Theresa Byrne argues that self-criticism blocks change while self-compassion enables it. She uses the example of eating brownies to show how reframing with kindness instead of shame leads to better choices. She offers a practical prompt to try a small compassionate action.
Chapters
If I don't push harder, nothing will change. This is one of the biggest myths that I deal with when I work with clients or when I'm speaking. We think that being harder on ourselves means we're gonna get better at something. It means somehow yelling at ourselves, reminding ourselves of all of the mistakes that we've ever made, or even reminding ourselves of how the things we've done haven't worked out, which may not be mistakes, but things that didn't work out. So we come with all this evidentiary support The fact is, it is the exact opposite. The harder we are on ourselves, the more difficult it is to be able to do what we came here to do. Why? Nothing flourishes in upset, in anger, in frustration, in yelling at yourself. If you've ever had an animal or a child, it doesn't work to yell at them. They end up consistently feeling like they're walking on eggshells or nervous or, ah, are you going to yell at me again? When that voice is in our head and we think, I've gotta be hard on myself or nothing will change. It is the exact opposite. Change happens when we learn how to accept what we're doing and make a different choice. When we beat ourselves up or when we're hard on ourselves, we are still making that same choice in a reactionary way. What do I mean? Let's say that you don't wanna eat a plate of brownies, but you ate a plate of brownies. And instead of going, well, I ate a plate of brownies, you think, why did I do that? What's wrong with me? I should have done it differently. I could have done it better. But that will continue down the path of next time you're stressed or upset, you're gonna want that brownies. Instead thinking, I really wanted something sweet, and what if I had something different? What if I tried a chocolate protein bar? Would that work? That difference in compassion and understanding allows us to make a new choice. So the next time you try or want to be hard on yourselves thinking it's the only way that you're gonna change, Try something different, try a little self-compassion, and then come up with one secret, one thing you could do differently, one way you could shift out of that behavior that you don't like.
