but it's just bound by its own refusal to let go. And how often do we hold on to beliefs or fears or desires, lies that in truth keep us imprisoned? So when I shared that with Caleb, I looked it up, told him what the, what the monkey trap really is. And he said, you should talk about that on your podcast. And I thought, you know what? Yeah, maybe you listened a few episodes back, the episode, you should do that. And what it's really about is listening to those ideas that we have, those desires that we have that won't let us go and say, you should do that. But sometimes not always, but sometimes other people have ideas and say, "You should do that." It's actually a really good idea. So here I am talking to you today about coconuts, lies, and letting go. And I just want to ask you, what beliefs or fears are keeping you trapped right now? What's preventing you from moving forward? As I thought about this story, I thought of a recent experience I had, an exchange with my own son. And it was a day he had come home from school, and I asked him if he needed to take a shower. And, you know, if you're a parent, you know, if you really need your kid to do something, you tell them to do it. You don't ask them. So I was giving him the option here. I knew that when I asked that question, "Do you need to take a shower?" And he said, "No, I didn't sweat today." He said, "In PE, I sat on the bench. I didn't even play. So I said, okay, I wasn't really investigating whether that was a true story or not, but there was a lot going on that evening. And all right, if you don't want to take a shower, fine, don't take a shower. But later on, I got a little more insight into what happened during PE because later on, Brody was watching a basketball show on TV and it was these elite high school basketball players. And Brody said something about wanting to be just like them. And I said, you know what it takes to be like them and to be great? And, and he said, to practice every day. And I said, yeah, that's, that's part of it. And I said, also to get a coach, to respond to coaching. You got to follow what the coach says. Find a coach that will push you and challenge you and teach you, and, and that's how you grow. And then my girlfriend Megan chimed in talking about how that also means, you know, practicing in areas that, that aren't your strength. Like maybe you're really good in one area, but you need to practice to to improve your skills in this other area. And so Brody was saying, oh yeah, I did, I did that today. I practiced shooting, shooting free throws and went on to talk more about playing basketball in PE. And I was kind of listening on the sidelines and I thought, wait a minute, that's not— I thought you sat on the bench today. And so I called him on that. So I thought you sat on the bench and, and there he was. Stuck in the monkey trap because all he had to do in that space— he had, he had outed himself. There was no denying that he had been playing basketball in PE. And yet he told me that he just sat on the bench the whole time. And so right there, all he had to do was say, well, you know what, Dad, I really— I just wanted— I didn't want to take a shower, so I just said I sat on the bench. And while that wouldn't have been good, we've still got an issue there. But that would have been letting go of the lie that had been told and getting yourself out of that trap. Because when you let go of that lie, then we can move forward. We can patch things up and, and we're on our way. But rather than letting go, Brody held on to that initial story and then tried to twist things around to find a way where both stories could be true. But there was no way that both stories were true. And so there's another picture of the monkey trap. In real life. Now, finally, after time, Brody did finally come back around and acknowledge that it was true. He had not sat on the bench the whole time, but he, he stayed stuck in that trap for quite a while and made things a lot more tense than they needed to be. And, you know, we've all done things like that. We all do things like that. I think back to when I was a kid, I used to get myself in this trap a lot where My friends would talk about some movie that they had seen, and I hadn't seen that movie. And rather than say, "Oh, I didn't see it. What happens? What's it about?" I would say, "Oh yeah, I saw that." And immediately I would know, "Oh my gosh, why did I say that? Because I don't know anything about this movie. Now I'm in the monkey trap and I can't get out without a lot of embarrassment." It would have been a lot easier to just admit the truth, to state the truth on the front end. But instead, I got myself caught in that trap. But of course, those are, you know, some, some little childhood examples. But as adults, a lot of times the stakes get a little higher. And I was thinking right now, I'm writing my book, Mastering the Moments, to be released later this year. And this book is a— it's a collection of moments, of experiences, and just the power of how a single moment can can change the course of our lives and, and how our task then is to be more present and more engaged for more of those moments. But as, as I'm writing the book, I've been going back through 15, 20 years worth of journals just to kind of capture that story, to capture some of those moments. And there's one story that I've seen show up repeatedly in my journal, and that's this idea that, that, you know, maybe I'm not cut out to lead a business. Maybe I don't have the right personality to lead a business. I don't have the right skills to lead a business. Now, I should say I've recently celebrated 20 years in business, so clearly I've been leading a business. But for a lot of years, I held that story, and that was my monkey trap. I was holding on to that idea or that belief that, you know, I don't know, I don't have the capabilities, I don't have the skills, maybe I just can't do this. And every time I would hold on to that story, then I couldn't move the business to the next level. I'm stuck in that monkey trap. My hand is stuck inside the coconut. And until I finally came to the place where I was willing to let go of that story, to see that's a story, and then I was able to move forward. And that meant, okay, yeah, maybe I don't have those capabilities, I don't have those skills. It's not in my nature to do that, but, but I can learn some new skills. I can, I can develop some new capabilities. I can get a coach. And I did all those things. And then there's also the reality of recognizing that, hey, this is a, this is a legitimate deficiency. And rather than try to work on this weakness, that, that it's just something I'm not, let me surround myself with people who, who know how to do that, who who can compliment me in those ways. And again, this, this applies in business and relationships in every aspect of life. And it's not that once you find those stories, then you just move on and you're off and running. I mean, sometimes that story still comes back and gets me and I grab ahold of it. And before I realize that, like, oh, wait a minute, I picked up that old story again. And then I gotta let it go and get my hand out of the coconut. And then I can move forward. So this classic example and story of the monkey trap, it's what I've been thinking about. And Caleb said I should share it here on the podcast, so I'm sharing it. And today I, I just want to pass it along to you and invite you to reflect on your own life. What bait are you holding on to right now? Or in other words, what, what beliefs or lies or fears are keeping you trapped, preventing you from moving forward? Because the first step toward freedom is awareness. And then once you have an awareness of that thing that you're holding on to, then the next step is having the courage to open your hand and let it go. Because what these stories, whether it's, whether it's Brody's little story about how he didn't sweat today, whether it's me saying I saw a movie that I didn't see, whether it's me clinging to this story, this belief that, hey, I can't do that, maybe I'm not cut out for that. All these stories remind us of a classic lesson that our greatest barriers are often those that we place on ourselves. But the good news is, is that just as we have the power to grab a hold of something, we also have the power to let it go. And in doing so, we can overcome these barriers. We can adapt, we can thrive, and we can step into the vast potential of our lives. So today, think about what is it that you're holding on to and ask yourself, is it serving me or is it time to let it go? And imagine the freedom of opening your hand, of releasing what holds you back and stepping forward into limitless possibilities. Thank you for joining me today. I'm so glad you stopped by. And if this episode has sparked a thought or a smile or a moment of insight, share it with someone that could benefit from the story. I'd love it if you'd leave a comment wherever you're listening to this episode. Leave a comment. Let me know what jumped out at you. Reach out to me via my website. It's ShawnEllis.com. S-H-A-W-N-E-L-L-I-S.com. You can find more blog posts there. You can find more podcast episodes, the free Adapt and Thrive ebook, the Rock the Reboot online intensive. If you're at a place where you're looking for some guidance to navigate some major transitions in life, let me know how I can support you. But again, thank you for being here today. Together we can learn, we can grow, we can live better lives, and we can build better businesses. I'll talk to you again soon.