How To Let Go and Just Do The Thing You’ve Always Wanted with Stacey Lauren

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Welcome to the Divorced Woman's Guide, the podcast that empowers you to embrace your divorce as a catalyst for awakening and transformation. Are you ready to embark on a remarkable journey of self discovery and growth? Well, join me as we navigate the path towards embodying your true self. After divorce, it's time to let go of your past, reclaim your power and step step into a life that is brimming with purpose, authenticity and unwavering faith. Get ready to rise above the challenges, embrace the opportunities, and awaken the extraordinary potential that lies within you. I'm your host, Wendy Sterling and together we're going to uncover the profound gift and beauty as well as the infinite possibilities that come with embracing your divorce as an awakening.

Women's Guide Podcast. How are you guys doing today? It is Wendy, your host, otherwise known as the Divorced Woman's Guide, and I want to remind you guys to hit subscribe so that you don't miss a single episode because I have one that comes out every single week and if you're not in my Facebook group yet, you gotta get in there. It's an amazing community of women who are supporting each other every single day and it's called the Divorce Rehab with Wende. So thank you all for tuning in to today's episode and I am very excited because I am joined by my friend Stacy. Lauren. Hello Stacy, how are you?

Hey Wendy, how are you?

I'm great. I'm so excited to talk to you today and listeners. We are going to talk about how it is that each of you gets to start letting go and just do the thing that you've always wanted. And we're going to talk a little bit more about what do the thing means. But before we dive in, let me share a little bit more with you all about Stacy. So Stacy is a true serial entrepreneur and carries many titles including CEO, founder, owner, podcaster, investor and author. She wears them all while embracing human to human connections. While in college, an unlikely start selling books door to door instilled a solid work ethic and resilience in her. These skills launched her on an upward trajectory to become a leader in sales, hr, customer service and management. She co founded and scaled a successful staffing agency building high touch relationships to resolve the disconnect between employers and job seekers. Her current labor of love is interviewing high achieving inspirational people for her do the Thing podcast. Each awe inspiring episode and story reveals a formula that encourages listeners to go after what it is that they want in life to set goals and do the thing which we're going to have Stacy expand on in a moment. But Stacy, I would love for you, I know I just shared a little bit more about your bio, but ultimately, what really inspired you, what took you on this journey to do the work that you do today with specifically the podcast?

Yeah, it's such a great question. I. I think it was inspired really from what I saw in my staffing company because I hired, you know, thousands of people and I worked with companies to hire people, and it was really just getting to see the patterns of what got in people's way, you know, and just people that wouldn't take certain positions because they were scared or, you know, had self doubt and just seeing people just not be who they were meant to be. And then I got divorced, which was a whole thing in itself. And then several years later, I ended up exiting the staffing company and that's when I decided to write my book. And it's still in process, but I'm considering myself an author because I'm writing.

It a hundred percent legit.

And that's when it was originally going to be a sales book, because sales is kind of how I've been able to get through life because I'm not scared to really risk anything because I know I can always make money since I know how to sell, if that makes sense.

Yes.

And so I was writing a sales book and then all of a sudden I started dating. This is after I exited my business. I started dating and I realized that a lot of the sales skills that I had learned in sales were applicable to dating. And I'm not talking about like closing or like, you know, how you present yourself. I'm talking about like handling rejection and, you know, just confidence and goal setting and things like that, positive thinking. And it just made dating a little bit more fun for me. And that's when I realized I was in my mastermind one day and I was like talking about the sales book and then I mentioned the dating thing. And I'm like, I just want to help people do the thing. And then that's when do the thing really got so spurned. And so it got spurned out of me wanting to write this book. But what really happened kind of through the process, it was really my re identification of myself because by me acting, activating my voice through the podcast, I got to learn who I was and I got to connect to people in such a deep, meaningful way. And I just felt not alone anymore. And it just made me feel more alive with the things that I was doing. And I got to notice really, what was even getting in my way of doing the thing? Because it was like I was doing the thing in my life, but not always doing it for me. I was doing it for what I thought people expected of me or what I wanted to do for others. And so that's been a work that's still in process, is me learning to do the thing and then help inspire others to do the thing for what's truest to them, not because others think they should do it or because they think others want them to.

Yeah. I think that is so incredibly relatable. I know I can relate. I know so many of our listeners are going, oh, my God, that's totally me. You know, so many of us come from that desire to people, please. And, you know, you and I have even talked about with my story so many times or my whole life, up until my divorce, I was, you know, living the version of me that everybody else saw. And, you know, I love, you know, the other thing that's coming up, too, is that my perspective on dating. It's so interesting. We have so many synchronicities. Stacy. My whole perspective on dating is really kind of test driving this new identity.

Right.

Like, getting confident being this new version of yourself. Like, that's what I love, you know, when my clients get to that point and they're ready to start dating. So I just. I love that you said it that way. And how essentially do the Thing was really inspired from your own passion. And it. I know that this whole mission around it comes from your heart, and it's really about the whole woman, the whole person who, you know, it's not just one area of life. It's in every single area. So let's dive into the formula. Can we do that?

Yeah, I'd love to.

Okay, so. So talk to me about how you created this formula around what do the Thing means.

Yeah, the formula is like, it's everything. Because I was writing the book, and then a friend of mine who's a book strategist told me to interview people because I was blocked in my story. I couldn't think of the bad parts of my do the Thing story. And she's like, well, in order to really have this book be any good, you're going to have to find other people's stories and find the bad parts of their story, like struggle parts, you know? And so then I was like, well, if I'm going to be interviewing people, I might as well turn it into a podcast. And that's a story on its own. We could probably do a whole nother episode, or you could listen to my podcast for that. But, you know, because when you start something new, it's always a struggle. And so, anyway, I started interviewing people, and I realized that people started having. So my whole goal while I'm interviewing them is let me dissect the patterns of what gets people to do the thing. Because I noticed for me, I had common patterns of what was letting me be able to do the things that I wanted. And so I started interviewing people. And the first, like, 20, 30, 40 episodes, I'm like, you can hear me real time processing what the person's formula is. And so I'm starting to, like, go, okay, you have mindset. And you used. You identified your why, and, oh, you did goal setting. And so I'm starting to, like, really do that. And then I think it was by episode 80, the formula started to crystallize where I started to see the patterns. And that's when I decided to do my first challenge. And we'll get into that later, I'm sure, but. And then that's when I tested the formula. So the formula is. It's an acronym, and it's I'm game, which is a really cool name. Our mutual friend, actually, Deb, she helped me finalize the name, which was really cool. Yeah. And the I in I'm Game is identify the why. And you hear this a lot, right? People talk about identifying the why, what's your purpose, what's your reason behind doing it, but what they don't realize, like, you actually have to do that. Like, it's not just like, oh, I know my why. I'm gonna move on. Because I did that when I would do programs, I'd be like, oh, whatever, I know this. But really, in order to complete the program or complete whatever it is, you really do need to tap into it. Because when it gets hard, if you don't remember why you're wanting to do it, it's so easy to stop. And then the M is mindset, and we're on I'm right now in I'm Game. M is mindset. And what I like to do is I really like to help people tap into what their excuses are first on why they don't want to, why they don't think they'll be able to do it, or what do they think is going to get in their way? So they can already come up with the reasons why they can. Because when you're first excited about something, it's really easy to say, I want to do it. But then, you know, if it's, especially if you're supposed to go Sunday at noon to whatever that thing is, you're like, oh, I'd much rather play pickleball or whatever it is that's going to come up, you know, than do the thing. So that's why it's good to already figure out your excuses ahead of time. What are your stories that you need to let go? We'll go back into letting go as well. And then in game G is goals. And through that, that's where I do dares and different things, but goals in life. So if you're not doing a challenge, I mean, I like to. A lot of people talk about smart goals. I really like to talk about rough draft goal because I think a lot of people think you have to know exactly what you want to do before you can move. But if you just have an idea called a rough draft, that's good enough and then you can at least start and make one step towards the goal. And then the A in game is accountability. And I like, that's one of my favorite things because especially with like fitness, for me, that's my hardest thing. And I need more external accountability with fitness than anything else. So I have someone that I ride peloton with, virtually I hike with a friend. I like have to go to the gym and meet with the trainer. Like, it's like really for me, I have to do those things for external accountability. Other things, it's just internal accountability. You can just check a piece of paper and say you did it. And so anyway, the A is accountability. And then the M is one of my favorite things. It's my people, my people. A lot of people think it's like minded people, which are a lot of people talk about the five people you want around you, around you. Those people are great. I still say have those people. But if you want to run a marathon and you just have like supportive and encouraging friends, but they're not runners, it's really hard to run the marathon. You have to be around people that are runners. So my people are the people that want the same thing as you and that are doing the same thing. And they are giving you the community and the connectedness to grow. And so you can have like 10 versions of my people depending on what you're doing. Because they don't necessarily need to be your friends. They just give you the, the growth, you know, and the connectedness to be able to move. And then the E in game is educate. And educate is two parts so educate is learning from mentors and YouTube videos and books asking for help. All the stuff that everyone knows that they should be doing right. But the other part of E is educate too, but it's educating others. And that's when you know just a little bit about that thing that you're learning. Like maybe you're two weeks in, three weeks in, teach someone else, because that's going to help you really internalize what the thing is and help you learn it better. Plus you'll get that feeling of contribution and fulfillment by helping someone else. And so that's that formula has been I so after dissecting it, it's almost been like the Matrix. I've been seeing it everywhere. Like 12 programs use it. They just don't talk about it because it's something that's ingrained in their system. Some gyms that I've seen use it, people use it. It's been, it's been pretty cool once it's been dissected to really uncover all the different ways that it could be applied.

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Okay, let's get back to the episode. You know, as you're talking through each of the steps and obviously with the work that we do, you know, collectively it's, you know, we run into so many people who even just coming up with their why is so hard for them, right? Or even just, you know, I know the M and I'm is mindset but I, I, I know that a lot of people at the first start of it, they go well, that's great that it worked for you. It doesn't work for me.

So typically, that's a lot of negative, limiting beliefs that people are possessing. So.

How can somebody who's going like, oh, my God, I love that. And yet I've got this rant happening in the back of my mind. How can people work through that and just start to kind of let go of either stories or preconceived notions or any childhood, you know, stories really. I guess it's really childhood stories that we've heard growing up that keep us from living into that dream.

Yeah. I'm so glad you asked that, because I think a lot of people don't see the. The why behind releasing it too. When you're actually able to release that chatter, and I'm not saying you're always gonna. It's gonna come back, it's gonna come to visit you. No matter how much work you've done, it comes and says hi every once in a while, but it's learning how to process it once it comes. But when you can release the chatter, your mind is then left open for just all of the abundant possibilities that you can do in life, because the more noise that's in your head, the more it's going to hold you back. And I think it's understanding that, like, how the opportunity costs, you know, of what that mental chatter is for you and the way I've been able to do that. There's this one challenge in particular that was my favorite one. It was called the find your voice challenge. And it was a 17 day challenge where I had people basically record voice, like a voice note in their phone. So it was like a voice journal. And I gave them a prompt every day because for me, that's the way that I have been able. I mean, I've had a lot of coaches, I've had therapy, and I do. There's several people that I do work with still pretty consistently, so that's always good. But using just having your phone as a way to, like, be a voice journal is like one of the best ways to release that mental chatter. Because once you get it out of your head, I mean, it has a place. It's like, okay, you can stay there, and then I can listen to it if I want. And I'm like, oh, interesting. How is that serving me? And then you can release it a lot easier. And so that's, I think, the number one way I'd recommend people really start to kind of let go of that, all that stuff that we want to release is just by releasing it in your phone. I mean, I even did a dare. It was a venting voice note. I wouldn't let people share it in the group, but I wanted them to do it because when do we really get permission to just vent and not get feedback from another person? And so just meant. And then it's kind of cool. You can listen back and see what really upset me, what was going on. And it, like, it actually helps you get to know yourself better, because sometimes when you see what upsets you, that's when you get to see what your values are. So there's a benefit. It's like realizing there's nothing wrong about how you're feeling. The way you're feeling is the way you're feeling. And what can I learn from. From that? And to me, like, that's a great thing to learn is, oh, this must be a really high value for me. And then I think once you accept these parts of yourself is when you're really able to live into the person that you want to be.

Yeah, I love that. And what's coming up for me around what you just said, too, is by doing that, it's also distinguishing that those negative voices, the limiting beliefs, they're not you. Like, they are not you. They are a recording of a voice that has been ingrained in you. But it's so many times we think it's ourselves talking to ourselves. So, you know, but at the end of the day, you know, the way that I like to teach my clients is that, like, it's not their voice. Like, that is just not their voice. And if they want to know what their voice sounds like, they get to create what the thought is, right? Then write a new story that's not your voice. So write something new that's going to align with what it is that you want, where it is that you want to go, how it is that you want to feel. Like, so many times when, like, typically our thoughts, right, you get the negative belief, then impact our feelings, and it's all about kind of rewriting the script and having it be, well, what's the feeling underneath? Right? I love the part about replaying it because then it's like, wait, how was I actually feeling? And then to create a new thought based on what that feeling is. And I don't think that we. I feel like, you know, again, we live in a world where it's like, to do. To do, to do, check, check stuff off every five seconds and, you know, feel accomplished versus, like, slowing down. Like, Slow your roll, get present. Really think about how it is that you are speaking. Recognize what the voice is inside of you and then make a choice if you. If you want to keep listening to it. Let me ask you honestly, how's that serving you? Like, be honest with yourself. How's that serving you? And if you want to change the voice, then you have the power to change it. It, right? So many of us think that we're powerless against it. Oh, here it goes. The script is running amok again, you know, and we just let it. We give it power, we give it energy, we give it permission, instead of taking that back and going, no, I'm not going to listen to this today. Like, no. So what are some other obstacles that you run up against with people in your community when they're doing the thing, doing a challenge with you? Like, what are some other obstacle, common obstacles that you. That you experience that people are running up against as they are living their dreams, trying to live their dreams?

Well, the beautiful part about divorce, you know, is that you really get this. You get this awakening, right, where you're finally getting to reset into who you are. Because this whole other time you've been living for someone else. And, and I don't want to speak for everyone generalized, but a lot of the people that I'm running into, myself included, like, you're repressing how you felt. You're like falling, you know, someone else's dream, you know, and not speaking up for your own needs. So you're like, that's what I like is, is being able to get people at this point of just like breaking free from all of that. And it's almost like a release because you really get to know who you are, you know, again. And I think one of the hardest things, and I'm kind of dealing with this right now with a few people is having being able to trust the process, right? Like, I give these. I give these dares. Yeah, I give these dares. And I'm like, okay, just do the dares activate your voice. And while there's so many people doing it and they're doing it really well, there's a few people that are. Keep asking me questions, but they haven't done the dares yet, you know, And I'm like, just let it. Let it release and just follow the process and just do the dares. And so I just saw one of them today, she started doing them. And what I mean by the dare. So a dare is like, right now I'm in the podcast challenge. It's a startup, starting your own podcast. So I went from really big. We started with the dating dare challenge, and then. Then I realized people needed more support in loving themselves, right? Because, like, dating app culture is exhausting, and I wanted to, like, get them back to a place of love. So that's when I did the find your voice challenge. And then I went into starting a book challenge, and then now I'm doing a startup podcast challenge, and then the next one is going to be a get fit challenge. And so anyway, there's just different challenges to give them personal growth, to build them into the best person. And so some of the dares are like. Like, if you were going to start a podcast, what would be. What would your podcast be about? You know, and then another one is like, tell us about your podcast. And then another one is, how do you want the person to feel when they listen to your podcast? And so. But the word podcast is meant to be, like, expansive. It doesn't have to be a podcast. It's really like, you're doing these dares, and it's just a way of you activating your voice. If it turns into a podcast, great. If it doesn't, it's just a mechanism to learn yourself, learn about yourself. And so anyway, so a few people were messaging Jimmy, just saying, like, oh, and what do you think? Do you think I should have listeners on, like, who do you think I should, you know, have. Do this? And what about the mic and all these things? And I'm just like, do the dares.

But it's like, it's the pattern of, like, seeking the external validation. And you're like, trust, right? Trust in you. Trust that you know what it's supposed to look like. Like, just go with it. It doesn't. I feel like we strive for this ideal of what it, you know, it's supposed to look like or this idea of perfection which doesn't exist. And, you know, I think divorce has also been a huge catalyst of learning how to trust yourself, how to trust your gut, how to trust your intuition, and just go with it. Like, if you hear that voice inside, listen to it. It's the one that's really quiet. It's not the loud one. It's the quiet one that's like, hey, I'm here, right? You got to turn the volume down on the negative, and you got to turn the volume up on the intuition and the gut and the positive. Like, that's what I'm hearing is really what these challenges are really inspiring these women to do. And what happens when they trust what happens? What are the results that you see? Right. How do these women feel when, at the end of the challenge, they're doing the thing?

Yeah, it's amazing. I mean, some of them are like, I can't believe this. I signed up for a dating challenge, and now I have a podcast. Like, they're just. They can't even believe, like, what's happening. And one woman, she keeps. She's calling herself a badass. She's amazing. Amazing. Actually, her podcast is called Healing Words, and she interviews authors of books where their words heal them. Actually, I should connect you with her.

I know. I was like, oh, I'd love to talk to her.

I'm just thinking this would be really great. No. And she's amazing. And she actually co hosted the Start a Book challenge with me, and it's just amazing. Their lives get changed, you know? And it's not because of anything that I've set up. It's because they're doing the work, you know, they're doing the dares, and the dares compound. And it's because, I think, because they're simple and easy and they're fun because it's called a dare. I mean, who doesn't want to do a dare, you know? Right. It starts with I dare you, and it just gives you a different lens to have more courage. And I listed a few of them. They're nothing that's super complicated. They could do it in a minute, but after, like, 17 days or five weeks or whatever, the challenge that I'm doing is it just compounds into this really beautiful thing. So it really just gets you to go outside your comfort zone, build confidence so you can see things are possible, and then you get to see the doors open as you're. As you're moving.

Yeah. Can you share more about, like, what some people are seeing? Like, what's happening in their lives? Like, how are their lives changing as a result of completing these challenges?

Yeah. So I have one, Deb Lynn. She's a therapist, and she started the podcast through this Opening doors. That's why it's so funny. Whenever I say doors opening, I always think of her. And she's even saying how she's using it now with her clients because she's gotten to see such a huge difference with her. And then just even with the dating challenge, she mentioned, um, one of the dares was go to a bar by yourself, because a lot of people will wait for someone to go to a bar with. And while I'm not saying, like, you guys need to go meet someone at a bar. It just gives you, like, permission to do things by yourself and not wait for a partner, you know? Yeah. And she said by just even that one dare, she ended up going to the American Legion, which had a bar. And now she's like interviewing veterans and helping veterans. So who would have even known one dare of going to bar, go to a bar by yourself, you know, like to. To meet people for dating. Now she's like starting this whole new thing. So that's one example. And then I have Natalie, who started her own Facebook group after. After one of the challenges. And it's an amazing. Now she's creating the space for all these people to do the thing, you know, and. And it get connected in a different way, you know, and it's like, it's been really beautiful. And she co. She hosted actually one of the challenges in my group, the book attached, which if you guys haven't read. Yeah. So good did. We did a book club on that and she hosted it every week and did like a reading. And we're able to. Everyone was able to get more into it and so. And it was cool. It was her idea. She's like, can I run this in the group? And I was like, sure. And then it was great because it got me to see kind of what do the thing can do with having other people host things as well.

Right. So what I'm hearing is when we allow ourselves to do something uncomfortable, there's always growth on the other side. Right. And it's really leaning into the discomfort, not pain, you guys. There's a difference. But leaning into the discomfort and trusting that there's something big on the other side. I mean, I will tell you, like, that is how I wound up doing the work I do today. Like, I went into this life coaching thing and I didn't know what I was going up against. I knew nobody walking into this room. I was terrified, Terrified. And because I just said, you know what Wende, like, like, just do it. Like, just do the thing. Just get in there. Wendy.

Right.

And I let myself be vulnerable in this room. It was a safe, confidential place, so I knew that I could go there. And you guys, like, I'm sitting here now, you know, six years later, having living my best life. And had I. Had I given into the fear of, you know, the stories and the unknowns and all of this stuff, what are people going to think of me, right? Running, you know, if I. If I let my stories and my fear take over, I wouldn't be where I am today. And I love those examples because by those people just doing it, it's like all of a sudden like their whole perspective, their whole world just opened up.

Right?

And that's when the possibility comes in. That's when the flood of. I just got goosebumps. That's like when the flood of like the, the love, the light, the goodness comes flooding in. And that is ultimately what gives us the courage, it gives us the confidence, it gives us the strength, it eliminates the self doubt and just propels us into this beautiful light. I, I love this concept, Stacy. You know, like I just, I absolutely love this work that you're doing. I love how inspiring it is. I love how you are tapping into it across all these different areas of life that we get impacted by. And you know, ultimately it's, it's really leaning back in and trusting yourself and trusting in the co creation between you and the universe that something amazing is going to be on the other side of this. So any final words that you want to leave our audience with today?

Yeah, I just think I should let you guys know it's not easy like you, it's so easy to stay in the safety zone and like stay on the couch and watch the Netflix, right? Like that's so comfortable and supportive and cozy.

It's so fun.

But once you just make with the one move, whatever that move is for you, it could be the slightest littlest thing that you could do. And that's just like the first step. And then once you do that, then just do one more thing. It doesn't have to be something crazy, you know, just start with like these little, little little things. And that's what I would just suggest. Just don't think you have to go from like 0 to 100 in a day. And then the other thing is be comfortable just having it be messy. You know, I love calling myself like messy massive action. That's what I do. It's like nothing looks perfect on the outside. It's always messy. And I think that's what people like so much about my stuff is it's like not perfect because I'm giving you permission exactly to show up how you are. And I think that helps. I mean the other day I did a Facebook live in a shower cap like after taking my shower, authentic. Because I had to show them it doesn't freaking matter because they kept thinking they had to be all this thing, you know, to like. And I'm like, no, just be yourself. And so anyway, that's kind of the way I was getting them first week was mindset. So, yeah, it was just the funniest thing. So that would be my final words, is just be you. If you don't know who you is, find you and record something on your phone today and that'll help you kind of get some clarity.

I love that. Stacy, thank you so much for being here today. And I want people to know where they can find you. And I know that you mentioned that you're going to be doing a new challenge coming up. So how can people find you so that they can get more information and potentially sign up to do the next challenge with you?

Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. So do the thing podcast.com has all my podcast and then I'm on Instagram do the Thing formula of a new YouTube, which is do the Thing formula. And then for the singles community on Facebook, it's a private group, so you'll have to request to join, but just say you heard about it from Wendy's podcast and that is do the Thing singles.

Awesome. Stacy, thank you for being here today. I adore you and I look forward to seeing so much more amazingness coming out. And I can't wait till your book comes out. So we'll have to have you back on when that. When that releases. But thank you again for sharing your wisdom today with our audience.

Thanks for having me. This was so much fun.

Of course. And everybody tuning in. Oh, my goodness. You guys know with every single podcast episode that my goal is to ultimately help you wherever it is that you are in your process, by gifting you with nuggets of information because ultimately you are in charge of your own healing and recovery process. Don't forget that I also have my book available on Amazon if you guys want to check it out. It's called Divorce Sucks. Now what? It's available on Kindle as well as in paperback, so be sure to purchase that and let me know what you guys think. If you guys love today's podcast, go in and share your reviews, put in your five star ratings. I appreciate it all so much. I wish you guys a beautiful rest of your day. As always, sending you so much love, light and joy. Bye, everybody.

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of the Divorced Women's Guide podcast. If you like what you hear, please be sure to share this episode with someone you know or spread the word on social media. That is how I'm able to reach more divorcees around the world and provide them with the support that they need to create their next best life. And I would love to continue the conversation with you. So please friend me on Facebook, join my private Facebook group, the Divorce Rehab with Wendy, and follow me on Instagram at Divorce Rehab with Wendy. I'll see you next time.