She Said YES! (The Power of a Kick-Ass Partner)

Hello and welcome to the Better Life, Better Business podcast. I'm Shawn Ellis. I am so glad you're here. Grateful to get to spend this time with you today. And this episode is a really special one to me because she said yes. By she, I'm talking about Megan. If you've been listening to the podcast recently, maybe you heard mention of my girlfriend or my partner Megan. If you've been reading my newsletter, but I'm happy to say she's no longer just my girlfriend. She's no longer just my partner. She's my fiancée. And I'm going to introduce her in just a moment. She's actually here with me, and I'm excited for you to, to get to hear from her. It's a big deal. It wasn't the most comfortable space for her to come into. So I'm glad that not only did she say yes when I asked her to marry me, but she said yes, that she would come on this podcast. So two, two victories there. But before, before I bring her on, just a couple notes here that I was thinking, you know, this year or in the last 6 months or so, I unveiled my 5 C's framework, 5 C's to Adapt and Thrive. And the 5th C in that framework is community and the idea that, that we need people around us, we need community to endure challenges, to endure change, disruption, but really just period in life. We need people around us. And as an introvert, if there's a scale of like 1 to 10 on the introvert scale, like, I'm 11, I think. So for me, this was a big awakening to the point that as I was getting ready to leave Nashville almost exactly a year ago, and I remember in my last session, kind of my send-off session with my therapist there in Nashville, He said, and I almost tear up just thinking about it, but he said, I hope you find communities. Like, what I want for you is to find community, because he said, you know, you're better equipped than most to do this thing on your own. And it's true, but it doesn't mean it's right. Doesn't mean it's the best thing. He said, you know, I hope you find community there. And we talked a little bit more about that. And the funny thing is, when I was coming up with this 5 C's, I didn't even think about him saying that, but it just, it just struck me that, you know, he's the one that had said you really need community and moving to Ohio. It was to be closer to my, to my family, to put my son in a better community in terms of education, the education space. But at the core of it all was this is, this is where Megan is from and she is the, the core of my community. And you know, at the core of community is connection. Like, it's not just a group of people, but it's connection. And going back to when we first met, we found this connection that was unlike anything else. And we'll talk a little bit more about that once we get her on here. But I guess I'm saying all this just to say how meaningful it's been for me to find not only a community, but to find a person that I connect with in this way. And so it just came to the place where like, I can't go any longer without asking her to marry me. Like, I want this connection forever. And I was reading in a book, Adaptability by Dr. Max McEwan. He has his 17 rules of adaptability. One of the rules is to find a kick-ass partner. Somebody that's different, that brings diverse skills and perspectives. And Megan, as you'll see once she comes on and starts talking, we're so different in so many ways, yet the foundation of the connection, it's a beautiful thing. So with no further delay, Megan, welcome to the Better Life, Better Business podcast.

Thank you.

I appreciate it. Um, I'm so glad that we get to have this time. It was one of those things like I could have just told people like, hey, she said yes, but I wanted them to get to hear from you because you've got, you've got more to share than we can possibly get to in an episode. You deserve more space yourself to share your story and your experience. And, um, and we can even talk about maybe some of the parallels and, or the connecting points over resilience and where we kind of find connection beyond just personally. But I've shared a little bit about how we met in a previous episode. Do you want to say anything about how we connected?

Yeah. Well, you know, I do actually listen to your podcast sometimes, not as soon as they come out, which probably doesn't put me at the top of the girlfriend/fiancé ladder, but I lead a pretty busy life too. So a lot of times I'm kind of catching up to it maybe on my way home or You know, I'm not keeping tabs.

You could have just, you could have just lied to me. Yeah, it's a great episode.

Yeah, but I do know that I guess 2 episodes ago now when you did talk about our story, it was pretty special. And, and so I echo a lot of that in terms of how, how awesome it was. But, but yeah, we, you know, met sort of through a dating app that I had just started literally 6 days prior before you and I, and, um, and was already ready to quit because I hated every second of it. Um, I had been divorced for several years and just found that I was having a hard time actually getting outside of my community, uh, to, to date. Didn't want to date within my small community and nor my work community. So I guess community just keeps coming around. But yeah, came across you and hesitated to, you know, swipe is right for Yes, I think. And no, it wasn't tender. Just, I mean, you know, but— Not that there's anything wrong with that. Yeah, well, yeah, no, but when I saw the Garth in the background, the G for the Garth Brooks concert, I did hesitate because unfortunately country music isn't my thing. But you had a quote on there about You know, we're all just walking each other home, and that struck me. And I remember, like, I mean, it struck me to the point where that's actually one of the reasons I reached out. I think I even said to you I really liked that. And then come to find out you spoke a lot about resilience, which was something that was very big and important to me. And so, yeah, that was the beginning. And I remember when we first talked, the 3-hour plus conversation that then, you know, we said goodbye but didn't because then we began texting for several hours, I think, after that. And I, at the end of it, I just, I remember trying to ground myself and think, you know, it's always exciting at the beginning, but it, it felt different. I mean, there was something just about who we were and how much I, yeah, I guess as silly as it sounds, I think we both knew there was something really special from the first time we actually got to talk to each other. So yeah, it was pretty great.

No, I know it was. I remember like, yeah, I had that quote on my profile, which I was hoping somebody would pick up. That was like my bait that I was fishing. Like if somebody likes this, then maybe there's a chance and it worked. I had no idea. And your profile too, that You just mentioned kind of your views on relationships and two people, two individuals coming together. And I don't remember the exact words, but it clearly showed there was some depth. And I mentioned my therapist at the beginning. You've got a therapist.

Yeah.

Um, and I think that was one of the things for me, like clearly I saw just in words and pictures, this is a person. Well, you were mom, you had your two kids on there, which I loved. It was like, okay, this is somebody that has some depth. Some wisdom, some, uh, experience, has, has done some work, has done the work.

Yeah.

And I mean, we're still both doing the work, like, absolutely, um, it's not like you arrive. But, um, yeah, and then we talked and we found these, these kind of core values or, or beliefs. And, and I guess maybe early on, I don't know how long it took for you or for me to figure out that, like, my personality is very different, maybe I mean, like in 2 seconds.

I was going to say, I think that stood out pretty quick. I remember telling you that I was worried about the language I used. Mine's a little more colorful than yours, at least I thought. And I'm pretty outgoing and pretty— can dominate a space. And I remember thinking, oh man, I hope I'm not too much, or I hope I'm not saying too much. Which of course, you know, at the end of the day, you never want to be with somebody that you're concerned about that. But first impressions and, you know, you're just, you're thinking back through it and it's come to be that actually I'm, you and I actually align in a lot of ways, even with the dark humor at times and the sarcasm that, you know, I always talk about how there's kind of like a stage Shawn and then there's kind of like the Shawn that I get and And then everybody else kind of gets the introverted Shawn Ellis. Um, but yeah, it's, it's pretty cool.

Yeah. And you, I mean, you're bold, you're spontaneous. Um, you're great in crisis, which just to say, nobody listening knows, knows what you do at this point. You're a nurse practitioner. Um, you specialize in trauma, have background in behavioral health, which I'll let you speak to more of that. But just to say, crisis is your world where— so, and talk about that common ground, resilience and even adaptability. For me, as we've thought about, like, I— big picture adaptability comes more— I wouldn't say it comes naturally. I mean, adaptability, we all have to work at it, but it's more the space that I'm comfortable with, I guess you could say. Whereas you're adapting on the fly, and when I have to adapt on the fly, if I'm on stage with an audience No problem. But outside, in real life, um, that can rock my world, which is why I have to study what I study, because, um, yeah, but you bring all those qualities you bring I didn't have, I don't have. And so that's that value. I think like Max talks about a kick-ass partner, because there was a time where I thought I just want to find somebody just like me who's calm and zen And as I dated some women that kind of fit that profile, I was like, I mean, it was nice, it was pleasant, but there was no spark there. Whereas with us, I mean, there's a spark and then, you know, it brings challenge, it brings conflict because we have to learn how do I work with this person? You have to learn how do I work with this guy that would be more at home in a hole somewhere than in a community. And that's why Yeah, community has been something that was, I was, I guess you could say, late to the party to.

No, I think we, we both probably have historically gravitated towards similar, similar personalities as our own. And I agree, I remember a very vivid memory of standing in my kitchen early off as we were talking and thinking to myself, you know, how much I loved the calm that you bring and the grounding that you bring. Because it is so different than me. But at the same time, I said to myself, and I think out loud, you know, to myself, but Megan, you can't, you can't, you know, later be upset with this because this is what you value. Because, you know, there's also times that your calm brings me frustration, particularly your lack of alarm sometimes when I'm like, hey, no, no, we got to do something about this. And it's like, no, we've got time. There's always time on your side. And you're right, sometimes there is time and taking a breath is what I need to do. And then there's times when, no, we really need to do something about this. So I think we've started to navigate how to sort of lean into each other's strengths. And maybe clarifying when you say trauma, since trauma and behavioral health actually can also be in the same realm of like, you know, trauma that people have endured. I actually work trauma critical care, like good distinction, car accidents and injured patients. So I am in both worlds, which are very different. But the, the world of trauma, injury, critical care, surgery, that type of thing, definitely is a on your toes at a moment's notice, literally. You know, we get a page and we're there and in the trauma bay doing what we got to do, and you're making decisions literally as you go, and they're big decisions and you don't get time to second-guess yourself. And sometimes you learn to make space out of even a few seconds, but just to say it's a lot different than the other side of having lots of time to prepare and sort of present something. So, but I do enjoy it. It's definitely the space I thrive in. And I would agree, I, you know, I guess this is now my time to sort of share some things maybe about you that are kind of silly, but I do remember.

Great.

Yeah, right? I do remember one of the things that struck me was when we started talking about you taking my daughter to preschool in the morning and how much it was really throwing you off that your schedule would like be different. So like, how are you going to add that into your day even though it's the big the beginning of your day. And, um, it, it kind of created a bit of a— I just remember you saying like, okay, I'm just gonna really have to sort of figure this out. And I'm like, you mean getting up and taking her to preschool? I mean, I couldn't— you know, for me it was like no big deal, like just do it and then you start your day. Um, it's, you know, it starts at 8. Like, you, you— that's really— your day wasn't getting started much earlier if it did. And so to me it was like, oh, this is just a way you make yourself get up, get moving, you're dressed, you're ready to go. But it's just funny because those are places where in hindsight it's kind of easy to giggle at, but I know in the moment I was so frustrated because I'm like, "Lord, he can't even like, duh!" But, you know, just it's how we grow.

So yeah, and I think, you know, we, between the two of us, we have three kids. I have, I have a son, you have a son and daughter, and I think it's probably not inaccurate to say we're all neurodivergent in some way, to some degree.

Yeah.

My son, it's, uh, you know, it's more— I don't know what you would exactly—

what extreme is not the word, but, uh, I mean, I think he, he's gonna fit that space of neurodivergence where there's a lot of concrete thinking and things can get, can get quite challenging if we don't really sort of define things for him, um, and, and make them very predictable. And so, yeah, yeah.

So, and he's got some diagnoses that come with that. I don't have any diagnoses, at least not, not yet. But I think it is where you— I heard a story or an illustration one time. If you have a white rabbit in like this room where everything's painted white, like it just all blends in, it's all white. And I say that from the standpoint of like, for me, is being isolated, being unique. Like if you're all by yourself and the whole room is white, you're not unique. But when you come up against something else different life experiences, different people, personalities, being in a relationship. Like, that's where it's, it's really been eye-opening to me to realize, oh, I'm different. Not everybody thinks this way, which of course I knew not everybody thinks this way. But like that example, that morning thing where you're like, I mean, it's fine, this is what we do, right? For me, I'm like, this is not what I do. This is totally different.

My kid gets on a bus. Yeah, I don't get it. I don't, I don't have to get a 4-year-old dressed and ready to go. Like, yeah, who's gonna make sure she has plenty of things to add into your morning so that getting out the door is gonna be a little more complicated, right?

So if you, if you dropped me into your trauma space at work, I mean, people would die. Literally, because I'm like, yeah, Shawn's still trying to figure this one out. Yeah, like it's not an issue anymore. They're dead.

Yeah, problem solved.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But yeah, so it's been really— I said before, it's like you've sort of held a mirror up to just my awkwardness, and not in a bad way. Again, it is that just thing of like contrast, I guess, which we could go back to community. In community, a good community, you'll find contrast, and contrast is where you find— you learn more about yourself and other people. That's where strength comes. Probably expand on that a whole lot.

But, you know, same, you pal de mierda to me, you know. I think it's, it's easy if we, when we are alone, so to speak, or, you know, don't, don't have a partner that we're navigating things with to validate ourselves and say, ah, you got it, we're right, you know, there's nothing. So I think, you know, both of us, with the good comes definitely the challenges of like, oh man, but there's these things that I, that I really still need to keep working on. And, you know, I guess what really though sets us, maybe sets this relationship apart for me, and I think it speaks to the things you've said as well, is that both of us have entered this space and that's, that is our goal, is to grow and to work on those, those parts that we know are still, you know, where the ego is still really winning. And I, you know, when I posted about our engagement, I did mention how that was one of the most special things to me about us, is that at the end of the day, I feel like you create a space, you know, you create that calm in that home where, you know, we can— where love truly gets to win over egos and it gets to win over, you know, naysayers, and, and, and it just— where we feel safe and we can heal and And with every conflict, you know, not to say we haven't had them because, you know, we've had our share and we've had some pretty big challenges just in this first year that, you know, I remember us talking about how this is why couples get divorced. I mean, we've had big things, whether it's finances or kids that, you know, we've had to navigate in a way that I think has been a nice taste of life for us. But yet we— what's special about us is that, um, not the lack of conflict, but just the way that I feel like we come home and we grow. I mean, I, I truly feel like every, every experience has brought growth for, for, for one of us, for both of us. Um, and we continue to do so. I'm sure be much more for us in the future.

So yeah, no, and I mean, it's something I've come to really appreciate about you as well, is in those spaces of conflict or differences of opinion, different views on things. It's the value of two people who are committed to growth and having some awareness. Like, there are things where you've come back to me and said, hey, I thought about this, and like, you have a totally different view without me saying anything. And I just, I appreciate that about you. Not to say, I mean, there's a place obviously where one of you has to say to the other, like, hey, this isn't So good. But to have a partner who's always open and aware and, and I, you know, me again being the introvert, there's places where my tendency has been to withdraw. I'm like, well, and I was going to say F this. We'll just say forget this. We'll pull a little CeeLo Green there and forget this. And then that's like my instinct. And then to realize, wait, no. I mean, there was a place where I had to it hit me. I was like, wait a minute, do I— like, sure, I could choose to live this life alone. No community, no partner.

And no conflict.

And no conflict. But it's like, is that what you really want? And there's a question I ask in my presentations, and that would you rather, like the old, the classic game, would you rather have this or that? Meaning like, would you rather have it the easy way or this other way that's going to be more challenging, but it's going to have all the rewards. And I think that's coming back to home. Like, the home space for us is like nothing else. And like, yeah, the conflict will pass, we'll figure out, um, but the home space, like, that's something you really— that's irreplaceable.

It is. Yeah.

And I know we could, we could turn this into one of our 3-hour conversations easily, so we'll park on that and we can come back to that another another time, but I did want to give you a chance. Just resilience, we talked about that being a connecting point for us, and while we kind of— it's interesting that we connect around that theme, but we've had two very different experiences to get there. Yeah, your work, it's part of your day-to-day work, your daily work, obviously, but I don't know if you want to share any of your story.

Yeah, I mean, you know, I think from the beginning, we've had pretty different upbringings. I mean, in Missouri, in back of a dirt road, literally, as you said, growing up right by your grandmother and grandfather— your grandparents, I should say. Um, whereas I, you know, was raised by a single father from the time I was 6 and had a younger brother that I kind of quickly became the mother of as well. You know, you kind of adopt that parental role as the other as the woman in the house. And, you know, I was here in Ohio the whole time. I've never left, unfortunately. I mean, I love Ohio, but also sometimes wish I had gotten out a little bit more. But yeah, and it, you know, it was full of challenges and there was some chaos. And, you know, ultimately lost my brother who I grew up with to suicide when he was He would have turned 23 that year. He was 22 at the time, and I was 25. Um, and that's— that definitely, you know, that, that would be that pivotal, pivotal moment, that, that moment that sticks with you for sure, that sort of changed my, my path in life. Um, I was already kind of on that path. I had already finished school and was an acute care nurse practitioner, and so that's where I'd fallen into trauma. I'd already done a lot of EMS stuff in the past, and it was definitely my love, that high high crisis mode, high acuity. And, um, I started to shift more after that, um, and feeling more called to really focus on the other side of things and, you know, understanding like sort of my own story and, you know, just even the story of my parents and knowing that everybody, everybody brings, you know, trauma begets trauma, right? We talk about this and stopping cycles, and it's something my dad and I would talk about a lot, you know. He's wants the cycle to stop, you know, as we, as he kept with his own growth. And so, I don't know, just it particularly within with the loss of my brother, I think I really started feeling called to do more in the behavioral health world. I went back and got a post-master's as a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner, practiced outpatient for many years and even did some inpatient and hospital stuff. But I don't know where resilience has really kind of called me is one, my own story, but also just seeing how many other people have been resilient and now thinking forward of how I would really love to start doing more with those that are survivors of suicide loss. And community and connection, as you're speaking of today, is important there too and something I'm you know, would like to really sort of start, I don't know, creating, creating more movement towards.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I'd love, I'd love for you to come back and talk about that, just to have your own space just to talk, talk more about that, because we've talked about it offline, but I know it's, it's, it's a passion of yours, and more than a passion, I would say a purpose, and one of the, I guess, again, one of the connecting points between us in all of the diversity of our experience is just this care for people, which makes me think another conversation is how obviously we've gone too far that way. I think those of us who are wired to, driven to care for others, we can take it too far in relationships, and we can talk about boundaries and codependence and all those sorts of things. That's a different conversation. But the drive we have is like, I hear what you do at work when you're, if you're in the hospital, Or whether it is in a group, in a support group meeting, wherever it is, just, you care about the people you're serving.

Mm-hmm.

And for me, it's the same wherever I am, if I'm speaking. And then we bring that to the home as well.

Yeah.

There's something else that struck me though, as you were just sharing your own experience and what got you here. It's like, it's our, it's in our stories that we find connection to go back to that word again. Not that you're not your story, I'm not my story, nobody is. The story isn't who we are, but it's, I think, real connection. And in a relationship is coming to honor that person and to know like, this is what's shaped your journey and led you to think the things you think, to see the world through the lens you see it through, and realizing like, that's not the same way that I see it, or those aren't the thoughts that I have, and coming to appreciate that. Diversity where sometimes you think this person's crazy, like what in the world, how do they see it that way? But certainly in a relationship, a partnership is appreciating, like that's what makes us stronger is for you bring what you bring, I bring what I bring. Anyway, all that to say, I appreciate you sharing that. And again, I do hope anytime you want to come back, like you can have an episode that's all, all yours. Hopefully, speaking of trauma, hopefully this episode hasn't been too traumatic. You're like, I'm never doing that again. Like, thank you, Shawn, but no. Um, but anything else? Um, again, I know we could go on and on, but anything else you want to say before we try to land this plane?

And well, you know, I think, you know, just speaking to community and connection with us too, it is what has helped us navigate even the challenges that we've had, you know, whether it was with blending our families. And we are actually— I guess I can unveil that we're buying a home, so we will be moving into the same home with our children. But already we live very, very close proximity to each other. We live in the same, same community. So there's community again, but So we've already spent a lot of time sort of with the kids being in the same space and starting to navigate that, particularly with, you know, with your son having, having some significance for neurodivergence and some things that make it a little more challenging for us. And then just the things you and I have sort of overcome. But I think, you know, connection and it has been, has been sort of at the center of that, coming back to that place that's, that's home for us. And that's, I mean, that's what I'm most, what I'm most grateful for. I think maybe this isn't a C word, but I think gratitude is something that we both really held strong in this space of just being grateful for this experience. And I've been grateful to watch you create community. I think, you know, little do we know, Jonathan was speaking, you know, your therapist was speaking what would be your future in terms of here you are creating community. And, uh, that's actually one of the jokes we had for a long time, if you remember. But my therapist is Colleen, so it was JC. We talked a lot about that.

That's right.

Yeah.

So anyway, just gotta lean on JC.

They have a little bit of JC in our lives. But, um, which, yeah, it's just something special we've always had too. I don't, I don't think it really took a space here, but humor has been— I mean, we used to like talk and laugh until we were crying. We were in tears. And we still do. I mean, humor, I don't know if we We don't go many days without giggling, that's for sure. And it really is another source of connection for us. For sure. But just to say—

We'll call it comedy to keep the serious.

Oh, there you go. Yeah. See, this is where you, this is where you, you shine. But yeah, I, I think that has been something that I have always been really appreciative to watch you not only embrace me and this connection, which I, you know, knowing you and how introverted you are, I I've come to see that's pretty special. But then as you've moved to Ohio and now are in close proximity to family and have started to really embrace that piece of, you know, them reaching out, you reaching out to them, sort of creating that space again that, you know, it was easy to get isolated when you were so far away. And so it's been really cool to watch that grow and develop. And I know your family has been really, really cherished that, another C word that doesn't sound like fun. Has really cherished that space and loved watching that happen. So, and it brought me more community because now they've really—

I know you're part of the family.

I've been really grateful for that. They've been really, really amazing people.

So yeah, I know this is the first time in almost 30 years that I'm with my brother and his wife and family and my parents. We all live now within an hour of each other for the last 30 years we've been probably 7 hours apart.

Yeah.

Um, and I would say, yeah, just as kind of all that, I love all that too. And maybe to wrap it up, the thought that comes to me on community is like, community is a living organism, just like a person and a relationship is like, it's a living organism. So doing this podcast episode, it's not like, hey, we've arrived, here's the finished product, we just want to introduce, like this is really the beginning. I mean, as it relates to the podcast, we've been together for a little bit now, but, um, but just the idea of living, growing, and yeah, you get, you get injured, there are wounds, you heal. I mean, so many things. I think we could say that in a community. And, um, so I'm grateful. I'm grateful for you, um, for sure. Like, just to piggyback on your note about gratitude. But I'm grateful that you said yes to marry me and to come on this podcast. I hope this will be the first of many conversations we have here, and anytime you want to come on and share your wisdom and expertise and experience with people, you're always welcome. The mic is yours.

Yeah, I'll have to hone up my skills to, you know, to be able to hold space with you. You're pretty good at this.

So, well, you're very kind, which is not a C word. But now, well, um, I guess we'll wrap this up. Thank you who listened to this. This is the Better Life Better Business podcast. And to live a better life, build a better business, you can't do it alone. That's the key takeaway. We'll talk to you next time.