The REAL Truth About Self-Love: How to Go from Self-Dislike to Self-Trust

8 Oct 2025 · 2 min

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In this monologue, the speaker challenges the popular notion that self-love can be achieved instantly, especially for those who struggle with self-dislike. She likens self-love to dating someone new—requiring time, discovery, and gradual appreciation. The talk warns against toxic positivity and spiritual bypass, which pressure individuals to claim love for themselves without genuine foundation. Instead, she proposes a practical, incremental approach: start by acknowledging small strengths, enjoyable activities, and modest achievements. By repeatedly affirming "I can do this," individuals build self‑trust, which over time evolves into authentic self‑love. The speaker emphasizes that this process is essential for anyone who habitually beats themselves up, and that recognizing personal value is a gradual, realistic journey rather than a quick fix.

Chapters

I wanna talk to you for a second about the myth of self-love. There's been a huge component the last few years, gotta love yourself, self-compassion, self-love. If you've struggled with beating yourself up and you don't even like yourself, how on earth are you gonna love yourself? And then it feels like extra pressure. Like, how am I gonna fall in love with the parts of me that I don't even like? Therein lies the key. Imagine that you were dating somebody, you met someone new, you don't fall in love instantly. You learn about them, you learn who they are and what they do. And how they function. The same goes for us as human beings. To get to self-love from self-dislike is not easy, but what you can do is start acknowledging yourself for the things that you are. I don't know if you don't feel like you might be able to say you're good at things that you like doing, things that you enjoy, things that you might be semi-okay with. Because I'll tell you, I've got clients will struggle saying they're good at something when they feel like there's someone else that's. So much better at it. So getting from self-love from self-dislike is such a challenge. So start acknowledging yourself for what you can do or the things that you enjoy. That way you start believing in, I can do this, I can do that. And then you start building that trust in yourself that, okay, um, I can do these things and maybe that does make me kind of cool and maybe that's an okay thing to do. That starts the path. toward love. It's such a misnomer to think that you can go from anywhere where you're disliking or beating up yourself instantly to, I love myself, I think I'm fabulous. And we often call that toxic positivity or a spiritual bypass. Sometimes we have to go to that middle ground, which is just acknowledging yourself for the things that you do or the things you've accomplished or things you can do or things that you like doing. Start with that. That is the key to getting towards self-love.